Madison's POV:

I was back in that cursed 4 white walled room that I'd spent years stuck in. Tiredness had taken over me and I was weak once again. Death felt near, just like it had always been for a few years.

Giving up to death had always been out of the question for me, I still had a lot to see, yet sometimes, just sometimes, it would seem easier. When fatigue would be controlling me and the pain would be killing me, letting go just seems like the easier option. The one that would finally give me peace.

Every once in a while, I'd imagine what it might feel like to give up and now happens to be that time, except the feeling is much stronger. I look back at my past and all I could remember is the pain I felt these past couple of years, and giving up to death doesn't seem like a terrible idea all of the sudden.

So I shut my eyes and finally allow it to take me, hopefully to a better place.

I gasped out of my nightmare back into the real world, inhaling deeply. This doesn't happen to me a lot, in fact maybe once every couple of months, yet when it happens, the aftereffect of it stays with me for a while. Let's just say it haunts me for a couple of days, until it wears off and I realise this is all just a dream.

A nightmare that was meant to stay that way, because I'd never give up in real life. I'm more optimistic on this side of the world, since life has shown me a lot. Not to mention the surprises I got, and not all where good.

Yet I knew this was a lesson, the optimistic conclusion to all the past experiences I've lived through, the ones that give me nightmares right now. Life is short, that's the lesson I learned, and I intended to live every day of it like it was my last, to the fullest in other words. That's why giving up wasn't on my list, at least not until I've taken advantage of life to its maximum.

I brushed all these thoughts aside, focusing on my present right now, which said if I don't get out of bed right now then I'll be late to my first lecture. Second year of college wasn't as bad as the first, being a different experience to high school, yet that didn't prevent me from being late. I could never get used to waking up early ever since I was young, something I got from my dad, I just couldn't fight falling in love with sleep.

I took my sweet time preparing myself as having breakfast wasn't on my list. Eating in the morning wasn't my thing and everybody was used to me that way, the only thing I have is a cup of black coffee.

I brush my brown locks softly, leaving my hair down in its natural form, soft waves. My makeup on the other hand was done quickly, just to avoid looking at my reflection in the mirror for a long time.

Just like the mirror reflected my look, somehow to me it reflected my past as well. I'd look into the mirror and all it reflected in my greyish green eyes was my haunting past. Maybe to remind me that life was short, or that I'm a survivor, but either way it was painful and I chose to avoid it by avoiding the mirror.

My makeup was never much, only the minimum. Some concealer under my eyes to mask the strings that could lead to my past, mascara to make it seem like I have the perfect life, and lip gloss to shine and reflect the optimism I choose to live in. Same routine everyday, and if a occasion happens and I decide that I want more, then I let someone do my makeup.

Looking like an alive person, I carry my jacket along with my purse and head down. Good mornings are in order as I enter the dining room, beginning from my dad, Nick, to my mom, Hailee. Being an only child is an advantage when it comes to greetings, there's not much people to greet, yet the disadvantage comes along with the loneliness I have to bare.

"Here's your coffee sweetheart. Now hop off or you're gonna be late to school" my mom handed me the coffee as she joked a bit. I rolled my eyes smiling.

"It's called college mom, I grew out of school"

"You'll always be my baby girl who's always rushing to school since she overslept" She pinched my cheeks and then kissed my forehead. I sighed in content, as much as life squeezed me, my parents never failed to get me back up again. And even though I still might be a little lost in life, I still owed a lot to them, especially my happiness.

I kissed both mom and dad's cheeks, bidding them goodbye and hopped off to college as mom put it. Getting to college doesn't take much time with me. Some people say I'm a reckless driver but in my opinion, I just drive a little bit faster than normal because the rush pumps adrenaline into my blood and makes me feel alive.

I parked the car in the empty spot I was able to find and rushed to the usual place where Noah, Lauren, and I would meet. Noah is my childhood best friend. We were both born around the same time and since our mothers were best friends, naturally we met a lot and somehow we clicked, and ended up closer than siblings.

Lauren on the other hand is my new best friend. Lauren is Noah's girlfriend, they met in high school, enrolled to the same college, and here we are in our second year, Noah still with his sweetheart and I close to both of my friends. At first I thought I'd lose my friend, but they never excluded me and never made me feel like a third wheel, so we all ended up being closer. Of course they had their times alone and I didn't mind because I used it to continue achieving my bucket list.

