I stared, eyes wide, jaw slack.  For a moment words betrayed me. Rudy was here?  Impossible!  How did he know I was headed to Solsbury Hill; how did he know I'd come all the way to Bath at all? Had he been following me this whole time? And more importantly, was he alone?

Immediately I started looking around for the Persian prince, But Rudy only shook his head. "It's just me. He's not here."

"Whew!" I tried to disregard the flare of deep disappointment in my chest.  "Then, where is he?"

"Damned if I know.  Wessex, maybe.  Could still be at home."

"What are you doing here?" I demanded. "Why aren't you driving for him today?"

"It's my day off," he replied. "I thought I'd take a little ride, have an excursion-"

"That's such crap, Rudy," I scoffed. "All of it!"

"No, not all. This really is my day off."

I rolled my eyes, hands on my hips. "How did you know I'd be coming here?"

"I'd tell you, but it's a long story and I haven't eaten yet. You haven't either, I'll wager."

"No," I said without thinking. Even if I had lied, it wouldn't have done much good; right then my stomach rumbled rather loudly.

Rudy nodded decisively.  "I can explain over a little breakfast.  I'll buy."

I sighed, already feeling myself weaken.  Food: the millenial's Achilles heel.  "I'd love to, Rudy, but I'm actually in something of a hurry, so I- uh..."

"Where are you off to? The Abbey?"

"How did you know?" I asked.

"A guess."

Also known as, Freddie made some snarky remark.  "Well, that is where I'm off to, so, er, I'll just be heading that way."

"It's at least one or two hours' walk.  I can give you a lift."  Rudy pointed down at the Jag.

I nodded, assuming good intentions.  "Now, that, I will take you up on.  Thanks."  So we marched back down the hill, saying nothing till we reached the sporty little yellow dart waiting at the side of the road.  Freddie must pay awfully well, if this is Rudy's leisure vehicle.

Rudy opened the door for me, and I slid in.  Then he walked around to the right side and tucked himself into the driver's seat.  Such a little car for such a big man- and so loud and eye-catching for a guy who said as little as possible.

He started the car, then looked at me.  "After breakfast."

Before I could protest, Rudy sped away from Solsbury Hill.  Why did I even bother making decisions anymore?  In dignified resignation, I sat back.

Before long, we were back in the city center.  We passed one, two, three different mom and pop restaurants and two pubs.  Suddenly a sneaking suspicion hit me. 

"You're just taking me to breakfast, right?" I asked cautiously.

Rudy nodded.

We passed another little cafe.  "So... where?"

"I was wondering when you'd ask that," Rudy murmured.  "I know this charming little tea house down in Piccadilly-"

I flipped.  Oh, no.  Not again.

My heart pounding, I shouted, "Pull over!"

"Julia, wait just a mo-"

"I said, PULL OVER!  NOW!"  I paused, then added, "PLEASE!"

Rudy opened his mouth, then sighed.  Wordlessly he pulled over.  We had stopped on a bridge, a large bridge stretching across a lovely river that rippled gently underneath us.  Since it was still rather early in the day, we didn't disturb anyone's commute.  Not that I was really concerned.

Without a word I opened the door to jump out, backpack in hand.  Before I closed it behind me, Rudy pleaded, "Julia, will you please get back in the car?"

"What for?" I snapped. 

"Let- let me explain-"

"What's to explain?  You were going to take me back!"

"Julia-"

My anger reached new heights.  For a moment it was as though I had separated from my body and I was watching myself from a distance.  I saw myself lean back in toward Rudy and actually pull the keys out of the ignition.  Frantically he scrambled out of the Jag and watched in horror as I held my hand over the river, the keys dangling freely between my fingers, my face contorted into an unhinged, victorious grin.  I can only imagine that I was the spitting image of insanity. 

Very carefully Rudy came closer, walked around the car, and stood beside me.  I blinked slowly, my arm still outstretched over the water. 

"Can you tell that I've had enough?" I said at last.

"Yes," Rudy replied.  "It's rather obvious."

"Then you'll be good enough to promise you're leaving right this minute, without me, and we'll just forgive and forget the past twenty-four hours ever existed- and I'll give you back the keys."

Rudy shook his head.  "Julia, I wasn't-"

"Don't lie to me, Rudy!  God, I am so sick of liars, and I'm so sick of lying!  And now you're doing it!  You were going to just bring me back to that- thing-"

"Julia, please," Rudy said quietly.  "Please calm down, let me talk to you.  Okay?"

