Madison's POV:

Could you judge a day as a bad one before it even starts? Wake up to the worst headache, feeling down, and just thinking to yourself 'this isn't my day'. It probably happens to most people, some just don't realize it, and I guess today is my turn. 

Fighting myself at a young age had its advantages as well as disadvantages. I had to mature earlier than most did, and I now see that as an advantage when bad days come to me. I never let it stop me because I know better than that, I know better than to waste a whole day being down, a whole day full of potentials, so instead, I fight it back and make the best out of my day. Days like these are the days I make most out of, probably because I'm fighting against something I know of.

I put an end to all the thinking, already wasted a lot of time staring at my shadow in the corner of the closet, and headed to the dinning room. Everyone was already in their seat, some had already started digging into their food, Noah of course, being the impatient person he is when it comes to food.

I took a seat in the place set for me, right between Noah and Lauren, which also happened to be across of Elijah. He was looking at me weirdly, something he never does, in fact I don't think he ever acknowledges my presence when I sleepover, and no matter how hard I tried to wrap my finger about the possibilities to why he was staring at me that way, I just couldn't.

Maybe there's something on my face?

I nudged Lauren at that thought "Lauren, is there something wrong with my look?" I got closer to her and whispered.

She moved her face away and checked me out from head to toe then shook her head, moving closer to me again.

"I don't see anything wrong with your look" she muttered.

"Then why is he looking at me like he's studying me?" I signaled across of me with my eyes.

"Maybe you got a crush?" she shrugged.

"He spent most of his childhood teasing me whenever he got the chance so are you serious right now?" I rolled my eyes at her.

"People have different ways of expressing their crush" she shrugged once again.

I shook my head groaning "That's not it. Forget I even asked"

I decided to not even bother looking his way, I've already spent more than necessary time guessing what he must be thinking of to look at me that way. I never knew how to read people, something all close people knew about me, and I wasn't going to deny it. 

All the people close to me were used to being honest and direct with me, something I begged them to do with me all the time, so there was no use to read people nor guess what they were thinking of. We weren't born mind readers so why try to do something we all know we are incapable of doing.

Just say what's on your god damn mind and stop beating around the brushes. It just won't get you anywhere.

"By the way, why do you smell like guy's perfume?" Lauren disturbed my thoughts. I looked at her confused, having absolutely no idea what she was talking about, but then remembered waking up grumpy figuring out the only logical option.

"I must've had a nightmare last night and Noah calmed me down. I don't remember anything, but that's the most reasonable answer"

She shook her head "Noah doesn't smell anything close to that, he prefers something light, unlike the heavy scent you're carrying"

I shrugged "Maybe he's trying something new?"

She shrugged back at me, not knowing what to say.

I smelled nothing on myself so I didn't give it any second thought, maybe she was just imagining things. We both let it go eventually, not having any reasonable explanation to the matter. 

Focusing back on the plate ahead of me, I caught between forcing myself to eat or not. The sight of the food looked inviting, if not mouth-watering, yet the bad habit of mine, of not being used to eating in the morning, took over me. 

I pushed the plate away from me and took my cup of coffee, choosing to focus on it instead and savor it as an excellent way to begin my day. Almost everyone around me on this table was used to me not eating, so no one questioned. Elijah on the other hand gave me another one of his weird looks that he's been giving me since the beginning of this morning, but I couldn't figure out what the look was exactly for.

Something definitely was going on with him. 

Seeing that my coffee was done and I was perfectly awake by now, I excused myself and went back to the room I was staying in to get ready for college. I could sense someone following my steps as I went up the stairs, but I brushed it off thinking it was Lauren. She probably wouldn't let go of the whole perfume thing.

"Lauren don't bother, I really don't know anything" I muttered as I went into the room.

"I really have no idea what you're talking about" I groaned hearing the voice I was trying to avoid

"What do you want Elijah?" I was now facing him, hands on waist, and out of patience. His eyes averted from mine, choosing to stare at the floor instead. He looked lost, between actually saying what he came for or just turning his back and leaving.

He chose the first.

"I needed to make sure you were alright. I can see the dark circles under your eyes as well as how you get lost in your thoughts a lot, and I definitely saw how you pushed your food away"

His bluntness took me by surprise. Just a second ago, he refused to look me in the eyes, but now it was like a staring contest and he was daring me to look away first. His tone changed as well, loud and clear with confidence surrounding each word.

