Day 860

Not long after the passing of Jungkook and the escape from the Ranglers compound, the school is still holding up okay. Namjoon's leading much to his own dismay since Jimin decided the school is much better without him as a leader. You personally don't know how to feel about it, mostly because you're still mourning the loss of the one you held closest to you. It pains you most to have to talk about him in the past tense.

Regardless of that, you lift the dumbbell and don't scream this time. You've been training your left hand to make up for your newfound disability. You've suffered two losses within such a short period. Maybe three. First, and the worst, is Jungkook. Second is of course your hand. The third is your ability to do hair. It was the one thing you had a great passion for, and of course the universe spit on you by taking that away too. The one thing that could've gotten you through mourning Jungkook, and it's gone like him.

Jimin, Ves, your school, and Jungkook's jacket. That's what you have left. That's a lot of things, a lot of people, and you feel selfish for thinking it's not enough. However, guilt doesn't stop you from thinking it: it's not enough. Nothing's ever enough anymore, not since Jungkook. With loss, especially a loss like that, nothing ever helps. A traumatic loss like that is something that doesn't get better. There's a difference between it getting better, and being able to live with it. You're in the stage of trying to get to the point where you can stop crying. You're not there yet, you still cry once a day and go to his grave. The grave void of any body since you haven't found him yet.

Your room is the same as Jungkook's grave. Except instead of it being empty in the sense that nothing's there, it's empty in the sense that no more emotions are left. They're all gone. They flew out the window, never to return. The only thing left is you, lifting the weight Jimin gave you. If you're hurting physically, maybe the emotional pain will go away a bit. It hasn't worked, but it's worth it to keep trying. It's not like you deserve to sit back and relax anyway.

The pain in your right arm hasn't stopped yet. It's not that it's excruciating, but you definitely have the phantom pain. When your stub moves, it's like your hand is still there. But it's gone. In a recycling bin somewhere, probably. You're unsure what Katherine did with the remains, and you commend her for being able to pull off such a surgery while coping with the loss of the person who was supposed to be next to her while she did it.

Another thing you're unsure of is how Katherine felt about Jungkook. You're leaning more towards the idea that she saw him as a great friend, but it's possible she had romantic feelings for him. Who wouldn't? Jungkook was strong, loyal, and brave. Most of all, he was passionate. He had passion for everything he did, no matter what. Even if he was bad at it, he still did it with all his effort and gave it all his attention. That same energy applied to you. He took care of you, gave you all his energy. All his passion.

You let the weight drop to the ground, your arm stinging from the sudden loss. Your eyes remain on the wood that makes up your floor, the world fading in and out. It's like there's a hurricane occurring inside the walls of your mind, only this storm is never-ending. The odds of it changing its course are slim to none. Deep down, you know you'll be in pain until the day you die. Honestly, that sounds pretty okay right about now. Dying, you mean.

To make matters worse, for the first time in years, there's hope for a cure. You wouldn't be surprised if Yoongi starts prancing down the halls in a few minutes, bragging about how he found a cure using Ves's blood. Of course he would find something right after you got bit. Of course he would. You laugh at the thought, but the humor in it is nonexistent. Like the rest of your emotions.

Dying doesn't seem too bad. You don't fear death anymore, especially since you have someone waiting on the other side. More than one person. Fiona, Jungkook. Who's next? If Jimin or Ves die, you're going with them. They're the two keeping you here. You love your other friends, but Jimin, Ves, and Jungkook are the three you love more than anything. And now since one of them is gone...

There's a knock on the door, and without you uttering a sound, it opens. Jimin's there, leaning against the doorframe with the door only half-open. He peeks his head in, crossing his arms over his chest and staring at you. You can feel his gaze, but you refuse to meet it.

"You need to eat eventually," he says. "If not for your sake, then for mine. You're worrying me, y'know." When you don't reply, he doesn't either. He comes over and sits next to you on your bed, the shitty mattress bouncing a bit when he sits. He glances at you, placing his hand on your thigh. Even to your surprise, you don't flinch. "You know, when I was a kid, there was this old playground that had a bunch of swing sets. No one ever went, so it became Jihyun and I's little secret hideout. We went a couple times a month, and I pushed him on the swings."

"Did you ever push him off?"

