sometimes the abrupt seems peaceful,
safe even.
sometimes the thoughts wishing open, scarlet skin found its way woven into your body
and the thoughts in their soft comforting voice assuring you'll be okay
if you just dip your head under and let the water consume you, heal you
they seem pure.
what the abrupt and the intruding do not leave room for is to feel deserving to be clean.
they do not want you to stop feeling tangled in yourself
caught and stuck in the web of emotions that have drowned you
to the point of depressive, numb, anger and guilt
they never have.
the brain is a narcissist and does not care for the darkness if it insists its incredible, sickening sweet sanitation
it would sell you to savour it.
but your head has no control over your hands
and so i held them shaking above the water
and i whispered to myself
"i do not want to be sad anymore."
i let them be cleansed
but not with self protection,
i let myself be weak once more.
i let the manmade rain fall upon its nature's child and tell him he was safe
and i let myself be clean.
the frosted windows you know as your eyes are not tinted,
let the sadness melt.