Chapter Three: Accidents

Hiccup had been the last guy left in the department, still working on the purse. The Thorstons had been in during the afternoon and he had the nasty suspicion they had been messing with the delicate and experimental mechanisms...which was never good. Hiccup was an excellent engineer but he did have a tendency to over-engineer devices which made them astonishingly temperamental...

So he had fallen asleep at his desk while rechecking the device and had woken at six when one-legged Helga passed through Q-department with the floor-buffer. Hiccup gave her a weary smile and wave, then tried to straighten up after his incredibly uncomfortable sleep. Various bits of him cracked as he stretched and he yelped in pain before stretching again and reluctantly going to the gymnasia so he could use the showers. Not that anyone would pay him any attention-not old Useless, the laughing stock of the service. Not even his father cared where he was or what he was doing since he humiliated him on his selection interview. He shrugged, showered, shaved, redressed in his old stale clothes and grabbed some toast from the rec room that he probably wasn't allowed to even enter...and then he was back at his desk by seven, depressed and fed up. All he had wanted was his shot...and that had been sabotaged by someone who should've known better.

Of course, he wasn't the only one affected by Snotlout's insanely selfish actions but he had suffered the most, burdened by ridiculous expectations due to his father's exalted position. And he had ended up blamed for everything that had gone down-including by the other person who had been ejected from the process. Even the small satisfaction that he had saved AI6 from being blown to atoms because of Snotlout's monumental stupidity hadn't made up for the humiliation of his failure. He stared at the purse and munched his toast, idly flipping his phone out of his pocket and checking his emails. The usual selection of junk and a couple from Fish, his only actual friend were skimmed over in moments but as he made to lock it, he realised he had received a text.

It was probably a company chasing him for mis-sold insurance or a claims firm asking if he had had an accident and wanted to make a legal claim but he opened it anyway...and then he gaped:

ALVIN PLANNING MAJOR EVENT ON 17TH. PRESIDENT LARSON, MILITARY AND BANKS ALL INVOLVED. PRIORITY BLACK-VA1.

There were attachments-large picture files that he recognised as photoscans-that he flicked over and gaped at as clearly valuable intelligence. Hand shaking, he checked the device of origin...and confirmed it was the com he had issued to Eret the previous day-which he had forgotten to get the man to sign for, as Gobber had shouted at him for five minutes about in the afternoon. His shoulders sagged. He knew his cell was only about one digit different from the Commander's...so agent VA1 had made a mistake in his hurried text...but at least it had arrived with someone who could pass it on to the right authorities. He sighed and got up, his foot slipping and hand flying out and catching the purse.

The device spun...and then fell to the floor.

Hiccup stared in shock as the device twitched then began to fire bullets that zinged round the lab, causing Hiccup, the two techs who had already arrived and Gobber who was in the doorway to hit the floor. Stun darts shot out and one took out Helga. Finally the purse flipped...and exploded. Bench, chair and the remains of Hiccup's tools landed all over the people and, as the smoke began to thin, Gobber raised his head.

"HICCUP!" he bellowed.

Singed, coughing and ears ringing, Hiccup raised his head and offered an apologetic smile.

"Yes, Gobber?" he asked in a hoarse voice.

"Use mae damned title, boy!" Gobber bellowed in rage.

"Yes, Q," Hiccup replied miserably. Gobber never insisted on his title unless he was absolutely totally super-mad. With a sigh, the young man levered himself to his feet and stared at the ruins of his workstation. "Sorry, Q," he added. Then he lifted his phone. "But I got a message from Eret!"

"I dinnae want tae hear about that lad's latest conquest!" Gobber shouted. "Thor! I remember when secret agents were just concerned with their jobs, not getting notches on their bedposts or the most expensive kit...which my idiot assistant doesn't even get them tae SIGN FOR!"

"Yes, Q. Sorry, Q," Hiccup repeated miserably, head down. At least everyone wasn't here...and then he looked up and saw half the department was at the doorway. His cheeks scorched with embarrassment. He could hear the mutters of "what has Useless done now?' and he felt a surge of anger run through him. He lifted his head, his emerald eyes glittering.

