Katherine's POV

One week Later..

One week has passed since i was discharged from the hospital.. And things have really changed.

Ashton has changed.

We barely talk. He is always busy , always at work.

He would go before i wake up and sometimes comes after i sleep.

Good morning, good nights , are the only words we exchange.

I know he is hurting , i know he is angry, i know he is mad. But i am hurting too, his actions hurt, ignoring me hurts.

And i am sick of this.

I want nothing but spend sometime with him. It's all i am asking for.

Is it too much ?

Normally , people when they know they're about to die , they go and do everything they ever dreamt of doing, they go and visit places their eyes begged them to see.

But me , I don't want all this, I don't want to go anywhere. I just want him, i want us to sit and have a normal conversation, i want us to watch a movie, to go shopping for our baby , i want to stare as much as i can at his blue eyes , the eyes that held my heart captive.

I want to see his smile and hear his sweet laugh, the laugh that alone can take my breath away.

I just want to be in his embrace , that alone is better than any other place.

Yesterday, i didn't sleep till he came back , i wanted to talk and clear things out . But he just told me i am tired , we can talk another day.

Even his mother , he is not paying much attention to her. She came back from Australia and he barely sees her.

Alex told me that he is always in the office or either with Mark.

So today I made my mind. He is not coming home so i am going to his office and this time we're going to talk.

We can't keep ignoring the subject. Time is ticking by and not much is left.

I went out the car and made my way inside. Passing by his assistant desk , i gave her a smile , "Is Ashton inside ?" I asked to make sure.

She smiled and nodded , "But he is busy now , i think you should wait for a while."

He is busy. Same f*cking excuse.

I am not listening to this bullsh*t anymore. I directly turned around and walked toward his office.

She said something as i walked but I couldn't comprehend it, anger started to take over me.

When i was one inch away from the door , someone opened it from inside and i don't know how it happened but i crashed into him and stumbled a bit before his hand wrapped around my waist saving me from embarrassing myself. "Woah there."

He said , his voice wasn't familiar to my ears , so I directly lifted my eyes up to meet a blonde guy i've never seen before.

Realizing the fact we're so close, i was about to step away when i heard Alex calling my name , his tone somehow confused, "Katherine."

I turned my head and saw that Alex , Ashton and a young lady --who weirdly enough looks exactly like this man - are also walking out of the office.

Ashton's eyebrows furrowed at the sight of me , his gaze then traveled to the man's hand over my waist. I directly came back to my sense and stepped away.

"You okay ?" The blonde asked and i nodded with a fake small smile. My heart was beating fast and Ashton's tight jaw is definitely getting me more anxious.

Few seconds ticked by and everyone kept silent.

This is so awkward.

Goddammit, I should've listened to his personal assistant and waited !

Ashton cleared his throat , his hand went toward my waist pulling me closer toward him , "Katherine , this is Jeremy and Bianca , they're our new partners at work." He said , his hold became more possessive over my waist as he talked further.

"This is Katherine, my wife." He said introducing me to them.

"Nice meeting you." The lady , who i assume is Bianca said.
Standing now closer to her , i noticed how half of her breast is showing.

Woah woman , buttons are made for a reason.

She turned her head toward Ashton , "So i think we have a deal ?" She asked , her smile reaching her ears , you can easily notice the twinkle in her eyes.

Why she is looking at him like this ?

Tell her not to look at my man like this.

I didn't hear what Ashton was telling her. I was fuming. For unknown reason , i started to get angry. I felt myself leaning closer toward him , I fisted his suit jacket from behind in my hand and held on tight.

I averted my gaze away from her not liking the look in her eyes as she kept on talking with Ashton.

Alex looked oblivious to everything as he was only eyeing this Bianca's breast.

Oh my god Alex. Look up !

He rubbed his neck , his gaze still fixated there.

Oh god , he would never change.

Finally he decided to lift his head up , his eyes met mine , 'Wow' he mouthed. I shot him a glare in return.

