CHAPTER 35: WHAT MATTERS IS THE NOW AND THE TO BE

After running for hours, they finally settled in an open grass field, evading the forest's surroundings at night. That way, they would minimize the possibilities of getting attacked by a monster while they slept. Monsters didn't like to expose themselves in the open, so it was a good strategy for their survival. The gang agreed they would resume their journey to Shuǐzuàn kingdom, where the Rhinestone Shelled Turtle Wise Spirit's charm was.

Once they settled and made fire, to Pamella's surprise, everyone ate and went directly to sleep, complaining on how wild the days since they left their home and issued the journey, had been. Everyone except Xian Leng and Pamella, was snoring peacefully; each in their own dreams. She was worries about Xian Leng's attitude since they left the castle of the Dragon King back at Jīnhuáng kingdom. She had been wanting to ask him what did the King tell him that made him stare at space like a zombie, but one he wouldn't know what a zombie was and two he like any other person would brush off the question and answer with an iconic "Nothing".

The silence was becoming unbearable and even though Xián Leng was giving his back to her, she could tell he was awake. In a soft and low voice, she called out to him, but there was no response. She continued for two more times and seeing no movement or getting answers, she jumped to her two feet and walked over to Xian Leng's side.

As she had suspected, his eyes were wide open and were staring at nothing in particular; they did show that the man was having a war within himself and his emotions, none of the sides taking over.

Pamella sighed and called again. She was ignored, so she proceeded to lowering her body on the open space at his side, facing him.

She called again and no answer followed. Xian Leng just now starred at her serious and with a blanc expression.

Pamella decided to try something else. Maybe using some skin ship, the man would be brought back from his mangled, shot out state; to reality. She raised one of her hands, and lowered to touch his cheek, but before it could have contact with it, a hand strongly gripped hers by the wrist.

Xián Leng without changing his expression, calmly said,

-          What are you doing?

It was a very strong grip he had on her and the sudden movement and speech had taken her by surprise. She wasn't going to pull away from him, but he could at least loosen it a bit.

She answered with a small smile on her face.

-          Well, it seemed like you weren't listening to me back then when I was calling you... So...

He cut her off,

-          I was... am... listening...

He let her go and she retreated her hand, massaging it softly where he had her gripped.

-          If you were listening, then... You know what forget it, that isn't what I want to talk about. What did you talk about with that Dragon King? You came out all...

Xián Leng,

-          Nothing...

Pamella chuckled. She was expecting that.

Xián Leng was going to shift his position into giving her his back, but she gripped him, blocking him into moving away from her. He did some force to get himself out of her grip, but he was too tired to fight the young woman off him, he could also tell that the strength of her body had increased.

He sighed and asked,

-          What do you want me to tell you? Get off...

Pamella moved her head from side to side. She stearnly looked into his eyes.

-          What do you want to tell me, is the question?

Xián Leng was a little confused but soon picked up what Pamella was trying to do. He wasn't feeling to talk about what he had learned, and he didn't know if it was true or not. He only wanted to sleep, even if his mind didn't let him, he at least wanted to rest and organize the mess his life had come to.

-          Give it up. I don't want to talk right now. It's late.

Pamella lowered herself a bit. Her face was closer to his.

-          You should have thought about that before you ignored me earlier. We could have spoken hours ago.

The girl was something alright. She remained fixed in what she wanted and used reasonable argument to direct the argument to her benefit. Xián Leng, even if he was strong; really strong, he sometimes said to himself, that the woman on top of him would be the end of him.

-          I'll tell you if you release me. But! Only some part because I'm tired.

It wasn't what Pamella wanted; she wanted to know everything, because it seemed like a serious matter by the way he behaved earlier, but something is at least something. She softened her grip and slumped back into his side, ready for him to keep his word and start explaining.

Looking at the night sky, Xián Leng started, his voice sounding a little broken.

-          Do you... Do you think I'm a bad person...? I mean, a horrible, evil person...

