Chapter 31 - Facing Reality

[NOT EDITED]

Katherine's POV

I turned on the TV , scrolling through the channels trying to let time pass and to occupy my mind with anything other than what happened today.

But even with the TV turned on , my mind is somewhere else busy overthinking it.

Did Caleb see the papers ?

I don't know. I just hope he didn't.

But what if he did ?

Would he do something ? What would happen ?

Many questions roamed my mind but they directly get interrupted when i heard the main door opening.

Ashton is back ?

Weird.

When i heard his footsteps nearing , my eyes directly went toward him , his gaze fixated on the ground as he walked inside.

His hair messed up , he is holding his suit jacket in his hand , his white dress shirt halfway unbuttoned , both sleeves rolled up.

"Ashton." I called his name to grab his attention. He stopped walking , he slowly lifted his head , his eyes met mine and I don't why i felt my heart crack.

His eyes told me there is something wrong. Confused and worried , I directly stood up and walked toward him.

"What's wrong ?" I asked. When my hand touched his arm , he flinched and directly backed away, his eyes still not leaving mine, it was like they're blaming me.

My heart dropped in my stomach due to his action. I swallowed hard , "Ashton , what happened ?" I asked as i inched closer toward him.

He looked at me for a second before he shook his head , "What happened ?!" He asked in a mocking tone. He let out a low pained chuckle making my heartbeats accelerate.

He placed his suit jacket on the couch near us , his hand went toward one of the pockets and he took something out.

A paper.

He was suffocating it from how tight his hold is. Something fired in his eyes , his jaw ticked , he threw the paper making it drop in front of me , "This happened !" He said, his tone started to scare me.

I looked at his face then back at the paper , hesitantly and with my heart racing in my chest i knelt down and took it in my hand. Unfolding it , taking only one look , it felt like all the oxygen left my lungs.

My body stiffened. I find it hard to breath.

No, no.

He wasn't supposed to know like this.

"I was going to tell you." I found my voice and said. I kept looking down unable to meet his eyes again.

"Really ?" He said , his mocking tone back , "When ?"

I kept silent.

"When i was going to be informed about this ?" He added , his voice raising , "When Katherine ? AFTER YOUR DEATH ?!!"

I flinched at his tone or maybe at the way the death word rolled out of his mouth.

I kept silent , i think i lost my voice , my eyes still looking at the paper in my hand - in my shaking hand to be precise. Afraid to look up. Afraid of the look in his eyes.

Yes, i am afraid. I've always been afraid of this moment. I knew it would come one day. I knew i would have to face reality by the end. But I didn't know it's going to be this much hard.

"Answer me !" He growled , his hands roughly held both of my arms.

I shut my eyes at his sudden action, "I- I was afraid-" I stuttered , my eyes pricked with tears. "I d-didn't want to spoil the time we have together."

"What time !" He exclaimed, "You mean the only two months we have together ?! "

He shook his head, his hands left my arms ,he shut his eyes and looked away.

"I can't believe this." He said running his hand in his hair , his voice pained , "I was sitting here like an idiot planning our future together while you -" he trailed off , pointing his finger toward me ,"You were lying . You knew that you won't even be a part of that future !" 

"The baby you're carrying is mine, You're my wife Katherine ! And yet you didn't even tell me about this, you knew this from the very beginning yet you decided to just keep it to yourself...Didn't you think i f*cking deserve to know ?!"

He was the only one talking , his words hitting a nerve , but I couldn't find it in me to stop him. Because what he's saying is right.

I lied, i lied to all of them.

"You should've told me , at least i.. i would had time to find something, find a way , find a solution but now , now-" he trailed off , i heard him take a deep breath, his hand furiously rubbing his jaw. A thing he do when he is angry.

"Do you know what the doctor told me now ?" He asked but he wasn't waiting for my answer , "He said there is no way."

"Katherine there is no f*cking way !"

His voice broke as he muttered the last sentence making the first tear escape my eye.

I gathered some courage and lifted my head and looked at him.

Anger , pain ,and agony clouding his blue eyes , giving them a darker shade.

My heart constricted in my chest , more tears fell from my eyes , i placed my hand over my cheek and wiped them away. I cleared my throat , "I accepted it. You should accept it too." I said trying to not let my voice shake.

