the goodbye i wish i couldve said and i wish i didnt have to say.
except i dont
make sense?
i dont make sense
i wish you never left me in the way that you did, shove glass shards into my ribs and pierce my no longer beating heart and throw my every little thing askew
you were glasses i didnt need, a view on the world that was so not right it hurt
and now that theyre gone i feel the lenses shattered in my eyes
you planned out my funeral and you never had the decency to even say your goodbyes.
if you had, who would i be?
in breaking my heart you left room for someone to fix it
now i'm someone i can love
i don't just yet, but i see it in the mirror and hear it in my songs that i can one day
i realize now i apologized senselessly and endlessly and you tore me to shreds ans i never heard a single sorry from the lips so cold and dry and speaking utter lies saying i was yours all along but i was nothijg more than a pawn.
love is irrevocable and unfortunately you were my first but don't you dare think you were my last.
you half assed me into someone i could mold, someone i was told wasnt able to be fixed but you could never kiss away the bruises you left
you left.
and i found myself.
you broke down the walls you built for me and i thought i died in the rubble until i was picked up and carried home.
you knocked me to the streets and now ive found a home.
gods i couldnt thank you enough for twisting the knife throigh my gut and wrenching it out to watch me bleed out with a cocky little grin,
in not saying goodbye ive materialized and now i know its possible to be in love.
more than plausible, less than logical, mixed up in a cloud of irreplaceable words and unforgettable motions that my memories have to hold.
i fell in love with you and you left me for the chasms as my body dipped to the air
i fell in love with her and she held my hand and pulled me back until one day i'm on my feet in her arms.
so fuck everything you planted in my head
and fuck your little chess game
i've found someone to play checkers instead
is this where i say checkmate?