MARCH, 1992, SEATTLE, WA

               "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LINDY," Jack said sweetly, raising his champagne glass in a toast.

"Thank you," Lindy said, embarrassed as she pressed her lips together in what was meant to be a grateful smile, but may have come across as more of a grimace.

For having only turned twenty-three, this had been without a doubt the most extravagant birthday that Lindy had yet to celebrate in all her years. 

Jack had taken her out to one of the most ritziest restaurants in Seattle, complete with linen white table coverings, elaborate centerpieces and candles that provided a low, steady burn of warm light. A pianist sat in the corner of the room, playing light notes of classical music that floated throughout the restaurant. 

The whole time that she sat there, Lindy did not know whether to be impressed or revolted.

She was not disgusted by Jack himself — if anything, he was the innocent one who had only wished to please her and make a good impression. They had been dating for a month and he had not yet garnered a true grip on who Lindy was at heart. She might as well have been hiding from him behind a gauzy veil of secrets. 

But the truth of the matter was, Lindy did not need fancy dinners to be impressed. In fact, she would have been thrilled with a drive-through meal from McDonald's to ring in her twenty-third birthday. But Jack clearly liked her enough to surprise her with a lavish dinner that would probably cost more than her monthly utilities bill for her apartment.

Lindy had brought her own money with her, tucked safely into her wallet. Even though she assumed that she had now earned the title of 'girlfriend' in Jack's mind, she did not want him thinking that he would be allowed to spend this kind of money on her. She was going to attempt to buy her meal whether he liked it or not.

"Do you feel any older?" Jack smiled, sipping from his glass. He looked even more handsome than usual in the glowing candlelight, peering at her in the way that art connoisseurs admire a museum painting.  

"I never do," Lindy confessed, nervously twisting her napkin in her lap. She looked around, trying to guess how in the world she had ended up in such a place when only a year prior she had been living off of ramen noodle packets.

"You seem anxious," Jack said lightly. His blue eyes stared bored into her, but it was an understanding sort of gaze, one that was not probing or intrusive. And best of all, his cornflower blue irises were just the slightest different shade in comparison to Kurt's, something that brought Lindy great relief. 

"I'm not used to . . . all this," Lindy laughed nervously, waving her hands. It felt wrong to lie to him. He already knew so little about her even after a month of trying to politely dig through her mind. 

Jack glanced around at the restaurant before raising his eyebrows.

"You don't like it?"

"No, oh god, I didn't mean — I don't mean to be rude," Lindy said, tripping over her words. She pinched the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut. How was she fucking this up? She had thought it would have been easier to let him down. 

Jack laughed softly. "What you're trying to say is, this wasn't necessary in order to share a nice evening with you?"

Lindy gulped, then hurriedly tucked back her hair behind her ears. Jack was smiling empathetically at her, but she wondered for a moment whether or not she should have proceeded with her confession. 

"Well . . . yes. I don't need all of this," she finally admitted. "It's kind of you to do this, but it's not me. It's not who I really am."

Jack straightened his suit jacket and pondered what she had said before he reached into his pocket, producing his wallet and slapping down his credit card.

"Change of plans," he announced as Lindy stared at him, wide-eyed.

"What do you mean?" Lindy stammered, believing he was ending the date early because she had angered him. She wouldn't have been heartbroken, but it would be awkward going into work the next day. 

"I mean that you are going to be the ringleader tonight. I want you to take me to your favorite places for your birthday. Anywhere you want to go, we'll go," Jack said firmly.

The waiter retrieved Jack's card before eventually returning it, bidding them both goodnight as he removed their champagne glasses from the table, the only thing they had yet to order.

"You don't have to do this . . ." Lindy began, holding up her hands to stop him. But Jack was already standing, placing his napkin on the table and reaching out to her. 

"I want to," he insisted with a smile. It was a smile that made Lindy trust instantly that he was being genuine. 

Hesitant but curious, Lindy took Jack's hand and followed him out of the restaurant. As they weaved throughout the tabes, her mind anxiously buzzed. She could not picture herself luring Jack into the musty, dirty bars that she had once visited with Beth, or chowing down on a greasy hamburger with fries to go with it.

