I'm not sure what direction I went with this...

“Happy Gardening Week, Troll Village!" Poppy announced. “In case you have forgotten how Gardening Week works, each day we do something that celebrates the beautiful flora we nurture and provide for. Today is Day Five: Show Everyone Your Favorite Flower!"

Lily mostly grew spices, but she did have a small garden of her favorite flowers, Giant Snapdragons. She carefully dug one up, put it in a pot, and carried it to meet with Poppy, Branch, Willow, Biggie, Smidge, and the children.

“What beautiful flowers you have!" Poppy said with excitement. “Who wants to share something about theirs first?"

“I'll go!" Biggie volunteered, and went up to where Poppy was. “This is a Four-Lip! It's called that because..."

While everyone explained about their flowers, Lily noticed Branch and the plant he brought.

“Uh, Branch, I don't think an Eyestalk counts as a flower," she pointed out.

“Sure it does!" he insisted. “It blossoms, doesn't it? And beauty isn't everything, the Eyestalk is very special."

“Danger!" the plant said.

“Does it talk about anything other than danger?" Lily asked.

“The danger is you... for looking too cute."

“I have a boyfriend," she replied, and the Eyestalk lowered its eye sadly. “Speaking of which, where is he?"

At that moment, Archer Pastry ran up to join the group and brought something with him.

“Sorry... I'm late..." he exhaled, holding up a daisy. “Almost... forgot... my flower."

“Archer, I understand you're new to this, but you're not supposed to pluck the flower from the stem," Poppy pointed out. “That's basically killing it."

“Sorry, Poppy," Archer apologized. “I was in a rush because Whistle wouldn't stop bugging me."

“Who's Whistle?" Keith asked.

“She's my pet bird," Willow replied. “I guess you could say we're the quadruple-yoos. Heh, heh. That was terrible."

“You have a bird for a pet?" Branch exclaimed, pulling Willow's face up to his. “Are you insane?!"

“No, just depressed," she answered. “Is... is that better?"

At that moment, the tiny bird flew up to the group. She whistled a tune and landed in front of Branch, who grabbed Lily's shoulders and hid behind her.

“Really? Using me as a shield?" she said sarcastically. Whistle turned to Willow and perched on her finger.

“Hey, Whistle!" she greeted. “My sister from another mister, what's happening?"

Whistle was a Green-bellied Thrushwhipper, which are tiny songbirds that each have their own unique song to identify themselves. Whistle sang sweet melodies that only Willow could translate.

“She said there's a wedding tomorrow afternoon in a place called the Bongo Bayou," Willow explained, “and Archer should probably attend it."

“The Bongo Bayou?" Smidge repeated questioningly.

“Sounds familiar, but I can't remember where I heard it from," Archer admitted. “And I haven't been to a wedding in years, except for the one I crashed."

“Want me to go with you?" Lily suggested. “I could be your plus one."

“Branch and I will go, too!" Poppy added, pulling Branch out from behind Lily. “It'll be an adventure and a double date!"

“A double whaaaaaaaaa...?!"

“Look, Lily and Archer are our friends, and it'll only be one time," Poppy whispered. “It'll be good for them to do a double date with someone."

“It wasn't good for me," Willow said. “Yeah, I heard you whispering. I double dated with Archily once, and Miss Dry Humor here hooked me up with the most annoying woman imaginable!"

“I said I was sorry," Lily pointed out. “And things could've worked out with her if you put on your earplugs."

“You're probably right," Willow admitted. “Worked for my parents."

“And let's all thank Willow for sharing another sad story of her life," Archer said sarcastically. “In lighter news, I would feel better if you guys came with me to the Bongo Bayou."

“Great! We take a Caterbus first thing in the morning!" Poppy announced.

Biggie sniffled some happy tears. “Don't you just love weddings?"

“I dunno, never been to one," Smidge replied.

“I've been to two," Willow said. “Only, I crashed both of them... and everyone had already left. I thought I went to one in Bergen Town, only that turned out to be a divorce party. So... no."

