[NOT EDITED]

Ashton's POV

I sat there waiting. For I don't know how long i just waited.

My feet tapping on the floor nervously. Anxiety taking over my body, and over my mind.

I placed my head in my hands , my fingers grabbing my hair tightly.

What happened ?

Goddammit, she passed out in my arms !

I freaked out, i lost my mind at the moment.

Is she okay?

She has to be.

But she won't be okay later. A voice said in my head , I directly shut it up , my fingers grabbing my hair tighter.

I don't want to think about it.

I can't. I just can't.

I can't lose her. She's my everything.

I feel so helpless, i feel there is nothing i can do. I always thought there is nothing impossible, i always solved whatever i faced in my life. I always tried to overcome all the obstacles.

But now , now there is really nothing i can do. What's happening is just so overwhelming , the news hit me like a brick.

And the problem is that she wants me to accept it and just sit and wait for that day to come.

No. I can't. I won't.

I am not giving up on her.

The ringing of my phone pulled me out of my thoughts. I took it out of my pocket to see my Dad's name flashing through the screen.

I hit the answer button , "Yeah." I said , my voice low and tired.

"Ashton , where are you ?" He asked , "I came to the company and your assistant is saying things I don't understand.. you were going to hit a man..and security guards.. What the hell happened ?"

I took a deep breath in an unsuccessful attempt to calm my nerves.

Caleb was just right in front of me and I didn't care. All the things i wished to do once i see him , all the anger and vengeance, it all faded as he told me about Katherine's condition.

"Ashton ?" My dad said again when I didn't reply , "Where are you ?"

"In the hospital." I said.

"What ? Why ?" He asked in alarm , i can say he is getting worried.

"Katherine." Was all i said. I don't feel like talking with anyone. I don't feel like explaining , i don't feel like telling them the truth.

Because saying it would just make it more real.

There was a pause before he talked again , his tone became more serious, "Which hospital ?"

I told him.

"I am on my way." He directly said.

I hanged up after that, then placed the phone in my pocket again.

Few minutes ticked by then the doctor came out of the room. I directly shot up from my seat , my heart beating fast.

"She is fine." He directly answered my unspoken question.

When she passed out , I directly called her doctor to come to the hospital, because he knows about her case.

"But it's better if she stayed in the hospital under supervision for a couple of days. Her body is still weak and i am afraid this may happen again." He said and i nodded.

I am just glad she is okay. Even though I don't feel relieved because i know what's to come later, but at least she is okay.

For now , she is.

"This thing happened with her once before, right? "He said , my eyes widened a bit.

"It happened ?" I asked , "Yeah she told me once I remember." He said, my confusion grew more.

When ? She didn't tell me.

My jaw tightened. Of course she didn't. Everything concerning her health , she made sure to hide it from me.

"It happened because of the complications she is facing due to pregnancy." He said snapping me out of my thoughts , "And she is probably stressing a lot."

"I know you just discovered about all this and it's still overwhelming but try to take it easy on her, this all can affect her and the baby's health in a bad way."

I know I should've not snapped at her and told her those words. I know what i did was wrong. I know i hurt her , like i usually do.

But it's not in my hand, the pain i felt upon discovering this was unbearable , so i tried to convert it into anger. I tried to not feel it, i tried my best , but still with every moment passing i feel like we're getting closer to that day-- the day i am going to lose her.

And that thought alone rips my inside. The thought of living without her tears me apart because i know-- No , actually i am sure that I won't be able to do it.

I was pulled out of my thoughts again when the doctor placed his hand over my shoulder , "I wish i can do more." He said , sympathy in his eyes.

"I know." I said nodding. I know this man since Zoe gave birth to Zack, and i know he would do his best to help Katherine.

He gave a weak smile and patted my shoulder ,"She is still sleeping, but you can enter and see her."

I nodded , "I have to go now, if anything happened , call me."

"Thank you." I said , "No problem." With that he left.

I took a deep breath and entered her room , my chest tightened as i saw her laying there on the bed. Her eyes closed, her face relaxed.

I sat beside her , my eyes not leaving her face , my hand involuntary went and held hers tight ,my thumb caressing it gently.

She is so beautiful.

She is my life.

My hold over her hand tightened , my throat closed up with unspoken emotions. The pain i felt was agonizing.

"I am sorry." I said , my voice a mere whisper. She is sleeping , she won't hear me but I just felt the need to apologize.

I felt tears forming in my eyes.

Tears , goddammit , stupid tears !

But they're the only way to express the pain , the only way to reflect the chaos in my brain and the war in my chest.