"Alright, alright, nothing tae see here!" Gobber growled. The rest of the team stared at him. "Okay, Hiccup has blown up half the department but nothing else tae see here!"

"Thanks, Gobber," Hiccup muttered under his breath. The man glared at him. "Look-this really is from Eret! I've checked the GPS location and the device signature and..."

"Boy-yer've managed tae wreck me department, disrupt the entire day's work and annoy me-and I ain't even had mae coffee yet!" Gobber snapped.

"But I..." Hiccup argued. Gobber advanced on him and the boy scrambled backwards a pace, his green eyes widening.

"Hiccup-if yer want tae ever be allowed another try at being an agent, yer need tae stop all of...this!" He gestured to the skinny young man and Hiccup's eyes darkened in hurt.

"You just gestured to all of me!" he said in a toneless voice.

"Yes! Stop being all o'ye!" Gobber growled. "If yuir so certain, you run that message down tae Coms and see of they can confirm your findings. But if not...I don't want tae hear any more of this nonsense...and I'll have tae decide what tae do with ye!" Hiccup breathed hard, his heart sinking. If Gobber didn't want him, there really wasn't anywhere else in AI6 that he could go...and he knew what that meant. His father had spelled it out over and over at every family gathering: he was out-of the service and also of the family. He swallowed.

"Yes, Q," he said and headed for the door.

oOo

Coms and Surveillance was on the seventh floor, a very efficient and ordered department that Hiccup didn't visit often but he was driven on by anger and the sneers and laughter and a faint edge of desperation. And also concern: if Eret was in trouble, he needed someone to help him and wouldn't appreciate everyone disbelieving his call for help just because Hiccup had accidentally received the message instead of his Dad, the Commander. He swiped himself in and headed for the duty desk and the agent sitting there, scanning the taps they had on the criminals they were tracking. The room was lined with black flat frictionless surfaces, a steel desk and countless screens and agent looked up as he closed on her and rolled her eyes.

"Hiccup," she sighed. "What are you doing here?"

"Hi, Heather," he said calmly. Heather Daguerre, VA12, was the senior officer in the coms and surveillance section and was only three years older than Hiccup. Coming from Berserk, she arrived with peerless references from her own security and law enforcement departments and excellent qualifications. She was cool, clever and efficient with long jet hair and intelligent grey eyes. The senior officers referred to her as 'the pretty one' but Hiccup didn't like the way she looked at him as if he was below her notice. She rolled her eyes as she waited for him to tell her why he was wasting her time.

"No offence, Hiccup-some of us actually have a job here," she said briskly. "Are you here on an errand or...?"

"I received this last night," he said and handed his phone to her. She read through the message then handed it back.

"And you fell for this?" she asked. He frowned.

"Aren't you concerned?" he asked her in surprise. "I mean-Eret has sent us some valuable intelligence, a warning and..."

"And why on Midgard would Eret contact you?" she asked him directly. "I mean, there are a thousand better agents in AI6-included one-legged Helga!" He glared at her.

"Hilarious!" he replied. "I checked the device of origin-the com I personally issued to him yesterday. The location was downtown close to where he was conducting a routine surveillance and..."

"And why would he call you?" she repeated. "I mean-you know he wasn't alone anyway. He has a new partner who he would call in preference!"

"A partner? He never works with a partner! He didn't say anything about a partner!" Hiccup gabbled. Heather smiled at his shock.

"Well, I gather he wasn't overjoyed...but at least his new best friend came with exceptional marks at the selection," she told him. Hiccup's brows quirked. "Snotlout is the partner."

"WHAT?" Hiccup shouted. "You are joking, right? Please say you're joking! Not Snotlout, Gods please..."

"Yeah...he was squealing like a fangirl," Heather smirked. Hiccup scowled. "So you see why I have reason to believe he and Eret concocted a little joke to play on you!"

"Or he could have misdialled the number," Hiccup protested. "I mean, mine is one digit of the Commander's..."

"Which is installed as speed-dial on all service issue coms!" Heather reminded him.

"But Eret is such an overconfident ass he would just dial it by memory," Hiccup pointed out. She leaned forward and her eyes narrowed.

