~Jieun's POV~

"Okay, kids! That's all for today. See you tomorrow!" I waved and opened the door of the classroom, watching as parents came and picked up their children.

Just as usual, Nari and I were the last in the room, and I helped her take out some of her books so we could do her homework together until 4 PM, when I would take her to her art classes.

My grandmother's funeral was two weeks ago, and the days since have brushed over me with such force, I felt like a small boat broken apart by large swells. I was still feeling strange about everything, and wasn't sure how to keep going further, as there was no longer any final goal for me to reach, anything at stake.

I only moved to this city to take my grandmother to the best hospital in the country, but now that she was gone, what need was there for me to stay here?

I didn't know anyone, I didn't have any friends, my grandmother was gone.

Why would I stay here?

My eyes absent-mindedly turned to Nari, and I watched her solve her math problems in concentration. The furrow of her brows was really cute, and her resemblance to Minho was uncanny.

I found myself smiling at the thought of the father-daughter duo, and then I felt a pang in my heart, as Minho and I still haven't addressed the whole In the Dark fiasco. We haven't spent much alone time together after the funeral, and it felt unnatural to talk about it.

I wasn't even sure how to broach the subject anyway.

Hey, Minho, I'm a whore! Surprise!

That surely wouldn't work.

Instead of thinking about it any further, I started helping Nari with the more difficult exercises, and the hours passed by quickly.

"Okay, Nari, it's time to go to your art classes." I smiled and stood up, helping her put everything back in her pink backpack.

As if on cue, the door opened just as I said this, and Minho came in the classroom.

"Daddy!" Nari shot up and ran to her father's arms, and my eyes widened.

"Hi, baby." He kissed her head. "You ready to go?"

"Are you taking me to art today?!" She asked, her eyes full of surprise.

"Yes, Miss Park and I will take you to your art classes together today." He replied, and I looked at him confused.

Nari returned to her backpack to finish packing as Minho came towards me.

"I was hoping you'd be free to talk a bit afterwards?"

"Sure." I nodded, but I felt my chest tighten.

~

"So..." Minho smiled, looking a bit uncomfortable, and I was feeling just as restless.

He took me to a café, so I decided to focus on my coffee cup for the time being, feeling the impending doom his next words would most certainly bring.

"I really wanted to talk to you, but it's been a bit chaotic with everything going on..." He continued.

"Yeah..."

"And you've also avoided my texts and calls like the plague."

"I... uhm... I didn't..." I shifted in my seat, unsure of what to say to excuse myself.

He was right, I've been avoiding all his attempts of reaching out, simply because I didn't know how to act around him anymore. I only answered if there was something at stake concerning Nari, but that was pretty much it.

"It's okay, Jieun. I know you're probably feeling very awkward..."

"Aren't you?"

"Not necessarily. You see... I had my doubts about you being Flame for a while. I just wasn't certain."

"I also thought you might be Charisma, but it felt like such an absurd thought, that I discarded it pretty much immediately." I confessed.

"Absurd? How so?"

"Well, uhm... yeah, you're right. This is really awkward." I chuckled nervously, but Minho didn't seem to pick up what I meant from my gestures alone. "I mean, look at you, Minho. You... you have it all. The personality, the looks, the money. You could be with anyone you wanted. Why would you hire a prostitute?"

"Because... I've been really scared of any intimacy after my wife passed. I guess I wasn't ready for any serious relationships. When I found out about this site... I thought it might be good to try something new for a change."

"Oh."

"What about you, Jieun? Why were you on there?"

"I needed money for my grandmother's bills and didn't know how else to get it. It's as simple as that. I'm feeling so ashamed right now. You must think I have no morals-"

"Hey." He placed his hand on top of mine. "I don't think anything like that about you. In fact, I'm really glad I found out, and that it was you. There's nothing to feel ashamed about, yeah?"

"Minho, I can't even look you in the eyes knowing that if you wouldn't have been my consistent client I would've just sold myself to any other man who would've paid. It's so hard to not feel ashamed, guilty even. And you're glad you found out and that it was me?!"

"Yes. I'm glad because I was also feeling guilty for having feelings for you, Nari's teacher, and wanting to pursue a relationship with you, while thinking about Flame. So, yes, Jieun, I'm really glad Flame was you the whole time, and it makes so much sense, too."