"Oh always," he says, chuckling. "But if we were ever lost, we'd go there to find each other. It was like our little pact. Our light in the darkness." Jimin pauses, giving your shoulder a small nudge. "Where was your spot?"

You ponder the question for a moment, keeping your eyes on the ground as you softly smile at the memory. "After the apocalypse started and Jungkook and I found the school, we used to sneak out and meet in the middle of the forest. There was this tree that fell over, and we used it as a camping spot. We didn't make fires so we didn't draw attention to ourselves, but I used to lay on his lap and look up at the stars while he sang a tune about tattoos or some dumb shit." You laugh, wiping the tear you didn't know was there. "He had the most beautiful voice. The most beautiful..."

You break off, Jimin's fingers rubbing your thigh in consolation. You rest your head on his shoulder, and he replies by kissing the top of your head. "It's good to talk about him, you know. Don't ever feel like you shouldn't, or that you'll get too emotional if you do. He was a huge part of your life. Maybe the biggest part." You nod against him, closing your eyes and rubbing your lips together to get them to stop quivering. "It's okay to get lost in your memories. I want you to, actually. Tell me all the beautiful secrets you and him had. Tell me all the beautiful lies, too. They make up who you and him are, and that's why it's so important not to shut that out. Don't shut out what makes you, you. It's what makes me love you. And it's what made me love him too."

When he goes quiet, you gain the courage to meet his eyes. His eyes show a small terror, but you only smile and ease his nerves, placing your hand on his cheek. You kiss him, and he kisses back. The kiss isn't passionate. It's delicate and slow. No movement between you two. You're just two people with your lips on one another's. A quiet company.

The two of you part a few beats later, and he gives you an eye smile that crinkles up his nose and shows off his one dimple. You bring him into a hug, and he returns the embrace. Neither of you move anymore. The hug lasts what feels like decades. You're not sure how long exactly, all you know is that in the time that passed, the night sky became even darker, and a knock on the door interrupted the long hug.

Jimin shifts to see Namjoon at the door, his face wrinkled up and his fist slowly lowering from the door. "Jimin... you have a visitor at the front gate."

Without mentioning a name, both you and Jimin know who it is. Jimin goes, and Namjoon bites his lip before closing the door and leaving you all alone. The silence is deafening, your body rising off the bed and going over to the window to stare out it. You rub your arms, your skin covered in goosebumps as you go. The scenery is nothing special, but you still stare at it for several minutes. It honestly feels like hours.

You grunt from the pain of your right arm and sit down, leaning against the wall and letting the mattress of your bed welcome you. It feels like hell. Regardless, you lay down and close your eyes, resting your hand on your head and rubbing your skin. The pain subsides, and you rub your wrists, sighing afterwards. Maybe Jimin will give you the will you need to keep going. Maybe he'll help you stop thinking about death. But first, he needs to handle the 'visitor'. With a sigh, you open your eyes.

And what you find is not what you were expecting.

Your bed is no longer in the school. Instead, it's in the middle of a white void. It's like you've been teleported out of existence. You're in a new reality, one you're unfamiliar with. The first thing that comes to your mind is how did you get here. The second is why are you here. Is this a dream? Did you fall asleep?

You get up and hop off the bed. The white void is endless, and the only identifiable thing in your eyesight is the bed. Nothing else is here except you and where you came from. You keep your hand on the mattress as long as possible, slowly walking off but not far enough that you'll lose sight of the bed.

The whiteness calls to you, trapping you in and refusing to let you go. Now the panic builds, your eyes tired of tears but bringing them to you anyway. "Hello?!" you call out, regretting making such loud noises, but it's too late now. Your voice dances around like an echo, and you groan and pull your hair in frustration.

"Y/n," a female voice says.

You whip around, ready to punch, but the sight before you causes you to freeze up. Your body stiffens, and chills wash over you, your veins going cold. Everything about the whiteness doesn't make sense, but at the same time, after seeing her, it does. And it's fucking beautiful.

Fiona.

Within a heartbeat, you run to her, engulfing the girl in your arms. She laughs and hugs back, patting your back and allowing you to crush her. You close your eyes and knit your brows together, inhaling her scent. Funny, in the apocalypse, everyone smells like shit. But her neck emits a peach aroma, like she was walking through a garden.

You part, and you observe the way she's donning all white to blend in. Her skin is the only sign that she's actually here, and you grin at her. "What is this? How is this happening, and why? Am I dreaming? Did I fall asleep?"