"Yup-green eyes," she sneered. "You're jealous! Because he's handsome, tall, built, suave, successful, brave, athletic, popular...everything you aren't!"

"Am not!" Hiccup lied. They both knew it. Every male in the service was jealous of Eret. "This is genuine-I know it..."

"Hiccup-there are no alarm or emergency codes, no other calls for help, no security preface...this is a hoax," Heather told him brutally. "You've been pranked by Eret and Snotlout. I presume Snot would know your number?" Hiccup stared at her, his stomach sinking. Was it a prank? Had Snot made a fool of him again? And he stared at his phone. His gut and heart were telling him this was genuine. But Heather gently pushed the phone back to him. "If I were you, I would delete that message and forget about it," she said firmly. "No one would call on you in an emergency, Hiccup. This is a cruel joke. And if you can't even see that, you have no place in AI6. Grow a pair and take it like a man." And then she turned away and back to her work. Hiccup stared at her for a long moment...then grabbed his phone and stalked from the office.

He walked slowly to the elevator and stared at it for a long moment. Maybe he should just listen to Heather...because he hadn't even considered that it call all be a prank. What kind of agent would he be if he never suspected a trap? His finger hovered over the text...and then he stuffed the phone in his pocket and stabbed the UP button. He walked in to the lift and hit the 10 button: the top floor and the Commander's Office. It was his last chance.

The door slid open and he emerged, pushing open the door to Phlegma's office. The woman looked up at him and sighed.

"What do you want, Hiccup?" she asked directly. He stared at her.

"What is it? have I contacted leprosy and not been told? Maybe terminal halitosis? Why is no one pleased to see me?" he asked sarcastically.

"Well, apart from the fact I believe you blew up the Quartermaster's department this morning, you have no reason to be here. And the Commander is busy," the woman said briskly.

"Firstly, it was not the entire department, just my station and I am sure the purse had been messed with," Hiccup began spiritedly. "Then I always have a reason because the Commander is my Dad. And finally, I have important information for him." Phlegma looked sceptical.

"Really? You? Have you run in through Coms and..."

"Yeah, yeah...but Heather's wrong!" Hiccup said firmly.

"Look-the Commander is in a meeting and..." she began but he darted past her and pulled the door open...bursting into the office to find his father, Commander Stoick Haddock, the Chief of AI6 sitting at the head of the conference table with his Deputy, Spitelout Jorgensen-an older version of Snotlout, Ambrose Mildew, the head of assignments and personnel and Gobber all seated there, glaring at him. Stoick rose, his thick flaming red brows dipping as he scowled at the tall, skinny shape facing him. Hiccup took a quick breath.

"Dad-I have something to show you," he said urgently.

"Get out!" the Commander snapped. Hiccup shook his head.

"Sir-I have received a text from Eret-agent VA1-that I believe was sent to me in error..." Hiccup said clearly.

"I know who Eret is," Stoick said impatiently. "Why in Odin's name would you be texted by Eret?"

"It was an error..." Hiccup protested. "My number is one digit off yours..."

"Have you reported this to Heather?" he asked fiercely and Hiccup nodded.

"She thinks it's a hoax but I know it..."

"Damn it, boy!" Stoick snarled. "This is a senior staff meeting and you interrupt me with this nonsense? Are you trying to embarrass me?" Hiccup backed up a pace, shocked by the volume as well as the naked hostility. He shook his head.

"Of course not, sir...Dad...but I know this is important...I mean, it's Eret and he..."

"And that time you reported that you had penetrated the Grimborn Syndicate's code...and it turned out to be a commercial rock station? Or the time you were asked to prolong tracker battery life and you ended up starting those fires? Or when you accidentally hacked the payroll of the School system and one elementary teacher got paid 120 million dollars a month?"

"Dad, I was only doing what I was asked to..."

"Hiccup," Stoick said coldly, pinching the bridge of the nose and trying to avoid the pitying looks that Spitelout was shooting him. It was a sense of personal humiliation that his deputy had a son installed as a successful agent while his own son was the laughing stock of the whole service. "Why can you never do what you are supposed to do? Why do you always have to imagine there is something going on when all you do is cause chaos? If Heather feels the message is a hoax, then it is a hoax!"