"How does it make any sense?"

"Because I've always known what I want, or rather, who I want. But this time... damn, the whole situation was messing with my head, because I wanted you both. I've fallen for you twice. I started liking you, Flame, from your gestures alone. Remember that time you 'kissed me' with your hand on top of my lips? Who does that to show affection while respecting that one request I had, Jieun?"

"I just... it felt right, in that moment." I averted my gaze.

"So, you also felt it. It wasn't simply the fact that we were having sex, it was... more."

"I also... felt confused. I liked Charisma a lot, I was even glad he wanted to keep seeing me because I enjoyed spending time with him. And then we started spending more time together, and I realised I also like you, Minho. I liked spending time with you and Nari, I liked us drinking together, and when you kissed me that night... I wanted to take it further so bad, but... it felt wrong, considering I was selling myself, you know?"

"I see..."

"That's why I don't even know what to say to you now. Because if Charisma stopped seeing me, and my grandma would've still been alive, I would've... I would've continued selling myself... to someone else, that wouldn't have been you."

"That a hypothetical scenario, Jieun."

"Even so."

"I would've still understood, if you'd told me. Sex for money and sex for love are different things, so how could I be upset that you were a prostitute?"

A prostitute.

It stung.

"Are they that different, though? Because it sure as hell didn't feel any different when it was Charisma."

To that, it seemed I shut Minho down for a few moments. Still, he recovered quickly and kept persisting, going back to one of his previous points.

"If we would've talked-"

"Then what?" I cut him off. "You're being too idealistic, Minho."

"I could've still paid you, or-" He started, but stopped as soon as I threw him a look. "Ok, that was a bad thing to say."

He chuckled awkwardly, and I also laughed briefly, and the air between us shifted from unbearably uncomfortable and suffocating to a bit more easy to breathe.

"The thing is, I really like you, Jieun, and I want to take us further and to be honest about our feelings. I don't care that you were Flame, and if you also don't mind that I was Charisma, then what is holding us back?"

His words made my eyes instantly turn back to my now empty coffee cup. I should've been happy hearing this, perhaps, but for some reason, his words were registering in a wrong way in my head, and dread was settling down in my stomach.

I wanted to be with Minho, that much I knew, but somehow, it felt as complicated as trying to force the stars to align. But aren't stars just old, dead lights?

What is left of us, then?

What if what I wanted from Minho was simply out of reach, even if it seemed closer than ever? After all, I always had the tendency to reach for the unreachable, and Minho felt like he was just that.

He was out of my reach, even if he was sitting right in front of me, confessing some... fleeting feelings.

What if he'd change his mind once he fully processed that I've never been that great woman he made me out to be in his head?

I was just a whore. We were doomed from the beginning.

How could I even begin to accept his words, with my heart feeling this deep agony?

What was there even left to say to him about this whole train wreck we found ourselves in? 

I was rummaging through my head like I would for something in my bag, but with such a mess inside, it was too hard to find anything.

It was better to keep silent.

"You don't have to give me an answer now..." He started after a while, and I realised how much time I've been deep in thought for, which forced an apologetic smile on my face. I couldn't say anything after all. I couldn't... I couldn't accept his feelings, not with the ache in my heart and this unbearable fog in my brain.

I couldn't.

"I don't know where to go from here, Minho. Me, you... us?" I chuckled bitterly. "It's... it's too complicated. Too many things happened at once and I think I haven't fully processed anything. I'm sorry, but I... I need some time to put my thoughts in order." I said, and every word burned my tongue, but it was true.

My feelings were too complicated to navigate now, and I needed more time to process it all, to think about whether I should stay here or go back to my hometown and friends. Whether I should keep living here and lean on Minho and maybe become the mother Nari's never had or return to my previous life and try to forget that this past year has even happened.

"I understand." Minho replied in a kind tone and placed his hand on top of mine, over the table. "You should just focus for yourself on the time being, Jieun. Everything else can wait."

~

It was hard getting out of the slump I fell in.

Days blurred into each other, grey, never changing. 

Wake up, get dressed, go to work, come home, sleep and repeat.

