Engagement parties are absolutely disgusting.

Everyone is drunk and in love and I'm left on the sideline because my boyfriend isn't here. I'd be absolutely miserable if it wasn't for the fact my family is full of people to dance with.

"My darling, Jo, I believe it's my turn to twirl you around." Gabe offers his hand and I take it, chuckling dryly as we find a spot on the dance floor.

I'm not sure how Drew and Manny pulled off such a nice venue on a grad student income, but this party is stunning. Plus, the food is divine. I've eaten three plates already.

"If I get sick, I'm throwing up on you." I warn him and he spins me around.

Smirking, he refrains from any more spins of death. We watch the crowd as we dance. Garner and Houston are huddled around the Rhodes twins and their cousin, undoubtedly planning something illegal if their hushed whispers are any indication. Aspen dances with Scarlett while Gentry tries to swindle a dance from Avery. Mom sits at a table with her sisters, Uncle John and Uncle Ricardo, a bright smile on her face as they laugh like there's no one else in the room.

I can't help but notice the two empty chairs they leave.

"Do you ever wonder?"

"Wonder what?" I ask Gabe, bringing my eyes back to his.

"Wonder what life would've been like if you lived here." He says. "If we got to build memories with you guys everyday instead of a few holidays here and there. If you got to be a part of this chaos."

"Just because we weren't here doesn't mean we weren't a part of it." I whisper, lowering my eyes to the ground.

"I know, Jo. It just sucks that one person ruined 17 years of potential memories." He seethes.

He has no idea how badly it sucks. He doesn't know the  half of what could've been. None of them do and none of them ever will. All of the holidays we used to sneak out to see the Jones' because we couldn't be with family. Hiding in my closet to call and sing happy birthday like it was some covert mission.

But, despite all the could've been's and what if's, I wouldn't change it. My friends back home are as much of a family as the people in this room. I love them just as deeply and fiercely as I love these people. I could never pick between AJ and Sage or Jay and Gabe.

They're all my people and all a part of my life.

"We're here now." I grin.

He nods, hugging me. "And I plan on annoying the hell out of you."

Laughing, I slap the back of his head. "I think you've already done that." But I'm not complaining.

*****

Hours later, my feet are crying, and my head and stomach can't handle a second more of spinning, I decided to find a quiet place to sit as my phone rings. Stepping into the hall, I answer.

"Hey, Boo."

"How's the party?" He asks.

"Exhausting, Gabe and Emmy turned spinning me into a game. Drew had to save me three times like the wonderful peacemaker he is." I still wonder how he's related to us. So sweet.

He laughs, sounding completely different from the Beau I know. "Sounds fun."

Raising an eyebrow, I listen to the background noise. People are talking and music is playing. "Boo, are you drinking?"

"Yuppers." He informs me. "One last night of fun with my pals before we return to reality."

Good, he's sedated and not the tiniest bit jealous tonight. Sometimes God is on my side. "Well then, you enjoy yourself and I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Night-night, cutie." he sings before hanging up.

Leaning up against the wall, I hear another voice in the hall.

"Charming, we will be there tonight." Scarlett wanders into my viewpoint, looking like a model in her one-shouldered cocktail dress. "It's only a three-hour drive and Sage already said he was fine to drive it tonight."

Getting the uncomfortable feeling that I'm listening to the beginning of a fight, I panic. There's really no subtle way for me to leave.

"Ashton Brecken, I promised you only one night apart and damnit, we will sleep in the same bed tonight!" She stops her foot, the sound making me flinch as her voice raises.

Slowly, she relaxes. "I love you more; I'll see you later tonight."

Turning around, her eyes light up as she takes me in, undoubtedly looking like a scared mouse ready to bolt. Sighing, she wanders over to me. "How much did you hear?"

"None." I lie automatically but her delicately raised brow has me relenting. "Enough."

Leaning against the wall so we're both facing the same direction, she laughs. "He worries too much."

"That's not a bad thing." I think I'd secretly like it if someone cared that much about me.

"No, it's not." She grins. "I'm still not used to someone caring for me. For so long it was just me doing all the worry and sometimes I feel like it should still be just me."

"That's not healthy." That much worry poisons mom.

"No, it's not." She chuckles. "Ashton saves me, even if I fight back half the time."

"Why fight if you end the call on good terms?" In an instant it was over.

