[NOT EDITED]

Ashton's POV

"Because even after everything you still love him." She said.

No. I can't. I can't love him Katherine.

I directly kicked that thought to the back of my mind. I don't want to think about it.

But why deep inside i know that she is telling the truth.

Don't think about it !

But there is no other explanation.

Just don't think about it !

I placed my head on her chest while her hand found its way to my hair.

She ran her hand gently inside it making me relax.

"You should sleep." She said her hands still playing with my hair softly, "You look so tired."

And she was right.

I am tired.

Physically and mentally.

But I don't think sleeping would be the solution to my tiredness.

I lowered my head and placed it in her lap. I closed my eyes feeling sudden warmth engulf me from the inside.

If it wasn't for Katherine, i would've lost my mind already.

Her hand kept gently moving in my hair stroking it making my tensed muscles relax that it didn't take me long to drift to sleep.

*****

When i woke up , i was sweating , my throat dry , my heart racing and my head pounding.

It took me a moment to realize where i am and remember what happened last night.

The memories of the dream i had directly faded away and to that i was grateful.

I grabbed my phone to check the time , feeling the pounding of my head just intensify.

It is still nine in the morning , and we still have till twelve to go back to the hospital.

But even though i slept for only three hours , I don't feel like sleeping anymore.

My gaze went to Katherine beside me, she was fast asleep.

Eyelids closed against the light rays of the sun and her breathing deep and relaxed, all the muscles in her face and body were totally at peace, like a small baby.

I don't know how long i stayed like this, just staring at her peaceful sleeping figure unable to look away.

I inched closer , my gaze traveled to her stomach and a smile crept its way to my lips as i noticed her small tiny baby bump.

My hand acted on its own and went toward Katherine's stomach, it was trembling for unknown reason.

"Hey little you." I said , my voice a mere whisper. I didn't know how to address the baby , I don't know if its going to be a girl or a boy.

But i am sure i love him or her no matter what.

I looked at Katherine's face again afraid i may wake her up , but she was oblivious to me and my actions as she was fast asleep.

She looks so cute , her lips parted a little bit , one of her hand is under her head , the other laying beside her, few strands of her light brown hair covering her forehead.

She is so beautiful.

And i love her so f*cking much.

It's weird that even though I don't know her that long yet i can't even imagine my life without her anymore.

It's unbelievable how i used to think i'll never fall in love.

But Katherine made me.

And i fell really hard.

She didn't say she loves me back last night but in the moment I didn't care.

All i cared about that she is willing to stay beside me.

She is taking care of me.

Which can mean only one thing.

That she loves me as well.

So i felt like i loved her even more because i knew that she loved me back.

I didn't think i could be loved, or deserved to be loved ,

But the more broken i became,
the more she seemed to love me.

And the more i loved her back.

"You know that you have the best mom ever." I said to the baby again , my hand hovering over her small bump.

I don't know why i am talking with him or her.

But it made me relieved for a moment. It made me forget what is really happening in my life. It freed my mind and my soul.

Even if it is just for a few moments, i liked it !

It filled my heart with emotions and feelings i thought i was never capable of feeling.

"You know what , i am so afraid that I'll screw this up." I said again , trying to keep my voice low not wanting to wake her up.

"I am afraid i wont be able to give you the life you deserve." The words left my mouth bringing in their way the memory of what Mark told me.

I wanted you , i wanted to give you the life you deserve.

I directly removed my hand from her stomach, the feeling that filled my heart seconds ago is now gone.

I don't want to think about him.

I don't want to think about his words.

Not because i hate him.

But because it will just remind me with the fact that he is in danger now.

The fact that he may..

Die.

The fact that I don't want this to happen.

I directly went out of the bed feeling as if someone is pressing over my throat.

I closed my eyes for a brief second trying to compose myself before going to the bathroom.

I took a hot shower to clear my mind and then changed my clothes.

Its a good thing i still have some outfits in this house. I don't even remember the last time i've been here.

I searched in the pants i was wearing yesterday for the thing i really want right now.

When i found the envelope , i took it and went out of the room and the house.

I placed my hands in my front pockets as i walked further outside till i reached the lake.

I remember how I used to always come here and forget about everything.

It feels like decades since I've last been here.

I sat on the rock eyeing the water , it is window clear just like it used to be . It is peaceful and statue still.

But when i looked at the water i didn't see my face , my mind took me back to the old times and i saw the reflection of the young me, he was staring at me looking directly into my eyes making it harder not to go back in time.

*Flashbacks*
(A/N : Ashton's age : 11 years old)

I stormed out of the house and ran as fast as i can.

There was no specific place in my mind but i just wanted to escape.

From him.

When i reached the lake , i was panting unable to catch a breath. I stopped giving my heart a break to calm down.

But I couldn't breath normally , something was pressing over my lungs making me gasp for air.

The whole place around me was spinning that i wasn't able to stand still on my feet anymore.

My knees gave up and i dropped on the ground.

I tried to make sense of what is happening , i tried to concentrate on what I should do rather than what is really going on.

My shaking hand went into my pocket, searching frantically for my inhaler while my other hand was rubbing my chest feeling my heart about to burst any moment.

When i felt the cold device in my hand , I directly pulled my hand out.

I don't know how i managed to do that, but i did. I placed it in my mouth and pressed.

My whole body relaxed when i felt the air rushing back normally to my lungs.

I took a moment to be able to stabilize my breathing and stand up again.

When i stood up , i felt the pain.

My back was hurting so mush.

The sound of the glass that crashed moments ago echoed in my ears with so much intensity as the pain in my back was just increasing.

I placed my hands over my ears and pressed my eyes closed unable to handle the sound that kept ringing harder and harder every time.