Poor Cara , she gonna find a hard time taming this man.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when i saw her shaking Ashton's hand , "I hope you'll enjoy working with us Mr. Ryder." She said.

I think i will enjoy breaking that hand and ripping that seductive smile from over her lips.

God , i gotta chill !

Calm down Katherine. Calm down.

She smiled at me and nodded her head before walking away with that blonde guy.

I gritted my teeth, for some reason, I didn't like her working with Ashton.

"Those boobs though." Alex was the first to talk, his eyes looking after her retreating figure as she walked away.

I shot him a glare while he smiled innocently, "Oh c'mon ! I am a man with a high level of testosterone , and that was a sight to see." He said nodding his head ,raising an eyebrow in amusement.

"Do you want me to tell Cara." I said still glaring at him.

His eyes widened a bit , "Oh sh*t no !" He directly said realizing his mistake , "Please don't."

Men. Ugh men !

I shook my head disapprovingly and looked away.

"You can let go of me now , i am not going anywhere." Ashton said confusing me at first but then i realized he is referring to my hand who is still tightly holding his jacket from the back.

I directly removed it and stepped a bit away not missing the small smirk that formed at the corner of his lips.

Why i have a feeling he is enjoying this ?

"You two are so cute." Alex said with a chuckle as he looked between the two of us , and most probably my face is turning into a brighter shade of red by now. "I can't wait to see you with littl-".

He trailed off and I didn't miss the way the look in his eyes suddenly changed and how slowly his smile dropped.

And i think i know the reason behind that.

"Umm.. I should probably go finish my work." He said scratching his neck as he turned his body and started walking away.

"Come in." Ashton said placing his hand behind my back and ushered me inside.

"Oh wait , Ashton." Alex said again- more like shouted, making us stop and turn to face him.

"No sex in the office like last time." He said , his voice so loud. Some of the employees passing by heard him and their heads snapped toward us. "The woman is pregnant, take it easy on her."

My eyes widened , i swallowed hard and directly walked inside pulling Ashton with me and directly closed the door behind us.

There wasn't a last time.

I am so going to kill Alex later.

But for now i just want to discuss the main reason behind me coming here.

I took a deep breath and turned to face Ashton who was looking back at me, i was about to talk but he didn't give me a chance ,"Why you're here ?" He asked.

"Why i feel you don't want me to be here ?" I asked not liking his previous tone.

"No." He said with a sigh, "It's not like that , I didn't me-".

"I came here because we need to talk." I said.

"I am kind of busy , we can talk later."He said dismissing me. "We'll talk at home."

But I am not buying the We'll-talk-later lie anymore.

"Oh really !" I said with a mocking tone , "When ?"

"When you leave before i wake up or when you come back after i sleep ? When we're going to talk , tell me." I added. I am sick of him acting like this.

His jaw tightened, his hand tightly grabbing the desk behind him.

He is getting angry. Great, i am angry as well.

"We barely even said two words to each others for the past week." I said , "We need to talk about it , you know that sooner or later we should talk about it."

"There is nothing to talk about." He said , his tone harsh , "Katherine just go home , this is not the time for it."

He turned around and took some files in his hand , he started to look through them but i know he is not paying any attention to them.

I can see how deathly his grip is.

"This is what i was afraid of." I said , I wasn't going to leave till i say what i want , "This was reason number one why I didn't tell you."

"Then what do you want Katherine !" He snapped, slamming the files on the table before turning around to face me.

"I want you." I said , my voice calmer than before, "I want just to spend more time with you. I want us to talk, I -".

"Talk about what ?" He snapped interrupting me , his voice raised as he talked further , "What do we have to talk about anyway ? Apart from the fact that you're going to die !"

I flinched at his tone and his words. But i tried to not let them affect me at the moment.

"You want me to act normal , don't you ?" He asked knitting his eyebrows. I nodded in response.

"Well i am sorry , I can't act normal , I can't act like nothing is going to happen." He said shaking his hand , "I can't be normal knowing that you're gonna be taken away from me and i can do nothing to stop it !"