Just tears , because no matter how much i said it's hurting me , it won't be enough.

I inched closer and leaned forward , I closed my eyes and pressed my lips over her forehead feeling my heart no longer beating.

I love her to the point where it hurts. It's not healthy. I know, it feels like a disease, this love coursing in my veins, it's going to destroy me. I know.

But isn't it weird that it's the only thing capable of saving me as well !?

When I felt the tear trickle down my cheek, I directly pulled away.

I can't do this.

I just-- can't.

I removed my hand from over hers and stood up. I couldn't stay here anymore , so I directly went out.

But the moment i stepped outside, i saw my dad walking toward me , Alex with him.

"How's Katherine ?" He directly asked once he was beside me.He looked worried and scared.

I couldn't find my voice. What i am supposed to say ?

Alex looked at me , his eyebrows furrowed, "Is she okay ?" He asked, he looks concerned as well.

"For now , she is." I said.

"What do you mean for now ?" Mark asked knitting his eyebrows together.

"She won't be okay." I said shaking my head, averting my gaze away. Saying it makes it feel more real , "Giving birth to the child is going to kill her."

"What ?!" Alex was the first to talk , his tone alone showed his shock.

I lifted my head and looked at them again. Alex's eyes were wide , and Mark's expression is saying it all. They are both shocked. They're both trying to digest the news.

I tried to digest it too but it stuck in my throat and I don't think there is a way to get rid of the sour taste it left in my mouth.

Alex shook his head , he shut his eyes, he turned his body and walked away. Mark looked at me as if he is still trying to think it through, trying to let it sink.

"I am going to lose her." I said , my voice came out hoarse, i felt more tears on the verge of coming out.

I won't say I wasn't surprised when suddenly Mark stepped closer and pulled me toward him, he placed his hand on the back of my neck hugging me tight.

For the very first time, he hugged me.

His action startled me and in the same time provoked more emotions to erupt inside my chest.

"I am going to lose her dad." I said again, each word breaking my fractured heart more.

His hold over me tightened , his body tensed , "Please help me ! I am begging for your help this time."

He directly pulled away , his hand still over my arms , "You don't have to beg for anything !" He said , his tone so serious , "I will find a way , i will find a solution, even if i have to go around the whole f*cking world i will find a way."

"You're not going to lose her." He said , his words so convincing, as if he is so sure that he is capable of saving her , "I am not letting you live the life i had to live."

"I am not letting the past repeat itself again." He added , the promise in his voice gave me hope.

Small , little tiny hope.

Maybe there is a way , maybe there is light despite all this darkness.

I can't lose hope.

Maybe I won't lose her. Maybe.

********

Katherine's POV

Where's Ashton ?

Since i woke up , he didn't even come to see me.

Is he still mad ?

Of course he is ! Why won't he..

I saw how much it affected him. The look in his eyes is hunting me. I hated the mere thought of him blaming me , i hated the fact that he thought of ending our son's life.

He doesn't want that , i am sure. But maybe he feels that he have to choose one of us, me or him.

But he doesn't have to. There is no choice to be made. Because it is my life and i took my decision long time before.

I just want to see him now.I don't want him to be mad at me. I want to explain maybe. I don't know what to explain exactly but i just want to see him.

When i heard the door opening , i directly snapped my head toward it as a small hope rose inside me.

But in that same moment it faded as i saw Alex popping his head inside , he looked at me , "Can i come in ?" He asked.

I gave him a smile and nodded. He entered and walked toward the bed , "How are you feeling now ?" He asked , there was something odd about his tone.

"Better." I said unable to shake the weird look in his eyes.

Does he know too?

"Can i sit ?" He asked pointing on the bed's edge beside me.

"Sure." I said , my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Alex is not the one to ask for permission before doing something.

He looks different. Not the Alex i know.

He sat down , his gaze fixated on his lap. He stayed silent for a while before he decided to talk , "Katherine." He said.

"This is the first time you actually say my name." I said trying to ease the sudden tension that formed around us.

But his expression didn't change as he turned his head toward me , "Ashton told me." He said, his tone so serious.

I swallowed hard and looked away unable to meet his eyes. "Since when you knew about this ?" He asked.

"Since the first month." I said looking at my hands as if they're the most interesting thing in the world.

"Why you didn't tell us ?" He asked , "I know your relationship with Ashton wasn't that good at the beginning , but you had me , you had Cara , you should've told us."

"You can't hide such thing Katherine. It's a life and death situation." He added.

I know what i did was wrong. Not telling anyone. But hiding it was much easier than facing the reality.