Day after day, week after week, this mindless routine was the only thing that helped keep my life in a somewhat order.

The first few weeks were the hardest. As my grandmother's death began settling in, so did all the suffocating feelings I've been repressing. It was hard to focus on anything once the shock wore off, because the heartbreak was too painful, and the realisation that my grandma would never call my name again hit me like a truck.

When I was at home, I would try to focus on reading or on watching a show just to get my mind off things, but I would keep spacing out instead. I would try cleaning, only to end up in bed one hour later, realising I don't have enough energy to at least stand up. I'd go to the bathroom for a quick shower, only to realise it's been two hours and the water ran cold.

Every action I did was performed with thin detachment, as I wasn't really feeling like a person.

It was quite ironic, really. Having been independent for so long, I was used to being on my own. This time, however, it felt lonelier than ever. It felt isolating and painful, and remembering how I got to this point felt like getting punched in the gut over and over again.

I missed my grandmother. Terribly. And this thought kept recurring, making me break down and sob, crying my heart out until no more tears would fall. But despite of this, time kept moving on, giving me no chance whatsoever to collect myself. 

They say time heals, but it somehow didn't lessen the suffocating pain in my chest.

As the weeks passed, however, I got better at managing these episodes.

On my own, I learnt how to calm myself down, how to stop crying and how to accept the harsh reality. It took a long time to do so.

My destructive pattern of isolating myself from others came in full force though, and a lot of things around me changed. For instance, I stopped reaching out to the friends I still had left in my hometown, and I stopped replying to Minho.

I couldn't. I couldn't speak to anyone. It hurt too much to articulate what I was feeling, and being on my own felt like the safest option.

My former friends all stopped trying, eventually.

Falling into a pointless routine felt like the only way I could protect myself, keep myself from becoming insane. I tried to focus all my energy into teaching my class, coming up with new lesson plans and grading papers, because thinking about anything else made my head hurt.

This worked for a while, but the loneliness started eating away at me slowly. I still wasn't sure of what to do but knowing that everyone else had their own lives while I was stuck on my trauma felt even more lonely and isolating. It was like trying to speak but having an index finger against my mouth.

I realised slowly that this isolation was not beneficial to me at all. It was hurtful not only to myself, but also to those people I've been keeping at arm's length. Still, it didn't feel right trying to get back in touch with my friends. There was too much distance between us now, too many unspoken words.

I considered once again it might be better to keep staying on my own, but my anxiety got the best of me, and then, one evening, when it all got too overwhelming, I knew I had to do something about it. I needed to stop thinking for once, to stop making excuses or ponder on what to say or how to apologise for being so detached. I just picked up my phone, texting the one person who hasn't stopped trying even though I've been distant.

The moment I sent him the message, he called. Instantly.

"Hey."

"Hi." I replied sheepishly. I felt bad.

I haven't answered him much lately, and despite the pointless conversations about the weather (or such) we had while he dropped Nari off and picked her up from school, we haven't really talked... at all.

Because of me.

"Are you feeling any better? I was waiting for your text, you know." He chuckled slightly.

"Yeah..." I replied, but quickly shook my head, even if he wasn't able to see me. "... no. Sorry."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Should I come over or come pick you up?"

"What about Nari?"

"Sleepover at Jiho."

"Okay."

"Great. I'll be there in 15."

Once we ended the call, I started looking around my apartment, noticing how messy everything was. Lots of items were misplaced, there were clothes on the floor, unwashed coffee mugs, and it was generally a mess.

I started picking up a few things before realising I should probably take a quick shower and change from my pyjamas, because I haven't changed since yesterday afternoon when I got back from school, so I gave up on cleaning the apartment and cleaned myself instead.

When I was out of the shower, Minho was already at my door, and the apartment was still a mess. Only the living room was somehow presentable.

I opened the door slowly, peeking from the inside at the man who, despite dressed casually, looked like a million bucks.

"Hi." I smiled, pondering on whether I should invite him in or not.

Minho smiled at me expectedly.

"Do you... uhm... want to come in?"

"If you'll have me?" He chuckled softly. The situation was once again absurd. I told him to come over, and now I was reluctant to let him in simply because I had a messy apartment.

