A DAY AFTER Kurt left for rehab, Krist surprised Lindy by making an unexpected visit to her apartment. When she opened the door, she was stunned, but also quite appreciative, to see Krist's tall, lanky frame standing on her doorstep.

"Now this is the kind of surprise that I like," Lindy smiled, welcoming Krist inside. He laughed, ruffling her hair in a usual brotherly gesture.

"And what kind of surprise is that? Bigfoot standing at your front door?"

"Pretty much," Lindy grinned.

Twenty-four hours without Kurt had so far not driven her mad. In truth, she had gone much more time without him before, between his touring schedule and the period when they had been broken up. What bothered her was being far from him after his near death experience. She was missing out on precious time that could have been spent enjoying his company after nearly losing it for good.

"Are you doing okay?" Krist asked, eyeing her with a questioning look as he lumbered into the living room.

"I'm alright. What about you?"

"Doing my best. But I care more about how you're doing."

Lindy playfully rolled her eyes at Krist. She had the slightest inclination that Kurt had left Krist in charge of watching over her while he was away. Krist would have done it happily on his own accord, but it still meant something knowing that Kurt might have asked.

"Where's Shelli?" Lindy asked.

"Work. I would have brought her, otherwise. Do me a favor and don't tell her I stopped by or she'll be mad I didn't wait for her. She misses you."

"Tell her to come by whenever!" Lindy said enthusiastically. "It'll be like old times. We'll have sleepovers."

"And fall down the stairs after taking a tab of acid?" Krist teased, raising both eyebrows purposefully.

"Maybe not that," Lindy laughed. She had almost forgotten the New Years that she'd spent tripping on LSD, throwing up in Krist and Shelli's old living room and nearly breaking her neck on their staircase.

"Are you too old for that now?"

"I'm with child now, remember," Lindy said, pointing to her stomach.

"Ah, I almost forgot. You're a mom now."

"Not quite yet. But soon."

Krist smiled at Lindy before staring pointedly at her neck. "I meant to congratulate you on hiding that from Courtney the other night. I'm not sure any of us would have survived if she'd seen it."

Lindy's fingers instantly grabbed at her chest, where they made contact with the silver cord tucked into her shirt. She became suddenly aware that she was still wearing her engagement ring as a necklace. The diamond had gone entirely unnoticed, as it been stowed out of sight for days. She hadn't even noticed it when she'd taken showers — a testament to the current clutter of her mind.

"Shit," Lindy said. "I totally forgot it was even there."

"Probably a good thing. Now you don't have to hide it anymore, though."

"Yeah, I guess not," Lindy agreed. She yanked on the chain, not caring when the clasp snapped and was freed from around her throat. She turned the diamond ring over in her hand.

"You can put it on, you know," Krist said gently.

"Not yet. Not until he's really, truly divorced."

"I admire you for making that decision."

Lindy folded her fingers over the ring and placed it in her jeans pocket. There would be a time and place in which she could slip the ring on without guilt over knowing Kurt was legally married to someone else. It may have not been time yet, but it gave her something to look forward to.

"Are you missing the band?" she asked Krist, changing the subject away from her ring. She walked into the kitchen, listening over her shoulder as she prepared a kettle of tea for them both.

"The band? Oh. I guess. Do you . . . not know?"

"Not know what?" Lindy said, concentrating on filling her kettle with water from the sink. Krist walked over to her, a cautionary expression on his face.

"You must have not read the note."

"What note?"

"Kurt's suicide note."

Lindy nearly dropped the kettle into the sink. She caught it though, water slopping over the edge of its opening as it almost slipped from her hands.

"No. I didn't read it," she admitted tightly.

Lindy had not even given the note that she'd seen stuck against potting soil a second thought. On the day that she had found Kurt, she had been so steadfast to coax him out of the greenhouse that she hadn't bothered going back to grab the note or even look at it. Its existence had been completely lost upon her and she wouldn't have minded never having to think about it again. It was only a connotation for bad memories.

"I figured," Krist said with understanding. "The only reason I saw it was because Cali went back to clean out the greenhouse and he grabbed it. I was the person he gave it to. But I think Courtney has it now."

"Oh," Lindy said. She stuck the kettle on the stove, hating the heat that was rising up inside of her. It was an anxious hot flash of remembrance, something she had no desire to confront.

"Turns out that Kurt doesn't want to be apart of the band anymore. I mean, we all already kind of knew that, but he talks about it in the note. He said he's tired of faking it."

"He mentioned something about being fed up awhile back," Lindy recalled, rubbing away a sharp pain in her forehead. Even just the thought of Kurt's suicide note had made her uneasy.

"Yeah. He and I talked about it after you left that night. He apologized and said he wished it could be different, but he doesn't feel up to it anymore. I think he needs a break from the music in general."

"I doubt he'll ever give up on the music."

"Well, no. But he's going to at least give up on the spotlight."

Lindy leaned forward against her kitchen counter, wondering what Kurt possibly could have said about his band in the note. Nirvana had been his baby, his first child for as long as she could remember. It didn't come as a huge shock that stardom had caused his passion to fade, but it was still odd to imagine Nirvana coming to a close.

"It's probably best for him," Lindy muttered. "He needs to focus on something else for a change."