"I thought you were the silent type," I remarked.

"Not today," he answered.  "All I want is five minutes.  I just need your undivided attention for that long.  Hear me out."

"And then, what?"

"Then I leave."

"Without me?"

"Not impossibly."

"I'm afraid you'll have to-"

"I'm making no such promise.  It should be enough that I'll be gone for good after five minutes.  All right?"

With a sigh, I at last nodded.  To show him I meant business, I pulled out my Android and set the countdown timer for five minutes.  "Ready?"

Rudy sighed as well, but said, "I'm ready."

I pressed the start.  "Go."

Rudy put his hand on the side of the bridge.  "Are you listening?"

My eyes focused on a little boat sitting quietly upon the river, and for a minute all I wanted was to be on that boat making small conversation with a perfect stranger.  "I'm listening."

"So," he began.  "You really think you're going to join the Abbey?"

"I don't just think," I replied.  "I know."

"Mm."

"What does that mean?"

"I'd tell you, but you wouldn't like it."

"Spit it out, I can take it."

"Well- if you don't mind my saying so, you wouldn't last two seconds as a nun."

My eyes narrowed.  "Why do you say that?"

"You wouldn't like that, ei-"

"For heaven's sake, Rudy, just talk.  You're eating away at your own time."

Rudy cleared his throat.  "I say that, because I know Freddie wouldn't last two seconds as a vicar."

I almost smiled at that, but checked myself.  "What does Freddie have to do with it?"

"I've worked for Freddie for about seven months now.  I don't say much, don't react to much.  I simply watch.  And I know how his head functions."

"Well, you're ahead of me, man.  He's beyond my comprehension."

"And because I know him, I also know you, and how your head works."

"So you've got us both pegged.  But we're mutually exclusive.  What does his head have to do with mine?"

"Yes, I have you and Freddie pegged," Rudy repeated.  "But here's the thing: you take up the same hole."

I turned and looked at him, thoroughly confused. So he rephrased what he had just said: "In many ways, Julia, you and Freddie are practically the same person."

My eyes narrowed, and I laughed sarcastically.  "Oh, that's good.  That's really good.  First you follow me all the way to Bath, then you try to kidnap me, and now you're just flat-out insulting me.  Keep it coming, Mr. Barnes.  You're on a roll."

Rudy folded his arms and shook his head.  "Think about it.  You know it's true."

"Freddie and I are entirely different!  He's the kooky extrovert, and I'm - I'm everything he naturally steers clear of!  'Extremely straight people bore me.' That's an exact quote!"

Rudy looked me up and down.  "Sorry, Julia, I'm afraid you don't qualify."

"What?"

"You only think you do."

"He said, I bore him!  To my face!"

"You think he meant it?"

"I believe he did."

"Well, then, he bores himself, because you two could be twins, the way you act sometimes, the way you think-"

I lifted my chin.  "Name me five ways we're anything alike.  And keep it short, you just have three and a half minutes left."

"One, you're both fatally stubborn.  Two, if there's something that interests you, you'll stop at nothing to learn all about it.  Almost obsessive natures.  Three, you do things just to get a rise out of each other."

"I never-" But I stopped.  Countless moments during Mission Implausible served as evidence in Rudy's favor.  And every time I took off my shoes while out and about, I did it with the intent of making him roll his eyes... making him notice...

"Four," Rudy continued.  "Four,  your senses of humor are almost identical.  That biting edge, the constant barrage of sarcasm- Good God.  On the plane coming back, you wouldn't let up on each other- and the little dirty things you two snicker at-"

"Uh, no, I call foul here.  He's the one who cracks the sex one-liners, not me.  He's so sexually charged, Rudy.  You can't tell me I am!"

Rudy just blinked.  "Um, you sort of are- but in a very repressed sort of way."

"But he's the one who says-"

"And who's the one who laughs?  It's not me.  I'd do better as a nun than you.  And five, lastly, though there's so much more..."

"What?"

"You two are so obsessed with keeping your independence, your control- yet you're anything but independent."

Freddie's very words echoed in my head: "I was out of control!"

I snorted.  "Again, I'm not nearly the fastidious control freak that he is."

"It's not about being a control freak, it's about- wanting to be your own person.  Not leaning on anyone else, not being in anyone's debt."

