madison gathered a deep and calming breath before she pressed upon the live button beckoning her attention on her screen. the promised session on her instagram had begun to gnaw at the back of her brain. the questions that were sure to erupt in the comment section had answers that andrew had helped her script, but she was afraid of coming off as less than genuine.

"yo guys!" madison's electric smile lit up her fan's screens as she delivered a casual yet cheery greeting.

madison relaxed as she heard her father and chandler laughing in the room next door. the sound tickled her ears and reminded her of all that was good in the world. she blinked and images of the past few weeks torched her eyelids but she made no sign to acknowledge them as she refused to let the smile slip from her face.

her eyes slowly scanned the comments for any immediate questions garnering a rather simple reply that she could get out of the way. she had always found it easier to dip into a cold pool on a summer's day slowly rather than crashing in with a canon ball. it was an obvious place where madison differed from her on screen character, saskia. playing saskia brown filled her with the utmost joy, but madison always felt slightly down after leaving set and leaving behind the confidence saskia harbored.

"what did you do today," madison mumbled as she read the comment before redirecting her attention to the camera, "well, i actually did a photo shoot which was fun! i film again tomorrow for the last episode or two of season seven!"

with the comments running wild at the mention of the walking dead, madison giggled airily. she noticed the abundance of questions relating to valentine's day and skimmed over them, reminding herself to come back to them once she called chandler in later to join her on the live.

"chandler and my dad are in the other room right now reading over the script," madison commented cheerily and ran a hand through the tangles riddling the ends of her hair. "then, chandler and i are going to run over some carkia scenes," she laughed as the viewers typed wild strings of letters as a reaction to their favorite ship.

"okay," she breathed out, "to answer carkialover's question," she giggled at the cute name, "it totally takes the artists longer to transform chandler into carl than me into saskia due to the scarring they have to create around his eye."

noticing the comment regarding the scar along her arm that saskia had unfortunately obtained in season five, madison spoke up, "okay, i will admit the nail scar carnage takes a while, but usually saskia has a stolen flannel of carl's on so we don't have to worry about it. chandler's high maintenance — especially the hair," she spoke lowly.

"hey! i heard that!" came chandler's muffled voice from the other room and madison smirked, watching the viewers laugh in the comments.

"okay, okay," madison breathed slowly through her chapped lips, gaining her strength to approach the topic that left everyone reeling, "i know a lot of you are curious about what's going on in my life — and that's okay — it's just hard to talk about so bear with me."

comments of support flushed in and warmed madison's heart, but the few comments encompasses by hatred did not escape her eyes. she bit her lip, frowning slightly as she pondered over how to approach the topic.

"i understand that you guys want to know what's going on for my wellbeing and honestly it is human nature to be curious —i get that— but i also want to make sure parts of my life are still kept private," she uttered softly, anxiously waiting for new comments to roll in addressing her speech, "and i appreciate you guys and all of the kindness you have showed me in this difficult time."

questions rolled in addressing her words and she cringed at some of the hurtful words. madison called for chandler, so that she could have someone to help support her as she continued her livestream.

"yeah, mads?" chandler questioned, peeking his head in her bedroom door.

"you want to help me finish my live?" madison asked softly, motioning him over to lay on her bed beside her near the pillows.

"sure," he answered gently, crawling over next to her and letting her place her head on his shoulder.

upon reading norman's comment to open the door that chandler had shut behind them, in case of any funny business, maddie laughed and responded, "aren't you and dad getting lunch today anyway? you can open it when you swing by, loser!"

chandler laughed, his shoulder jumping slightly as madison situated her head against it once more, "anyway," she began with a breath, "i was in prague for more of a reason than tourism. unfortunately, an article leaked information that i wanted to keep private, and hey, maybe i would share this part of my life with you guys if i some day felt comfortable, but i was going to do it on my terms and now, i have been stripped of that right."

chandler noticed how madison's words became more strained and felt her pain drift into the chilled air. he rubbed her hand with his thumb and pressed a kiss into her hair, frowning. all of her emotions were raw and equally displayed for the public, and he could not help but feel as though he was defenseless to help her.

"anyway," she dragged her syllables out with a frown, "as you probably already know," she chuckled humorlessly, "my maternal grandmother, whom to make clear, has not wanted me since i initially was transferred to my father's custody, suddenly wanted me back. we went to court in prague. my dad, myself, and steven—as a character witness, went."

comments erupted for each side of the argument and chandler watched every single one carefully, crossing his fingers in hopes that none would be too hurtful.

"yeah, chandler couldn't come because he had a family reunion," madison playfully remarked as she noticed comments bringing up his evident absence during the harsh time. she feigned annoyance at her boyfriend before erupting in a fit of giggles as he tickled her as payback, trying to turn her mood, "okay! okay!"

"anyway, yeah, papers are still being filed and things settled, but after my testimony the judge's ruling was fairly clear for all to see," madison bit her lip to retain the information before throwing her hands up in excitement, "i get to stay with andy! woohoo!"

the excitement rushing through her system had seemed to have been back ordered and delayed by uncertainty and the unknown for years and for once, madison was able to enjoy it. the small inkling of the voice residing in the back of her mind trickled in and her face fell for a second before she coughed, putting on her cover for the audience and world around her. nothing was certain. she was a pawn in their game.

"my life has been hard but that doesn't mean that all of the things you guys face aren't hard, also," madison said seriously, "anything you struggle with that is hard is hard. i don't believe in a scale. i grew up despising phrases dancing around how someone else had it worse. well, of course, that's how the world works, but that does not mean you can't feel bad about something. however small, however fleeting, it matters and you do, too."

"i hated having to see maddie cry about these things," chandler piped up softly, glancing at his girlfriend with dreamy eyes, to which the viewers quickly were aware of and reacted accordingly, "but she's a strong girl." he smiled a half, crooked smile and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, "thank you to everyone for having her back."

madison blinked back tears, "i know this is still going to affect me for a while, but i want to be real with everyone. i may be a depressed and severely anxious bitch, but i can work with that," she sighed contently, wiping her stray tears, "happiness comes one day at a time— with setbacks."

the couple sat in silence for a moment as they watched the hearts and words float in and out of the chat. something was gnawing at the back of madison's mind and it soon pushed its way to the front.

"okay, i have something else to share!" madison up and noticing chandler's confusion, took a breath, "something even he doesn't know about!" she motioned to her boyfriend, "it's an announcement that will leak tomorrow, and i'm very excited about-"

"madison, i thought nanny norman told you to keep this door open!" andrew shouted suddenly as he burst through the once closed door.

"dad!" madison groaned in pure frustration, "i'm on a livestream!"

a/n;
IM SORRY ITS BEEN A FAT MINUTE.. I MISSED ALL OF YOU SKINNY LEGENDS

*** NOT PROOFREAD