Tell me what you're thinkin'
Always over thinkin'
I just wanna love you, I got you
Don't have to be so guarded
Let's finish what we started
It's all I ever wanted

'Cause I got you, you, oh
You, I got you, I got you

- I Got You, Bebe Rexah

38| Evelyn

It had been a month since the party. It was almost the end of the year and that meant only one thing, Evelyn's birthday was coming. It was two days away, on 22nd December, when the school would be closed for Christmas vacation. Evelyn hadn't told anyone about her birthday. She wasn't planning to. Just the thought of her birthday made her stomach churn and her heart beats unsteady.

Before Granny died, she used to arrange big birthday parties for Evelyn. There will be so many people there and Evelyn would walk among them wearing a pretty dress looking like a princess, that was all she remembered.

She also remembered waiting for her dad and her mom to call to wish her a birthday. She never received one.

This year it might be a little different. Her father was acting more like a father less like a man burdened with her daughter's responsibility. Evelyn didn't want to think about her mother. She expected nothing for her. When there is no expectation, there is no hope, you would feel less pain, Evelyn believed. Still, her heart ached.

Evelyn closed her pen and closed her homework copies. Days had turned quieter and colder, not as cold as New York. It had a become a routine for her to just work by. Wake up, go to school, do homework, have dinner with dad and repeat.

But when she looked at Mason, she could feel the change. 

Mason was passing the days by only doing things he was supposed to. He didn't look after Mallory anymore. In fact, he didn't acknowledge her in any way. Evelyn couldn't tell why not for once Mason looked at Mallory. She had a feeling it was out of guilt.

Evelyn could feel him becoming normal little by little. He hadn't absolutely gone back to his own retarded cocky self, he laughed and joked with his friends but there was a sadness behind his eyes which he covered well. He had become more quiet and composed and it had become harder to read him.

Evelyn closed her eyes and remembered the day she had kissed him, the feel of his lips on her, warm and electric, sending a bolt through her whole body. But it was all a vague memory now. They had never repeated it. It felt as if they had left it all behind in the graveyard, the rain, the feelings, the kiss.

A sigh escaped her throat. Maybe this was how life balances it out, not giving too much happiness, when it gives back something, it takes away something.

Evelyn felt she had gotten back her dad, had grown out of her cycle of anxiety at the cost of losing Mason. 

The next day at school, she sat on their table with her friends. The school cafeteria was strange. There was two table side by side, one with Bryan and Mallory and all their friends other with Mason and Evelyn and all their friends. Both the table acted like the other didn't exist.

To shorten it, it was between the siblings. The others didn't bother at all.

Mason sat down by Evelyn giving her a small smile, that only covered half his lips, didn't even bring out his dimples. Evelyn could remember the want of poking his dimples with her fingers and pushing it down, it was the early days. But now, when she'd maybe do it, there was none.

Evelyn sighed and smiled back.

Evelyn had tried. She had tried to become the most cheerful and perky friend around him to make him feel better but she couldn't do it. She was not like that. She couldn't hide it from him. He had only given this small smiles at her attempts.

Finally Evelyn had given up and decided to just live with it, with a ache in her heart and the constant want to getting his old self back.

"You are not eating anything," Mason commented looking at her.

Evelyn had been sad before about it. But today it was overtaking her sense making her throat tight. She swallowed down the pain away.

"I thought you don't have stomach knots anymore," Mason said.

There had been a while since she had felt nausea around food. She ate like a normal person nowadays. But she didn't eat much anyway.

"No, I don't," Evelyn replied. Mason squeezed her fingers under the table.

"Everything good at home?" Mason asked. Evelyn nodded yes.

Evelyn knew he cared. But she hated the formality between them. There was a tranquility in his voice, he was warm. But Evelyn didn't want that. Evelyn wanted to see the storm that's brewing in him. Evelyn wanted to unleash his sadness so he could finally let go and become him. He was pushing it all down.

One drop of tear seemed made it way out Evelyn's eyes and Mason wiped it right away.

"You are crying," Mason said.

Evelyn could feel the vapor of tears tightening around her chest, pressuring down the veins. But it was still not enough. That one tear was all it got out. The rest of it stayed inside and it felt horrible.

The bell rang and Mason stood up. Evelyn followed him. She had to leave him for his class but they would meet after school. But what uses that would be?

After two periods of torture, Evelyn found Mason leaning against his jeep waiting for her. She felt the ache looking at him and her silent prayers, please come back. I miss you.