At the use of the last word to refer to himself Pamella was starting to have an idea of what that messed up King had told him.

-          I don't know why you would ask me such a question. You have been a great help for me. You've saved my life multiple of times and you've helped me with my situation and you've also, made friends that don't think you as "evil" or a horrible person.

Xián Leng was thinking if to continue or just believe in what Pamella was telling him. He decided to continue.

-          Do... You... Know anything more about me that you've read in those history books of yours in your time...? Something about me, being heartless and taking the life of... innocent people...?

Pamella's heart almost stopped because of the last question. She had promised to herself she would tell him someday about his past, but now that he had confronted someone who blurted it out unto his face, she didn't know how to postpone the facts. She could either yawn and play like she was getting sleepy but knowing Xián Leng he would know she was faking it, or she could tell him not everything as he said, but something. She still was afraid of what the consequences would be when he knew the worse part of his story, and if it was possible, she didn't want to be near him when he did get to know every detail about it.

-          History books, most of the time, are written in a centralized idea manner. Sometimes things that never happened are written to destroy other people's reputation, so you can't always believe completely on what history books have written...

Xián Leng's stare told her, he wasn't satisfied with the answer and that she was just evading on answering his inquire. She evaded his gaze and shifted hers to the stars.

-          Xián Leng... People change... They may have been the worse in their past and even have blood on their hands...

Xián Leng's teeth clenched and his Adam's apple bobbed nervously, Pamella continued.

-          But, that doesn't mean they didn't change for the better in the future and regret what they did in their Past. If... I tell you that you were "evil" and a "merciless" demon a thousand years ago, but I say you are a wonderful and good person today, would that change the view of yourself in the past and embrace what you now experienced and have?

Xián Leng stared deeply at her. She still had her gaze to the night sky but even if she was telling him something that had a sinister subject, the way she was telling him all was in a pleasant tone, accompanied with a small sweet smile.

Pamella didn't deny that Xián Leng had a regrettable dark past but she was moving that aside and asking him to concentrate in his present and future.

Pamella continued, now looking at him; eyes glistening and reflecting the woodfire's sparks.

-          Little by little, your past will be revealed. Some of those memories will be wonderful, but some of them would be excruciatingly painful. I don't need to tell you the details because they would reveal themselves, but what I can do is be there for you, even if I get scared or harmed in the process.

Xián Leng was listening to her intently.

-          I can't believe this blood soul contract has such an effect on me! To suffer for another person that I hardly know and is way out of my time... Incredible! Anyways, whatever you learn from now on, because I'm sure you will, have present in your mind that the Past is the Past what matters is what comes after. The Past would be one of the keys for you to build yourself into a better person and when you feel lost, don't forget that we are with you on this. I am with you on this...

Xián Leng was hypnotized by her way of speech and large grin on her face. For Xián Leng, there were sometimes that Pamella could get on his nerves, especially with that young mischievous man appearance, which incremented his desire to beat the man up, but there were times when she showed this maturity and philosophical way of thinking, that enveloped him into thinking she was an amazingly bright star; a bright star that he wanted to protect and have by his side, because without it his World could turn dark and he'd be lost.

Their gazing at each other's eyes became awkwardly eternal and Pamella was the one to break the ice. She cleared her throat and started to get up, excusing herself, until a hand gripped her in place.

-          Don't go. Stay.

She looked at Xián Leng who's eyes were shining with something she would confuse with desire. Desire for what, she had no idea, but whatever it was, pulled her in and finally she gave out.

She laid herself back to his side and kept on staring at him.

She thought,

If I was an unreasonable person, I could have many reasons to hate you and destroy you, but the you in front of my eyes and who I've had the luck to get to know, prevents me from doing so... Xián Leng, that's unfair...

Slowly, Pamella's eyes started to close themselves and once they did. Xián Leng placed his hand on her cheek; caressing it lightly.

He smiled and slowly drifted to sleep, hoping that whatever nightmares he had, the memory of Pamella's smile scared them away.

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