Though it did very little for her pain Ginny still took the potion. The potion that eased the pain of labor.

The birth of the twins was slow. Ginny and Harry chose to have the wizarding alternative of a C-Section. An extension charm was slowly put on the path down from Ginny's uterus so the babies could be easily extracted. 

It hurt. The article Ginny had read over two years ago hadn't exaggerated. The procedure was painful. The potion helped, or it was supposed to.

But the pain Ginny felt went beyond the excruciating process going on between her legs. Ginny Potter's children were dead. The little boy and girl were gone. The knowledge of that alone caused Ginny an unbearable amount of pain. 

She was overwhelmed by her grief. This was emotional damage she hadn't experienced since the death of her brother, and yet, this pain was worse.

Harry was next to Ginny through all of this. He had gotten good at shutting his brain off. Because Harry knew this was not the time for him to experience his emotions. Harry told himself that he could feel his grief later because right now was about Ginny.

There was no shrill wail of an infant once the babies were out in the hospital room. Harry stole a glace as the healer's carried the first baby across the room. 

It was the boy. 

Seconds later the girl followed her brother to go get cleaned up. 

Harry leaned down and stroked Ginny's hair away from her face. "It's over, Ginny." He whispered. "You did it."

Ginny looked up at Harry, her eyes were broken. "Can we see them?" 

Harry looked around the room for a healer. The woman who had delivered the babies nodded. After a few minutes, both babies were cleaned a swaddled in soft blankets. The girl was handed to Harry and the boy to Ginny. 

Tears were freely running down Ginny's face. Their skin was twinged grey. Their lips were black and their eyes looked glued shut. Harry looked down at the girl in his arms. He was seated next to Ginny on the hospital bed. 

He was able to recollect how James, Albus, and Lily looked when they were born. Compared to the twins they were huge. These babies were frail. 

Ginny spoke for the first time. "We- we need t-to name them," she gulped. 

"Of course," Harry whispered. He ran his thumb along the side of his daughter's head. 

Ginny took a shuddering breath. "Her- Hermione says that, that when a child dies the sky l-loses a star."

"Okay," Harry nodded. 

"Pure-Bloods, some of the families, they name their kids after constellations." Ginny continued as her voice grew weaker with every word. "Like Sirius, or Andromeda."

"Whatever you want my love," Harry said. "There's probably a book..." He looked up at the room full of healers who were all watching them grimly.

A man waved his wand and a booked melted from the air and onto the tray table. Harry nodded his thanks and opened it. 

Harry bit the inside of his cheek when he saw names he liked. Because now his tears were threatening to spill over, he couldn't let that happen. By the time they got through all the A names, Harry tasted blood.

They reached the C's when Ginny let out a strangled gasp. "There," She pointed to the name Cassiopeia. 

Harry looked down at the girl in his arms. The name was once the name of an Ethiopian Queen. Harry scanned the list for a male name. His eyes landed on an Ethiopian King's name. 

"That one," Harry said prodding at it with his finger. "Cepheus."

Ginny nodded and leaned her head on Harry's shoulder. They both looked down at the two innocent children that had never even seen the light of day. She didn't know how long they sat there. It could have been minutes, hours, or quite possibly several sunlit days. 

But eventually, they handed the twins back over to the healers. In return, they received 'Birth of death' certificates. 

"We have to go home," Ginny whispered. She was currently holding onto Harry's arm as if it were a lifeline. "I need to see the kids." 

Harry nodded and stood up. Ginny slowly dressed back into her clothes and out of her hospital gown. It was late in the evening now. Ginny reluctantly took Harry's hand and they apparated from the front of the hospital to their own front gate. 

The light to their dining room was on. Harry saw Ron tucking Albus in upstairs through the window. As they walked inside Ginny didn't even make an attempt to clear her face. Hermione was pacing the kitchen twisting her hands. 

She saw Ginny first. Her face started to smile but then she saw Harry. There were no babies. Ginny was no longer pregnant. Hermione gave a small cry and covered her mouth with both her hands. 

Ginny gave out a single sob before pulling Hermione into a tight embrace. Hermione squeezed Ginny tightly. Feeling more of the woman's pain then she would have liked to.

Ron came down the stairs with an easy smile, as he had accomplished putting all the kids to bed. But his face fell when he saw his sister sobbing into Hermione's shoulder. 

He looked over at Harry who held the two certificates limp in his hand. He stared out the window his eyes glass and his mouth in a straight line. Ron realized with a gut-wrenching pang of what happened. 