“Why would you crash a wedding?" Biggie asked.

“I saw it in a movie once, it was hysterical."

“Mister Biggie," Priscilla piped up. “Would you please take us to a wedding?"

“I was gonna ask that!" Keith groaned.

“Well, no one's getting married right now," Biggie pointed out. “But tomorrow, I could give a demonstration of a traditional Troll wedding ceremony."

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

The following morning, Poppy, Branch, Lily and Archer got ready for their trip to the Bongo Bayou.

“Why are you wearing black?" Archer asked as everyone got in the Caterbus.

“I was in a rush," Lily replied, and stuck a pink ribbon to one of her dress straps. “There. Now it's got color."

“Okay, then," Archer muttered and took his seat.

“Guys, we got a problem," Branch announced, starting up the Caterbus. “I can't find this Bongo Bayou anywhere on the maps. How are we supposed to get there safely?"

“I'm sure Whistle knows how to get there," Poppy replied positively. Whistle flew up to the front windows.

“Are you kidding me?!" he exclaimed. “There's no way I'm taking directions from a bird!"

“Aw, not even if I make this face?" Poppy asked, making the saddest face one may ever see.

“Hey... No, stop..." Branch begged, but he found himself giving in and groaned. “Fine. Whistle, lead the way."

The tiny bird did a loop-di-loop and flew off, the Caterbus hot on her trail.

“Can this day get any weirder?"

Biggie, meanwhile, kept his promise to the children and showed them how a Troll union was performed.

“Okay, two of our guests obviously need more practice with their table manners," Biggie pointed out. Smidge was slurping her soup out of the bowl and Willow was attempting to swallow a foot-long sandwich whole like a snake. “Let's just move on to the actual ceremony. Smidge, you can stand in for the bride and I'll be the groom. Willow, you can be the officiator."

“Wow, I've never been official before," Willow muttered as Smidge and Biggie stood next to each other.

“This scrapbook is for you to unite the happy couple together," Biggie explained, handing it to her. “All you have to do is read it to us."

“I'm not really the most literate of Trolls, but okay," Willow said, and began reading. “‘Ye, Biggie, son of Magnoose...' I mean, ‘Magnus and Loota... Lutta, dost taketh Smidge, daughter of Freed... Fred and Delilah, to be his whiff. And by utterance of these words, this union may only be broken in the Great Beyond.' You may fist-bump the bride. I added that part."

“And that, children, is how a Troll wedding is performed," Biggie concluded. “Now we just dance and have a good time."

While Biggie, Smidge and the children were dancing, Willow reread the scrapbook.

“Oh, yeah, I remember all this stuff!" she said aloud. “This is the same scrapbook from when I trained with the Troll Village officiator."

“What?!" Biggie exclaimed.

“Yeah, things were slow in the movie industry, so I took a course in performing wedding ceremonies. I am a Troll of many talents, after all."

“You officially trained with the Troll Village officiator?" Biggie asked nervously.

“It's a lot of officiating, but yep," Willow answered. “Just because I've never been to a wedding doesn't mean I can't perform them."

“Trolly moly, do you know what this means?"

“Yeah, I do," Willow replied. “It means, after sixteen years, I finally proved my parents wrong! They said I'd be nothing more than a buggy-eyed freak, but I am truly one of Troll Village's most unsung heroes. Or heroines, really. Actually, I kinda wish people actually were singing. Wait, what was my point again?"

“It means Smidge and I just got married!" Biggie screeched. Smidge thought about this for a second, then smiled sweetly and attempted to kiss her new husband. “And Troll unions are forever! It can only be broken in... well, what Willow calls the Great Beyond!"

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

“Are we there yet?" Lily asked.

“No," Branch answered.

“Are we there yet?" she repeated.

“No."

“Are we there yet?"

“No."

“Are we there yet?"

“No."

“Are we there yet?"

“No."

“Are we there yet?"

“I don't even know where we are!" Branch exclaimed, having enough.

