And there are times when I don't need people, but just you- anonymous

CHAPTER 34: WHIRL WIND OF EMOTIONS

"Two months and twenty three days." I laughed out loudly, my sweat tasting sour as it touched my lips. I looked at my knuckles that smeared blood. The metallic taste curled my mouth into a distasteful one.

"I miss you so much." My breath fanned over the now opened closet of mine where her picture stood, smiling, her eyes crinkling and her face free of any tension. That face, I long for so long.

"Where are you ? Anika, I miss you so goddamn much !" Tears of frustration hung in my eyes, brimming in the slightest.

I punched the black bean bag again which has been my supporter for all this time. I punched ferociously and relentlessly, trying to cloud my mind away from her thoughts, away from her. Every single article reminds me of her. So much. So much, that it hurts.

She left me. She is selfish, so selfish. I can't believe that I let her do that to me. That I grew so soft when it came to her, so attached that now it feels freaking difficult as if someone is stabbing knife in my chest 24/7.

That day, it all ended. Finished. That day, when I was drunk. Just like that, everything finished. I kissed her and went back with Om and Rudra. Since then, she left me. Disappeared somewhere, somewhere I wasn't. Maybe she felt peace to finally be relived from me.

But it pains me. Not one moment has gone since I stopped thinking about her. Each nanosecond is a battle for me knowing that she is not here for me, she has left me, nobody would now call me narcissistic, nobody would make me feel comfortable how she did, nobody would give me that million dollar heart stopping smile which I can die for, nobody would be there to cheer me up, to correct me when I become cocky or smack me lightly or say their words exact opposite, nobody would be there who would comb my hair, who would make me feel that I, the ruthless business man can also feel a million emotions and can have my heart beating faster at the mere presence of her.

Nobody would be there. Nobody could replace her.

What did I do wrong ? When I had become that merciless Anika, that you had to leave me, leave me to drown into my own beers and sorrows, swallowing the salty tears that are stubborn and would flow without my consent.

I need you, where are you Anika ?

Searching ever nook and corner of the the country, if that was possible I would do, I had even appointed the secret agency but she, she had just made her existence erased. It feels that she doesn't want to be found.

And so I stopped. I didn't give up, I just stopped.

Everyday is a struggle for me, as I fight my another battle with my badepapa, strive to be a heartless man and pretend that her absence hasn't affected me at all.

It has been difficult, almost impossible, but I did, I tried. I don't know if I am failing, but now I am not living my life. It feels I am breathing, just that.

It feels that all the things inside me that she made me feel, to enjoy every little thing, to smile, to laugh fading as time pass.

I remember her words, the time when we went on a date.

"Okay listen. I am sorry. I just wanted you to know that sometimes we have to let go of things that are precious to us. You may not understand it but its really important." She said her smile fading.

"But what if we get used to it ?"

"You still have to."

It maybe not real for her, but it were the best 4 hours of my life, which I covertly dream of every once to just happen it again. Even if its a dream.

But it feels that she warned the dream too, to leave me solitary. It isn't funny. Its cruel. I hate her for that, God, I hate her so much but at the same time I . . .

The sudden knocking interrupted me, telling me to take my guard up once again, the facade intact.

"Bhaiya." Rudra said, his eyes soft taking over my dishevelled look as I slid my hands over my chest, crossing it to hide my bruised knuckles.

"This letter, my superwoman sent after her being invisible, just a day after. I- I did not knew how to give it to you, but I can't see you like this. I haven't read it, but I know that if I won't give you this, it will only make your condition worsen. I am sorry, for hiding it. But," he paused and handed me the letter.

He hugged me, me still stiff as ever, as I tried absorbing his words. He retreated, a sad smile hovering over his lips.

I glanced at the unread letter, unsure. A wind whirl of emotions clouding my mind, a lump in my throat, something weighing down my heart. I tried ignoring the hammering of my heart as I opened it slowly, carefully feeling to nourish the last fragment of hers that she gifted me that felt fragile.