Hermione helped Ginny to bed and Ron fixed Harry a cup of tea. Eventually, Hermione came back down and sat with Ron and Harry in the living room. 

Her eyes were slightly red from shedding a few of her own tears at some point. "What happened?"

Harry told them everything that had happened in a detached voice. He didn't make eye contact. He showed them the papers. 

"Those are beautiful names," Hermione said softly patting Harry's hand. 

"How are you holding up, mate?" Ron asked his voice tentative.

"I'm fine," Harry answered quickly. Too quickly.

Hermione placed a hand on Ron's arm, stopping him from questioning Harry further. 

"Harry, it's late, is it alright if we borrow your car to get home?" Hermione asked softly. Both Hugo and Rose were sleeping heavily on an armchair that Hermione had extended magically. 

"Yeah, totally," Harry answered. He didn't seem to be listening to them. "Keys are in the red bowl." 

Ron nodded and picked both the children up, carrying them out to the garage. Hermione stood as well.

"I'll have, Ron bring it back tomorrow." She whispered. Harry nodded. Hermione couldn't stand it any longer. She grabbed Harry and pulled him into a hug. "We're here for you. Remember that."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hours later once Harry knew that everyone was asleep he snuck out to the backyard. It was now one in the morning. Once he reached the middle of the grass he began putting up enchantments. Enchantments he knew all to well from when he was seventeen. 

Once he knew that the enchantments would hold, Harry screamed. He screamed loudly. He screamed until his throat was raw and he choked on his own tears. Harry grabbed his wand from his pocket and began shooting every spell he could think of at the ground. 

Even that wasn't enough. The amount of grief Harry felt consumed the very fiber of his being. He collapsed onto the charred grass. He began sobbing. His entire body was shaking as he cried.

Harry hadn't wept like this since the war. After it to be specific. It was the crying where his ribs felt like they were grinding against each other. One hand pressed against his forehead and the other was against his stomach because he couldn't tell which hurt more. Harry's mind or his heart. 

It was the kind of crying where his eyelashes stung and his mouth was wide open, silently screaming. Harry couldn't breathe, he felt like a box of cotton had been shoved up his nose and through his brain. 

All Harry could feel was the pain. The worst kind. The mental pain that was so bad he could feel it in his bones. In his soul.

By the time of his watch, it took Harry two hours to ruin his yard and dehydrate himself. It was now three in the morning. He took down the enchantments slowly. Then he began to charm the grass back to health. 

"I thought I knew what pain was," Ron spoke from the deck. He was leaning against one of the support beams. "I thought I knew what loss felt like. But it was an entirely different torment when Kennedy died."

Harry whipped around to see his best friends face frowning.

"I know what it feels like," Ron continued. "It is like your throat is made of sandpaper. It feels like someone stuck their hand inside of you and ripped out your gut. And your heart-"

"I can feel it beating," Harry whispered. "I can feel my heartbeat. I can almost hear the blood rushing through my veins. I am painfully aware of my healthy body."

"That goes away," Ron said solemnly. "But sometimes when it gets really bad, all I can think about is my breathing. I have to tell myself to breathe. But it goes away."

Harry walked over to Ron and sank down onto the step. Ron sat next to him and nudged a glass of water towards Harry. Harry took it a sip at it.

"When Kennedy died the only I kept thinking about is how much we've lost already. It didn't seem fair. We had seen so much death at such a young age, it didn't feel right that I had to see more, let alone be right next to it."

Harry nodded. "It was horrible." He whispered. "Watching Ginny go through that. I feel like I've been drowning for hours. It isn't fair."

"Light a candle," Ron said softly. "That's what we do. Every year on what would be Kennedy's birthday, Hermione and I light a candle, remembering them."

"How did you tell the others, about Kennedy?" Harry asked.

"They didn't know," Ron answered. "Only our folks and you guys knew. But Jean, she said that she thought that God needed another angel so he choose Kennedy. I like to think that whenever I see their grave."

"That nice," Harry said softly. "I don't know how I'm going to tell the kids. James isn't going to take it well. He's going to think it's his fault."

"Then you're just going to have to tell him it's not," Ron said. "You're can't tell them, you have to explain it to them. They need to know the truth so they can move on."

Harry nodded. "I have a list, you know."

"A list of what?"

"Every person who died. Starting with my parents. Then Cedric Diggory and Sirius. Everyone from the war. Now I can add Cassiopeia and Cepheus."

"Hermione has one too, but she also wrote their cause of death," Ron said grimly. 