"But we ought to investigate in case it is genuine and..."

"I SAID NO!" Stoick roared. "Gods damn it, boy! Why do you have to disobey me! Why couldn't you manage to even attempt the selection interview instead of almost destroying HQ?" He turned to the balding old man at his side, a hedge of wild grey hair circling a bald pate and topping a face with pointed nose and mean eyes. "Mildew, can you please ensure agent 1019 has his personnel evaluation done in the morning. I need to keep up to date with his progress in his current placement."

"Thanks, Dad-kick a man when he's down!" Hiccup mumbled.

"SHUT UP!" Stoick yelled. "Get yourself a physical evaluation. I cannot believe you can pass the minimum PE requirements. I mean-look at you! You're a disgrace, boy! After that...you're to go home for the day." Hiccup's eyes widened.

"Dad?" he mouthed.

"You're suspended," he growled. "Report in for your evaluation with Mildew 1100 tomorrow and I am sure Gobber will need to speak with you afterwards. Now get out of my sight!"

"But..."

"If you say one more word about that message, Hiccup, I am going to have you thrown out of AI6 completely! I will hear no more of this or any more of your nonsense..." Stoick snarled.

"Like you have any clue what other 'nonsense' I do since you threw me out to live by myself when I hit eighteen to toughen me up," the young man muttered almost under his breath.

"What was that?" Stoick snapped.

"Yes, sir," Hiccup sighed, tucked the phone in his pocket and turned to the door.

"Close the door behind you, boy!" Spitelout taunted him. "This is a meeting for real agents about real problems!" And for a long moment, Hiccup really wanted to turn and shout that it was his stupid and selfish son who had cost Hiccup his chance in the interviews but he knew that would lead to his immediate expulsion from the service. His fists tightened and he swallowed, walking wordlessly through the door, slamming it closed and walking past Phlegma without a word. But she looked at the broken expression on his face and she sighed, feeling pity for him. He wasn't a bad guy, he wasn't cocky or smug or cruel-he just wasn't exceptional. And in the cutthroat world of the Service, that meant he wasn't anything.

"Hiccup-he doesn't mean it," she said as he reached the elevator. He looked back over his slumped shoulder, his green eyes filled with hurt.

"But he does," he said tonelessly. "He despises me, he's ashamed of me and he would really definitely kick me out of here to make sure he doesn't have to have anything more to do with me." He shrugged. "Now excuse me-I gotta go down for a combat eval-and he was right about one thing. I'm gonna get my ass kicked."

oOo

Eret tried to get free of the cuffs but he remained trapped and helpless, tied to the metal chair. Snotlout was also cuffed to another chair but was still sleeping off all the ale he had consumed in his incompetent attempt to distract Alvin's men. The sound of his snoring was vaguely grating, as was his intermittent mumbling to his Dad. Eret shook his head and his dark eyes flicked over his surroundings: the concrete and metal storeroom was bare of all distractions and opportunities, the door guarded by a man with a machine gun. They had taken his gun, his com, the flash drive and his stunner-though one of the men was holding it as a lighter...and he doubted they would just keep him here for no reason.

So he was unsurprised when the door slammed open and a huge suited shape walked in, a massive man with powerful chest and arms, a scarred face and dark cruel eyes. A full beard covered his chin as he walked in and inspected his prizes.

"This one ain't worth nothing," he growled, looking dismissively at the sleeping Snotlout, who was drooling unattractively. Then he looked over at Eret and his yellow grin widened. "But this is a prize indeed. 'Ello, Eret! Fancy seein' yer 'ere!" The agent gave a brash smile.

"Alvin! What a pleasant surprise to find you in a place like this!" he commented cheerfully.

"'Ardly surprising since I owns this establishment...and yer knew that!" Alvin growled. "Now I think it's time we actually checked what yer know!" Eret gave a bored look.

"Really, Alvin? You know we're not going to reveal anything except name and service number..." he said lightly. Alvin rolled his eyes and snapped his thick fingers. One of his men fired up a blowtorch and the crime lord grinned.

"Then this ain't gonna be much fun for yer," he said as the man walked towards the imprisoned agent. At that precise moment, Snotlout woke up, blinked...and screamed...