“That's easy," Lily said. “A bayou is basically a giant swamp, and I just saw some Swampkins playing the bongos."

“STOP THE BUS!" Poppy screamed. Branch slammed on the brakes as Poppy gazed outside of the windows to find the gray cat-like critters beating the bongos with their tiny paws. Her eyes sparkled in awe. “So adorable..."

“You know what? Lily's right, we're here," Branch announced.

“Finally," Lily replied, and got off the bus with everyone else. “The only question left is, where's the wedding?"

Whistle flew up to the group and whistled a few songs, hoping they would understand.

“Sorry, I don't speak bird," Branch pointed out. She just rolled her eyes and flew off.

“We should follow her," Archer decided, and ran after the tiny bird with Lily following.

“Seriously, are we still...?!" Branch groaned. “Poppy, please talk them out of it."

But how could she? The sight and sound of Swampkins playing the bongos had her in a trance. Branch had to grab her by the arm and drag her away from them towards where Lily and Archer were heading.

“What's that noise?" Lily asked.

“If that's music, I'm the King of the Bergens," Archer replied sarcastically. The sound was distant, but horrible.

“I think Whistle wants us to go up that hill," Poppy said, as the small bird waited for them up there.

“She wants us to go towards the noise?" Branch said frustratingly. But Poppy was already up there, and left in shock. Branch and Lily followed, and were bewildered as well.

“Guys, what's going on?" Archer asked, joining them so he could see. “Oh..."

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Back in Troll Village, Biggie was in his pod, reading every book he could find about Troll marriages.

“There has to be some way to dissolve this union," Biggie said to himself. Mr. Dinkles meeped. “I don't think I should go that far. Besides, it can't actually only be broken in this Great Beyond... can it?"

Suddenly, a giant, stuffed glitterfish was shoved through the door and Smidge waltzed in like she owned the place.

“What... exactly are you doing?" Biggie asked nervously.

“I'm thinking I want to do some kind of a dead animal carcass thing in the corner there," Smidge answered.

“Actually, pods are circular," Biggie pointed out. “So you can't technically put it in a corner, Smidge."

“Also, we're gonna have to lose the whole ‘Smidge' thing," she said, ignoring him. “We're married. From now on, it's either honey, sweetie, dear, or smoochie-poo. Whataya say?"

“‘Smoochie-poo?'" Biggie repeated.

“Much better," Smidge replied. “Now, we just need to get rid of some of your stuff to make some room. Let's start with those paintings and sculptures of Mr. Dinkles!"

“But... but they have this aesthetic!" Biggie whined as Smidge packed them up. “What exactly are you making room for?"

Right then, a bunch of Trolls carried in pretty much all of Smidge's exercise equipment. Willow entered with a clipboard.

“Sign here, here, and just initial that," she said to Smidge, who signed the clipboard. “Where do you want all this?"

“Over there," Smidge replied, pointing towards the window. “I like to watch the sunrise while I flex."

“Don't worry, Mr. Dinkles, I'll think of something," Biggie assured the worm, although he wasn't quite sure himself.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

In the Bongo Bayou, Archer and the Trolls stood face-to-face with a family of hillbillies. There were hundreds of them, but had one thing in common: an uncanny resemblance to Archer.

“Hey look ev'rybody! It's Cousin Kaboom!" one of them jeered, causing everyone to shout “YEE-HAW!"

“I've been away from home longer than I thought," Archer said quietly, his face turning red.

“Well, howdy cousin!" a small one greeted, shaking Archer's hand, who looked down and noticed some sort of slime. “It's me, Scum! Of course, you remember Zeke, Rufus, Gigi, Billy Bob, Billie Jean, Billy-billy-bo-billy-banana-fanna-fo-filly, Doug, Enos, Aunt Margaret, Uncle Willie, Willamina, Willimyna, Greg, Harry, Barry, Larry, Jerry, Carey, Mary, Julio, Fletcher McGee, Rainchild..."

