✾ Cattelya Orchid ✾

We lingered outside the door. Ren spun his keychain around his pointer finger in silence, his other hand tucked deep into his pocket. He gave me a sideways glance, but didn't say anything.

"Why are we standing here?" I asked him, staring at the entrance to our apartment.

He shrugged, still spinning his keys.

I frowned, briefly turning to him expecting words to come out of my mouth and then realizing I had nothing to say. I turned back towards to the door, defeated.

"You can unlock it, too," he pointed out quietly. "Just saying."

I took a deep breath. "Yeah," I said, nodding. I held my own wrist, rubbing my thumb against my skin until it felt a little raw.

"I..." Ren started.

I looked over at him. He suddenly stopped the spinning. He bit his lip and looked at me, squinting like he was trying to figure out the square root of a banana. "I have no idea why, but I can't open the door."

I snorted a little. "Me, neither. I didn't even get to the pulling-my-keys-out stage."

Ren stared at the keys in his palm, nodding. "Yeah, I got that far, at least."

"Why is this weird?" I asked, taking a step closer to the door.

"I don't know?" Ren said, clearly still confused. "But I'm thinking about what's on the other side of the door and I just..." He looked frustrated. Shook his head.

"I think I'm scared we'll revert," I said suddenly. I blew air into my cheeks so that I looked like an embarrassed pufferfish.

Ren laughed. I held the pufferfish as my cheeks heated up. "Revert?" he asked, raising one eyebrow. His eyes did that little squinty thing they did when he smiled.

I nodded, still contentedly a pufferfish.

Ren smiled a beautiful, slightly sideways smirk of a smile. He reached up and poked my cheek, deflating my self-defense mechanism. "You're adorable," he said.

My cheeks got hotter. He'd never called me adorable before. "No, I'm-"

"Adorable," he said, nodding. Ah. Again. If he kept it up, I'd dissolve into a puddle of happiness. He sucked in a determined breath. "Ok." He reached for the door, key in hand.

My eyes went wide and I launched my body in front of him. "Wait. Wait," I said.

He looked amused. "You're stopping me from entering my own apartment now, Copper?"

My heart tripped over itself a little when he said my nickname, but it sorted itself out soon after. I shook my head. "I'm scared."

Ren's expression softened. I felt his kindness wrap around me like an embrace. He understood. "Yeah," he said, reaching up and holding my face. I leaned into his touch. "Me, too. You know that."

"Let's go get food or something," I said.

He shook his head. "We've gotta go in sometime. We live here."

"Can't we just stay where we are now?" I asked.

Ren reached up and tugged on one of my curls, grinning as it bounced. "You really think things could ever go back to what they were?"

I hesitated. "Yeah. Maybe."

Ren shook his head. "I'm crazy about you."

"You are?" I asked.

He nodded. "I knew I was screwed as soon as I saw you up on that roof. And I couldn't even make out much back then. You were just a pile of curls."

I reached out and grabbed his hand. He held tight. "I had no idea you...liked guys," I admitted. "Until recently."

He smirked. "Yeah." He leaned close to me, trapping me against the door with one arm. He laced his fingers between mine. "I love guys," he whispered into my ear.

I licked my lips, aware of my uneven breathing. He had this effect on me. I could give into it now, unafraid of how wildly turned on I was whenever he was anywhere close to me. "Love?" I asked.

He nodded. "Mhm." His face hovering an inch from mine. He was staring right into my eyes, brazenly. I swallowed. "Can we go in now?" he asked. His hair fell over his eye as he tilted his head.

"If..." I couldn't believe I was saying this. A day ago, I thought this was impossible. But here I was. "Only if you kiss me."

He smiled, raising an eyebrow. I liked seeing Ren amused. "Is that the price?"

I nodded, holding his hand tighter. "Pay up."

Ren's face sobered, his smile cutting itself in half. It didn't matter. It still felt like the big bang was actively happening inside of my heart. I felt this little ache that shot along my collarbone before it went down and deeper. "Whatever you say," he whispered.