"No matter how f*cking hard i am trying , I can't find a way ! I don't even have the enough time to search. I can do nothing to save you and it's driving me crazy !" His voice raised more as he said the last part, you can easily detect the desperate pain behind his words.

"Ashton. Please don't be that way, i- we need to stop thinking about this , we need to concentrate on more important things.. Concentrate on our child." I said , my voice pleading him to agree with me.

"We still have to decorate his nursery, buy his clothes and- other essentials." I said , at my words Ashton shut his eyes and looked away from me.

"We can't get wrapped on what's happening to me and forget about him."

"You think i am doing it on purpose ?" Ashton said then stepped closer toward me ,his tone calmed a bit , "You think i want us to have this life ?"

He shook his head , "I want to go with you shopping for him , i want to decorate his room together but - i am trying and I just- I can't !"

He stepped even closer , his face few inches away from mine, his voice softer than before but the pained tone , is still there, "I'll be decorating the room that you won't enter when he arrives ! I will be buying the clothes that you won't have the chance to see him wearing them.." He shook his head , his pained eyes looking into mine , his thumb went and caressed my cheek lightly ,"Katherine I can't even look at you without breaking down every time."

"So you try to just avoid me." I said , my voice really low. "Seeing me hurts you this much ?"

Tears pricked my eyes and i looked down. I hated this life , i hated how unfair it can be , i hated how nothing good lasts , i hated how we can't be happy for too long , i hated that i am hurting the closest person to my heart without even noticing it and the problem is , i can do nothing to stop it.

"I am- i am sorry." I said as my tears started to fall down , my shoulders started to shake, "I am sorry for everything." I sobbed , barely even able to get the words out.

"It's not your fault baby." He directly said , then brought me closer to him , "It's not your fault." His hand soothingly stroking my back.

"I don't want you to be mad at me." I said , my voice came muffled as i buried my face in his chest , "I don't want to hurt you. If you don't want to see me i can- i can go and.."

My voice broke , I couldn't form more words. Ashton pulled away , he cupped my face in his hands , "Don't say that." He shook his head.

"I am not mad at you , i am just mad at everything else." He gave me a small smile , "I will try. I will try my best , i will do whatever you want."

"I will try to stop being such a jerk."

"You can't." I said sniffling , "You'll always be my jerk."

He chuckled , the voice of his laughter soothed some of my pain. I smiled through my tears.

"But this jerk always makes you cry." He said as his thumb wiped the tears on my cheek away.

I directly shook my head , the tears no longer falling. He smiled weakly before kissing my nose.

"So um..you gonna work with this Bianca girl ?" I suddenly asked when i recalled the way that bitch was gaping at my husband.

He chuckled, "Yeah, Do you mind ?" He said raising an eyebrow.

"Yes." I admit to him , avoiding eye contact and instead focusing my gaze on his chest, as i wrap my fingers around his tie, "I didn't like the way she was looking at you."

I lifted my eyes to see a big smile plastered over his face. Why he enjoys this so much !

"Yes i am jealous , so stop looking at me like this !" I said annoyed by the mischievous look in his eyes.

"I have a feeling you're enjoying this !" I said pressing my lips into a thin line.

He chuckled , "You have no idea."

"Let her look the way she wants , I don't care." He said wrapping his hand around my waist pulling me even closer , "I just care about you."

"Well yeah she better back off , because you're mine." The words slipped out of my mouth , "I can't believe how possessive that sounded." I mumbled , more to myself and looked down.

Within a blink of eye , Ashton's fingertips rested lightly under my chin, then lifted my head so he leaves me no other choice than to lock my eyes right on his.

The mischievous look in them is long gone , replaced by an undeniable and heated passion , leaving my body weak and making me breathless.

His strong jawline clenches tightly shut and his piercing blue eyes close half way, his gaze dropping down. And very quietly , barely any sound to his deep voice , he speaks up. "Only yours."

He lift his head again and setting his eyes on mine , "Always been and always will be."

My heart clenches tight in my chest.