"Because we already know the outcome. Two years of the same mix of stubbornness and worry makes for a pretty predictable disagreement."

"Doesn't that get boring?" Our family had a predictable cycle too and the older we got, the sicker we got of it.

"No, it makes us laugh because no matter how much we grow, we still cling to the same things we did as kids."

"That sounds like something a fortune cookie would say." Or at least something Jay would tell me in a moment of weakness.

"Old age makes you wise. Life makes you wiser, Jo." She winks. "What brings you out here?"

"While your boyfriend is worried, mine is out drinking before he's forced to leave home again."

"Does he not like where he lives now?"

I hesitate, I know what the answer was 2 months ago but what about now? Now that he's on the baseball team and has friends and is dating me. Have his feelings changed?

Before I can respond, footsteps echo down the hall. "Jojo, our song is on."

I send Scarlett a look, but she waves me off, "Go, your cousin owes me a dance before I leave."

Aspen drags me to the floor, and I spend the rest of the night dancing, Scarlett's question forgotten.

*****

Early Sunday morning, we're standing outside of Ricardo's small house, blinking the sleep and morning light out of our eyes as our family surrounds us.

Hug after hug is given, promises of seeing each other soon and actually meaning it for once are exchanged as we go from person to person. 

Stopping in front of Drew, I offer a teary smile. "Next time, you'll be getting married."

"Next time, we will be the same as we are now, Jo, except I hope you'll be the tiniest bit happier." My cousin smiles softly, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear as Gabe tackles us in a hug.

"When did you get so wise?" I wonder as I lose air supply.

"Probably around the first time I had to give Gabe the talk." Drew responds remorsefully.

"If you had listened to my request to leave my tent alone, it would've never been an issue." Gabe protests.

"I was concerned!"

"Thank God I wasn't there." I shudder as we break apart. Somethings even family shouldn't experience.

As we pile into the car, mom gives us one last goodbye. Uncle John accidentally bought her a round trip ticket, so she flies home later tonight. Meaning, once again I'm stuck in a car with four teenage boys and not enough patience.

"Let the good times begin." Aspen cheers, turning the radio on as we hit the road.

The first 30 minutes we spend bickering over radio stations and who should give directions, me obviously since I'm in the front seat but Gentry is convinced his spacey self can be trusted, so I let him try.

He lasts 5 minutes before falling asleep. The younger two boys follow right along, leaving Aspen driving and me forced to stay awake so he doesn't doze off. Not that we do much talking.

"Does it feel weird?" He breaks the silence an hour into the trip.

"My ass if falling asleep and my legs are dying to stretch out, so yeah, a little weird." I offer, shifting in my seat. I feel like I would rather run a mile right now, so I'm desperate to move.

He laughs, "No, Jojo, I meant is it weird to leave your family. Although, there should be a rest stop soon if you need to stretch."

"Oh." And my mouth does it again. "Yeah, it feels weird. They get to see each other every day. They go to school near each other. They get lunch just because they can. If they want company, in an instant someone will be there but for us it's a three-hour car ride. It makes me a little bitter."

"They love you just the same." He offers and I nod. I know, that makes up for the rest.

"Is it weird knowing you don't have that?" I ask without thinking, instantly wishing I could take the words back.

"I guess." Aspen winces. "It's weird not having grandparents to bake Christmas cookies with or cousins to have sleepovers with. It's just us."

"I don't have grandparents either." I try to reason.

He fights a smirk. "I know, I guess the reason it's never bothered me is because we created our own family. Everyone else can have their annoying cousins and creepy grandmas, we have the Rawlings and that's twice as good."

The smile that spreads across my face is so wide it's painful, but I can't stop. "We really are a family."

The car is silent except for Houston's snores as I process everything. Aspen clears his throat, sending a quick glance my way. "That won't change when we go to college, you know that, Jojo?"

"Things will be different, Penny, no matter what." The smile dissolves off my face.

"It doesn't have to be. You could go to school anywhere and you wouldn't be able to get rid of us." He insists. "Or... or there's a community college in Tallahassee. You could even go to Florida State with us."

"It's too much money." I whisper, flashing back to the meltdown mom had the other night. I'd get into the school. I'd even be offered some scholarship money, but it wouldn't be enough.

It's never enough.

"Then we apply for every scholarship there is and get the money." He states.

