The following days at the university were for us, students, to apply to clubs, there was a variety of them, from sports club to board games club to study groups disguised as a club, there were also clubs related to a few branches and only students who study in them have the right to join, there's also a few clubs for voluntary works, clubs of robotics, astronomy, writing, literature, music, arts... I was mesmerised,  I had the right to choose up to three clubs, so I chose astronomy, arts, and voluntary works. And I was looking forward to this year full of new experiences.

***

I walk through the gates, it's Monday, the year's study program starts today, I was excited and scared at the same time.

I walk towards the lecture hall where I'm supposed to have my first lesson, I had Maths. As I enter the building I notice Saberine chatting with some students, I didn't want to interrupt her, she saw me and I waved to her so she waved back and continued talking to the heads that seemed very interested by whatever she was saying.

I lean against the wall next to the lecture hall's door, earphones in, music, and social media. I didn't talk to anyone really, I just kept scrolling through endless memes and a few life lessons no one takes seriously. I kept scrolling until I felt someone stand next to me, I didn't give it much thought, but I did put my phone in my pocket leaving only music in my ears.

I close my eyes and few minutes go by, a flashback from last weak comes back to me, Aiden. I try to brush the thought away, I shouldn't be thinking about him, it's over.

Finally it's time and the door opens from inside, students, including me, enter all at once from all sides like water going down the sink.

I chose to sit in the third row out of 10, not too close, not far at all, perfect place to sit.

The teacher enters from a door in the left of the gigantic board, a heavy handbag in his hand, obviously.  He puts it on his desk, looks at us for a few seconds, smiled shortly, very shortly, and said "Hello class!"

*

The class was in a very loud silence as the teacher starts with the lesson, a lot of weird equations on the board, a few students, including me, taking notes, and a few just trying to memorize it all, while the majority is doing whatever in the back.

I was trying my best to be better this year. I screwed up in 12th grade, so I didn't really choose freely what I wanted to study, but still, I had a chance to change it all if I poured myself into work since day one.

He was explaining some trigonometry stuff, my weakest point in Maths, but with this teacher, it seemed so easy I wouldn't be sure if this isn't a dream.

Two hours later he dismissed the class, and it was lunch break, after a week of eating in that restaurant I built an immune system against hunger at this time of the day at this place.. so I just walked in campus..

There was a small garden with a few benches in it, every two parallel benches had a wooden roof to protect from sun and light rain, and a small circular table between them. I go to an empty one since a lot of students came here to eat instead of the restaurant, some brought food from home too.

I sit for a few minutes, watching people being people, a girl surprising a boy by jumping on his back, two friends laughing at something on the phone barely breathing, a group of four sharing two benches and eating, discussing stuff I was too far to hear, two girls taking selfies, a boy outside of the garden, with big glasses, diving into a book until he hit a teacher by mistake..

I check my phone for the time and I still had 1 hour 30 minutes before next class, we had 2 hours of lunch break, and 10 minutes of the small breaks between classes.

I stood up and made my way to the library, the campus wasn't full at this time of the day, most students were either at their rented houses inside the university or at the restaurant, and the closer I got, the more students I saw.

As I walked towards the restaurant (library) that was only a hundred metres away a strange feeling went through me, seeing all these people.. happy, smiling and laughing like there's no tomorrow, they were all in groups, and I was alone. But then again, I chose this, I shouldn't complain.

Once in the library I took a Maths book from one of the shelves and sat at a table, I took out my notes from the class earlier, and worked on everything again, tested myself with a few problems and I was surprised that I did well!

I am smart, but I don't give myself the time to prove it, and that was the reason last year broke my academic score. I still remember I didn't start preparing until two weeks before the final exams, I felt ready, I was ready, but again, everyone was shocked by the sudden change in the methodology of the exam. And if I were better prepared, I would've scored better. I am the only one to blame.

I kept working until I felt that if there were a pop quiz tomorrow, it would be the least of my worries. So I checked what I would be studying the afternoon, I had two hours of Physics, one hour of English, and one hour meeting with one of the clubs I applied for.

I put the Maths book back in the shelf and sat back again, I kept scrolling until it was time to head for class.

Physics was in the same building-

"Layla" I heard someone screaming my name, I didn't have the time to turn until Saberine jumped in front of me.
"Where were you" she asked,
"Library" I replied breifly.
"Oh" she did an awkward smile "wanna hang out later?"
"I.. I'm not sure?"
"What do you mean?"
"I have a busy evening" I didn't, but I don't know why I refused.
"Okay, tell me when you're free then, I want you to meet my other friends" she smiled.
I stared at her in confusion "why?"
"Because you look like you need it" she said as if it was obvious.
"I don't want to" I smiled at her briefly  and moved faster towards the lecture hall I'll be in.

