Madison's POV:

It seemed like I was a world away when I was only a city-distance far from New York City. Home.

I was all alone for a good cause, yet I doubted it right now. These past couple of days wasn't something I was proud of. I wasn't productive at all, I was depressed most of the time, and I barely had energy to attend the support group I decided to join.

It was either this or a psychologist, and I preferred the first so that not all the attention is on me alone.

I felt like talking, letting everything off my chest, but I couldn't do it with someone I knew. So I chose to talk to some strangers that passed through almost the same experience as I did.

This whole week was dedicated to me and the support group. Just one week, let it all out and go back to normal as if nothing ever happened. That was the plan.

Half the week has already passed and I managed to dodge every question headed my way. This was harder than I thought, and I'm starting to regret participating.

Maybe I should've just went to a confession room, said what was on my mind, and left. None of what I wanted to say was wrong or a sin, but it seemed easy since it was almost as if talking to yourself. Basically what I wanted.

Today was different; I planned on talking this time.

Most of the people in my circle were around my age. Some had it hard and some had it harder. The support group leader was the oldest, and seemed wiser and more on the religious side. He didn't share anything close to our common experience but he did well in my point of view, maybe because he was great at listening.

I passed my turn until I was the last, and left with no option but to talk. All eyes were on me, waiting for me to finally open up, and it didn't help but make me more nervous.

"My name is Madison Miller and I've been in remission from Hodgkin Lymphoma for 4 years. I was 15 years old when they found an enlarged lymph node in my neck and luckily for me, the signs showed early so they caught it in its first stage. They started me with Chemo immediately and I spent almost that entire year living in the hospital. My whole life changed after that"

They all hummed in agreement, feeling the same way I felt.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for surviving, but getting cancer at a young age isn't easy. I had just started my teenage years, and everyone was living but me. I matured at the experience and lost the youth everyone loves at that certain age. That's one issue. Don't get me started at the nightmares of it coming back to you, and the reality of the possibility of getting second cancer"

They all groaned along with me.

The support group leader was quiet the whole time, just nodding at us every once in a while to let us know he's listening. He's with us.

"If I may ask, why join a support group now? Why not from the beginning?" the support group leader spoke for the first time since we started today.

"When I first became in remission, the school year had started, and I longed for things to go back to normal. The nightmares came almost every single night, but I pretended they didn't the next morning. But now I know what I did was wrong, and even though the idea of sharing my experience was difficult at that time, I should've done it either way and talked things out with a professional"

"Are the nightmares back? Is that why you decided to join a support group?"

"The nightmares for the past year came only every couple of months, until a while ago. I got closer with someone who was really close to me in my youth, and right now he was the source of my calmness and happiness. It all felt like an illusion, too good to be true, and that's what's worrying me. But not the nightmares nor he were the reason I joined here. I only wanted to talk to someone who wouldn't look at me sympathetically, someone who knows exactly what I've been through, not pretending"

The support group leader nodded at me in silence.

By the end of the day, I felt like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and letting it all out was the reason behind it. Even talking about Elijah openly made me better. I was emotionally drained from him and everything else, but now it just felt like I refilled my energy.

I was in a different city, far away from everyone I know, and staying at a hotel on my own. So my night time was limited since there wasn't much to do. Still I didn't mind, this wasn't a vacation, it was more of a retreat instead. Mom and dad of course didn't mind me doing this for myself, they were aboard to anything that made me feel better emotionally. For some reason, they thought they owed it to me.

Noah and Lauren of course knew about this as well, and promised to give me their full support. Other than them, no one knew.

There were a few missed calls from Elijah and a lot of unread texts from my mysterious guy, but these days were fully to me, so I decided to answer them after the week was over.

I still had no idea how to deal with Elijah after knowing the fact that he's in love with someone who isn't me.

I threw myself on the big bed and sighed.

It was killing me. Just when I thought I was over him and starting to do really well in my life, he had to storm his way back into it, and made me fall for him all over again. I was back to this love sick puppy that was following their crush, only now the feelings are intensified. So how am I supposed to forget him now?

I groaned loudly. All I wanted to do now was cry myself to sleep.

His absence made me long for him even more, which made the idea of avoiding him all over again impossible. This wasn't like any feeling I had before, not even with anyone I've ever been, including my mysterious guy.

He made me giddy and excited to talk to him, I could even do it all day long, but it just wasn't like with Elijah. No one got me that way, no one made me feel rush in my blood, except Elijah.

Maybe it was because I never interacted with my mysterious guy in real, but I still knew it was impossible. Yet I had the need to make sure.

I opened my phone and went straight to my texts with my mystery guy, checking the unseen messages from him, but answering none. They were all about him making sure I was okay, some even joking that it's way past 24 hours since we talked.

I ignored them all, and started texting what I wanted instead.

"You don't need to worry about me, I'm alright. I'll explain why I've been gone MIA this past week later, but first I need something from you. It's been a while since we've been talking, so I think it's time I really know who you are and we meet in person"

I hit sent and started waiting. One minute passed then five, then fifteen, and then a whole hour. It was never seen and I didn't hear anything from him.

He always replied quickly so I figured he read it from the outside and didn't want to actually open it to reply.

I decided to give him till tomorrow just in case he didn't really see it, but after that, it was over. He could be anyone, including a person who was only messing with me, and I needed to put this whole thing to an end.

Options circled my mind, most that needed to be eliminated, and he was one of them.

Making things straight with him was important, whether figuring out who he really is or getting him out of my life, because it meant a solid decision for me in regards to Elijah.

But what if I got what I wanted, what happens next? What if it turned out I'm in love with Elijah? How could I live with it knowing it'll always be one-sided? How could I bare the pain of watching him from the sidelines fall in love with someone who isn't me?

I was tucked in bed, ready to sleep, when I went back to square one. I was tired, sick of everything all over again, and the whole weeks' worth of trying to destress my life had all gone to vain.

I really just wanted to cry.

By the time I fell asleep a tear had actually fell down my cheeks and I was mentally exhausted.

When my one week of retreat was over, I was slightly better. My mysterious guy never answered so it was one thing finally eliminated.

Mom and dad were at home when I arrived. The nostalgic feeling hit me and I now realized I missed them more than I have thought. I threw all of my things to the ground and ran into their open arms. I hugged them tightly, briefly vaporizing all the thoughts stuck in my head, and feeling content.

When I let them go, they were both smiling happily, and of course mom had tears in her eyes. They knew how hard things had been for me, and they knew I needed this to feel better, and maybe let go of things. So they agreed to all of my requests.

"How's my favorite baby?" mom squeezed my cheeks like I was a child all over again.

"Mom, I'm your only child" I rolled my eyes smiling.

"That doesn't mean you aren't my favorite" she said, shrugging.

"Everything alright pumpkin?"

I turned to dad and nodded.

"It was a good thing to do, I feel better. Thank you for agreeing to this whole thing, I know it wasn't easy for the both of you"

They both nodded, and smiled.

"We're always here for you, no matter what" they both said together.
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