“ALRIGHT, I GET IT!" he screamed, having enough. Suddenly, they all stared at him. “I mean, uh, hello everyone. It's been quite some time."

“This is his family?" Branch whispered in Poppy's ear. She just shrugged.

“I hope you don't mind, I brought some friends," Archer said, introducing them to the Trolls. “This is Poppy, queen of the Trolls, over here is Branch, and this is my girlfriend, Lily."

“Golly, she sure is purty, Kaboom," Scum said, taking off his straw hat.

“Don't flatter me, I feel stupid," Lily pointed out.

“Hey, you know what we should do?" one of Archer's relatives suggested. “We should celebrate! Let's crack open Uncle Jeremiah's secret root beer reserve!"

“It was secret for a reason!" Jeremiah yelled.

“Shouldn't that happen after the wedding?" Branch whispered into Poppy's ear.

“We don't know much about them, Branch," she pointed out. “They probably do things differently."

“I don't want to know what else they do that's different."

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“Gia Grooves has a berry juicing station, I want a berry juicing station, too!"

“But, dear, where will you put it?" Biggie asked reasonably. “There's just no room."

To respond, Smidge threw out Mr Dinkles' bed, dropped him in it, and said, “Now there's room."

“It's not so bad, Mr. D," he insisted. “We can make the best of it."

Mr. Dinkles raised an eyebrow.

“Yo, Biggs, wifey wants you back inside," Willow said, alerting him. “She says you need to do some cardio before you have dinner with your in-laws, you know, since you guys are married now."

“But I'm supposed to give Mr. Dinkles his bath tonight," he argued.

“BIGGIE! Get your butt in here!"

“Coming, dear!" Biggie surrendered, and glumly headed back inside.

“Newlyweds, am I right?" Willow asked Mr. Dinkles, who just meeped in response. “Yeah, you said it."

••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The rest of the afternoon was a whirlwind, especially for Branch. Archer's family made him enter a slug eating contest (which gave him a stomach ache), took him bungee jumping (he puked up all the slugs), and various other crazy activities.

“Look on the bright side, Branch," Poppy said. “You won the slug eating contest."

“They were forced down my throat," he pointed out. “Can't we just ask someone when the actual ceremony is?"

“Well, I do want to see someone tie the knot," she admitted, and turned to the nearest hillbilly. “Excuse me, mister? My friend and I were wondering, when are you going to hold the ceremony?"

“Ceremony for what?"

“The wedding," Branch answered. “The one we heard about yesterday!"

“Oh, that wedding!" Scum realized. “Garth's bride left him at the altar."

“What?!" Branch exclaimed. “Why didn't you tell us that sooner?"

“Why didn't you ask?"

“You mean to tell me we wasted the entire day to go to a wedding that was already called off?" Lily asked, slightly dumbfounded.

“Yepper doo!" a little old man replied. “But on the bright side, we all got to see my favorite nephew!"

“You say that about all sixty-seven of us," Archer pointed out.

“Why are you guys so happy, though?" Poppy asked. “Isn't Garth devastated?"

“He was, at first," Scum admitted. “But he felt better when he realized..."

“Hey, everyone, I'm single again!" Garth jeered as he began ripping off his clothes. Poppy's eyes widened and her jaw dropped with excitement.

“Okay, we're leaving now!" Branch decided, and dragged her back to the Caterbus, with Archer and Lily following.

“Thank goodness, I was feeling uncomfortable," Lily admitted as she took her seat. “Of course, even if today was normal, I'd feel uncomfortable."

“What do you mean?" Archer asked.

“I'm not really great with weddings," she answered. “I never even thought about getting married myself. Mostly because I feared I never will. You're the only person who seems to actually tolerate me, and I'm afraid if I lost you... I'll have nothing."

“Hey..." Archer whispered. “I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be yours."

The corner of Lily's lips twitched a little bit, almost as if she was trying to smile.

“But you know, I do wanna know who ran off with the bride," Archer admitted.

“We're back here!" a woman shouted. She and her new man were in the back of the bus. “We're quite happy, really."