I don't want friends, I shouldn't want friends, I don't want more people to hate me, I'm not good enough for them, I'll just keep complicating my life further. The only thing I should focus on is my studies.

The two hours went by as expected, teacher explaing on the board, students taking notes, and others enjoying their new life.

The teacher dismissed the class and I went to the small garden for the ten minutes break that I had, I sat on the bench, put my earphones, some music, and kept watching people.

"Layla" I turned to see Saberine walking towards me with a boy by her side, he was two heads taller than her, his hair was pure honey colored.

"Hey" I say removing my earphones as she moves closer with a bit of confusion in my voice.
She didn't answer until she sat with the boy in the bench in front of me "Layla, this is Leon, Leon, this is Layla"
I kept looking at the guy, then at her, without saying a thing.
Then she spoke again "I thought you guys could.. you know, break the ice" her eyes travelling between me and him.

I sighted and stood up to leave, but it was then when he said something "wait.."
It didn't make me sit back but I looked at him waiting for him to finish what he started,
"Uh.. nice to meet you?" He said narrowing his eyes afraid of saying something wrong.
I forced a smile "nice to meet you too" then turned to leave. Ignoring what he, or she would be thinking of me. It was for the better. It was for them, both.

English was in an other building, the one associated to literature branch. I only visited it once when I was discovering the classes and equipments last week, it was enough to locate myself and find my class. I wasn't assigned in a lecture hall because not everyone chose the same language to study, so we weren't a lot of students.

The class's door was open so I entered, the class was empty though. I go to the third row of tables out of five and put my backpack there to mark the place taken, and walk between the rows, just walking, waiting for other students to come in or the teacher to enter. And just then Leon entered, it was a loud silence, staring at each other, I was still at the back of the class while he was at the door, he moved slowly always while looking at me to the third row as well but in a different column so he wasn't next to me. I assumed we shared English class. I broke the eye contact and moved to my place, sat, sighted, and just waited, in full, deafening silence.

A few moments later more students entered, and so did the teacher. She looked lovely, she had long light brown hair, her body had perfect shapes. She was wearing a long dress with long sleeves, it was white with little light blue flowers, a handbag in hand, sunglasses used as a headband, and a rose scent I could smell from my place. I loved her already.

"Hello class" sweet voice.

It was our first time seeing her, she, for some reason, was absent last week, so she introduced herself.
"I'm miss. Lucila and I'll be teaching you this year, nice to meet you" her smile was just.. magical.

We were only 15 in the class, so it was easy to control it, and I liked studying with a small number of students. The teacher went through with the lesson, and everyone was taking notes, English wasn't hard, but I loved it.

The hour went by peacefuly and the teacher dismissed the class. I leave the room and head towards the business branch building where the <arts club> has their meeting, as I walk through campus I feel someone grab my wrist and I flinch immediately turning around fast to see who it is.

Leon?

"What is wrong with you?" It was obvious I was pissed.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I shouldn't have-" he raised his arms to his heart level to express that he's sorry.
"Yes you shouldn't have!" I looked at him my brows crossed "what do you want?"
"I want to apologise for earlier, I didn't mean to make it awkward, I-" he stopped for a moment, as if he was trying to remember something. "I asked Saberine if she could help me to make new friends, it's hard for me to talk to new people, especially in a new place, and I'm kinda introverted-"
"you don't look introverted to me" I interrupted him.
He didn't answer, he was trying to find the right words, so I spoke again "I'm sorry if I look rude okay? I don't want friends, tell Saberine to help you meet someone else, or whatever,  I don't care!" and I left with that.

I'm sorry if I look rude? I didn't look rude, I was rude! I can't help it. I'm just trying to build as much boundaries as possible.

***

We didn't do much in the meeting, they were choosing a theme we would have to draw or paint or demonstrate in an artistic way for the next meeting next week, we would be doing this every week until some upcoming event next month.

They ended up choosing liberty as a weekly theme..

Everyday from 8-9 am and from 5-6 pm was attributed to a certain club, the most important ones mainly. The others had to meet outside school's time. And each club has to prepare events every month or two. Those who didn't join any club had a free hour.

*

6 pm. I leave the university's gates and walk to the tram station, used my card to get a ticket, waited for 15 minutes and the tram arrived, got in, got out, waited for the bus, the bus arrived, got in, got out. Finally home, I jump on my bed immediately and sleep.