I learnt to regret my words when he came into school a few days later in tears. "Fuck you!" He yelled, making everyone turn their heads in our direction. I stared at him in complete and utter confusion. He shoved me into a locker with strength I wasn't aware he had but I didn't feel afraid at all. I had known Lance since the start of Year 7 when I was adopted into a new family and we both started secondary school for the first time. I had never seen him violent before so I knew he wasn't going to hurt me. When we were in Year 7, he felt guilty for stepping on a snail and almost cried. "You were sure! You said it would be okay so this is all your fault!" He let out a sob that seemingly echoed around the corridor before taking a fistful of my shirt.

I don't know what I expected but I certainly did not expect him to pull me into a hug. He buried his wet face into my shoulder as I rubbed my hand against his back in circles. I had no idea what was going on but what I did know was that he needed comfort. I hadn't seen Lance cry so much since the day we got our GCSE results. I didn't say anything, choosing to wait until he was ready to speak.

"It isn't your fault at all," Lance mumbled eventually but he still didn't back away from the hug. I didn't mind because I was quite enjoying holding onto him. My actions were better at comforting than my words and I had been told by Shiro that my hugs were the best. Admittedly, he might be a bit biased. "It's my dad's fault, if anything. Dude's still homophobic, even in 2018."

"Oh," I suddenly understood why he blamed me as I cast my mind back to the conversation we had about Lance coming out to his parents. "What about your mum?"

"She cried but said she still loved me. Didn't do anything to stop dad screaming at me though." Lance sounded slightly bitter with his words but tears were still pouring out of his eyes like the Niagara Falls.

"That sucks. I'm sorry." I was sorry. I had jumped to the conclusion that his parents would be accepting, based on how they acted when I was around his house. They seemed genuine and kind so I had just assumed they'd be cool about these things. I had assumed wrong and hurt my friend. In that case, it was partially my fault and I felt bad about it.

"What can you do about it?"

"Maybe he just needs time to think about it. Sometimes it's hard for them to understand at first. It's a shock."

"Fuck him! Does he know how hard it was to stand up in front of him and mum and tell them? I spent hours standing in front of a mirror, telling my reflection just because I was so terrified. I should be in shock. Not him." The coming out to the reflection thing was all too familiar to me. It was something I did on a regular basis but I still wasn't able to say the words to myself just yet. I had known of my sexuality for a long time but saying it aloud seemed almost impossible to me. It was like I could almost ignore it when it was just pent up inside of me but, as soon as I said it out loud, it came true.

"I know, Lance..."

"I just wish I was normal." He finally backed away from the hug, leaving my chest cold in the absence of his warmth. I finally got the opportunity to properly meet his eyes and I could see that they were still filled to the brim with tears.

"Gay isn't abnormal."

"It is though and you know it." I didn't respond as the bell rang and he shot off in the direction of his tutor. I had to stand still for a moment, the words 'I'm gay too!' lingering on the tip of my tongue. If only I'd have yelled it to his figure before he disappeared, I might have changed his mind. Sadly, I still found myself unable to admit it. The only reason I moved was because crowds of people started to swarm me and I didn't want to be in their way.

-

That night, I stood in front of the mirror in my bathroom. Louise and John were fast asleep in their bedroom so I knew that it was unlikely they would hear what I was doing. I stared deep into my eyes, as if I could somehow hypnotise myself into becoming more confident. My black hair hung in front of my face and it was rather messy because I had been laying in bed before I found myself stumbling into my bathroom.

I started with mouthing the words- like I always did. The movements came easy, the words easily read thanks to how slow I was mouthing it.

Lance had done it. He had come out to me. He obviously wasn't homophobic so I should be able to have the courage to tell him too but, for some reason, I just couldn't. Every time I was with him, the words lingered on the tip of my tongue but my mouth refused to ever let them leave. It wasn't like I was afraid of rejection: I didn't have a reason to be afraid.

My eyes thinned to send a glare at my reflection. "Come on..." I muttered beneath my breath. I was biting my lip harshly but, still, the words didn't come out.

Eventually, I exhaled a breath and, in the tiniest whisper, I said, "I'm gay."

The eyes of my reflection lit up and my lips perked up to form a smile. I had said it once and felt like I was on top of the world. I wanted to scream it off of the roof of a tall building for the whole city to hear just to get it out of my system. I opened my mouth to say it again but nothing came out.

Saying it once was a start though, right?