"I was afraid Alex. I was afraid of his reaction, i was afraid of everyone's reaction and i had the right to be afraid." I said looking at him feeling tears welling up in my eyes. "I saw how much it affected him and it makes me feel guilty and I shouldn't feel like this , i am not doing something wrong."

"Now for sure nothing is going to be the same after. And that's what i was afraid of the most." I said , "I don't want to spend the next two months feeling..as if i am waiting for my death."

"Look Katherine, I respect your decision , but you can't expect from Ashton to act like nothing happened , like nothing is going to happen. He won't do that , he won't give up on you that easily." Alex said ,"He thinks maybe there is a way , he wants to find a way. Maybe find a doctor who had cases like yours, maybe he would be able to save you."

"So we spend the left time we have together just searching for a doctor and maybe at the end we won't find anything and realize that we just wasted all this time for nothing." I said furrowing my eyebrows not liking the thought at all , "I don't want this. " I shook my head , "I accepted what's going to happen and all what i want is just to spend these left days with him. Is it too much to ask for ?"

He shook his head , "But Ashton won't do it. I have known him for a long time, i know how he was before you and i saw what he became after you entered his life." He said , his eyes softened , "Maybe you didn't notice that ,but you changed his life Katherine."

He changed mine too.

"Don't think the love he have for you is like any other kind of love. You know the childhood he had to live , you know how he never received the proper  care or love a parents should give , they made him feel worthless and he actually believed that." He said , my heart ached as he talked about Ashton's past , "But then you came and you showed him otherwise."

"Who do you think is the first love in a man's life ?" Alex suddenly asked , his question startled me a bit , "In any person's life ?"

I didn't have to think about it , "His mother." I directly answered.

"And Ashton didn't have that." He said , "You are his first love Katherine.You're not just his wife, you're everything to him ! "

"So what should i do ?" I asked , my voice raised a bit , i was angry , not at Alex , not at Ashton but at my life. I wished there is something i can do, anything that wouldn't hurt us all like this.

"I can't end my baby's life. I won't do it." I added.

"I am not asking you to do that." Alex said shaking his head , "It's your choice to take after all."

"But Katherine there's people here who deeply care about you , and these people won't easily give up on you."

I bowed my head feeling the tears on the verge of coming out. And they did. They fell from my eyes and trickled down my cheek.

Alex placed his hand under my chin softly lifting my head up to meet his eyes , "I care about you, and don't ask me why i do because i have no f*cking idea.. but for me you're like the sister i never had."

His words softened my heart but in the same time made it crack more.

"Don't give up to reality so fast." He said , "Please don't."

"Because Ashton is not going to lose his wife.. and i am not going to lose my sister."

Our conversation was interrupted by a knock on the door. I directly wiped my tears as i saw Cara opening the door slightly popping her head inside.

I looked at Alex , my eyes asking him what i my mouth couldn't mutter at the moment. He seems to understand because he shook his head , "She doesn't know." He said with a low voice as he stood up while Cara inched closer toward me.

"Hey, how are you ?" She directly asked with a worried tone.

"I am fine." I answered offering her a small smile.

"You know you can't always scare the shît out of me like this !" She said crossing her arms over her chest while fake glaring at me.

My smile grew wider.

What did i do in my life to have people who care about me like this ?

There was a point in my life where i had no one , but now i have all these people who i can call family even though we're not blood related.

Cara , Alex , Ashton , his family ,his sister ,his father ,his grandma , they're all my family, they all occupy a big place in my heart.

They made me feel that i belong to a place. I just wish i can spend more time with them.

"This is like the second time this is happening with you !" Cara said pulling me out of my thoughts as she sat down beside me on the bed placing her hand around my shoulder. "Is Ashton doing something to you ? " She asked, her eyes widened , "Because if he is i am soo going to cut that jerk's balls ! "

"Oh god ! What did he do this time ? Tell me." She said removing her arm from around me , she looks ready to attack.

"He did nothing." I said with a low chuckle.

Cara pressed her lips into a thin line eyeing me warily as if not believing.

"Calm your small tits babe." Alex said seating himself on the chair beside the bed.

"Did he just call my tits small ?" She mumbled shooting him a glare.

"Truth is harsh sometimes i know." Alex said with a shrug.

"Remind me why i am marrying him again." She said huffing. "Because you're madly in love with me." Alex replied back with a cheesy grin.

"I wonder why." Cara mumbled more to herself and looked away from him.

I couldn't help but chuckle at these two. They act like kids when they're together.