I thought of the way Freddie was so extravagant with gifts and money, giving expensive watches to one night stands he would never see again, hundred pound notes to complete strangers who had performed some little favor for him.  I could understand that well enough.  Overcompensation cleared his conscience.  He didn't want to be in anyone's debt.  He didn't want to owe anything to anybody. 

Neither did I.  That's why I hated not having a job, that's why I felt so awkward whenever Freddie showered me with goodies.  I felt like I had to make it up to him somehow.  I hadn't done anything to deserve such generosity, and it was a long five months till Christmas and my birthday (though technically, my birthday was indeed fast approaching, only a few days away by now).  I didn't like being a dependent, a helpless child to be amused with jewelry, trips, or any other shiny little toy.  More generally, I didn't like being out-

Out of control. 

My stomach writhed.  Oh, God.  We are a lot alike.  Peter was right, Rudy's right!  Great, I want to die all over again!

I looked down at the timer.  One minute left.  "Okay, so we've got lots in common," I murmured.  "What does that have to do with you being here- on your day off?"

"I'm here," he sighed, rubbing his eyes, "to tell you that, while I respect your decision to join the Abbey or what have you, understand that there will be at least two people made very unhappy if that's the way you choose."

I blinked, and for the first time realized how unkindly I had behaved to Rudy.  Never before in my life had I just ripped the keys out of someone else's car and threatened to throw them into the River Avon.  I didn't think myself capable of it. 

However, no matter the situation, I'd been quite selfish.  And a nun, if nothing else, was utterly altruistic; proper nuns don't have a selfish bone in their bodies.  I sighed, and lowered my arm.

"Here," I whispered, handing Rudy his keys.  "You're right.  I can't be a nun.  I'm too mean.  They'd kick me out before I ever made up my mind to leave."

Rudy blinked. "You mean you're- not joining a convent?"

"I'm not meant for it. Certainly not if I'm anything like him." I sighed deeply. Again I faced the river, leaning against the bridge.  That little boat was floating closer now, heading under the bridge.  It looked so peaceful. 

I never knew peace could be so fleeting, so hard to come by.  This must have been how Freddie felt all the time.  That's why he was so unhappy.  There was never any peace.  Either he didn't want it bad enough to hold onto it- or he simply couldn't find it.  Or, perhaps, he had it once, very briefly, and then without warning it vanished.  I'd be bitter, too, if that happened to me.

I felt myself soften inside.  A dangerous turn of events, but it was happening.  Strange, that after being faced with our own similarities, I could understand him a little better.  The wounds upon my soul seemed to reopen. Good God, I was actually aching for him. What for?

"Why don't you come back, Julia?" Rudy said softly.

I scoffed, belying my feelings. "Why would I do that?"

"From a purely practical standpoint, because he still apparently has your Passport, and if you ask nicely, he might give it to you," Rudy replied.  "And on the other hand-"

Right here the timer buzzed the angry "Danger" sound I'd used to startle Freddie a week ago. 

Rudy shrugged.  "Well, time's up, I'd better-"

"No, please finish," I said.  "On the other hand?"

Freddie's driver looked me over, and put his hand over mine.  "On the other hand, because he's terribly sorry about last night."

"How do you know?"

"Because in the seven or so months I've worked for him, I've never seen him cry before- and he was inconsolable all the time we spent looking-"

"He cried?" I whispered.  This was beyond me.  I couldn't even picture Freddie with tears in his eyes.  I'd seen him look sad before, but- Freddie crying?  Over me?  Impossible.  But Rudy kept talking.

"My God.  You should have heard him.  He called me up at about eleven, I could hardly understand him.  He kept saying over and over 'I f---ed up, I f---ed this up so completely'- we drove all over London looking for you."

"Then why, if Freddie allegedly cares so much for me, are you here instead of him?"

"You know how he is," Rudy replied.  "He has to put on a good face for his party thing tonight."

"Oh, yes, the dinner party," I murmured.  "My, my, poor Joe's going to have to probably stand in as chef.  I can just hear the phone call now."

"He won't have to pretend to be happy, though," Rudy said, "if you come back."

I didn't answer. 

Rudy cleared his throat uncomfortably.  "He, uh- he loves you, you know."

Oh, God.

I bit my lip and closed my eyes.  That was the worst one yet.  Not just falling, not just in love, but "He loves you."  With great effort I refused to let that get to me, but little pieces slipped in regardless.  Of course, I didn't accept it, for that would be the biggest mistake ever- and still my heart ached even more. 