"I didn't clean up..." I smiled apologetically and moved away from the door, and Minho followed me in with a chuckle.

"This is you not cleaning up? You can't be serious, Jieun." He looked around and then threw me a look.

"It's dirty."

"A few things are misplaced, yeah, but it's definitely not dirty." He laughed and patted my head once, as if I was a child.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I grabbed his arm as I saw him bend down to rearrange my shoes.

"Helping out."

"No."

"No?" He laughed again, then pointed to my little shoe rack in the corner of the hallway. "It's gonna take two seconds to put these there."

"Still." I shook his hand a bit and found myself pouting, before quickly correcting my expression.

"Can you make me a tea while I put these there?"

"Okay..." I reluctantly agreed and let him be and went into the kitchen. I picked up some dried mint and made tea, and then took the two mugs to the living room, where Minho already made himself at home on my sofa.

"Thanks." He smiled, picking up the mug I handed him.

I sat down as well and looked into my teacup, examining the liquid as my heart was doing rounds in my chest. I wanted to apologise for basically disappearing, and I wanted to tell him everything that was on my chest, all the thoughts that didn't let me sleep for the past weeks.

But I didn't know how to begin, or where.

"Long time no see." He started for me, placing a soothing hand on my back and making me look at him. I saw him putting his mug on the table, and I followed suit absent-mindedly.

"Minho, look... I'm sorry for-" I started, but he cut me off by taking me by surprise with a hug.

I stopped talking and just hugged him back, breathing in his scent. He smelled good, like soap and deodorant, with a tint of perfume on his shirt.

When he pulled away, he looked at me and removed a few strands of hair from my face.

"You lost weight." He frowned. "And you're pale."

"You saw me almost every day, Minho." I reminded him. Despite not talking or meeting one-on-one, we did see each other every working day of the week when he came to school.

"Not this close." He shook his head. "How are you feeling, Jieun?"

He let me go and picked his mug to take a sip of his tea, and I did the same, because I didn't know where else to put my hands, or what to do.

"Honestly..." I shook my head. "Not good, Minho."

I let out a shaky breath and blinked back a couple of tears.

"I'm sorry." I chuckled. "It's just that... everything is so confusing. My feelings are all over the place, and I'm tired all the time, and I couldn't even reach out to anyone. It felt like the biggest chore to get up in the morning, to get dressed... and even to reply to texts. I got so fed up with everyone's texts, really. I am so sorry for your loss. Let me know if you need anything. It's so damn tiring, Minho."

He didn't say anything, however, he placed his hand back on my back, rubbing circles soothingly.

"I don't know what to do to get back on track, to feel a bit better. I'm completely lost. I focused so much on making sure my grandmother is taken care of, and now that she's gone, I feel like my life no longer has any purpose."

"It does, Jieun."

"Like what? What am I even doing in this city, Minho? I don't even belong here-"

"That's not true." He cut me off. "You have a job to get back to, with so many children knowing that there's a safe space that waits for them in your classroom. You have your little routine here, your own place-"

"I'm renting, it's not really my place." I mumbled, and he let out a soft chuckle.

"You know what I meant. Point is, you've been building this life for the past year, you've made your own habits, you have a favourite coffee shop, and a favourite market, and hell, you told me yourself about how your neighbour's dogs even recognise you and come to play with you, so how can you not belong here?"

His words made me pout slightly, which didn't go unnoticed by Minho, who put his hands on my face and forced my lips in a smile.

"You're so childish." I started laughing at his antics, and he smiled kindly.

"And you also belong next to me and Nari. She's been asking me to invite you to dinner practically every day, and it's getting harder and harder to make up excuses on why you can't come. She misses you, Jieun."

"I don't know, Minho. I'm still feeling so weird about... everything, really. I'm still confused about us."

"What is there to be confused about?" He tilted his head. "I'm in love with you, it's as simple as that."

He confessed, and I had to blink a few times.

"What?"

"What? Why are you so shocked?" He laughed softly and leaned back. "I told you before that I have feelings for you."

"You did, but... You are so... direct." I looked at him, confusion plastered all over my face. "I just didn't expect you to say it so... causally."

"I told you, Jieun. I want to be honest about my feelings from now on."