No , not always will be.

He won't always be mine.

He can't be mine when i won't even be here.

I kicked that thought away along with the stung it brought to my heart and just concentrated at the man in front of me.

The man that i am head over heels in love with him.

He inched closer, his lisp brushed over mine. "Hold on a second !" I said abruptly pulling away.

He knitted his eyebrows confused , "Wait !" I said as he looked at me as if i am crazy.

I opened the door and peeked outside, then my gaze traveled to his assistant, "Umm Lydia right ?" I said raising my voice a little for her to hear me.

Her head snapped toward my direction , she smiled and nodded.

"Mr. Ryder tells you not to disturb him for the following half an hour." I said.

Her eyebrows furrowed,"But he have a mee-".

"Or you'll be fired." I directly said interrupting her. Her eyes widened and she nodded immediately.

I smiled. I know how to scare her. No wonder Ashton enjoys scaring people !

I closed the door and locked it from inside, then turned toward Ashton who was looking at me like i grew another head , "What the hell was that ?" He asked.

I walked to the couch, took off my denim jacket and placed it there. Then i walked toward Ashton.

"What are you doing ?" He asked as he eyed me skeptically.

"Oh nothings it is just hot in here." I said innocently placing my hand over his shoulders ,"You should probably take off your jacket too."

My hand lingers over his jacket ready to take it off of him but his phone started to ring. I cursed my stupid luck.

I locked the door but i forgot the phone ! Goddammit!

"I should take this." He said looking at me as if taking my permission, i nodded and he answered the phone.

Our eyes stays connected as he talk on the phone. I grab his tie and play with it as i twirl it around my fingers, and he continues to speak but i tone out everything he is saying. Without hesitation, i loosen the knot at the top and begin to undo it, lifting up the collar of his shirt and quickly removing his tie completely as it drops to the floor.

His eyes widen a bit , "I don't care." He says over the phone , he clears his throat , "Just set it up .Do your job."

With his eyes staring deep into mine , i take my time unbuttoning every single button there is from top to button, eventually opening his shirt to reveal his chest and incredibly sexy abs.

"Uh yeah.. just call .." He stutters and i try my best not to laugh , my hand press against his solid chest and the warmth from his body radiates under his skin, heating up my palms while I carefully run my fingertips gently down his abs, the muscle in his arm flex from my light touch.

With my heart racing i lift my head to stare into his widened eyes , "Uh um , yeah , i am still here." He quietly lets out. He sucks in a deep breath as i grab the buckle of his belt and undo it within the blink of an eye, yanking it out of the loops and throwing it behind him, clinking to the floor.

His breathing quickens as i pull down the zipper and rub my hand against his crotch over the material of his pants.

"F*ck !" He curse groaning for a second as his hand hovers over mine , his eyes widen after , "Uh , no no not you , i mean -"

He takes into a deep breath , "Look we'll just talk later, something came up." And he presses end before shoving the phone in his pocket.

"You little minx." He says with a groan before he takes my face in his hand and hungrily pushes his lips to mine, deeply kissing me and taking control completely.

He takes my lip between his teeth and tugs on it before taking it in his moist lips, getting a moan from me. His lips trail down my neck leaving sloppy kisses, i wrap my fingers in his hair. "Ashton." I bite my lip as his finger find its way under my dress , up my thigh.

I feel him pushing me backward , my lower back comes in contact with something solid and the moment i look back is when i realize it's his desk.

Unexpectedly he lays his arm on the desk and in one swift and fast motion he swipes everything off of it. Some of his office appliances, some of his papers and some of his files fall down on the floor with a loud thud and shuffling.

Then he grabs under my asś and lifts me up onto his desk. I gasped at how sudden his actions were , "I think you broke your laptop."

"F*ck the laptop !" He groans before slamming his lips again over mine while his hand start to unbutton the button on my blouse.

His lips hover over my ear , "I f*cking love you." He whispers but his breathing harsh , i can feel the need in his voice.