"You do realize," I managed, "that makes you number three, after Peter and Mary, telling me how he feels because he hasn't the guts- or actual emotion- to say it for himself?"

Rudy sighed deeply.  "You, both of you- I'm thirty-four years old and I've never known anyone more obstinate than you.  Both of you have such a capacity to love, and love deeply, if you'd only loosen up and let it be tapped.  Julia, if you would just stop being so suspicious, and believe that maybe the man isn't all that bad after all... that maybe he does feel, then perhaps he'll decide that you have feelings as well, and then..."

"Then what?"

"I don't know," Rudy shrugged.  "That's up to you two."

I stood there a moment.  Then I pushed off the bridge and folded my arms, ignoring the little sting in my finger.  "I'm not all that stubborn, Rudy," I said.  "I know when I'm licked."

His eyes widened in surprise.  "You'll come back?"

"For the Passport," I said.  "And breakfast.  That's it.  And then I'm gone.  Take what money I have left, buy a one-way ticket to America.  I'll have a better chance there, right?"

Rudy rolled his eyes.  "And least you're coming back."

"Hopefully he left it at home or something, I can just sneak in and grab it.  Does he know you're here?"  He shook his head.  "Good, then he likely won't be expecting me at all.  He has to be at the studio by now."

"Perhaps," he mumbled.  Looking down, he twirled the keys around his finger.  "So shall we?"

I hesitated a moment, gazed down the road we had just driven down, toward the hill and the Abbey, then looked back at Rudy. 

"We shall," I replied.  Submissively, then, I clambered back into the Jag.  Rudy started the engine back up, and we heading down the road.

For at least half an hour, we said nothing, and I contented myself with looking out at the green countryside, which had a certain sparkle to it thanks to last night's rain and this morning's dew. 

"I wonder where he slept last night," I mused finally.

"He didn't," Rudy answered, eyes on the road.

Another long pause, and then Rudy put the top down.  The wind made shambles of my already messy, rained-on hair and Rudy's dark brown seventies' hairdo, even his sideburns twitching in the breeze.  Then he pressed "Play" on the stereo, and the cassette tape inside began to turn.  To my surprise, the very song I had sung for Rudy the third day began booming out of the speakers into the open air.

"Raindrops keep fallin' on my head..." BJ Thomas sang.  I frowned and looked at Rudy.

All he did was smile and say, "Because, we little black rain clouds need it."

He was right.  I couldn't help myself.  The song was too happy, and it was too necessary a salve.  I began singing along- and much to my delight, Rudy joined me, tapping the steering wheel.  I put my hands up in the wind, waving my arms to the beat.  Right that moment, the world made sense- and nothing was wrong.  For a second or two, I forgot to worry, or be afraid. 

As the song finished, and another BJ Thomas song began to play (I guess it was some sort of Greatest Hits compilation), Rudy tapped my shoulder.  I looked at him.

"It's going to be all right," he informed me.  "Okay?"

I nodded.  "I know.  There's always a plan."

"Exactly," he said.

"So how did you know I was here?" I asked.  "You never did say."

"It really was a guess- but a more educated one than your typical wild.  See, when we pulled up to John's house, I heard your voice down the street.  Freddie I guess didn't catch-"

"You guys went by John's?"  My eyes widened.  "That was you with the brakes?"

"I had Freddie yelling at me right behind my head 'STOP!  IT'S THAT ONE!  STOP! STOP!' so if I didn't park so gracefully I apologize."

"You heard me?" I squinted.

"I heard the song you were singing.  'Solsbury Hill.'  You have a very distinct singing voice, I knew it was you right away, and I tried to tell him, but- I suppose he just didn't think it had to do with you, so he didn't pay attention.  And when I found out you were off to some Abbey somewhere, I sort of put it all together.  A reach, but it was an idea."  He smiled.  "And I was right."

I sat there a moment, then murmured, "You know, if nothing else, for all the insanity that's taken place ever since I got here, for all the good and bad- I've had such wonderful people to help me through it.  John, Veronica, you, Stoner K- even Peter Straker, to some degree..."

"Don't forget Freddie," he reminded me.

I rolled my eyes.  "Don't push it, fella.  I'm not that forgiving," I said, tongue in cheek.  All he did was laugh.  He had nice, deep one too, contagious enough to make me smile.

But as we drove away from Bath, the soft, temperate air blowing around us, BJ Thomas crooning "Hooked on a Feeling," I heard the thought in my head move too fast to stop, but slow enough to understand:

Especially Freddie...