They did seem happy, at first, but their faces grew uncomfortable as ominous music playing in the background.

“Where's that music coming from?" Branch asked nervously.

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

When Poppy, Branch, Lily, and Archer returned to Troll Village that night, they saw the strangest thing. Most of Biggie's belongings were packed up and outside his pod while Willow was sitting on a box playing cards with Mr. Dinkles.

“Got any sixes?" Willow asked the worm, who just meeped in return. “Is that really your answer for everything?"

“What in the name of cupcakes and rainbows?!" Branch exclaimed.

“Looks like Biggie's moving, but why would he?" Lily asked. “His pod's in perfect shape."

Archer and the Trolls approached Willow curiously.

Poppy spoke first. “Hey, Will, what's going on here?"

“We're playing Go Fish while Smiggie is getting ready to meet the parents," Willow answered as Dinkles meeped again. She gave him most of her cards. “I can't believe it, I'm losing to worm."

“‘Smiggie?'" Lily repeated questioningly.

“We've only been gone a day!" Branch groaned. “What did you do this time?!"

“You remember how I studied with the Troll Village officiator?" she asked rhetorically. “Well, while you guys were gone, I accidentally married Smidge and Biggie. ‘Smiggie' is just a special name I created for them. It's gonna be the next big thing, like ‘Gridget' or ‘Archily,' only people will actually talk about this, if you know what I mean."

“Willow, I hate to break it to you, but you can't perform Troll weddings," Poppy informed her.

“I can't?" she said, dumbfounded. Archer just laughed.

“You never completed your training because the officiator fell off a cliff halfway through the semester!" he reminded her, cracking up. “That was hilarious."

“Oh, yeah," she remembered. “It was probably a bad idea to hold classes on the edge of a cliff. We lost a lot of great educators that way. Even Creek almost bit the dust. Luckily, he just broke his collarbone, but it didn't help that he was pushed by that fat kid."

Biggie stumbled out of his house, in a tracksuit and out of breath.

“How... was... the wedding?" he panted.

“Long story," Archer replied, embarrassed.

“Let's just say we made a lot of new friends," Poppy summarized.

“New friends?!" Biggie repeated with excitement, which then turned to agony. “Great, I get married and no one calls me anymore!"

“BIGGIE!" Smidge shouted and stepped outside. “My feet need massaging. They're getting sweaty again."

“Coming, dear," he groaned miserably.

“Hey, Biggie, remember how I married you and Smidge?" Willow asked. “Well, it turns out I actually can't marry people, so... Boom! Union dissolved."

“Really?! Oh, that's such a relief!" Biggie cheered. “I haven't been this happy since my wedding day! Oh, right... My wedding day."

Smidge approached Biggie and the two shared an awkward glance with each other. Suddenly, Smidge used her hair to lift her body up to Biggie's level, grabbed his cheeks, rubbed noses with him, and slapped him in the face.

“Ow!" Biggie exclaimed, but softened his expression. “My door is always open."

“And I guess you can keep the fish," Smidge figured. “Willow! First thing in the morning, I want all my exercise equipment back at my pod!"

“I got to do everything around here, don't I?" Willow asked herself.

“Biggie married Smidge?" Lily said. “I guess anything is possible."

“Well, one thing's for certain, we're never going back to the Bongo Bayou," Branch decided. Archer nodded in agreement.

“Never say never, right Lily?" Poppy asked with hope in her eyes. Lily just glared at her.

“Never."

I hope all the Smiggie shippers enjoyed this, even though I don't personally ship it. Speaking of which, hope you noticed Willow's fourth wall break.

By the way, the fat kid got what was coming to him...

“Our son did what?!"

“Mom, Dad, you don't understand!" the fat kid protested, although the look on Creek's face, as well as the neck brace, said it all.

“We understand perfectly," the father said sternly, “and you, young man, are grounded."

“But..."

“To your room, now!" the mom ordered.

Until next time. ✌🏻