do you remember
when i said
you were my fireplace
and i was your blanket?
do you remember when i told you
you sent those shivers through my skin
and then warmed me to my core just as fast
do you remember i was your blanket
providing such a thin and temporary love
trapping what was there
unable to create anything new?
do you remember me?
because i have changed.
i no longer tie myself within the unstable boundaries,
kept imprisoned by merely my own mind and heart.
i freed myself of the weight and the chains i forced myself to bear, the words i cried to the mirror saying
i'm unlovable
and disgusting
and wrong and weird and why would the wind love the moon on a night she is gone?
i forged a fire of fury and fate and i burned the forest of my own hate and believed
believed i was enough
i was enough for you to be the spark to your flame
and now i've grown.
who was i to say i'm unlovable
if i can make someone feel so cared for and understood,
if i can love so deeply and be loved in return that i find my own once wretched body twisted and cracked and patched and like the sand in the hourglass
the raw pain has made me glow.
i have become my fireplace, not for you but the sticks and the coal inside the bricks and the stones burn so passionately for someone new, who has brought the flutter to my heart and my stomach that not even you had made me feel,
who has ever sculpted me so calmly yet so surely and out i leap from the flame, burning, burning, burning, who would have thought i would be okay?
there is nothing wrong with being loved but not returned, with loving so strongly but tossed into embers and being burned,
it simply makes us grow and the flames lick until we tip our world upside down.
i've found the fireplace that will bring her hand to my flame and be warmed and not harmed, loved and not scathed by the intensity of a feeling so strong the gods themselves wonder
and now as i sleep and dream of laying in her arms and keeping out the biting cold by doing nothing but staying alive, i realize
i still do love you.
but i have found a love far more.
and as long as i have her, i am okay.
thank you for keeping me safe from freezing as i waited for the moon to rise and a new spark to ignite under my hand.