stop thinking. 

please, please just stop thinking. 

just take a sip of coke. 

don't sleep. 

if you sleep, you'll think. 

you'll dream. 

don't think. 

just take a sip of coke. 

but i ate too many noodles 

and i need a shower

and my room is a wreck

and i don't have many clean clothes

SHUT UP.

just take a sip of coke. 

but i only ate one thing today

and i've cried five times in the past two hours

and i haven't talked to my family in days

and i haven't spoken to my friends much today

and music is my only coping mechanism 

SHUT UP. 

just take a sip of coke. 

but my body doesn't look right

and my voice is way too high

and i really want a binder

and i hate looking down or in the mirror

and i don't know who i want to be

and i don't know who i am

and i don't know who i was

SHUT UP.

just take a sip of coke. 

but i kind of really want to die

and i don't want to live in a world with my mother

and i can't close my eyes without thinking of the past

and i just want to forget everything, everything

and i hate people but need affection

and i'm so selfish for having thoughts and emotions

SHUT UP. 

just take a sip of coke. 

but i think i said something wrong

and maybe i'm too sarcastic

and i think i'm way too energetic

and i think i'm tiring them out 

and i don't think they want to be around me anymore

and i think i need to be sadder

and i don't want to be sad but i like crying

and i also hate crying because it means i have to feel

SHUT THE FUCK UP. 

just take a sip of coke. 

but i've been yelled at and i'm overreacting

and if she says i have no reason to be sad then she's right

and if she says i'm a disappointment then i am

and if she says she's proud of me then she's a liar

and if she says she loves me she's just toying with me

and if she says she wishes i wasn't her daughter then i agree

and if she doesn't get my name right then that's fine

and if she asks if something's wrong she doesn't actually care

and if she says that i'm fat she's absolutely correct

and if she doesn't want to be around me then i can definitely see why

and if she's screaming and struggling then i have no right to hide

SHUT. UP.

just take a damn sip of coke. 

but i'm constantly on the brink of ruining this

and i'm always saying something wrong

and i'm always going to seem like i don't care

and i'm so scared that i made them mad

and i'm terrified i made them sad

and i feel like i'm pushing them away

and i think they might be disappointed in me too

and i can see why they would be

SHUT UP.

just take a sip of coke. 

but everything's going to shit 

and everything isn't right

and i'm not okay

and life is just hard

and i'm overreacting

and i'm suffocating 

and i have to smile 

and i only say the good parts so they won't worry

and i have no reason to struggle

and i'm being attention-seeking just for thinking this

and i'm even worse for thinking that

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

just take. a sip. of coke.

drown it all out. 

distract yourself from everything. 

don't think about it, and it didn't happen.

pretend everything's fine and smile, and life will be great. 

shut up. 

and take a sip of coke.