Courting: Respect

Gusto ko pa rin ituloy ang balak ko, after what happened between, Cal and I.

This time-susundin ko na ang puso ko. Hindi ko na kayang magpatalo sa aking isip. "Oh nagmamadali ka ata?" Jenny suddenly noticed that I was panicking and rushing to finish our work. "May pupunta kasi ako, kailangan exact time ako pupunta-nakakahiya kasi sa kikitain ko," saad ko. "Ay date?" she teased. "No, basta," natatawa kong saad.

She just shrugged while me-continuing doing our work. I need to finish this baka kasi biglang magbago isip no'n, ang hirap pa naman minsan paamuin ni Ron. "Ay inspired ka ba 'te? Ngi-ngiti ngiti ka diyan?" may halong pang-aasar na tanong ni Jenny. Napa-iling na lang ako sa kaniya at hindi ko na siya pinansin.

Hindi ko alam ang nararamdaman ko, it was all a mixed emotion. Natatakot na hindi ko alam pero kailangan ko ng panindigan kasi nandito na-hindi na ako puwedeng mag-back out. Kung ano man ang kakalabasan nito, I feel the pressure lalo na ang tensyon. Ano kaya masasabi niya kapag nalaman niya ang nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya?

Nang matapos naman na ako sa ginagawa ko. Pumunta naman ako kay 'Nay Sallie upang makapag-paalam. "Oh nandiyan ka na pala, tapos ka na ba?" panimula ni 'Nay Sallie. "'Nay, mag-papaalam lang po ako na hindi po ako makakasabay sa inyo pag-uwi. Huwag po kayo mag-alala uuwi rin po ako agad-may pupuntahan lang po ako," hindi ko sinasabi kung saan ako pupunta siguro kapag kaya ko na 'tsaka ko sasabihin 'to.

"Oh? Saan ka naman pupunta kung ganoon?" she asked. "Basta 'Nay, huwag ka na po mag-alala. Ligtas naman po iyong pupuntahan ko," natatawa kong saad. Napa-iling na lang si 'Nay Sallie. "Oh siya sige, hindi na kita pipigilan at tatanungin, mukhang ayaw mo pang sabihin," halatang nag-tatampo si 'Nay Sallie dahil hindi ko pa sinasabi sa kaniya. "Sasabihin ko naman po sa inyo kapag kaya ko na," I smiled-a warmth smiled.

Napa-singhap na lang 'to at tumango. Agad naman lumawak ang aking mukha, kaya naman dali-dali akong nagpalit ng damit at nag-ayos ng kahit konti para mag-mukhang presentable ako. "Mag-iingat ka," bilin ni 'Nay Sallie bago ako tumungo sa tarangkahan. Ngumiti na lamang ako sa kaniya at hindi na sumagot.

Nang makalabas ako, agad nag-tahip tahip ang kaba sa aking katawan. Hindi naman talaga kinakabahan, natatakot lang ako sa mangyayari. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba kakalabasan nitong pag-amin ko sa kaniya.

Nang makarating naman ako doon ay wala pa siya. Baka may ginagawa pa kaya umupo muna ako sa buhangin at tinanggap ng aking katawan ang simoy ng hangin na dumadaloy sa aking mga balat.

It was beautiful scenery. The golden sunset-it's a golden hour. It means the sun will disappear, and the moon will come. It was perfect scenery. Ngayon lang ako nakapanood ng pag-lubog ng araw. It was a sedative view.

I was in the middle of comforting myself with the view-when someone seated beside me. "Hey," he approached. "Hmm, nandito ka na pala-kanina ka pa ba diyan?" I asked. "Hindi naman, kararating ko lang," he smiled. At ito na naman, tumatambol na naman ang aking puso. Hindi ko na alam. Bahala na siguro gusto ko na rin matapos 'tong nararamdaman ko.

"'Di ba may sasabihin ka? Ano ba iyon?" he suddenly asked. "Teka lang-hihinga lang ako saglit," I joked to make the atmosphere, he softly laughed. Naramdaman niya siguro na kinakabahan ako kaya hinawakan niya ang aking kamay. I felt some electricity when our hands intertwined. "No need to pressure, mag-hihintay ako kung ano man iyang sasabihin mo," he smiled. I gulped. Hindi ko alam kung tama bang sabihin ko na?

