I know you've got the best intentions
Just trying to find the right words to say
I promise, I've already learned my lesson
But right now I wanna be not okay
I'm so tired, sitting here waiting
If I hear one more "Just be patient"
It's always gonna stay the same

-You don't know what it's like, Katelyn Tarver

22| Evelyn

The wind played with Evelyn's hair. It brushed past her face, caressing her skin. She closed her eyes and felt it. Taking a deep breathe she let the euphoria wash away everything she felt. But it could not take away the heavy feeling inside her chest. Deep inside, her heart was breaking, piece by piece. There was no escape.

Her neck muscles felt tight and her head hurt because of the lack of sleep. Her whole body hurt. Her eyes stung. Her heart beat threateningly gave signal of an outburst that was coming her away, consuming her senses second by second.

She hugged her knees tightly as the first tear rolled down her cheek. Then it followed one after another. She kept shivering with the impact as tears silently streamed down. She felt the motion around her stopped. But she didn't look up. She was so tired to move a limb.

A hand squeezed her hand and held on. She didn't have to look up to see who he was. She was in his jeep after all.

The attack ended moments later. Evelyn quickly wiped away the tears from her face. She felt lighter than before but she was still stuck. There was still this pressure around her veins that would never go away. That was permanent for as long as she breath.

"I am so sorry." Mason said looking down.

Evelyn glanced his way with the strength she had left in her body. She didn't reply. She watched him wordlessly. He looked older than he was minutes ago, as if someone had dumped all the world's care on his shoulder. He looked trapped.

It is because of me. I am pulling him down to my abyss.

The voice inside her head spoke. Mason was not the most cheerful person around. Maybe it was his parents' death that turned him cold and whatever that happened with his sister. And for Evelyn, he had to go through that again. First her dad attacked him and then Alex. If Evelyn wasn't here, none of these would have happened. He wouldn't have to go through this.

"If anything that I can do to stop you from hurting, just tell me." Mason said looking up with his voice cracked. Evelyn didn't know why she felt hurt hearing that.

"I only make things worse." Evelyn said sitting up straight from her leaning position. "I am hurting you."

Mason just looked at her with his intense gaze. He didn't reply.

"I know I do. Mason, I have always ruined things. I started from my birth. I was not even supposed to be born. Mom and dad, they were so in love. You know, I just get to know that my mom was a Valedictorian. I am sure she was having a good life. Dad and her, they were so happy. Then I have to come. I broke them apart. Now you can see my dad. He is not even living. And my mom, she even left the country," Evelyn didn't know the tears were already rolling down her cheeks.

"Only because of me. I ruined it for them. If I wasn't here, they would still be together. I don't know why I even blame them for not caring about me. Why would they? I remind them of what they could have and now they don't." With every word that came out of her mouth, Evelyn realized she was telling the truth. She knew these thoughts were always floating around her head but they never formed quite right. Today they stumbled out and Evelyn was finally realizing everything she was seeing.

"They were in love?" Mason asked and Evelyn and she looked up at him. His face was thoughtful.

"Of course they were. They were in love from high school. They went to college together and they moved to their own apartment." Evelyn sucked in a breathe. "They were the power couple."

"You will probably hate me for saying this but," Mason said looking at her eyes, "And I also know, I am none to judge your parents," He stopped as if he was waiting for Evelyn's permission.

Evelyn didn't know if she was ready to hear what he had to say but she nodded, " But If they were so in love and if you were born during their college days, shouldn't they have fought it together for themselves, for you?If their love was that strong, they could have made it through together."

Evelyn closed her eyes shut and took a deep breathe. It was her parents he was talking about. "Have you ever been in love?"

Mason stopped for a moment. He looked taken aback.

"I know you didn't and you would not understand. It is not what they say it is. It is no magic. It is no fairy tale. It is no solution. People fall in love. They fall out of love. Nothing lasts forever. There is no happily ever after." Evelyn said with anger grasping in her voice.

"Because of me, there were difficulties in there relationship. Bringing up a baby is no easy deal in New York and they were only college students. How much do you think they earned? Then they have college. They had to go through all of this stress. Normal couples who go to college together didn't always make to end and there they were with a baby. With me."

