"This is a big day for the church," Danny says.

Amy spins his chair a little, allowing them to make eye contact by way of the makeup mirror in front of them. "Excited?" she asks, swabbing at his cheeks with a brush filled with a subtle blush. Danny watches his reflection's wrinkles and blemishes disappear.

"A little nervous to be honest." 

"Yeah, I can see you're sweating." She dabs at his hairline with a cleansing hankie, wicking away the droplets she's mentioning, "You don't usually sweat at all."

"Like I said, it's a big, big, day." The rest of the interaction is filled only with the small scratching sounds of scrubbing on his skin, and combing through his gel encrusted hair. Halfway through, and the gauntness his narrow face often takes up after a long night is masked, and on an ordinary day, Amy would be sending him away, but she shows no signs of stopping as she goes back to the concealer to touch up once again. Real good gal, Amy is, and she's only trying to impress, but time is running low and at this point she's just ruining and fixing his look over and over to take time to make it seem like she's giving thought to the gravity of this sermon. When he likes the way he looks, Danny has to put a hand up to block her applier. Specks of salmon powder splash upon his fingers, getting all caught in the webbing. 

"It looks great, Amy. I really have to get going now, though."

"Oh, okay. I'm sorry - and good luck!"

"Thank you Amy," he grabs a wet wipes and absentmindedly flosses his hand, "And it's quite alright." Then he exits. Outside of his dressing room, the anticipatory silence remains. People, people he has great relationships with, are pointedly avoiding him and keeping to themselves. Perhaps it is for the better, keeps him focused, but it saddles him with a bezoar, or even a wee babe, of apprehension in his bowels. He considers leaving the behind-the-scenes corridors to visit the foyer, and the incoming congregation - surely they would have no qualms over approaching him with questions and adulation. Especially on this rumor-sopped Sunday morning. The wiser half of his brain tells him that such an act would probably fall under the 'diffusing the anticipation' category which the Pepsi execs were so adamant on avoiding. So he waits in silence for the opening hymn. 

Heaven's Spring starts up on the organ, a song he hand-selected; topical, and a personal favorite. He embraces it completely, letting the chords swell inside his chest, and drive out his demons. Giving thanks to Him, and flashing the sign of the cross, he emerges to the stage. The cheering completely drowns the music, which is fine because he can revert to the memorized version playing in his head, but even that is muted when he is distracted by the sheer extravagance of his ovation. The only lyric he can think of is 'thank you' and even that isn't genuine, but a place holder for 'alright, quiet down'. "Thank you... thank you... thank you." For all the audience knows, he's mouthing it rather than yelling. Eventually, finally, it all dies down.

"The Lord be with you."

"And also with you," they croon in chorus. 

"I like to think every day is a special day. An opportunity given to us by the Lord above, to improve something: ourselves, our neighborhood, the world. But maybe some of you have heard it through the grapevine that today is a little more special than usual for our church. With great gratefulness, I would like to confirm those rumors. We have been approached with a great offer - an opportunity - to share the fellowship with the many, to spread the word, and the grace, of God. And I can't wait to share all about it with y'all for this half-hour y'all took out of your day. And as always, I thank y'all for that," he says as an aside. "It ain't always easy! We all know that, but y'all are really, really great." Self-congratulatory claps patter around the arena, but it isn't nearly as voracious as the support he receives. 

"Many of you already know about our Miracle Mineral Water. Lots have probably already had some, and are now living markedly improved lives, and I know, I know, that we have shown this video during a few services now, but we want to make sure everybody here gets all the information, so please bear with us, and your announcement will come soon," he says, chuckling. "Remember, patience is a virtue. Our savior, Jesus said so himself; Luke 25:14. "A sapling spurred to hurry growing with copious water, will only hurry to die."" Still chuckling, he steps down to allow the projector center stage. Margaret, who works with all the youth, is also working with the computer at the moment to start the commercial playing. That tech stuff just goes right over Danny's head but she makes it look so easy. Click, click and it's already up there. Tech crew dim the lights to practically off, and the film rolls. 