"STOP ! " My voice rippled in the silent area as i felt my cheeks getting wet with tears.

My hands went and furiously wiped the tears away.

I shouldn't cry. I shouldn't cry.

I kept repeating this phrase in my mind over and over.

When i removed my trembling hands from my face is when i noticed the blood on them.

I wiped the corner of my lips and saw more blood on my hands.

I felt pain.

No , no , it's not just pain.

It felt like a complete physical, mental, and emotional assault on my body.

I walked a little bit further toward the water so i can have a better look of my face.

The water was crystal clear , perfectly reflecting my bruised face.

I winced at the image in front of me.

Why he did this ?

What did I do wrong?

I bit my lips to prevent anymore tears to fall, that i tasted my own blood from how hard i was pressing.

He hit me harder when i cried.

So i would never cry anymore.

He used my weakness against me.

So i wont show my weakness to anyone.

He is a monster.

He is not my father.

Not anymore.

*End of flashbacks*

I backed away immediately, unable to look at my own reflection anymore.

I looked at my hand and that's when i noticed how tight i was holding the envelope.

I directly loosened my hold afraid i may rip it apart.

My hand went and wiped the stupid tear that escaped my eyes.

Dammit !

A f*cking tear !

Since when i cry.

I let out a breath I didn't know i was holding that long then opened the envelope and took the paper out.

Why i am reading this ?

I know the truth now , I know whatever shit is written inside it.

But Why there is this big urge that is pushing me to read ?

I ignored these thoughts and opened the paper holding it tight with my hands. My name was written at the very beginning just assuring that it is addressed to me, so i started reading further.

"I don't know when you're going to read this , but i am writing it because deep inside i am sure that you deserve to know the truth.

Because i hate the fact that I made you live in a big lie of my creation for the past years and obliged you into a life you didn't deserve.

I woke up to this truth really late. I know.

But I don't have the guts to tell you this face to face or to see your reaction after it. So I decided to write it and then deliver it you if anything would happen to me."

I paused reading for a while. Thinking of the irony of the situation.

He gave me the letter as if he knew that something will happen to him.

I shook that thought away and continued reading.

"Melanie is not the one who gave birth to you. She is not your mother.

Your real mothers name is Elizabeth."

I stopped for a while and looked away from the paper in my hand.

Elizabeth.

It's weird how i knew my mothers name twenty eight years after my birth.

I looked back at the paper to read more , to read the words that doesn't make sense to me anymore.

"I did a very bad thing ,a thing i will carry its guilt for the rest of my life.

When she gave birth to you , i took you from the hospital and exchanged you with a dead child to convince her that her baby died directly after birth.

I faked your death to her that in the moment I didn't know it will be the reason behind her real death.

She thought i left her because the baby died, she thought I blamed her so she blamed herself as well.

She wanted to name you Ashton after her father , we picked your clothes together, we prepared your room.

I would never forgive myself for what I did, for crashing her dreams and then yours. For ripping those clothes , for breaking that room.

I ripped her heart by that , then i broke her after.

I know I didn't just leave physical scars on your body , i know i left more scars on your soul.

I know they're permanent. And I know my sorrow wont magically heal them.

I know i screwed everything, i know I destroyed your life. But I don't know if you would believe me if i said I destroyed my life as well.

I am sorry.

I know it won't solve anything but i am really sorry.

Maybe now you'll be comfortable, with a life I don't exist in. And you have the total right to feel like that.

I don't blame you.

But i want to tell you one thing , just don't do the same mistake I did.

Please, don't."

By now i was suffocating the paper from how firm my hold is. I was too engrossed in the words i read that I didn't notice the last sentence at the bottom end of the paper.

"PS : There is a locket with this paper, it was your mothers.
Her picture is inside it.

She was so beautiful and even though you look more like me i always saw her in you. "

I totally forget about the locket till i read this line , i grabbed it from my pocket and placed it in my hand.

I don't know how long i was just staring at it unable to open it and in the same time unable to look away.

After taking the decision, slowly and carefully i opened it as if i am afraid it may break by my touch.

My breath hitched in my throat.

My heart raced in my chest that i felt it may burst out of my ribcage.

Everyone and everything around me went into oblivion.

Every word , every hit , every scar , all the pain.. It all vanished , in that moment it all faded away.

He is right.

She is beautiful.

No , I mean, she was beautiful.

Elizabeth.

My mother.

I kept staring at the picture looking at her , and during that time my mind was giving me answers to my previous questions.

Making sense of the feelings in my heart.

Slightly removing every doubt and assumption from my brain.

I heard footsteps nearing me but i didn't move.

I don't have to. I know its her.

Silently she came and sat beside me but I kept looking at the small picture in my hand unable to avert my gaze or even blink.

She inched closer toward me then wrapped her small arms around my arm and laid on me.

She is probably looking at the picture in my hand.

Looking at my mother.

I kept silent, so did she.

In the moment there were no words to be spoken. The silence was enough.

It was enough to express the pain.

"Sometimes not just children need their parents." I said breaking the silence, " Adults needs them too."

Because I need them.

"And i already lost a one without even meeting her." I said fisting my hand around the locket pressing hard that the cold metal didn't feel cold anymore.

"You were right." I said averting my gaze toward her.

Katherine lifted her big brown eyes and looked back at mine as I continued and said the words that i truly hated to admit.

"I am scared of losing him too."

I tried to close my heart before and not think about this , i tried to not even feel it.

But the truth is that you can't close your heart when its doors have been blown to pieces.

*************************

I was going to add another part which is after the surgery,but i got tired 😂 * I am so lazy i know lol*

Anyway , hope you liked it, and if u did comment and vote😊

Love ya❤️