Trigger warning.
Alex gets super dark, and depressing. There are mentions of him self harming but not in vivid detail. He gets super deep, dark and lets everyone know how he feels. And considering he's not actually happy what he says isn't too fun.

John Pov
"Alex don't say that. Everything's going to be okay. I've been there, I'll help you." I told him.

His eyes didn't have the same glint of hope.
"Kill me." He said again.

I couldn't detect any emotion in his voice and it didn't take Sherlock Holmes to tell he had given up.

"No Alex you have so much to live for." I said.

"You say you've been there but I'm on my own. You say you'll be here and I know you won't. You might say you love me but I know you don't." He told me blandly.

"A-Alex I-"

"Hey John? Roll up my sleeve." He directed.

I didn't object and did as he said. "Oh my god. Alex you didn't...Why would you hurt yourself so much?" I asked, scared to know the answer.

"John...I don't hurt myself enough. Pretend to be happy. Be that nice guy that nobody pays attention to. Having to smile at 1Pm and crying yourself to sleep at 1Am. Do you know how that feels John? That hate of yourself and you just have to live there and it feels like your just stuck in your own god damn body and everyone left you but you have to stay stuck with yourself. And then the only option is suicide but no, instead the world decides for your life to get worse and you have to kill your family, the only ones you love and watch them get eaten. Then finally meet nice people and start to turn around and then get spit on. And then you take up smoking and think about starting on heroin and doing drugs, possibly selling to those that are still out there and want it. But then you come back. And you get your fucking arm chopped off the second you feel even remotely happy. Do you know how that feels John?" He asked.

I was right. The answer horrified me. I couldn't even make words.

He let out a deep sigh. "So yes. Please shoot me now." He told me.

"A-Alex...A-Alex..." I choked out.

"What?" He snapped.

"Alex I love you." I told him.

"Yeah. I wish I did too. Sometimes I have to ask myself, is there only darkness around me...or am I the darkness?" He said.

Washington was staring at Alex with this look of utter disbelief and so was Angie, Laf, Herc, Peggy, Eliza, Martha and I.

"Have you been taking your pills son?"

"DOES IT FUCKING SEEM LIKE IVE BEEN TAKING MY PILLS YOU FUCKING ASS-" then he passed out.

"I'm going on a pharmacy run. John, come with me. We need to talk." Washington said , getting up.

I said nothing but followed him. Once we are out of earshot, Washington said, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." I replied coldly.

He stopped and hugged me. He whispered in my ear,
"I know you're not.