My bucket list was a really long list I have that have all the things I wished to do and needed to fulfill my wish of living life to the fullest. Some things didn't take time to finish, others needed a lot, weeks, maybe even months. I was nowhere near done with it, since it was long and I keep adding to it every once in a while, but I did plan on finishing it. Because then, I'd feel like I've actually lived my life.

"Madi?"

I shook my head and looked up. Both Noah and Lauren were looking at me weirdly, concern showing in their eyes. As much as I hated this look, the look that made me feel like a glass doll, I still appreciated their concern.

"Sorry, I was just thinking of something and didn't see you coming. So what's up you guys?" I greeted as I got up from my seat and started walking with them.

"As much as I want to lie about it, I can't because the concealer didn't do much to hide the dark circles under your eyes. You didn't sleep well, didn't you? You had another nightmare?"

I groaned. No matter how much I tried to hide the dark circles, they'd always end up catching them, or maybe it was because they always looked closely. Attentive to my every small detail, fearing that I'd break one day.

"I'm alright Lauren, not need to worry about it, it's just a temporary lapse. A once in a while thing that I got used to greeting"

"The nightmare may be once in a while, but we both know it takes you a while to get you sleeping back after it. It's not healthy Madi, you need to find a solution" Noah interfered.

I sighed "You know it's not easy, but if it gets bad then I'll use the sleeping pills"

Both nodded convinced.

I focused again ahead of me and faked a smile seeing 2 certain people, disliking one of them mostly, and alerted Noah and Lauren. Elijah and Mason walked towards us as they caught us and I groaned inwardly. Elijah was Noah's one year older brother, I didn't know him much to judge him, but I remember him teasing me all the time when we were younger. He even learned how to flirt on me, not that I see him apply it on anyone right now.

Mason on the other hand was the person I disliked. There's always one certain person in every college that you're alerted of from the first day of college, a person who's a big flirt and a take caution from kind of person to avoid being heart broken, and that person happens to be Mason in our college. Both him and Elijah were in the popular category in our college, but while Mason had the bad boy vibe, Elijah had the opposite one.

"What's up pretty lady, how you doin'?" Mason smirked as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

I smirked back pretending to be interested. I brought myself closer to him, bringing my mouth to his ear.

"You suck at doing the Joey impression" I whispered still smirking while holding the hand that was wrapped around me and bringing it back to where it belongs in the first place. Mason was shocked, even though he was trying his best to conceal it.

"Mason quit bothering her. Do you really have to flirt with every walking chick you see?" Elijah interfered, seeming to be fed up by his friend's attitude.

"Damn bro, you sound just like my mother"

We all laughed at his remark, with Elijah eventually joining us even though he was trying his best not to to maintain his point.

Sobering up, Mason turned his attention back to me once again. I sighed. Is he ever going to leave anyone in peace from his flirting?

"Seriously though, how are you immune to me? I mean come on, look at me. I'm hot!" he referred to himself using his hands.

"Yes you're hot, but you're an ass as well. Doesn't work for me, I prefer the inside rather than the outside. Take him as an example" I pointed at Elijah and he choked on his own breath.

"Are you saying I don't have the outside?" Elijah accused, looking a little bit offended. Or more like a lot.

"You do have the outside, trust me, I mean look at you. The sharp cheek bones, the defined jaws, the long teasing lashes, the messy dirty blond hair, and don't get me started on your body. Really, I could go on and on, but still, the inside beats it all. All sane girls would agree with me on that" Lauren nodded in approval, while Mason let out a low whistle.

"Someone's drooling over someone else" he smirked and I gave him narrowed eyes in return.

"I was only trying to prove a point"

"What? That you daydream about him and expect him not to know after all of what you said?" I huffed at his response. He was clearly trying take my sanity out of me.

"My point was that Elijah is hot, but it doesn't matter without his good personality. Which clearly you don't have"

Noah and Lauren nodded in agree, but when I turned to see Elijah's reaction, I then noticed the slight redness covering his ears. He was starting to blush and it was just a cute as hell sight on him for some reason I had no idea of. I smiled at him, deciding not to mention what I'm seeing and make him blush even more, even though I really wanted to see how he would look like, but Noah caught it as well. He seemed to have caught on what I was thinking as he brushed it off as well, but acted a little bit to not draw even more attention to his poor brother.

"Alright, let's stop all this bickering and part our ways, each to their class, before we're all late"

We all hummed in approval and parted ways, leaving everything behind. Except me. Because I just wasn't able to leave the sight of Elijah blushing behind.

.........................................