She somehow forced a smile and he smiled back. But Evelyn knew it was just a mask and both of them were pretending. He was hurting and Evelyn was too, because Evelyn couldn't take it away.

They reached home after their short drive. Evelyn was getting out of the jeep when Mason held her wrist.

"Wait," Mason said.

Evelyn sat back in her seat.

"Mady's restaurant is going to open tomorrow. There will be a ceremony. It will be formal and there will be many people. I am one of the few who would dine there first," Mason said with a smile. "And I had the privilege to take a guest with me."

"Good," Evelyn replied.

"So, I uhm, I was thinking," Mason ran a hand through his hair like he was nervous and his ears were red. "Will you like to come with me tomorrow night?"

Evelyn blinked and it hit her. He was asking her out. They had gone out for dinner but it was casual. But this time, it was an opening and it was formal and he just asked her out. Evelyn breathed deeply.

"I umm," Mason was waiting for her answers. Even after all this time, it felt like it was all new, being with him and Evelyn's cheek felt hot. Her palm sweated.

But she realized, they weren't strangers to one another. This thing between them was not new. Before all of this, they had been friends, best friends even and Evelyn was losing it. She wanted it back.

"How about no?" Evelyn replied sharp, looking at his eyes. He looked shocked but covered it well right away.

He did it again. He was suppressing his feelings away.

"Okay." Mason said quietly.

"Okay? That's it? You will just let me walk away?" Evelyn asked, tears brimming up.

"I might have done something to get rejected," Mason said looking at the steering wheel.

"Bullshit," Evelyn said, the tears fell on her cheeks now.

Mason kept silent.

"I didn't say yes because you are not you anymore." Evelyn said choking on her tears. "You are not my Mason." 

She sobbed and wiped her tears away. "You don't tell me things anymore. You don't treat me like your best friend. You don't show me your true feelings. You had distanced yourself away from everyone. You just put on this smile and show everyone that you are fine. But you can't hide it from me."

"Had stalking me lately?" Mason asked in a mocking tone. Evelyn shoot him a glare.

"I didn't plan to act like this, Evelyn. I don't want to push you away from me. I just don't know what I am doing anymore. Everything is blurred and I am just floating by."

Evelyn let out a deep sigh.

"Do you ever feel the same?" Mason asked.

Evelyn's tears fell away like streams. She got up from her seat and wrapped him in her arms, crying on him, crying for him. "I had. I had. It is terrible." She said choking on her tears.

"But I know, I will be fine." Mason said pulling away from her. There was small smile in his lips.

"If you give a yes to me," He said with a glint in his eyes.

"I would. But first, can you for God's sake stop treating me like I am your acquaintance and be honest with me?"

Mason shook his head, "I think that's a yes."

"Then I think, it's yes too." Evelyn replied. He wiped away the rest of her tears but his hand didn't leave her face.

"Wear something formal. I 'd be picking you up at 6 sharp." He said.

"Okay." Evelyn said. After that, there were nothing left to say and Mason was still staring at her face. Evelyn became self conscious and blushed deep and he seemed to notice. He smiled lightly and let go off her. Evelyn got out of the jeep and he drove away.

She sighed in relief as she had gotten things straight. But a part of Evelyn was disappointed.

Mason hadn't said anything if it was a date or not. Evelyn was confused.

She had to wait till tomorrow evening.

• • •

Evelyn stood in front of the mirror. It was the night. It was their first date. Evelyn wished Mason had made it clearer, but he did asked her out and it counted.

She had put on a dark full sleeve dress, the one from Abigail's gifts. It had beads of pearls around the neckline. The dress was pretty and it made her eyes look warmer. She had put on a natural look, careful not to do much.

As she went downstairs, she found her father. He looked up at her and smiled.

"There's a restaurant opening tonight," Evelyn said, "Mason is taking me there."

Dad's smile got a bit bigger. "My little girl have turned into a woman. Look at you."

Dad came up and gave her a hug. Evelyn smiled. When Dad pulled back, he wiped his eyes.

"Dad! You are crying!" Evelyn said.

"Oh no no, young lady. My eyes are just sweating." He replied.

The calling bell rang right in time. Dad held Evelyn back.

"Let me open the door. I have got to give him some serious talk." Dad said looking dreadful, turning his protective father mode on.

Evelyn laughed.

She stood by the living room and Dad opened the door. He was talking to Mason and Evelyn's heart started to beat fast in anticipation. She took deep breathes and steadied herself.

"Evelyn!" Dad called. When Evelyn reacher the door, dad was blocking her view. So she peeked from the side.

Evelyn smiled.

• • •