Evelyn huffed and looked away. "Reality is so harder than it looks like, Mason. Love doesn't solve everything. It's not a medicine. It's no doctor. It's no therapist. It's sweet and magical when everything is alright. It turns toxic when things go down."

"It's sweet and magical when things are alright." He said quoting her. "It's strength and power when things go down." Mason finished.

Mason's jaw was set as he continued to stare at Evelyn as if to threaten her but she knew better. So she only looked away.

He started the engine. "Stop blaming yourself for something you never did."

"You won't get it, you know. Ever." Evelyn scoffed and chuckled hysterically. "No matter how hard you try." Evelyn said looking back at him.

His face looked hard with his muscles set. His knuckles were white because of his hard grip on the steering wheel.

"I am hitting on your nerves, I know. Told you, dealing with me is not so easy. Because, my brain is damaged." Evelyn said laughing some more.

"You are the same girl who stood up in front of her own dad for me, who came up to me two days ago when I broke into a fight. Stood beside me, sharing my punishment, waited for me. You agreed to come with me here." Mason stopped, "That was also you."

" It was nothing. I would have done the same thing if it was for any of my friend." Evelyn waved dismissively.

"Exactly. You are a way better person than you think you are. You don't ruin things. You are not a mistake. You are meant to be here." Mason said.

"Maybe you should concentrate more on the road while you are driving." Evelyn said hugging herself and looking out through the window.

The jeep stopped right away and Evelyn leaned down on her seat. She looked at him to see that he was looking at her.

"You are a beautiful person, inside and out. And when I am saying that, I mean it."

There was a warm feeling that spread through her heart and Evelyn opened her mouth to say something but couldn't find anything.

"Trust me, when I say that, it's a fact. I am not flirting with you." Mason said with the same hard face.

This time Evelyn opened and closed her mouth like a fish out of water. Until he said,

"Or maybe I am." Mason said with the corner of his lips twitching a bit. Evelyn looked at him with her eyes wide.

He had to ruin it.

"You, you jerk." Evelyn rose from her seat aiming a punch on his face but he ducked down in time.

"You always have to ruin things." Evelyn complained. " You, you.." She huffed in anger.

"I can't help it." Mason confessed with a goofy grin in his face and his dimples in his cheek.

Evelyn didn't know what feeling was washing over her as she looked at him. She quickly looked away. If she only looked at him for one more second then, she didn't want to think about what she would have done.

What you would have done? Her inside voice poked.

Nothing, I would have done nothing.

Keep telling yourself that. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Evelyn cleared her throat loudly as if to stop her inner voice. Evelyn risked a look at him with corner of her eyes.

"Do you know you are blushing furiously? What happens in that brain of yours, huh?" Mason asked pressing his lips together as if he was trying not to smile.

Asshole.

"That's none of your business." Evelyn said with a straight face.

"If it's about me, then maybe it is my business." He said still half smiling.

"You're so self-indulgent to think that. Why would I even waste time thinking about you? Yikes." Evelyn shuddered as if she was horrified.

"Did I say, you do?" Mason asked with a winning expression in his face.

Evelyn closed her fist and huffed and looked away while Mason threw his head back in laughter finally cracking up. "You are so hopelessly cute."

Evelyn could have taken her time appreciating how carefree he looked when he laughed his heart out but of course he had to say something like that.

"You are probably going to punch me right now and tell me that you hate me, because I said that." Mason said smiling.

Argh! Am I that predictable?

"No, I have something better in my mind. I will make you stop the Jeep and I will get out of here if you utter one more word." Evelyn crossed her arms over her chest.

"Okay, I surrender m'lady. As you wish, m'lady." Mason said with a straight face and then he again cracked in laughter.

Evelyn blew air through her nose. "This isn't funny!"

"Of course, it isn't. I must be out of my mind for thinking it is." He said pressing his lips together. The dimples were still visible in his cheeks.

Evelyn felt the urge to claw his face.

"Stop talking." Evelyn said.

"Here. I did." He said and pressed his lips together.

Evelyn flipped her hair and looked aside swearing to herself she would teach this bastard a lesson.

• • •

Author's note: *Song for this chapter is,

Strangle You
Oh I'll strangle you to death
Send you to hell
Then bring you back
Because you stole my breathe.

Ugh I can really try writing nursery rhymes. Whatddauthink?

Until next chapter:)

*No really if you do have a song like that in mind tell me.*