"I felt my heart break when they handed me that tiny little girl," Harry whispered. "I felt it rip in half."

"Talk to Hermione," Ron said gently. "Take some time off if you need it."

"I can't do that," Harry answered. "If anyone is going to need to stay home it's Ginny. I need to be there for her."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Ron spoke again. "You know that lake that's a mile from the Burrow." 

Harry nodded. 

"After Fred's funeral, I went swimming." Ron went on. "It was only me, I swam all the way out to the middle of the lake. I was just floating out there and the whole time all I could think about was drowning. I thought about weighing myself down with rocks and just sinking away."

"Why didn't you?" Harry asked. 

"Because every time I got close I kept thinking about Hermione and my mum. My family couldn't lose another kid. Hermione's nightmares were the worse that summer. So I swam back to shore. I like to think that I left my PTSD in that lake water. It helped for a long time."

"I did the same thing when I rebuilt Hogwarts. I told myself I was leaving the war there between the broken rocks. It didn't help much, but I started to get better." Harry said finishing his glass of water.

"When Kennedy died I went down to the river. Behind our house. I was in at my knees. That time you stopped me." Ron continued. "I thought about Rose. I thought about what would happen if she didn't have a dad. I remember you when we were younger, I couldn't do that to my daughter. So I washed away Kennedy's death in that river."

"So you're saying I need to bury my children's death in some rocks?" Harry said flatly. 

"No," Ron stated. "I'm saying that you need closure, you need to find a way to heal yourself. It helps I promise."

Harry nodded. "I should go back inside. I haven't slept in a long time."

Ron clapped Harry on the shoulder. "Don't let this consume you. You still have three beautiful children. If not for yourself, and if not for Ginny, keep it together for them."

"I won't, " Harry sighed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Did she cry?" Ginny asked Ron.

"No, but she said she was going to send some food later on," Ron answered. 

"Thank you for doing this," Ginny said giving her brother a tight hug.

It was Sunday afternoon, Ron and Hermione took all the kids to the Burrow for the day. Hermione had insisted upon helping Ginny and Harry through this. 

"Hermione will be up in a moment," Ron said. "We brought sandwiches."

Ginny nodded as Ron walked out of her bedroom. She sat on the neatly made bed with her head leaning against the wall and a pillow clutched against her chest. Hermione walked in with two sub sandwiches and glasses of water. 

She and Ginny ate for a few moments before Ginny became queasy a wrapped the majority of her sandwich back in its wrapper. Hermione followed suit and gazed at Ginny her features verging on pitiful.

"You've been keeping it together for the kids and Harry," Hermione said. It wasn't a question because she knew. "You don't have to keep it together for me."

"Can you owl my boss. I want to work from home for a bit." Ginny said her voice even and withdrawn. 

"Sure," Hermione said gently. "I'm not here to talk to you about work. We're here to talk about you. You've just gone through something terrible, it's not healthy to bottle these emotions up." 

Ginny nodded. "I can't just go to that place in my mind. Talk to me, tell me something. I'll get there."

Hermione cleared her throat, not expecting to be put on the spot. "Oh, um, after Kennedy died I want to thirteen different flower shops looking for those roses. By the time I finally found them I was so happy I grabbed them by the stem. I ended up pricking my finger and breaking down right there in the shop."

"I haven't sat in the bathtub, yet," Ginny said, sounding as if she hadn't heard a word Hermione had uttered. "That's good right?"

"That's good," Hermione confirmed. "But if you need to sit in the bathtub I will sit in there with you."

Ginny nodded as her eyes started to become glossy. "What was it like? After?"

"I felt like I was floating," Hermione answered. "But the bad floating, it was like I was standing outside of my body looking down on everything. It was like a film, but every time I closed my eyes I could still see everything that was happening. What about you? How do you feel?"

Ginny sniffed. "I can't breathe," she squeaked. 

She opened and closed her mouth as tears began to splash down her cheeks. She wasn't able to talk for several seconds. "I keep going back there. To that hospital room. When I'm not replying yesterday in my head all I can think about is this giant weight crushing my chest. It feels like I'm apparating, and I'm just going in circles, never arriving at my destination."

Hermione nodded and placed a supportive hand on Ginny's knee. 

"I keep thinking I'm in some awful nightmare. Like at any second I'm going to wake up and still be pregnant. Harry's going to be teaching James wizards chess downstairs and Albus is going to try and teach Lily what her nose is." Ginny smiled faintly. "But then I remember. It hurts Hermione, it hurts so bad!"

