Days pass and the twins start to get excited for Christmas, demanding that we celebrate and get everyone presents, decorate a tree and get stalkings and other junk. They say we need to, to keep our spirits up but I doubt that it'll happen because we can't just go to random places to find presents for each other but, sadly, Chase and Nathan had agreed with them while I don't want to do it. Chase tries to convince me but I don't budge.

"Come on-"

"No, Chase. It's be a waste of skill and resources to go into town and get that stuff only to make two little girls happy." I put down the logs, glaring back at Chase as snow perfectly lands on his hair.

"It wouldn't be a waste. It would make us all happier and honestly I would like to spend my first Christmas with you to be a good one. Please, Olive," he steps closer to me, holding my hands and kissing my knuckles. "It would be good for both of us."

"I have bad memories with Christmas, Chase. I don't want to have more." I pull my hands away from him and walk into the van, lying onto the bed and closing my eyes as I hold my head against the pillow, snuggling against one of my teddy bears. I feel chase lie down behind me, snaking his arm around me and gently kissing my neck.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I shake my head and he hums, kissing my temple and resting behind me. "Tell me when you're ready." I nod slowly, falling asleep moments later with his arm around me. I don't know how long we were out, but I do know it was night when I woke up with sweat dripping down my body along with tears. I hold my hand to my mouth as I hold back sobs, Chase sitting up with me as the twins wake up, Nathan sitting up in his bed as Chase wraps his arm around me. "What's wrong?" I only sob harder as he pulls me into his chest. "Olive?"

He only holds me as I cry, and I can't stop. I don't like being this weak but I can't help it. Why did my brain have to do this to me. I don't want to think about them but I did, and now I can't help but cry harder as I think of them more. I push away from Chase and pull at my hair as I whisper nothing's to myself, hoping that at least one of the phrases will calm my nerves but none of them do. I only cry harder and harder as my heart breaks in my chest, wrenching and pulling as I feel like I'm dying, like my heart is being torn from my chest.

I pull harder at my hair as Chase holds my waist, pulling me into his lap as he whispers nothing's into my ear, trying to calm me down as Nathan tries to clam the twins. I push Chase off and get off the bed, pushing the door of the van open and collapsing into the snow so far from the van the light of the inside doesn't reach me. I cry harder, holding my hands at my heart and begging for some kind of comfort from my family.

A hug from my Dad, a song from my Sister, a story from my Mom. I'll never get that again and now it s all catching up with me and I don't want to do anything about it but cry, find their bodies, bury them properly but by now their bodies would've decayed and been nothing but bones or eaten by animals. If they'd survived they would have found me by now, but they're gone and my brain had to open that cage and let those emotions and memories come in.

A hand touches my back and I flinch, pushing it away and standing from my knees, turning to the figure only to see its Chase. I fall back down, crying because he has my Moms eyes. He kneels in front of me, holding a hand out in front of me. "Olive we need to get back, you're scaring the twins."

"I-I-I-I miss my f-family so much," I cry out, my chest tightening as I feel my heart wrench and pull, tearing in half as I think of my sister orange eyes, her red hair falling in them all the time. She looked so much like Mom it was scary, while I got all my looks from out Dad, but we still looks alike, along with our hair. Like twins. And now she's gone and my Dad and my Mom, and they'll never hold me tight again. Never be there when I have a nightmare and never be there when I need a shoulder to cry on.

"I do to Olive." He sighs, hugging me close and pulling me to stand. He holds my shoulders, his eyes meet in mine. "In the morning we can make a little graveyard for our families, how about that?" I nod slowly as his arms slips over my shoulders. He helps me to the van and I know my feet are frozen. I ran with now shoes or socks on.

–/\–/\–/\–/\–

We all personally make grave markers for our families. I'm making three different ones, engraving their names into the posts while August and June make one for their dad, Nathan making one for his whole family and putting all their names on and Chase making two, one for his Mom and the other, I don't know who for. Mine are...they're odd.

It's like a sign made of wood but I don't know. I finish engraving my Moms name in, my eyes watering as I hold my hand to her name. Emily Marie Gunderson Augustine. She kept her last name, but took my Dads too. I move onto his, carefully putting in each letter so I could still read it. Marcus Fuller Augustine. I hold back tears, doing my sisters and staring at it as I carve in her name. Lily Moon Augustine.

I hold the markers in my hands that are trembling, walking next to Chase as he and Nathan put in their parents and siblings. We decided on only doing that, and then putting our friends somewhere else, but I'd only need to make one and I'd put Avery over here. Chase and Nathan put down their markers, June and August putting down theirs. I stare at the ones in my hands, slowly putting digging them into the ground, Mom, Dad, Lily, all together with Lily in the middle, always protected.

I stare at them, Chase standing next to me as Nathan takes the twins to the van. Snow falls on the markers as tears fall from my eyes, Chase gently, hesitantly, hold my my hand. As soon as he does I let go an fall to my knees crying. He sits next to me, pulling me into his chest and letting me cry. "I-I miss them so much." I stammer, crying harder as he holds me.

"I miss mine too Olive, but guess what?" He holds my head in his hands, wiping my cheeks with his thumbs and gently smiling at me. "I'm your family now, alright?" I bite my lip, crying harder and collapsing against his chest and crying until I can't and letting out sobs.

He picks me up bridal style, carry gin me into the van and lying me on our bed and letting me cry until I fall asleep, only to wake up in the same panicked state as I did last night. He holds me in his arms as I cry, my cries being muffled by the fabric of his shirt allowing the twins and Nathan to sleep, even thought Nathan was wide away as soon as I shot up, crying, pulling at my hair and crying harder.

I know both boys don't know what they're doing. Chase only holds me, pets my hair while Nathan stays quiet, staring at me, slowly moving to our bed and sitting down on the edge. He looks at me then Chase and both boys sharing the same scared, awestruck, confused look. My hands ball into fits on his shirt, pulling the fabric into my hands as I cry harder, wishing Lily was here.

"D-Do you want to talk about them?" Nathan stammers out.

I wipe my eyes with the tips of my fingers, both boys staring at me. I've never felt so weak and I wish their was another girl here my age, but the twins are so young and so different from me, I doubt they'll understand what I'm going through. "S-Sure," I take a slow, deep breath before starting to tell the stories of my family to them, the twins waking up and listening somewhere in my stories. "W-We were just so close, and now they're gone."

"We're a family now!" I look at August, June nodding happily. "You and Chase are the Mom and Dad, me and June are the kids and then Nathan is the uncle."

"Well this uncle needs vodka and an aunt," groans Nathan, standing from the bed and going to his, lying down and staring at the ceiling.

"We'll work on finding the aunt," Chase laughs, pulling me into his chest as he turns off the lights, everyone slowly falling back asleep. I stare up at the ceiling, biting my trembling lips so I don't cry that hard. "Don't worry Olive," Chase kisses my neck and I turn to him, his eyes glistening with the light leaking in from the windows. "We won't leave you." He gently smiles, kissing me again and holding me to his chest. "Get some sleep, okay?" I nod against his chest.

"You have Lily's smile," I yawn, slowly falling asleep in his arms.