Rooftop Conversations
I clambered across the roof of his house, my foot slipping way too often. It was scary- normally I could do this with my eyes closed, but there was something about tonight, and what I was about to do, that made everything so much harder. I stopped right outside his window, trying to stop myself from turning back. I closed my eyes, and tapped on the window twice. In a matter of seconds, it was open, and I set my feet on the ground, so I was face to face with the guy I was trying to let go.
"Wha-" he began, but there wasn't much surprise in his voice as he spoke, it was more like a routine. He asked me what I was doing here, than smiled at my response, no matter how crazy it was. I mentally went through all of them in the past month.
What do you want? Therapy. What do you want? A life. What do you want? Chocolate. What do you want? I don't know, I'm just alone and I don't want to be. What do you want? You are the only friend I have right now, and I'm kinda scared. What do you want? I need to hide. What do you want? Help. Please. I'm being chased.
"What do you want?" He asked, smiling in advance. I shook my head this time, dismissing the nostalgia before it spiralled out of control.
"I need to tell you something" I replied, and he nodded his head, telling me to go on.
"I was up late last night, trying to get to sleep, like every other night. But, it wasn't like every other night. Because this time, it wasn't anger in my mind, or pain, or frustration, it was you.
It was you.
So, yes, I came here, in the middle of the night, because there is something I desperately, so desperately I feel like I'm going to explode, need to tell you. After that, say the word and I swear I will walk out of your life forever.
I'm sorry.
No, I want to tell you that I'm sorry that I walked into your life, that I fell through your window, that I ever met you, or knew you long enough to bring all my crazy, messed up problems to you. I want to tell you that I wish I hadn't been there with you this summer, and that I wish I hadn't been fortunate enough to meet you.
But I can't. I can't say I'm sorry because as disgusted as I am with myself for it, I'm not. I'm not sorry. I'm glad I met you, and I'm glad that it was you that stood by me through all this. And I'm not sorry that this makes me a horrible, selfish person. That I'm selfish enough to say I'm glad we met when all it did for you was bring you trouble.
I am sorry about one thing through- I'm sorry I'm in love with you. And yes, I'm not lying or making this up. I'm stood here at two in the freaking morning, and I'm in love with you. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry because you're a nice person, and the fact that I'm in love with you will make saying goodbye hurt you so much more. But I know you are going to have to say goodbye. Because you and I, we don't deserve each other.
You deserve someone way more amazing than me.
And I don't deserve someone as amazing as you.
Because the way I see it is: the day I fell through your window was a blessing and a curse. It was a blessing for me, and a curse for you. So for once, I will stop being selfish. Tell me to leave and will stop being your problem. I need to hear you say it, okay? Tell me that you will be better off without me, and you will never have to see me again.
Because this time, it can't be about what I want."
I took a deep breath, not stopping even to read his expression.
"What do you want, Will?"
The entire time, he had not interjected once. He hadn't even sat down. He's just smiled, like he did every other time, and he looked at me with the same look- happy, yet slightly intimidated by the craziness of everything I said.
"I want you to stay, Jade." He said, as if it were the simplest, most obvious thing ever. "I can't be okay without you."
And then it was my turn to smile.
(A/N) hey, it's me again. For this chapter I just wrote a random excerpt from a story I really really want to write. It's just that I can't seem to write a story from beginning to end without getting slightly lost halfway through. So this is the best I could manage. It probably sound a little off without context, but I published it anyway, because I kinda like the dialogue.
I've updated some of my previous chapters by publishing some random cover art I created on PicCollage and Phonto, because I've become slightly interested in photo editing, so this was just some of the things I've been working on.
Thanks for reading, and please try to vote or comment if you liked it or have any feedback or ideas for me!
~Sunflower
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