In the time that they had dated, Lindy really had enjoyed his company. Despite his job as a doctor, the real Jack Turner was a far cry from his professional ego of 'Doctor Turner.' Lindy found him to be gentle, caring and intelligent, and when she spoke she could tell that he was not thinking of what he was going to say next — he was really grasping everything that she said, listening to her intently. 

Bit by bit, she had found herself becoming more open to the idea of having Jack in her life. She didn't feel smothered by his presence and if anything, he soothed the open wounds that she still carried from her Kurt days and made her momentarily forget the heartbreak that she had endured.

"Where to first?" Jack asked as they both stepped outside.

The wind had a frosty nip to it that night, carried over from the cold of February and daily rain showers. Lindy shivered. She was wearing a long sleeved black dress that she had borrowed from Beth and it dipped low in the back, exposing her to the chill.

"Um . . . what do you want to do?" Lindy said awkwardly. Her plans had become a blank slate. She felt like an idiot, forcing him out of dinner only to have no idea where she'd take him next. 

"It's up to you now. I'm good with anything," Jack promised, still wearing the same encouraging smile.

Lindy thought back to what had come to mind in the restaurant; she had been dreaming about a McDonald's cheeseburger in the wake of the fancy dishes on the restaurant menu.

"How would you feel about McDonalds?"

"That sounds great. I could go for a double cheeseburger."

Lindy was pleasantly surprised by Jack's answer. She had learned over the past four weeks that he was not as high maintenance as she had pegged him to be, but hadn't actually considered him being the type of guy to enjoy grease-sodden fast food either. 

They took his car to the nearest McDonalds, Lindy ordering first and Jack following suit. Lindy couldn't help but to smile as they ate their meal in the empty burger joint, mentally giggling over their nice getups amongst all the plastic chairs, ketchup-smeared floors and smell of oily french fries. They were perfectly out of place and yet, she was comfortable. 

"Now this is good," Jack declared, biting heartily into his burger. Lindy laughed when a glob of ketchup leaked from the corner of his mouth and onto his chin.

"I didn't think doctors approved of McDonalds," she teased, popping two fries in her mouth.

"Well, we cant all lead boring lives. We all die one day, right?" Jack grinned, wiping the ketchup from his chin with a napkin. Lindy smiled at him, feeling her heart stammer in a way that it had not since the days of her very first romance. 

After their meal, Lindy felt far more relaxed than she had at the start of the night, so she took it upon herself to introduce Jack to one of her favorite local bars. There was a band playing there nearly every night and surely enough when they walked in, a two-man show was up at the front singing renditions of Fleetwood Mac songs.

"It's a little . . . tacky," Lindy said, excusing the look of bar with a pained look. She had never contemplated the sleaze of her favorite bar before, but with Jack standing next to her, the floor seemed suddenly stickier than usual with beer. She couldn't believe that Jack actually looked impressed.

"You hang out here? It's really great," he complimented. Lindy could tell at once that he was just not saying this to appease her. The look on his face was one of flattering regard.

They took their seats at the bar, ordering drinks and beginning to mull over life as they had done a handful of times before, except this time was different. Lindy was actually participating in contributing information about herself, opening up like a flower on a spring day. She told him about her upbringing and about her mother, telling stories about Trae and how he had raised her on his own record collection. 

It was a nice surprise for Lindy to learn that Jack had good taste in rock music. He had even dabbled in the grungier genres that had recently flourished out of Seattle. When he brought up Soundgarden and the release of their last record, Lindy was jolted by the feeling that in a fast turn of events, she was falling for him quickly. 

He reminisced on his childhood, beginning by explaining to Lindy that although he'd been born into a wealthy family, his upbringing had been less than desirable.

"I . . . struggled," Jack said, scrunching his eyebrows together as he recalled his past. Lindy sipped her beer, still looking into his blue eyes. They were bluer to her now than before, kind and soft around the edges. She had never noticed the flecks of gray in them before, but now she found herself swimming in their color. 

"What do you mean?"

"Now probably isn't the best time to get into it," Jack said politely, putting on a smile. "Not on your birthday."

Lindy permitted him to brush off the subject, knowing firsthand how hard it could be to describe the past. Instead, she took the liberty of allowing Jack a deeper glimpse into her childhood. The beer had certainly loosened her up, but she still found herself with a locked jaw when she thought of her old Aberdeen house again. 