"Accept it ?!" He said looking at me furrowing his eyebrows , confused , like he didn't believe what i just said.

"Accept losing you ?" His voice became lower as he muttered that sentence, he again stepped closer toward me , "Accept not having you in my life anymore ?"

His eyes softened , i saw the anger fade in them yet they were still full with pain. Pain i caused.

Both of his hands cupped my cheeks , his pained glassy eyes looking directly into my tear-filled ones , his voice almost a whisper as he talked , "Accept your death ?"

A tear escaped his eye, a tear he couldn't hold back, a tear that showed me how much this affected him , how much he is broken inside.

How much i always manage to break him.

"How you expect me to accept all of this ?" He asked shaking his head , "How i will be able to enter this house again knowing you won't be here waiting me ? How i will be able to go to sleep with you not on my side, with you not in my arms."

His hands slowly left my cheeks , they traveled to my back , his forehead pressed against mine, his jaw tightened , "How ?" He whispered again, his eyes closed , but mine opened as i saw another tear escape past his closed eyelids.

I couldn't help it anymore , I couldn't help suppress my sobs and prevent more tears from falling.

He pulled me closer toward him , hugging me tight, he never held me this tight before. It's like he is afraid if he loosened a bit , i will just disappear.

I buried my face in his chest , hearing his heart beating there, too fast and too hard. The heart that he had given me. The heart that i will soon break , that's if it is not already broken.

Shivers went through me, making me shake deep within my soul. The overwhelming feeling that invaded my chest was too much to bare.

I closed my eyes , i felt my hold over him tightening that my nails started digging in his shirt.

"Don't leave me." He said , his voice weak , each letter of his words begging me.

I wish it's by my hand. I wish i can stay.

I pulled away , my hand directly went toward his cheek , my thumb brushing the few tears on it away. "It's going to be okay." I said , our faces so close , my hand still on his cheek.

He shook his head, "You'll move on." I added ," I am not your whole life Ashton , i am just a part of it."

He shook his head again , "You don't understand, you are my whole life. You're my home Katherine and without you i am going to be homeless again."

"I am sorry." I said feeling defeated , "There is nothing i can do."

Something flashed in his eyes , his hands suddenly left my body and he stepped away making space between us.

"There is one thing." He said , the words fighting not to come out of his mouth.

My heartbeats accelerated, i shook my head , "No."

He nodded , my eyebrows knitted together. He swallowed hard , his gaze traveled toward my baby bump , he parted his lips , but nothing came out.

He closed his eyes for a second , when he opened them again , he said it , the one thing I thought he won't say. "You have to terminate the pregnancy."

My eyes widened at his words , "No , no !" I said my voice raising as I shook my head repeatedly. "Are you seriously asking me to kill my son ? Your son ?"

I couldn't believe he even thought about it.

That's not going to happen. I won't let it happen.

"It's the only option." He said.

"It's not an option !" I said feeling anger build inside me.

"Katherine please." He said, "If we lost.. him-" He trailed off , his gaze on my baby bump again, "We can have another child in the future , but Katherine if i lost you , how i am going to have another you ?"

I shook my head , "I am not doing it , I would never kill my baby !" Tears fell from my eyes just at the thought of losing him. "Did you forget why you married me in the first place ? You married me for the baby Ashton !"

"No ! I married you because I couldn't let you go , because i loved you. The baby was just an excuse to have you in my life again."

"I won't do it." I said with determination. "You don't understand, I can't lose him too."

"Please-." He said , his voice pleading me yet his eyes saying otherwise. He is also afraid of losing him.

"No ! Ashton no !" I was pleading him too , to stop doing this to me , stop making me feel guilty, stop killing me before actually dying.

"If you love me , just don't say that ever again, please don't even think about it."

He didn't argue further after that but his jaw tightened even more , his face was contorted in pain, his hands clenched into tight fists. "Life always know how to f*ck it up for me."

A wheezed chuckle escaped his lips , a pained one , "I have my mother back but i am going to lose the woman i love. I can't even have both of my wife and my son in my life ! No , if i am going to have a one i have to lose the other."

He shook his head , he is mocking his fate.

But he is right. His life is always messed up , since his childhood he never had a break.

My heart aches for him. I can feel his pain , i can feel it like we are sharing the same broken heart.

"I always have to lose." He added , "It is always too good to be true."