"Penny." It's difficult to find my voice. "This feels like one of those make-believe games we used to play as kids, planning vacations we'll never go one."

"We're not kids anymore, Jojo." He offers his hand and I take it, the worry disappearing. "Plus, we'll travel the world someday, I promised."

Resting my head on the center console, I let dreams of Greece and Italy distract me from my thoughts.

*****

Squeezing my eyes shut, I swat away the hand shaking me. "Let me sleep."

"I will, as soon as you give me my hand back." Aspen chuckles and I slowly open my eyes.

Looking down at our interwoven hands, I immediately let go. Then I take in the empty car and the familiar driveway. "I slept the rest of the way home?"

"Mh-hmm."

"You had no one to keep you company?" I clarify.

"It was just me and the radio, Mere called me for a hot second if that counts."

I'd much rather he told me he almost flipped the car with us in it. "God, Aspen, why didn't you wake me up?" I demand. We had a late night, he's as tired as I was.

He shrugs. "Didn't feel like it, you're rather peaceful when sleeping."

I send him a dirty look.  "Hardy  har har. Now I'm going to kick your ass."

He holds up a hand, "Don't you want to see your boyfriend before you kill me? He seems awfully lonely on your front porch."

I freeze. "Beau is here?"

"I believe that's what I said." Aspen runs his hands through his hair.

"How long has he been there?"

"Not sure, saw him when I pulled up and I almost went for another drive around the block."

I punch his shoulder, fumbling with my seat belt. "Shit, I'm a mess." Flipping the mirror down, I shrike when a condom falls onto my lap. "You're a filthy pig."

He howls with laughter as I try to flatten my hair. "Actually, I think that makes me a safe pig."

"Either way, you roll in mud." I hiss, scrambling out of the truck and slamming the door shut.

Fighting the urge to run to my front door, I settle on an awkward speed walk, stopping as I take in the scene awaiting me. Balloons, flowers and candy cover almost every visible surface on my front porch, Beau waiting by the door.

I must make a noise because he jumps to his feet, tucking his baseball cap behind his back. "I'm sorry for being an ass."

"We already apologized." I manage to say.

"I know, but that doesn't make it right." He explains. "I was an idiot and I unintentionally ruined a vacation you were beyond excited for. I was selfish and rude and immature and my grandma scolded me to no end when she found out what I did."

Chuckling, I take in the gifts once again. My flower counting is interrupted by Aspen, "Holy shit."

Beau stands a little taller. "I didn't realize you would be–"

"I'm just dropping Jojo's bag off." He holds my duffle in the air and Beau takes it. "Is this for her?"

"Every last thing." Beau states proudly.

"But she's–"

I jab Aspen's gut, causing him to release the balloon he grabbed. "Over the moon with how spoiled I am."

Holding his hands up, Aspen sends one last look to Beau. "Don't mind me, I was just leaving."

Part of me wants to stop him just so I can go home with him. I'm in desperate need of Brooklynn snuggles and we haven't seen how his dad's doing since we left. However, I remember that this is important so when Aspen looks back, I send him a quick smile before stepping over flowers to give my boyfriend a kiss.

"Thank you." I offer. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Cutie."

*****

Hi, life has been crazy...

I had my first Mardi Gras, (rip my liver and my kidney hurt for days). I got back into town on Wednesday and two days later my sorority had a date party (rip my liver part 2) where I fell off the bus because I was wearing new heels. I had bruises and a swollen ankle for over a week. Then Midterms. Then my grandma who I only get to see once a year came to visit me for parents weekend. Then Corona took away the remainder of my freshman year. I packed up my entire dorm room and moved back to Tennessee. 8 hours in a car overflowing with stuff, we had to leave my bookshelf somewhere in Louisiana. (rip my bookshelf and the time we wasted attaching it to the roof of my car.) Then I got home and decided to stress clean and scrubbed my frustrations away (for the most part, still a little bitter but that's ok.)

The break from writing allowed me to take a moment to breathe. I'm no longer in fight or flight mode with my writing. Which is great because I was so stressed and worked up I could've ended all these stories in 10 chapters and there's SOOOO MUCH MORE STORY TO BE TOLD.

Have no fear, I will be providing you quality content worth reading. Thank you all for being patient, March has been the month from hell but ALL THREE BOOKS HAVE BEEN UPDATED SO READ! READ! READ!