I couldn't get tired of it. Ren's kisses were a fragile sort of miracle. I could feel him close, alive, intimately himself. I could feel his warmth glowing in my palms, light pouring out from between my fingers. All at once, time was both frozen and roaring past. And it was terrifying to be so swept up in it, carried away on his riptide, unsure of where I would end up.

But I had to trust him. And his lips felt...so good.

He guided my hand to his shoulder and my body decided to wrap its arms around his neck without my having any say in it. I'm not sure how long we stood there like that, hypnotized by each other's touch. Like I said, time forges on at the surface but inverts deeper down.

And then I was stumbling, clinging to Ren as he forced me to walk backwards. He'd unlocked the door magically and we were inside the apartment all of a sudden. Somehow, he kept kissing me through it all.

I blinked, looking around. "How did you do that?"

Ren shook his head, smiling. He guided my face back towards his with one hand, kissing me lightly once more. "There's no going back, Copper. I told you that," he said.

"Good," I said, bowing my head. I smiled as Ren kissed the top of my head just as I expected him to, letting his lips linger there. He sighed deeply, a sound of contentment. "You're so weird," I said quietly.

"What makes me weird?"

I didn't answer. I raised my head, and he looked disappointed that I'd stolen my curls back. He reached up and ruffled my hair.

"You've always done that," I said.

"What?" he asked, still messing with my curls.

I scoffed. "Touched my hair," I answered.

His hand froze. He removed it jerkily. "Oh. Sorry," he said. "I didn't mean-"

"No," I said, catching his hand. My voice shrank with every word. "I always liked it. It...makes me feel special."

Slowly, he rested his hand back on my head. I closed my eyes and let him touch me. I savored the coolness of his skin, letting it fill me up. This was it: that feeling that was unequivocally Ren. No one else made me feel beautiful and seen. I'd never particularly liked or disliked my hair. Ren made me love it.

His hand froze. When I opened my eyes again, he was staring at me with an intoxicated look on his face. "How do you even exist?" he asked.

I laughed. "What?"

His held my face with both hands. "I've seen a lot of beautiful people in my life, but no one has ever held a candle to you." I swallowed. "I'm obsessed with it," he said. "Obsessed with you and your rose lips and your freckles and the little curve right at the base of your neck and this..." He shook his head. "This stupidly cute pile of curls on your head."

"That's a lot of things," I said, suddenly nervous for no reason.

He shook his head. "It's not even a tenth of it."

"Well I..." I took a deep breath. "I like the little flop thing your hair does. And the way your eyes squint when you smile. And your cold hands." For some reason, I felt brave. I tugged the collar of his shirt down slightly with one finger. "And the way your tattoos move when your muscles do."

Ren swallowed. He was staring at my lips again.

I smiled. "You gonna kiss me again?"

"I have it in mind to do a lot more than kiss you," Ren said.

My breath caught. I could've fainted right then and there with the way he said that.

"But," Ren said, "now's not the time."

"Oh," I said like an idiot. My disappointment was very obvious.

Ren's perpetual smirk intensified. "Eager much?"

I blushed, mildly embarrassed and flustered. "Shut up. I'm just-"

"Hey," he said, kissing my forehead. "We have time. Let's cherish it."

I nodded slowly.

"Speaking of time, better get to sleep, Copper," he said.

"I won't be able to," I said.

"Pretend?" he offered.

I shook my head. "Not tired."

"You can do it."

"I'll just keep thinking about you," I said because it was true.

To my astonishment, Ren's skin flushed. It was his turn to look flustered. "You always say the smoothest things unintentionally."

For a minute, I had to think about what exactly I'd said that was smooth. "What? That I'm going to think about you? Of course, I will. That's not that smooth; it's just the truth."

Ren chuckled. "Go to sleep, Copper."

"Impossible."

"I'll cook you breakfast in the morning," he said, stepping away from me. I held onto him as long as possible before he slipped out of reach. He turned away from me and started opening his door.

"I love you," I blurted because I just wanted to remind him.

He turned back and looked at me, his expression gentle. "I love you, too. Go to sleep."

I nodded despite there being zero chance that it would actually happen. But that was ok. I was going to knock on his wall later. I couldn't wait to hear him knock back.