"How come you haven't changed your mind? I've ignored you this past month."

"Ah, so it was on purpose!" He exclaimed, making me roll my eyes and laugh. "Jokes aside, of course I wouldn't have changed my mind. If anything, I feel like I got to think way more about you, and us, and it's made things so much clearer. If it was not fate that we met first on In the Dark, and then practically the second day in your classroom, I have no idea what fate is supposed to be."

"It's truly weird that things worked out like this, isn't it?"

"Yeah, and I told you. You made me fall for you twice. The first time, slowly through your words and actions, when seeing how good you fit in with me and Nari and how much you add to our lives, and the second time, without even knowing who you are or what you look like, once again through your actions and the small details."

"Damn, I'm pretty good, aren't I?" I joked, but Minho nodded truthfully, his eyes full of praise.

"Now, of course, there's also the chance that you don't like me back, which, I mean, would pretty much suck, but I'd understand."

"It's obviously not that." I rolled my eyes again, then looked at how he was manspreading on my sofa.

"Oh, yeah?" He challenged me, and it felt as if I was under a spell, because the next thing I did came naturally.

I shifted on the sofa and made my way over to him, supporting my hands against the backrest and hopping onto his lap, straddling him.

He raised an eyebrow and let out a smirk, and I could feel my heart beating faster and faster. Although we've been in this position a lot of times, even naked, it was the first time I was actually seeing him.

With another leap of courage, I grabbed his face in my hands and pressed a soft kiss against his lips.

"I do like you, Minho." I said in a quiet voice. "I'm just insecure."

"Do I make you feel insecure? Do you doubt me, or my feelings for you?" He asks, as quietly as me, and put his hand on top of mine, squeezing.

"No." I shook my head. "It is I who makes me feel insecure. I don't think I'm good enough for... for you."

It was hard getting this confession out of my chest, but it's one of the main reasons why I've been hesitant to let Minho in. While keeping my grandmother in the hospital, I've tried my hardest to not look down on myself. I tried rationalizing why I was selling my body, and it made sense, but now, with her gone and with way too much time to spare, my mind kept spiralling.

The same answers I've told Minho weeks ago during coffee were circling through my head repeatedly. If she were still alive, and if Minho wouldn't have found out that I was Flame... what would I have done? Date him while cheating on him with Charisma - or God forbid, with another man - every other night just for some more money to pay the bills?

Everything weighted way too heavily, and I felt another pang in my heart and another headache settling between my temples.

"What do you even mean, Jieun?" Minho asked calmly, his voice soft. "You're not only good enough. You're perfect for me."

As he said that, he moved his other hand closer to my face, rubbing the frown away from between my eyebrows.

"Are you looking down on me for visiting Flame through In the Dark?" He asked all of the sudden, checking my eyes for answers.

"What? Of course not!"

"Why not?"

"You had your reasons."

"So did you. So stop looking down on yourself." He moved both hands on my waist and kept looking into my eyes, and God, the way he was looking at me was so beautiful.

The whole moment felt intimate, despite the pain in my chest, and I could feel my heart thump harder. Things looked so easy from Minho's perspective, so black and white, but my head was a mix of colours sprawled around all over the place.

"Please don't doubt my feelings." Minho shifted our bodies, sitting up straight and pressing me closer to his chest, while whispering in my ear.

His hands started dancing from my waist to my back, giving me goosebumps all over.

"I missed you." He whispered again, pressing a small kiss on my collarbone, before raising his face to look at me.

"I missed you too." I whispered back, kissing his lips.

"Yeah?" He asked, but this time, it didn't sound challenging. It sounded genuine, and full of hope.

"You're such a patient man, Minho. All these weeks of me ignoring your texts, and you still picked up and came here when I reached out."

"Of course."

"Thank you."

"Thank you for reaching out to me, Jieun. Please don't pull away again."

"I'm sorry."

Minho smiled and kissed my lips again, and then hugged me tight, and the night witnessed our silent promises as we went to sleep embraced, and for the first time in weeks, I was able to get a good night's rest.

~

(A/N) hello my darlings, 

I hope you enjoyed this chapter

Things seem to be looking up?

Love,

Storm