Cara and Alex stayed for a while , then Zoe and grandma also came to check on me and see if i am okay.

And I hadn't seen Ashton yet. He didn't come to see me and it stung. But I tried to ignore that thought for the time being.

We all were talking when Alex's phone started ringing, he pulled it out  of his pocket making something drop on the ground.

"You dropped something." Zoe said noticing that as well.

Alex looked beside him and leaned forward and took in his hand what looks like a condom package.

Not looks like , IT IS A CONDOM !

Oh my god Alex !

He took it with a smirk on his lips , "Yupp gonna need this later." He said placing it again in his pocket after sending a wink toward Cara's direction.

I saw how her face tuned red , her eyes widened at how he said that in front of everyone while i was trying my best to hide my laughter.

"Well I am gonna make sure you won't need to use that anymore." She mumbled in a low voice gritting her teeth.

I couldn't help but chuckle when I registered in my mind what she meant.

**

It was getting late and i was getting tired, so they all left for me to have some rest and sleep.

And still I don't know where Ashton is.

So instead of thinking it through , i just closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.

I don't know how many hours later , I woke up. I opened my eyes, the room was semi-dark, with only the light from the small table lamp illuminating it. I blinked and opened them again , as my eyes adjusted i saw Ashton sitting on a chair beside me , his eyes closed , his head resting at an uncomfortable angle.

My heart fluttered as i saw his hand holding mine tightly, his fingers intertwined with mine.

Why he is sleeping here ? There is a couch right there. He looks uncomfortable.

"Ashton." I called his name, but my voice came low , my thumb caressing his hand.

I called his name again trying to raise my voice a little. He opened his eyes slightly, he blinked and when he saw me awake he directly inched closer , "Are you okay ?" He directly asked worried , his eyes widened a bit.

"Yeah i am okay." I said offering him a small smile. "Why you're sleeping here ?" I asked. The better question should've been , why you didn't came till i slept ? But i kept that to myself.

He rubbed his eyes , "I slept without noticing." He said as a yawn escaped his lips.

"There is a couch , you can rest over there , it's more comfortable than the chair." I said pointing at the couch placed at the end of the room.

He shook his head , "I want to stay beside you." He said , his voice came lower than before.

"Then sleep beside me on the bed." I said looking at the empty space left , "It's not that small , we can fit."

"No , I don't want you to be uncomfortable." He directly said , "It's okay i am comfortable over here."

"You don't make me uncomfortable." I said , he shook his head again , "It's okay. Go back to sleep." He said.

God , this man and his stupid stubborn genes !

"Ashton just come and lay beside me." I said annoyed, my voice came louder than it should , it felt like i am snapping at him not talking.

"Please." I added with a small guilty smile.

He nodded and then did as i said and laid beside me. He pulled me toward him , my back pressed against his front as he engulfed in his warmth.

"Are you still mad at me ?" I asked , i was afraid of his answer.

"No , i am not." He directly said . Sudden relief erupted in my chest due to his answer.

I turned my face so i could look at him , "I am sorry that i lied , i know i should've told you before. I tried believe me but it was so hard ! The past seven months have been hectic, a lot happened and i just wanted us to have a break but then i--"

He suddenly placed his finger over my lips shutting me up , "Shush , it's okay , I understand." He said , our faces so close as he talked.

"Then why you didn't come and see me today before i slept ?" I asked what's been on my mind.

"I was afraid if i saw you i would open my stupid mouth and say things that would hurt you." He said , i smiled, because he always try not to hurt me. Even when he do hurt me, it's not on purpose.

Our faces were so close so i inched a bit closer and pressed my lips over his feeling the sudden rush of emotions take over my body.

He kissed me back, his hand on the back of my neck. But something about this kiss was different, maybe it's just my imagination but it felt pained.

It wasn't full with passion or even lust. No , i felt my heart break more as he deepened the kiss , it pained me to kiss him as much as it's paining him to kiss me back.

He pulled away , his forehead still pressed against mine ,"I love you Katherine , so f*cking much." His voice was pained. His eyes closed , his jaw tight.

The words rolled painfully out of his mouth as if saying them hurt him more. And it hurt me knowing he is in pain.

"Losing you is going to destroy me." He said , his hand still on the back of me neck , his hold tightened as he talked further , "How i can let you go ?" He wasn't waiting for an answer.

"How do you let go of the only person that felt like home ?"

**********************************

Sorry for the late update ! But here ya go , hope you liked it !

Gosh these chapters are so sad , my heart aches goddammit ! 💔

Comment and vote !
Love ya all ❤️