His hand went to the back of my neck titling me head so his eye would meet mine , "I love you too." I said , as a result his lips lifts up in the most beautiful smile.

I bit my lips as my hand went and tugged on his shirt feeling the bad need to take it off. I let out a frustrated sigh when I couldn't manage to do it.

"I need you out of your clothes now !" I said - more like demanded. I bit my lip when i realized what i just said.

He chuckled making my heart beats fasten more , "And I thought i am the only one who talks dirty." He said as he took his shirt off then threw it on the ground.

Holy..

Okay.

Just remind me to thank Alex later.

He gave me the idea.

*****

Few hours later..

Ashton's POV

Just Like every other night i would just lay on the bed my eyes refusing to close.

I try my best , but sleep doesn't take me over.

Because i know whenever i close my eyes , the reality i try to ignore will hunt me.

I felt my arms tighten around Katherine. My lips brushed against her neck ever so softly.

She is peacefully sleeping. I wish i can do that too.

I promised her i will try. I hope I'll be able to keep my promise.

Because it's too hard.

Acting normal , pretending that everything is okay when it's all going downhill. Standing in the corner and waiting for the day when she breathes her last.

How can i do that ?

I would try, i am trying but i know at the end i am just going to fail.

My dad and I are trying our best , we're searching everywhere but every new doctor we see , he says it's a really complicated case.

And it pains me more knowing how useless i am , how with all the money i have I can't buy Katherine's health.

The thought that money can give you everything started to crumble in front of my eyes when i saw that it won't give me the only thing i need.

The only thing i long and crave for.

My wife. The only woman i ever loved. And the only one i will ever love.

I felt my breathing quickens and my heart starts beating fast. I slowly remove my arms from around Katherine and carefully get out of the bed.

I should occupy my mind with anything so I wouldn't think it through.

I should just finish my work in an attempt to avert my thoughts away.

I went toward my study room with the purpose of continuing my work since I wasn't able to finish it when Katherine came.

I involuntary smiled. This innocent girl surely have a naughty side.

I opened the drawers of the desk searching for the file i need. I checked all the drawers but couldn't find it anywhere.

Where did i put it ?

I walked back to our bedroom , then went inside the walk-in closet to check the drawer i sometimes leave my stuffs in.

But it didn't open. It was locked.

My eyebrows knitted in confusion. I don't remember locking it.

I went back to my study room and grabbed the spare keys i always leave there and then came back to open it.

When i opened it , I didn't find the file I need. There were few papers and what caught my attention was an envelope with my name written over it.

I took it in my hand eyeing it , I don't remember seeing this before ?

I went out of the closet and peeked at Katherine afraid if my movement waked her up. But she was still sleeping so i got relieved.

I went out of the room , the envelope still in my hands , i sat on the couch and opened it.

I took the paper from inside it and unfolded it. I took a quick look and then realized it's a letter.

For me.

From Katherine.

My jaw tightened, my breathing fastened , i was afraid to read , i was afraid of whatever words are written inside.

But I couldn't help but look at it and start reading.

"My dearest husband,

No wait wait , my dearest hot jerk husband ,

Yeah that was much better ;) !

Okay I seriously have no idea how to start this thing. I've never wrote a letter before and i suck with writing but still , i felt the need to write this to you.

So If you're reading this ,then probably ,, I am not here anymore."

I stopped reading ,my jaw tightened, my blood started to boil , i just felt like tearing the paper into pieces, i felt like burning it.

But then i realized the fact that burning it won't burn the reality those words held.

I took a breath to calm myself as I continued to read further.

"I was always a girl who had difficulties in expressing her feelings. I don't why but i find it hard to talk about my emotions and state clearly how i feel. So i thought i should just write it down. (Even though i also suck in writing as you already noticed.)

I just wanted to tell you how much you really mean to me , how much i love you , because i know i didn't say it much and it took me long to even admit it.

But i really love you Ashton , i love you so much that i , myself, don't understand how can you love someone this much and this fast.