"Sana kapag sinabi ko 'to, sana hindi mo ako layuan," I was hesitant. "Don't worry hindi naman ako ganoong tao," he joked. I softly chuckle-it eases my nervousness. "Ron, I liked you," I straightforwardly said. "Wait? Are you serious?" he asked. I know he was shocked.

It was unexpected-kahit ako ay magugulat rin. Hindi ko rin in-expect na magugustuhan ko siya. Kusa ko na lang rin 'to naramdaman na kahit ako mismo ay walang magawa at hindi ko mismo mapigilan.

"Of course, these feelings I have for you-I can't lie about it. You know I am not good at lying. You know, I feel anxious right now, Ron. Hindi ko alam kung tama ba 'to kasi natatakot ako na baka masira ang friendship na nabuo natin," I wondered. He held my face to make me look at him. "Hey, I am happy you know how happy I am," he smiled.

I gave him a confused look. "Huh?" I asked. "I liked you a too-a lot," he confessed. "You know? We have the same thoughts that made us both anxious, natatakot din ako gaya mo," he added. I felt my heart beating racing so fast that I could almost hear.

"S-so you mean-" he cut it. "Yes, I like you a lot, Casia," he said. I smiled. Hindi ko inaakala na pareho kami ng nararamdaman, sino mag-aakala na gusto pala namin ang isa't-isa.

"I heard you and Cal, I didn't mean to heart it pero hindi ko inaakala na hahantong kayo sa ganoon," he sigh. "Ako rin naman, nakakalungkot lang kasi nasira ang friendship namin," I murmured.

"It's okay, hm? Everything's gonna be okay. No need to worry-it takes time. Magkaka-ayos rin naman kayong dalawa. I know Callahan, hindi ka naman matitiis no'n," he gave me assurance that everything's gonna be okay. Shit. Why did God give me such a nice man?

Marunong umintindi. I smiled at him. "What?" He looked at me. "Ang gwapo mo pala," I was amazed. "Alam kong gwapo ako kaya like mo 'ko," he smirked. At ayon nga nag-blush ako. I feel the heat in my face. Oh goddamnit!

"Okay, nice joke. Next please," I teased. "Ang next ay mamahalin mo ako," he teased me back. My heartbeat is racing fast again! "Tama ka na, Ron, masiyado ka ng sumosobra baka umasa ako," I joked.

"Liligawan kita," he said. I looked at him with a shocked face. "Are you even that sure?" I asked. "Of course, I can't take it longer-kung puwede naman kitang ligawan muna hanggang sa mahalin mo ako," he straightforwardly said. I gasped.

"Desidido ka na ba talaga sa akin?" I want to make it sure. Ayokong masaktan sa huli. "Oo, I also see my future in your beautiful eyes, Cas," he smiled. "But I wondered-how? How come na gusto mo 'ko?" I asked. "Hmm, simple because you make me feel home and I feel the comfort in your presence na hindi ko naramdaman sa iba. Iba ka sa kanila, sobrang tatag mo at napahanga mo ako doon. That is why I want to court you-as the sign of my respect to you," he uttered.

He knows the definition of respect, and it makes my heart warm.

"You're the home that I am considering," he smiled, and he kissed my forehead. I was at his home, and so was I.

We both find each in the middle of chaos. And I still keep reaching for him even though it will hurt me.

Even though I am a mess.
"When I am away, just keep looking from the stars and I will be there for you," he smiled. "Hoy! Hindi ka pa nga nagsisimulang manligaw, mangiiwan ka agad?" I argued.

"Hindi natin masasabi kung hanggang kailan tayo, Cas—pero sisiguraduhin ko na mananatili ako habang kumakapit ka, kakapit ako sa iyo," he smiled.

That smile gave me comfort, gave me warmth beneath all the lies we had

"Until when you gonna lie, Ron? Hanggang kailan mo sasaktan si Casia?" I heard them—it shattered me into pieces.