In a world where people change like variables, I want you to be my constant - anonymous

CHAPTER 32: LETTING THE SECRETS ESCAPE

"So, it must be difficult."

"What ?" I asked.

"Living without me. These days must have been boring." She said bragging herself. There is the girl I knew, the one with a hidden playful side that is reserved only for me.

"You wish."

She shrugged giving me a smile. "Seriously tell me, what did you do in the past week ?"

"Stuff."

"How detailed." She said giving me a look.

"I just worked okay ? I had tons and tons of presentation and I still have, so it pretty much sums up my schedule of going to office in the morning at five and retuning at ten." I said with a bored expression on my look. These past days had been difficult for me.

She didn't spoke for a while just sipped her apple juice. "It must be hard for you. Om and Ru doesn't say anything or what ?"

"Nah, its all cool. I have gotten used to. And I try to maintain secrecy about my working hours with my brothers." I responded.

She stared at me, an unknown emotion flicking as she gulped down the drink and kept it behind the glass table. Her hands that were fallen to her sides shot up and touched my face, ever so slowly. It took all of my will power to just stand there and look at her, her touch mortifying. Burning. She caressed her fingers under my eyes.

"That explains the dark circles." She said quietly, her hands returning to their previous position. "You are not getting sleep Shivaay ?"

I was still in a daze when she asked her question. I was afraid she had heard the hammering of my heart and even if she did, she didn't show it on her face. I turned away from her and looked over the lively party.

Sharvi came towards us, her eyes shining like always, her dimples crinkling.

"Are you guys enjoying ?" She said amidst the loud music, from far.

"Yeah." Anika answered joining me again as Sharvi gave her a smile. "Have a drink guys."

"You know," I said as her eyes landed again on me. "I really want to drink wine today."

"Why ?" She asked. "You have a fetish for alcohol or something cause I saw you in France too, one time intoxicated and the other time about to."

"Other time ?"

"Our last day there, when I asked you to make something for my brother and me. I saw that bottle as you forgot to close the refrigerator door.

I made a hmm sound. This girl is so observant. "Its my friend."

"You know, it can kill you."

"It doesn't kill anyone."

"But it becomes the cause of person's death as with alcohol as a friend, he or she becomes reckless."

I nodded.

"Then why do you do ?"

"Its complicated. You won't understand." I did not wanted her to know, I was afraid that she might judge me. Hell, I had never confessed my problem with someone not even my brothers, but with her it felt so natural to point out my worries. I don't know why, but there is a small teeny weeny voice along side my head which urges me to spill my heart out. Inside I know, she won't judge me but the rational part of me says otherwise.

"I will understand." She insisted, her hands slowly covering my calloused ones, giving me the same warmth as it did the previous time, it reassured me. Her actions speaking more than her words as she meant I am here for you.

I tried telling her, but the words found a way to escape. It was painful to admit. I closed my eyes hard, my head pounding.

I made my way through the bar and ordered a drink. I needed a way to escape, the reality isn't always easy.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Ten.. I lost count as I drank and drank. I knew I broke my promise with Om, but I will apologize. I needed this, to forget everything.

"Shivaay." I heard my name, more like shouting. "What the hell are you doing ?"

Her eyes widened as she took in my dishevelled state. My half tucked shirt, my messy hair thanks to my hand for always raking it in frustration and the tipsy walk.

"Don't shout at me." I said in a whisper. Please. Not again. I cannot take this, this whole torture. She doesn't know what I am going through.

She snatched the glass from my hand. Her eyes full of pity and softness. Pity ? Huh, foreign to me but I like it in the least. I glared at her. I don't like this Anika. She ain't here to help me. She is there to pity me. I want that Anika who with her jokes would make me forget my pain for a while, who with her smile would make it contagious to me. But, she wasn't that, that time.

My glare grew each second more as I gripped the table lightly, the alcohol not allowing me to do the opposite.

I looked straight into her eyes.

She looked pained. "Trying to look intimidating Shivaay Singh Oberoi ? Trust me you are not."

"You don't know me. You freaking don't know anything." I shuddered. My eyes were red with fury, consumed in anger, seeing her pity me. I don't need her freaking sympathy.

"You are just the same as him and I want to change you, change you for better." She forced out a smile at the end that did not reached her eyes.

"Him ?"

"That is none of your business. You need not know him." She said calmly, trying to shake the memories that clouded over her mind.

"Stay away from me." I shouted, my voice echoing in her head as I retreated the bar.

"I promise I won't." She whispered.

I sat on the dusty rugged bench that was lying vacant. I closed my eyes remembering my short encounter with her, where my bossiness and angriness took toll of me.

I heard her coming as she sat beside me, a fair distance between us. I looked at her, her eyes showing some deep emotion as she shifted in my gaze. She looked afraid, my mind instantly regretting the decision of shouting at her.

"Anika," I whispered. "Don't be afraid of me."

"But-"

"I know, I am fool but please forgive me." I didn't even realise that I was begging. She can't be scared of me. She of all the people can't. I felt my heart twisted picturing the thought of her never talking to me, my chest heavy.

"Its just you accused me and gave me that look. I am not at fault here. Believe me." I scooted closer to her.

"What look ?" She asked slowly.

"That pity look. I hated that. I wanted you to comfort me, laugh with me but not this." I said.

She kept quiet.

"Tell me why do you drink ?" She said, her eyes trailing all over my face, seeking for an answer.

"It helps me sleep. I am not able to sleep without them, see those dark circles." I said pointing out my face. "Om promised me, not to drink but I broke it."

"Why you are not able to sleep Shivaay ?" She asked each word laced with utter softness.

I closed my eyes again, retaining everything. I trusted her and there was no holding back. Probably, I will regret my decision but I need to let it out.

"Nightmares." I whispered.

The silence followed as the soft breeze touched us, probably the God trying to soothe us. Time passed as we gazed at the sky.

Then she looked at me, her face blank. "I have nightmares too."

Heyaa everyone. So finally the prologue is here in the 32nd chapter. I hope you liked it and I will be waiting your opinions. Turn the star orange. And I would love to hear from silent readers. Thank you.