"When are you ever not sleeping, L/n?" she asks with a chortle, you returning the soft sound. "I don't have all the answers to your questions, but you know we'd never leave you, right?"

Your heart hops to your throat. "We?" And then, a male voice comes.

"Hey darling."

Jungkook.

You turn to see the man there, crossing his arms over his chest and shaking his head. "You took my jacket," he says, but you don't even care about what that stupid bunny-boy with too many tattoos is saying. You pounce on him, literally tackling him to the ground and bursting out in tears. He laughs at you, rubbing your back from his spot on the ground. "I missed you too."

"Dumbass! What the hell is wrong with you?" you ask, sobbing against his chest before giving his shoulder a whack. "You were supposed to come back safe. You were supposed to come home to me." Your voice cracks, tears and snot dribbling down your face.

"I know, I'm sorry." He helps you into a kneeling position, then he hugs you properly. He's wearing the same color as Fiona in the form of a button-down shirt and dress pants, his shoes matching it, his skin the only evidence that he's present. You rub your head against his shoulder and wail, letting all the sobs out as he shushes you. "I could tell you needed some motivation, so I convinced Fiona here to let us come down and invade your mind for a bit."

"Y-You can do that?"

"I have no idea. This could be just a dream, or maybe we really are talking to you." He pulls back and stares at you, wiping your tears. "We can't be here long, you have a job to do."

"I do?"

"Jimin's going to need you in a few minutes. You think you can do that for him?" When you nod, Jungkook gives you the bunny smile you missed so fucking much. "You're perfect, L/n. We're watching over you, and we love you. Stay strong for us, okay?"

"But I want you back."

"I know," he says, keeping his calloused hands on your face. "I want that too, believe me. But you and I both know what's done is done for both Fiona and me." At your tears, he keeps his smile and shushes you. "Hey, don't be sad. Don't cry, you know I hate seeing you cry, princess. Whenever you want to see me, close your eyes, okay?" He wipes away the last of your tears, you nodding rapidly at his words. "Remember, I'm only a blink away. And don't you dare lose my jacket, got it Miss L/n?"

"Don't tempt me." He chuckles and places his forehead on yours, you closing your eyes to enjoy the moment. But as soon as it comes, it ends, and Jungkook pulls away and stands. He offers you his hand, and you take it, hopping up with him. Fiona comes over and gives you one last hug, you raising both your brows. "What's happening? I just got here, it can't be time to go already, can it?"

"Sorry," Fiona says, wincing as she says it. "You have a lot of business to attend to. Go lay down on your bed and close your eyes again, alright?"

You flicker your eyes between Jungkook and Fiona, the two gazing at you with soft smiles on their faces. You slowly return their expressions, giving them each one last embrace. Hugging Jungkook makes you not want to let go, and you bask in his touch for a greedy amount of time, stroking his dark locks in an attempt to memorize them. And when you part, he doesn't let his eyes part from yours. Never.

"I love you, L/n. Whether I'm holding your hand or screaming at all your dumb decisions from up here, I'll always love you," he says, dropping his voice to a whisper.

"I love you too. Both of you. I love you guys so much."

"We'll be watching. You'll always have us," Fiona says, rubbing your shoulder.

You finally part from Jungkook, glancing at the two before going over to your bed and plopping down. They wave, and you take a few beats, then wave back. The tiredness pulls at the back of your head, but you can't go. Not yet. "I'm sorry. Both of you, I'm sorry. You both died because of me. Because of what I did. My plans. My rashness. I can't do anything right. I'm so sorry," you say, your voice barely managing to get itself out.

"Y/n," Jungkook says, Fiona's form slowly disappearing. Her body trickles away, Jungkook's beginning to do the same. "Can I be honest with you?"

"Of course you can, Kook," you reply, the whiteness starting to come closer and closer, like walls boxing you in. Your eyes get heavier, your blinking slowing until you fall back on the bed, gripping the mattress in a poor attempt to stay awake. Jungkook's bunny smile is the last thing you see before you shut your eyes. And his voice is the last thing you hear before you return to your reality.

"The only one who blames you... is you..."

~~~

A/N: What do you think? Was it just a dream, or did Fiona and Jungkook really pay Y/n a visit? Would love to hear your theories.