"Ashton don't lose hope." I said , I don't want him to give up , "You'll have him." My hand involuntary went toward my pregnant belly.

Our baby will bring light into his life. Losing me won't be the end of the world.

"You'll have your son." I added.

"You think i will be able to even look at his face !" He said , "Look at him knowing he is the reason why you won't be here anymore."

My eyes widened at his words , my heart dropped in my stomach , "No , Ashton you can't, you can't blame him, it's not his fault."

"I won't be able to do it." He said shaking his head, "I can't raise him , I can't be a father to him."

"No you can't do that !" I said , "You know how it feels to not have your parents with you . Will you be able to make him live the same life ?"

He looked away , he couldn't meet my eyes , "He is going to need you more than anything, you have to be a father and a mother to him."

I was hoping i would kick some sense into his mind.

"I can't do it." He said , "You knew how the thought of becoming a father terrified me , but i started to accept it when i knew you are on my side , I thought you would help me do it , I thought we are going to do it.. together."

In the moment the pain i was feeling wasn't just emotional , it was physical as well. I felt contractions in my stomach , and a little bit dizzy.

I felt the same pain i was feeling when we were in the hospital before. The same pain the doctor told me it's due to stress.

My hand was grabbing the hem of my shirt tight. I tried to calm myself, I didn't want my emotions to control my body.

But the pain was just increasing with every second ticking by.

"You won't do it. I trust you , you won't let him live the same childhood you had to live." I said trying to convince him , because i really do trust him.

"Maybe i will." He said , "Maybe now I understand everything my father did to me. I don't think i blame him anymore."

"Maybe you're not wrong after all. I am like my father." His tone became void , empty and a bit harsh.

He turned his body and started to walk away. "Ashton wait !" I said stopping him. When i stepped forward i felt more dizzy that i had to stop for a moment to steady myself.

But I couldn't handle standing anymore, the dizziness taking me over. I pressed my palm against the wall beside me me trying to keep my balance, to suppress the pain the invaded my whole body

Ashton stopped , his back still facing me as he talked. "You took your revenge after all , didn't you ?"

My head snapped toward his direction , his words confused me. I didn't understand.

"I made you lose a person who you deeply cared about, a person you loved - and in return you're going to make me lose the only person i ever loved."

His words hurt me. Maybe they shouldn't. But they did.

I didn't know what to say at the moment. I was in so much pain , emotionally and physically that i couldn't help the cry in pain that escaped past my lips.

I shut my eyes feeling everything in me breaking.

But to think about, is there anything left to break ? Is there any pieces in me that are not fractured, that are not  ripped ?

Another whimper left my mouth and in the moment i felt myself falling before someone's arms held me tight.

I opened my eyes to meet Ashton's worried ones ,"Are you okay ?" He asked in alarm.

I shook my head. I am not okay.

"What should i do ?" He mumbled , more to himself, he looked dazed and lost. "We should go to the hospital, i should- i should take you to the hospital."

He directly placed one hand under my knees,the other around my back ready to lift me up.

"I am sorry." I said , my tears falling down, nothing seems to stop them, "Don't apologize." He directly interrupted me , our faces so close.

"Do you forgive me ?" I asked , i couldn't help the sob the escaped my lips.

"It's not your fault." He directly said , his voice pained and shaking , his eyes watering, "Baby it's not your fault."

I don't know how it happened but suddenly, I felt all the pain leaving my body , i felt numb , i didn't have control over my body anymore. I just felt like sleeping.

"Katherine ! Stay with me !" Ashton said in alarm as i closed my eyes unable to keep them opened anymore.

I felt his hand palming my cheek , i heard him say my name again , i felt his strong arms tightly embracing me.

But i couldn't say anything after as i closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.

Or that what I thought.

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You know that I thought about this scene at the beginning when i started the first book lol 😂 finally wrote it down !

It was small i know , i wanted to make it longer but couldn't write more , my head hurts , i am sneezing every freaking second and i am bleeding from down there .. yeah ugh ! Kill me please. 🔫

Anyway , the story is coming to an end soon *wipes an actual tear* , probably four to five chapters maybe. *crawl in a ball and cry my eyes out while sneezing every fûcking second*

Okay i will shut up now ! Comment and vote.😊

Love ya all❤️❤️❤️

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