First, there was nothing. Then in a flash of light, comes his insignia: Devoted Ministries. Bold blue letters superimposed over a glowing white cross. Seeing that will never get old. Next up is the next best thing: his handsome mug. "When I experienced the power of the Lord through this water, the first thing I thought was 'How can we get this to as many people as possible in as short a time as possible?' That's how much I was convinced by it. I knew it would change lives and that withholding it would be like robbing every true believer of the opportunity for a better life. It has been such a rewarding experience, seeing the responses and the effect it had on people. Miraculous. There's no other word to describe it." 

Then it jumps straight into the examples, which he has always found jolting, but the experts insist it isn't an issue. 

"I was hiking along the Gobi Desert, when suddenly a thirst came down upon me. I was so dehydrated that I thought I might die, but after chugging an entire bottle of Danny Devoted's Miracle Mineral Water, I felt pretty much normal again! Miracle!" 

"Just one night after I ordered Danny Devoted's Miracle Mineral Water, I received a personalized thank you email from the ministry. I hadn't even drunk any of it yet! Miracle!" 

"When I heard about Danny Devoted's Miracle Mineral Water, I thought it was a giant hoax, so, of course,  I had to try it out. Drank a whole bottle an absolutely nothing happened. It proved me right! Miracle!" 

Most of the interviewees are lonely and inconsequential senior citizens, but this one was their real catch, star Dallas quarterback, Cody Slinger. Saved for last - as taught by the proverbs. "I swapped out my Gatorade for Danny Devoted's Miracle Mineral Water for our game against the Cleveland Browns, and I threw for three touchdowns in a win! Miracle!"  

Obviously, he gets the real last word, because let's face it, people trust him much more than some meathead ball-player. "What else can I say? Call the number below to change your life with a free bottle of Miracle Mineral Water. A gift from God, to you." And fade out. 

While everyone's attention was held by the promo, he had sneaked back to his spot front and center. The lights return, and the electricity is back pumping through his lapel mic. "And now for the announcement y'all have been waiting for." Raucous cheers force him into an elongated pause. "The great people over at Pepsi," really that's all they needed to know, and their renewed frenzy is proof of it. Danny is glad to see inductive reasoning is still going strong. "They have agreed to help us on our mission to spread the fortune, by making a special edition soda made from our life-changing mineral water!" 

"Not only will it have the magisterial, holy, power of good fortune, but also the crisp, refreshing flavor and the smooth mouth-feel of Pepsi. Still with only ten grams of sugar, so y'all wont ruin your diets. At least not this way, haha. I know I break down every time I come across apple pie." He covers his perfectly flat stomach in a contrived attempt to relate to his roughly 44.7% overweight viewership. The number seems high, all those numbers usually do, but that's what the metrics guys tell him. So he talks about pie everyday, people seem to like it, obese or not. Still, he works hard for this physique, and he'd like to brag a little rather than hide it to pander to the slobs of the world. To sell Pepsi, or water, or himself. "The special edition Pepsi will be stocked in local supermarkets across the country starting tomorrow, so make sure to pick some up and accept some of His grace into your life. Even if you are still skeptical - I get it, you hear the stories and it sounds too good to be true - even then, just give it a try 'cause it's a darn tasty soda pop, and let yourself be surprised, taken aback, by the charity of The Lord." 

"Thank y'all for your time, and thank God for Danny Devoted's Miracle Mineral Water. Amen," he says. A closing hymn plays, but once again he can barely hear it. As soon as he dismounts the stage, Patty De Laet, the Pepsi person who has been involved on the church's end since the beginning of this deal is there to shepherd him around the backstage hallways.

"Great work out there, Danny," she puts a hand around his back, "You happy with it?"

He has to think for a second. It all went so fast, he barely had a breath in there to reflect. But if she (and therefore Pepsi) is happy, he has no reason to feel contrarian. "Yeah, I think they really took to it. Now I just gotta buy some stock in dentistry." They chortle.