She explained everything, all the way up until her graduation from UW. The only notable part that she left out was that of her relationship with Kurt. She had no desire to talk about it, nor did she think Jack would want to hear the story of her greatest love.

"You're very strong, Lindy," Jack said quietly once she'd finished.

Lindy drained the remnants of her beer before she shrugged, sliding the glass back across the bar. On the contrary, she thought that she was very weak. She had no control over her own brain and she had moped for ages about the things she could not change. She wasn't strong, she was just lucky. 

"I guess. I had a lot of help. Without my brother and mom, I wouldn't have ever left Aberdeen."

"You're too modest. They played their roles, but you did most of the work. If you had never found the courage to leave in the first place, then where would you be? Still there, of course. You should be thanking yourself. Not many people could come out of that situation as level-headed as you."

Lindy, embarrassed by the kindness of his words, lowered her head so that Jack would not see the heat that she felt prickling at her face. 

"Thank you," she said quietly. 

"Look at you," Jack said, softly placing his hand over hers on the glossy acrylic of the bar. "Twenty-three years old and doing so well. You're a wonderful human being. I'm really honored to even know you."

They drank a little more, the night stretching on before Lindy glanced at the clock above the bar and saw that it was past midnight. They both had work in the morning. She pulled out her wallet but Jack waved her away, playfully wrestling it out of her hands and hiding it behind his back. 

"Not on your birthday!" he argued. "Let me do it!"

The bartender watched them tiredly, probably exhausted of watching the same routine play out between couples and wishing that Lindy was drunk enough to simply allow Jack to pay. But even though she was tipsy, she fought back valiantly until finally giving in.

"Are you okay to drive?" she asked. She felt a slight haze lowering itself over her vision.

"I'm okay," Jack reassured her, sounding confident. She believed him. He was taller and much bigger than she was and had not drank enough to be drunk. She, on the other hand, was feeling the effects of her several beers in the form of a headache and bleary eyes. 

They walked down the sidewalk lining the street towards his car until Lindy came to a skidding stop, a nearby rack of magazines catching her eye in a similar way that they had two months ago.

"Lindy?" Jack asked, confused as Lindy left his side to walk towards the display and pick up one of the magazines in her hands. She looked startled, as if someone had slapped her right across the face.

They hadn't made the full cover this time. Instead, they occupied a small corner of the magazine's polished front page. It must have been a recycled picture of them both, maybe from the Sassy spread. Beneath the picture read, 'Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love Tie The Knot!'

"What is it?"

Jack came up behind her, looking down into her hands. She brushed her fingers over the still image of Kurt's face. A coldness, one that was not coming from the air, swept over her.

"Do you like him?" Jack asked casually. "Nirvana is a pretty great band."

"I . . . yeah. They're good," Lindy whispered. She kept reading the words 'tie the knot' over and over again, picking through her head and trying to convince herself that the phrase had multiple meanings and couldn't indicate what she already knew to be true. 

So he'd gotten married.

Lindy put the magazine back, her buzzed brain swirling with the aftermath of many downed beers. Her heart was picking up speed, her blood pumping heat throughout her cold body. She was starting to regain feeling in her fingertips again.

"Jack," she said seriously, spinning into him. He caught her as she stumbled, his grip strong but not too tight as he steadied her back on her feet. 

"Are you alright?" he asked softly, leaning down to look into Lindy's eyes.

She was thinking of Kurt, sliding a ring on to another woman's finger and saying 'I do.' But that woman was not here. It would never be her.

She mentally batted the image away. She would not think of him while she did what she was about to do. She had told herself she was done. She was going to uphold that promise. 

"I really like you," she whispered, pressing in closer to Jack. He was warm and he smelled so good. His hands, then on her waist, felt like they had always belonged there.

"I really like you too," Jack said back. And before Lindy knew it, they were kissing for the first time, no longer just casually dating but having officially declared that they were together in the most unspoken way. 

The kiss was spectacular, even as the wind whipped her hair into her face and she wondered vaguely if he could taste beer on her breath. She kept her eyes closed and did not hesitate.

The thought of Kurt, a now married Kurt, a man she no longer knew, drifted far away.

[ KURT IS COMING SOON GUYS I PROMISE ]