This was a side I've never been introduced to by him.

But it wasn't enough to break my walls "I'm alright and don't pretend like you care because we all know you don't ever since we were kids"

"Is this about me teasing you when we were kids?" 

I huffed "Do I look five to you?"

"What do you want from me Elijah?" I sighed, the day was just in its beginning, yet I was emotionally drained.

"I want to get close to you, maybe become friends" hope was filling his eyes

I shook my head weakly "I've got friends already and I don't need more, because the more friends, the more trouble and I really don't have time for that"

He groaned loudly "Ugh, why are you being so damn hard to approach? It's not like I'm asking you to- uhm- marry me or something" 

"I can't risk getting hurt, okay!" I yelled, but then forced myself to calm and continued "I can't risk it, I've had enough pain to last me a lifetime"

Confusion was evident on his face "What are you talking about? We're still youn-"

"We don't have to be old to have experience in something life could throw any second at you" I sighed "Please leave Elijah, I don't want to talk anymore"

"But-"

"Please! I'm begging you" I interrupted him once again, persistent and barely able to control myself from either losing my temper or breaking down in tears, neither of which I wanted him to witness. 

I sat on the edge of the bed, my elbows on my knees, and my face buried between my palms.

Breath In.

Breath Out.

I repeated the same thing a couple of times, barely able to hold myself from losing it, yet somehow I managed. I never heard Elijah's footsteps leaving the room, and I could hear a rhythmic calm breathing, so I figured he must be still in the room.

"I didn't mean to cause you any sort of pain, I only wanted to make sure you were alright since you seemed to be in a bad mood. I know we're not close, but for some reason, I'm pulled into wanting to be and I hoped we could be. But I guess not, so maybe in another lifetime"

I kept my face in my hands, refusing to meet his face.

His voice was gentle and sincere, and it filled my guts with guilt. I quickly got up, wanting to follow him and apologize, but his footsteps became faint and suddenly I could no longer hear him, disappearing along with my current happiness.

I was frozen in my place, standing next to the edge of the bed, and caught on what to do next. I broke a lot of people's hearts, refusing to let them into my life, because I saw the falseness in their eyes. 

But what about Elijah?

Why am I feeling guilty for letting him go like this? 

True I couldn't see his eyes, but I heard his voice and I couldn't find any falseness to it no matter how much I tried. I was satisfied with how my life currently was and the fear of ruining it was the reason I didn't run after him. 

No matter how sincere he sounded, and no matter how much I'd might hurt him with how I behaved.

So I convinced myself that he was playing sincere, for motives I didn't know of, and brushed off all the guilt I was feeling using his play as an excuse and got him off my mind once and for all.

I took a deep breath and got it all out, relieving myself. 

I reminded myself what I actually came here for and got on to it. I took a quick shower, trying to erase everything off of me, from waking up in a bad mood to the talk with Elijah, and starting fresh. 

My mom, being the great parent she is, always hands me a bag with an extra change of clothes when she knows I'm sleeping over, just in case I decide to take a shower, which I always do, and want a fresh set of clothes.

I got out of the bathroom drying my hair with a towel and was surprised to see Lauren seated on the edge of the bed, right where I was, and just staring at me blankly.

"Are you sure you did the right thing?" she asked once she noticed me and got out of the state she was in.

"What are you talking about?" I played dumb, not feeling in the mood to take a lecture from her.

"Oh please" she rolled her eyes at me

"I heard everything between the both of you. The moment I saw Elijah run after you, I knew there was something so I excused myself after a while, just enough time not to draw attention. I stood behind the door and heard everything. I know it seems wrong, but I was worried about you because you seemed in a bad mood since the morning and I thought he found out about the nightmare or something. But the the way you pushed him out, it was wrong. You and I both know he was being honest and I know you're afraid, but still it was wrong. What harm could it be if you two became friends?"

"I just can't risk it and you know that"

"Think about it. If you don't want to be friends, then the least you could do is apologize. You owe him that much"

She stood up and gave me a half hug, leaving the room and leaving me all to my thoughts.

What harm could it be if we became friends?

....................................