Ginny began to sob. She unfolded her tired limbs and threw her arms over Hermione's neck. She hung off Hermione limply. Her entire body quaking with her raspy sobs. Hermione held Ginny tight and ran her fingers soothingly through Ginny's hair. 

"It'll be okay," Hermione whispered softly. "It's going to hurt for a bit of time. But in the end, it's going be okay."

Ginny let out a strangled breath. Hermione could feel Ginny's tears running into her shirt.  It took a while for Ginny to let go of the vice grip she had secured while she sobbed into Hermione's shoulder. She leaned back taking shuddering breaths. The marks left behind on her face felt sticky and burnt Ginny's cheeks. 

"I haven't had nightmares since the war," Ginny whimpered. "And now they're back, I can't _ I can't deal with this! This is the stuff out of nightmares." Ginny broke down into a fresh surge of bewailings. 

"I got nightmares too," Hermione said softly. "They were so graphic, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I didn't do anything but stare at those roses for a week."

"Why does it have to hurt so bad?" Ginny wept. "Why do I have to feel so much grief? There's so much pain."

"Life is pain," Hermione said firmly. "Anyone who says otherwise is selling something."

"You're supposed to be making me feel better!" Ginny shrieked. 

"There is no way to stop the pain!" Hermione shouted back. "To feel pain is to be human!"

"Hermione, what the fuck!"

"We aren't ever going to be able to stop you from feeling pain, or any other emotion, for that matter. But there are ways to cope. The pain doesn't have to be unbearable. It's not ever going to go away, Ginny. But I promise you, it's never going to be worse than it is right now!"

Ginny sniffed loudly as what Hermione said sank in, "Damn you," She whispered thickly. 

"I had to say it," Hermione said her voice gentle once more. "You needed to hear it."

Ginny nodded and used her sleeve to wipe her face. She looked down at herself. "I need a bath."

"Then take a bath," Hermione smiled slightly. 

Ginny took heavy breaths as she composed herself. She then stood and walked into the bathroom, closely followed by Hermione. As Ginny turned on the tap she let the tub fill with scalding hot water.

"What- Hermione, get out!" Ginny said noticing Hermione who sat on the bathroom counter.

"I can't do that," Hermione said with a slight shake of her head. 

Ginny paused in taking her shirt off. "Why not?"

"I've been where you are," Hermione responded tenderly. "I can't let you take a bath alone. I know what you feel like. How do I know that the second I close that door you're not going to lock it and try to drown yourself?" 

Ginny looked at Hermione slightly shocked. But then she saw Hermione's shining eyes. Ginny saw just how deeply Hermione's love for her went. Hermione cared and was genuinely scared for Ginny's life. 

"I'll turn around," Hermione whispered. "But I'm not leaving."

Ginny sighed. Hermione turned her back to the tub as Ginny climbed in. Luckily the tub was filled with white foamy bubbles so Hermione could still see Ginny. 

Ginny dunked her head and came back up with her hair soaked. She then began running a loofa in methodical, slow, circles up her arm. 

They sat in silence. The minutes stretched on as Ginny stared into the white porcelain tub. Hermione was patient and waited for Ginny to speak. 

After what felt like an eternity Ginny spoke. "How long did it take? To feel better."

Hermione gave a weak chuckle. "I'm not better Gin. I highly doubt I'll ever be better. But after a few months, I started feeling like myself again."

Ginny nodded at this piece of information and went back to scrubbing her skin. "What are the boys doing?" 

"They went down to the church, to find a spot to bury the twins," Hermione answered looking out the window. 

"He visited them," Ginny said to no one in particular. "His mum was pregnant, you know? When they died, Remus told him. I bet he's asking his mum for advice."

Hermione was horrified at this new piece of information, she didn't say anything. Eventually, Ginny climbed out of the tub and wrapped a fluffy bathrobe around herself. There was some excess skin hanging off of her stomach. She tucked it underneath her robe quickly as the tub began to drain. 

"Do you promise?" Ginny asked Hermione her lip quivering. 

"Promise what?" Hermione asked hopping down and looking deep into Ginny's eyes. 

"That it gets better. Do you promise?" Ginny repeated.

"Yes," Hermione breathed out. "It gets better."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HOLY SHIT
WHEN I SAY I CRIED
YOU DONT EVEN KNOW
FUCK

but don't be relieved too quickly thats right, more sad!

But, thank you all for reading.

On a lighter note, HAPPY FUCKING PRIDE!
FELLOW GAYS! we attack at dawn.

See you next time Loves!

💚😢😥