I throw the last sweet into the air and smile when it lands in my mouth. My failed attempts are scattered around me, but I never liked the orange ones much anyway. I've eaten most of the snacks and will continue telling myself it is only fair seeing as I am the one who bought them all.

Just as I begin to wonder when Kane and Mathea will return, I see the raft in the distance. Kane smoothly steers the raft from the back seat and my younger sister, Mathea, looks into the river.

Kane and I started the tradition of meeting at the river on the first day we return to the Gifted Site. Mathea joined us one year after our tradition began, turning the picnics Kane and I had near the river to a day consisting of rafting and picnics.

"When will you join us, Willow?" The raft isn't too far from me, but Kane uses any excuse he can to shout.

"I did once remember? That day I fell in," I yell back.

"Ohhh the day I pushed you in."

Kane and Mathea reach the river bank, and Kane, pretending to be a gentleman, holds out his hand to help Mathea out of the raft. Mathea walks over to me while Kane pulls the raft out of the water.

"I only wanted to get you wet, Willow. If you wanted me to achieve that goal some other way you should've just said."

"Shut up!" My eyes widen, but Kane only bursts out laughing at my response. I also catch Mathea's smirk.

"What do you think is going through your sister's mind right now, Thea?" He continues, "You would know, wouldn't you? I heard siblings have that weird connection."

"She wants to punch you," Mathea states.

"Well, that's an obvious one, T. Willow always has such violent thoughts."

He now walks over to the blanket Thea and I are sitting on and sits next to me. Kane rests his head on my lap as the tree behind me supports us. We were all happy to see this tree grew quickly. Before that, Kane would always claim the sun burnt him.

Mathea claims much of the blanket I laid out for the three of us, stretching her body across the length of it while looking up at the sky. She looks peaceful when she does this. There aren't many times either of us look as if we have no care in the world.

I treasure these moments. These few minutes we don't have to focus on what we need to do and can rather focus on smaller things or even focus on nothing. Mathea focuses on the sky, but I see she eventually closes her eyes. Kane's eyes are closed, but I know he's focusing on the sloshing sound of the river. He once told me it's one of the things he does.

"How was it, Will?" I know Kane is referring to my evaluation.

"Don't call me Will."

"How was it?" He repeats.

I take a few seconds to think. I'm not sure if I should tell them how it went, and if I do tell them, I'm not sure what tone is best to use. It's probably best to sound concerned about my future in this program.

They will definitely be concerned about it; whether I get kicked out or not. There's only been one person to be kicked out of the program for not meeting standards. His family ended poor from having to pay large sums of money to the Gifted Program—reparations; that is what the officials call it.

I see that boy around when the officials drag him in for a reason unknown to me. A purchased child is still the property of the program even though they no longer participate in it. The system is strange really.

All I really need to understand are two things: my family loses so much if I don't meet the standards set, and I can never be free. I'm not concerned about my freedom though. We're all controlled some way.

"They want to kick me out." I see Mathea's eyes open, but she remains silent for me to continue, "The doctor said so. She said I've been showing no improvements and management is all worked up. Who would've thought not flinching when they cut my arm open would make them happy?"

I force a laugh, hoping the panic in Thea's eyes will disappear. It doesn't work.

"I don't think they'll kick me out though. There aren't many people with my ability. I'm one of thirty, right, Kane? You're included."

The silence after my speech seems to last forever, but I know only a few seconds have passed. Thea could be thinking of all the money I've cost our family or how my family will punish me for what I've caused. I know Kane and Mathea would miss my presence at the compound, but they'll be okay. Also, I will be able to see them during holidays.

"Well...I wouldn't mind not seeing your face all the time," Kane says, ending the silence and offering me a smile.

The smartass always has something to say, but it's one of the things I like about him. Things don't always have to be serious with him, especially things out of our control.

Also, Kane doesn't pick the wrong moments to react lightheartedly; he knows when some things need to be taken seriously and the right moment to show he believes the matter is serious. I feel Kane's hand slide over mine, and I smile at him to show my appreciation for his act of comfort. Mathea remains silent. 

"What if ..." I hear Kane groan as I begin the game we've played from a young age.

The game began as a motivational talk. I went through a stage in primary school when, before there was any sign I could be Gifted, I believed I was special and made the mistake of telling this to anyone who gave me the time of day.

I shared my opinion of myself to a blonde-haired girl who decided she'd be my daily reminder; reminding me that I was less than I believed.

After weeks of being teased by this blonde, I told Kane about my bully, and he promised to 'lay a rip in her face until she passes out'.

The blonde never passed out, but Kane completed half of his promise. This resulted in the three of us marching into the principal's office and Kane's adopted father screaming at him the minute we stepped off the school grounds. Kane came over to my house that day just in time to hear my mother give me the 'what if' talk.