"That's what I told him," Krist said. "I told him that all he needs to worry about right now is Frances, you, the new baby, and himself. That should be what he's devoted to. And he agreed with me."

"I wonder when he's going to tell me that it's over. That the band is broken up."

"I don't think that it has really hit him yet," Krist theorized. "But it's all okay. It needed to happen, you know?"

The kettle whistled loudly, indicating that their piping hot water was ready. Lindy grabbed two coffee mugs and started pouring, chewing on the inner part of her cheek.

"Kinda' sucks for you and Dave. I hate that you both don't have a band to belong to now," she said apologetically, reaching for her variety of tea bags.

"Nah, it's fine. I called Dave and told him about everything that happened, including what was in the note. We'll all probably have a sit down talk when Kurt is done with rehab so it will be official. But Dave is understanding. He's going to be alright. He's got some great songs written, and I think he wants to start his own band to be honest."

"Well, that's good news," Lindy said, dunking a packet of chamomile tea into her mug. Krist did the same, mimicking her movement.

"As for me, well, I don't care where I end up," Krist chuckled.

"Maybe you'll finally escape Seattle and live in the country," Lindy suggested. She had always pictured Krist moving away from the hustle of city life. He'd been cut out for a more contemporary style of living, or at least he always had been to her.

"I'll start a farm," Krist smiled.

"A farm? With like horses, pigs and chickens?" Lindy laughed.

"I was thinking more along the lines of alpacas."

Lindy bursted into a full on fit of giggles, trying to imagine Krist herding a crowd of alpacas around on a lush green farm. What made the picture in her head even funnier was the fact that it actually made sense.

"Farmer Krist," she grinned.

"Exactly," he grinned back.

Together they drank their tea quietly, enjoying the peacefulness of each other's company. Lindy had almost drained her cup when Krist spoke again.

"Linds, I came over today because I wanted to give you something."

"Yeah? Give me what?"

Krist reached into his back pocket, pulling out a long white piece of paper that had been folded horizontally. It was crumpled in some places and Lindy could see the dark marks made by a pen from the other side. Krist slid it across the counter slowly.

"I found this in my mailbox on the morning that you went to the greenhouse. It's from Kurt. And it's addressed to you."

"Me?" Lindy whispered, looking down at the folded paper with doubt.

"Yes. I didn't read it, but from what I could see, it was supposed to be his last note to you. Kind of like . . . well, I hate to say it, but his suicide note except written with you in mind."

Lindy did not reach out to grab the note. She only stared at it, almost as if she were waiting for it to erupt into flames. She didn't understand how the note had come into being, or why it had even found its way to her when she was trying so very hard to shelve Kurt's suicide attempt in the past.

"He was smart enough to bring it to my place instead of yours. It's like he knew your apartment was being watched or something. I don't know. You know Kurt. He's weird as hell. But I thought I should at least give it to you."

Lindy pressed her lips together, unable to draw her eyes away from the note. It was calling to her, insisting that she open it up and read it, but she didn't know if she physically could.

"I understand if you don't want it," Krist said gently. "But it belongs to you. I didn't want to keep it."

Lindy nodded her head in understanding, placing her fingertips on the note and sliding it her way. Even touching it brought back a storm of memories, each one horrible and sickening as she recalled singular moments from the greenhouse in which Kurt had almost died. He had been ready to go — he'd said it himself. The newfound note to her only proved that.

"Thank you Krist," Lindy said in a voice that barely rose above a whisper.

Krist finished his tea, making small talk with Lindy until he eventually left. Only then did Lindy pull the note out, walking over to her couch and sitting slowly as she carefully unfolded the paper. It took her time, opening up each fold until lines of small lettering were revealed. Kurt had used his best handwriting for this particularly letter to Lindy. Every word had taken a precise amount of thought. It had been conceived as his final goodbye to her and as he'd scrawled it out with black pen, he had envisioned her face from when she'd dropped him off at the airport — he hoped he would see it again, wherever he was going.

Lindy,

I know I should probably start with an apology, but I'd only be apologizing for the temporary pain you will feel in my absence. I have to let you know, right away, that I promise you that you will be alright. More alright than you've ever been with me wreaking havoc on your life and selfishly trying to call you mine for all these years. You've never been mine. You've been yours, all to yourself, and I've merely worshipped your angelic being from afar and wondered how I was laughably lucky enough to earn your love. All I feel is that I can no longer stand by and be a menace to the happy life you should be living. I look into your eyes, my favorite pair of eyes, and I see someone who deserves so much more than an Aberdeen-born, junkie rockstar whose fake facade cannot offer you anything except three, stupid little words. I owe you more than the world for showing me that not everyone is as villainous as I imagined them to be. Without you, I don't think I would have ever gone far enough to taste even a drop of what I dreamt of in my youth, but those dreams have now let me down. But you never let me down, not ever. To me, you are all my good days, good nights and every good thing in between. You're the only good in this world. The only soul who has ever come so close to touching mine with bare, unblemished hands. I love you so much. I love you so much that I know I have to remove myself for good so as not to feed any more pain into your precious life. But I will be with you always. I'll somehow find a way to be by your side even when you think I'm not. I'm yours forever, even in death. Please look out for Frances in anyway you can. I want to leave this world knowing she will have someone as understanding as you in her life. I love you Lindy, I love you over and over and over again and I will find you someday. Soulmates always do.

Kurt