It is weird. This love coursing in my veins is unexplainable. I can't even find the words to describe it. I never felt like this before. This rush of emotions whenever i just look at you , when you smile or when you laugh how i feel all the oxygen leaving my body.

How i can feel your pain. And how it hurts me as mush as it's hurting you.

I can't explain it. No matter how long i would try I won't be able to find the best words to show you how i really feel.

I loved you way back , before our marriage, even before i knew the truth. But i was too scared to admit it , too scared to even feel it.

I thought it's wrong, but now i realize it was the best thing to ever happen to me. By finding you , i found myself as well.

I thought I wasn't capable of love anymore. But you proved me wrong.

I was a mess , i was broken, but by a mere touch , you mended me. By a mere whisper , you fixed my fractured heart and to that i owe you.

The seven months we lived together , we fought , we cried , many things happened , but believe me when i say they're the best period in my life.

And if i got the chance to repeat it all again , i would do the same thing , i would marry you and I would live every second of it with you , even if it means to come back to the same end again. I won't mind.

I want to ask one thing from you. I want you to promise me that you'll move on. I know it's hard , I can't even imagine losing you , but you're stronger than me , you'll come out if it. I am sure.

I'll be gone but you'll have a part of me with you ,

You'll have our son.

And i am not going to tell you to take care of him , i know you'll do it , i know you will give him the best life , you'll be his mother and his father and when he grows up i want you to tell him how much I really loved him."

A tear dropped from my eye and fell over the paper, I directly wiped it away.

The feels i get upon reading this , it's just agonizing.

"I didn't see him , but he lived inside me for nine months, i felt him , i felt his movements , and i loved him unconditionally.

I want him to grow up and be a strong man like you. I want him to be like you in everything.

Oh but don't let him be a jerk though ! "

I shut my eyes , my hand holding the paper so tight. I couldn't handle it , I couldn't believe it. It felt like i lost her now. It felt that i am now sitting in this house alone and she is not inside. It felt like my heart stopped beating.

And I actually want it to stop.

I opened my eyes again trying to take a grip over my emotions as I continued to read.

"I am not your whole life Ashton , i am just a part of it , or i should say , i was just a part of it. So , who knows , maybe you'll fall in love again , maybe you'll find the woman who would make you happy and would help you move on and take your pain away. "

No way , that would never happen.

"Don't think it's impossible, because it may happen. Because that's what happened with me. You made me move on. And you'll find who will help you do it.

Just don't be a jerk to her , not all women can handle you like i do !"

Her attempt to lighten my mood failed. With every word i am reading , the hole in my heart is just increasing.

"Just remember one thing , that i loved you so much, more than i ever loved anyone in my life."

"You weren't supposed to see this now !" When i heard Katherine's voice I lifted my head up and met her wide eyes.

She stepped closer , her eyebrows furrowed, she leaned to take the paper out of my hand.

I stood up , removing the paper out of her reach , but she didn't give up , "Ashton give it to me." She said , she looked scared.

But i kept it behind my back as she struggled to take it again , "Ashton please ! You weren't supposed to see it now !" Her voice broke as she muttered the last sentence, a tear fell from her eye.

I let the paper drop on the ground as i brought my hands and pulled her toward me hugging her like it's a goodbye.

My hold over her was so tight , my teeth digging into my bottom lip as i struggled to keep my emotions at bay.

"I am not ready." I said , my voice muffled beside her ear.

"Ready for what ?" She asked , her voice so soft. A voice i now realized I won't hear anymore.

"For losing you." I said back , her body tensed , "I am not ready to lose you Katherine."

"And you know what the f*cked up part is." I asked but I wasn't waiting for an answer, "I don't think I'll ever be."

**********************************

So here is the chapter , hope you liked it ! I f*cking teared up while writing the letter ! I never tear up while writing ! God what's wrong with me !

Anyways , if i was Katherine , i would be like , if you f*cking dare to love anyone after me , my soul will hunt you forever 😂. Smh.

Okay i will shut up now. Don't forget to comment and vote🤗

Love ya all ❤️