Fire set ablaze, watch it sizzle and spit; burning through endless days, though it won't change the pit that's settled in my heart. -W.

~

Cold porcelain presses into my back, balancing out the fire that has begun to consume my thighs- not a literal fire, but it feels like it could be. The heat of pain radiates from me like an oven and I know I should clean up. But the new lines slowly bloom pink, then red, and hold my gaze hostage. Old and new hurts overlap, covering the length of my thighs. The present burning persists and sends waves of shudders through me, igniting a dull burn from still healing cuts up underneath my nightgown to my hips, the sides of my rib-cage, the tender skin of my belly.

I press harder against the cooling tub as the blade sets on the inside of my thigh over a pearly scar. My breath hitches- in pain, ecstasy, a mix of both- as it begins to bite into flesh.

Glancing down, I watch as blood slowly escapes, a tear shaped drop crawling towards the floor. Not all of them draw blood. Most don't. They scar anyway though. I don't mind it. I know I should- and might, later on.

But today I need blood. Today, I need precious silence in my head, and pain to only be on the outside. Even if the silence is fleeting.

I open my eyes, readjust myself on the rug, and set the blade an inch lower. Closing my eyes, I begin again.

The front door downstairs opens and closes with a thud, pulling me from the pain for a moment. Even with the steady coolness on my back and the threat of her seeing the bathroom light on, fire overtakes rational thought. I don't want it to end. Positioning the blade again, I close my eyes to the creaky stair warnings. She has seen the light.

"Baby, are you okay?"

The world blurs as I open my eyes, staring at the handle of the door. It turns ever so slightly before stopping. "Yeah, just going to the bathroom."

I think she says something else, but the blood thrumming in my ears drowns her out and the stairs grumble her goodbye.

Cursing softly, I pad over to the toilet, flushing once, and start to clean up.

*image is not mine*