My mother asked me what I'd do if I were Gifted, and I rambled on and on about things I thought were important at that age. Kane stayed with me after the talk, and I asked him what he would do if he were Gifted. Another day passed, and I asked him what he would do if he could fly. I never stopped with these questions, but, knowing the game wasn't too interesting to Kane, asked them less frequently.

"...what if you can leave?" Kane knows I'm talking about the program and chuckles.

"I'll stay anyway." He chuckles again at my confused expression before continuing to speak, "What will you do if I leave you here, love? Who will young Thea have to look up to?"

Kane stretches his leg to lightly kick Mathea's arm, and she swats his leg away. I decide to rephrase my question.

"What if we can leave? What if the three of us can get out of the program with no financial harm done to us or our families?" I've always wondered where we'd be if we weren't in this program.

The system makes it compulsory for ordinary people to attend regular schools, only teaching what we Gifted individuals call Studies, until they turn sixteen. I think, if we weren't Gifted, we'd all go our different ways from age sixteen.

Kane would do best studying mechanics, Mathea in one of the nursing schools, and I'd hope to attend some culinary school. I don't have a passion for learning the art that is food, but I figure it could be a good way for me to learn how to make all sorts of food.

"We'd do anything you want, Will." Kane says.

"I'd get us all out of here. We'd travel everywhere and...and we'd see anything we want."

"You'd like to run wild."

"Freedom sounds appealing," I sigh.

We hear voices from the other side of the river bank. The first day back to the Gifted Site is Open Day, so parents hoping their child will one day be Gifted are roaming around. The children sometimes join their parents, but I rarely see that. Newbies only join in the second semester, because the FG Auction is two months from now. I still don't understand the timing.

Topaz and his mother could be here today, but I don't make the effort to find out. One lady stares at me from the other side of the river bank. I smile at her, hoping this will cause her to redirect her gaze. The lady eventually turns her attention to a young boy who is glued to her side and gripping her shirt. The boy can't be more than thirteen. I wonder if he feels the same fear I felt the first time my eyes scanned these grounds.

I was sixteen when I came for the Open Day. I'd passed the Auction Test and knew I would be purchased. Even if my abilities weren't good enough, my father would have found a way to ensure the purchase. My dad recently got a new position in the program's management team. I'm not exactly sure what he does and begin to feel guilty for never asking. He's rarely home due to his work. Mother doesn't mind his absence though. She says his presence takes the form of the money we receive.

I only look at my watch when I hear Kane yawn. Time moves too quickly on days like these. I am the first to stand up. Kane follows my lead, looking irritated that I pushed him off my lap.

Mathea makes it her job to throw empty food packets into the dustbin, and she dusts the grass off the blanket before stuffing it into the basket. Thea doesn't wait for Kane and me to start walking, and she is about six feet away from us, heading towards our boarding house, before Kane and I decide to move our feet.

All residents must be in their assigned buildings by eight in the evening for roll call. After our housemistress ensures every Gifted individual is present, we have until eleven, our instructed lights-out, to do whatever we please. They never check on us, and the older residents here never follow those instructions anyway. I don't know why I often insist on following these rules.

Thea turns left when she sees the fountain. I offer Kane a slight smile before turning away from him, knowing he must turn right towards his boarding house. He grips my arm before I'm able to take a second step. I can't help but smile when Kane looks serious. The rareness of things amuses me. Kane bends slightly so his mouth is close to my ear, and strands of his black hair fall onto his forehead.

"You have to stay in the program, Will," he whispers this as if someone will hear him. Thea is even out of view now.

He takes a step away from me when I don't reply. "I'll come over before curfew," he says.

"Are you going to tell me how to stay in the program?"

"You know I can't help you with that."

Kane offers me a slight smile before turning right. I walk faster than I usually do just to be in time for roll call. There are four buildings used by the Gifted at this Gifted Site, and approximately eighteen Gifted stay in each building.

I stop at the stairs of my boarding house before entering it. If there is anything I find beautiful at this place; it's the river and the boarding houses.

My building is white. There are stone pillars at each side of the door and even more pillars if you circle to the back of the house. If you look close enough, you can see Daisies in small vases on the windowsill. I love those flowers because of the time Kane bought some for me. They might be my favorite flower because of him.

I take joy in these little things. I have to. It helps to focus on every detail of every beautiful creation in this world and remind myself that all the beauty seen is real.

I do this to feel better, and I need to get better. If not for my sake, then for the sake of everyone else around me. Only pain will come if I am unable to regain control in the moments I feel myself slipping away, because it's in these moments that I think of all things that could hurt everyone I love. I think of everything I can never tell them.