To,
The strongest person I have ever met

Hey Narcissistic. How are you doing ? Life has taken so many twists and turns that it feels there is yet more to it whenever we reach the end. Isn't it ?

Well, while I was penning my letter down, I just wanted you to know that you are not as bad as I thought. Now, now no need to let your hopes flutter. I said not as bad, but okay it means I am lying then. I am scolding myself for not being so subtle. Haha.

You are not the best person I have ever met, but one of them. Rudra and Om always tops the list, keep that in mind.

It was never my agenda to be friends with you or spend such an extravagant time with you. Trust me, I am not that clingy that I showed I am. I never thought in a thousand births that I would be able to manipulate and convince you yo find some time for me in the hectic schedule, but let's just say my charms worked. Didn't they ?

I relish each and every moment I spent you, it has felt so surreal and beautiful that I still think that you are just an angel, who is being sent to my life to spread happiness and give me a purpose.

The first time I saw you, it felt that you were an early bird and not a night owl like me. But guess what 4am knows all of our secret.

You laughed ? Yes, I did steal it from google but it worked. I was getting vibes that you were sad reading this and your wrath must have crumpled the paper ready to shed it off. But wait, I have some really significant things to say.

Not very but still.

Its not a farewell letter since I would be going away, really far, maybe out of your reach. Don't try to find me, really. I would be happy this way.

I wrote this to tell you, that you are not alone in this thing called life. The one which gives us one hell of a rollar coaster ride. I am here for you always, just look at the stars outside your window and murmur a hey. I am sure, I will feel it.

You know, it all started when you gave me that cheek kiss on the party. It wasn't supposed to happen, it wasn't suppose to make me feel the whole zoo in my stomach. Nah, it wasn't suppose to.

But it did.

And I knew, it wasn't right. I didn't knew that in this whole plan of mine, to make you feel happiness in every little things and free you from the clutches of some demons or make you feel that life is worth living, I forgot. I went too far. You weren't suppose to have feelings for me.

No, I ain't oblivious as a starfish, but that night when you kissed me with such intensity, your lips lingering on my skin, I knew you felt something for me.

I know, you have a thing for dimple girls, maybe even Sharvi, so is it good that I went ? I know you would have said, that's for me to know and you to find out. That's your favourite line, isn't it ?

I confess, that it was my plan to make you feel happy and not alone. But, somewhere along the line, I went too far. I planned to act clingy around you every time I saw because..

The day when I saw you, your gelled hair and that super hot beard, I knew it would be hard to be in the game but I had to. Its all linked with my past, a very dark one.

It isn't good. Its worst and maybe if by destiny if we meet some day, we will puzzle the pieces of our life together and try to solve it.

Because, Shivaay Singh Oberoi I fell for you and this wasn't supposed to happen, cause my heart has already been taken by someone who is watching me from above.

But it did happen.

So, its not a goodbye. I sure ain't crying, you know. No sniffs and clogged nose. My eyes are sweating that's all.

You are one of the strongest person, I have ever met and I want you to continue the battle of your life. To keep fighting and I am sure, you will win this war Shivaay.

I am pretty damn sure.

From Anika.

The End.

Okay. Are you there readers ? Well, my emotions are kind of messed up write now after writing this chapter. Don't hate me guys. I planned this ending while I was on some twentieth chapter. I really do hope that you all felt something from this chapter and you were able to picture it.

Request: A humble one from all the readers who supported me and the one who were silent, I would really appreciate if you all tell me how much did you liked the story. If you could just take out some time to write a comment, long or short, it doesn't matter, it would really make me feel happy.

Thank you: To each one of you, who supported me in this book either by their votes or energy boosting comments. I seriously love you guys. Xoxo.

P.S. Can I get 100 votes in this chapter ? Puppy eyes ;)

P.P.S. A surprise for you awaits, so keep the book in your library intact.