no taegi in this chapter but there's vmon to make up for it :)

"fucking eight hour shift."

taehyung leaned against the wall and rubbed his back, sleep deprived and hungry. he had come straight to work after school, only to work until closing. he needed it, yes, but it was awful, especially since he hadn't eaten since dinner the day before.

the running around was starting to take a toll on him.

"taehyung! you need to run out another order."

"coming!"

he rested his head against the wall for a brief moment, letting the cement relieve his face of the intense heat seemingly radiating off of it. god, he was sweating so much, but he felt so cold.

another hour into his shift, and taehyung knew that he was definitely not okay. he desperately took a bottle of water from the back, downing it quickly and throwing the empty bottle in the trash before his manager saw him.

as he continued waiting tables, he found that his vision began to grow blurry, black spots taking up the vast majority of what he could see of the diner by the time he was six hours in. he'd stumbled a few times, nearly dropping plates full of food, but managed to keep himself upright regardless. he couldn't pass out here, not in the middle of a fucking shift.

it didn't go as planned.

taehyung stumbled his way to a table, drinks in hand, only to fall against the table with a heavy breath.

"are you okay?" the customer was an old lady. she kneeled down beside him, her husband trying to hand him his glass of water.

"i'm okay," taehyung murmured, trying to breathe: trying to see. "i'm... i'm..."

he passed out cold.

* * *

he woke up in the hospital with namjoon and seokjin sitting in chairs beside him.

"shit," taehyung breathed. "i passed out, didn't i?"

namjoon nodded. "you did, and i'm sure as hell not giving you a new job now."

"no, what the fuck!"

"tae, you've exhausted yourself," seokjin nagged, using an arm to restrain taehyung to the bed when he tried to sit up. "lie back down. you need to rest."

"if you need food, we have plenty," namjoon added when he saw the panic on taehyung's face. "if you need help with rent, i just need to lay off on the weed a bit and i'll have plenty left over to chip in. i'm not letting you take on another job and land yourself in your grave this early."

"don't you dare lay off on the weed. we all need that shit."

taehyung relaxed for a moment in defeat before panicking again as it more clearly dawned on him where he was and what that meant.

"the hospital bills," he said, sitting back up despite seokjin's protests. "how the hell am i gonna pay for this?"

"jimin's mom took care of it, calm down, tae." seokjin sighed. "you need to stop worrying and let us coddle you for a day or two. the doctor said you need to rest up."

"i can't, seokjin. we'll lose our apartment without me working more, and i'm sure as hell not taking any money from any of you for it."

"then i guess you and your mom will have to move in with me."

"joon!"

"does your mom even know you work this much?" seokjin asked. "i know her well enough to know that she wouldn't be okay with this."

taehyung rested his back against the wall and ran a hand through his hair. "no, she doesn't. i tell her that i work short shifts, that i'm able to make a lot because of good tips. she'd put me on house arrest if she found out, though."

"exactly, and if you don't lay off a bit, i will snitch on you to your mom. it's your call." while seokjin's words were threatening, his eyes were nothing but kind and concerned.

"fine. i'll lay off a bit," taehyung conceded. "but as soon as loan sharks pull up again, i'm going back to what i was doing before."

"oh for fuck's sake tae-"

"you're awake!"

"we came right after school! and we kidnapped jungkook too!"

hoseok and jimin came barreling into the room with jungkook between them. "less of kidnapped, more of snuck out, but yeah. how are you feeling?"

taehyung smiled. "better, especially with you all here. also, jimin, tell your mom i'll pay her back eventually."

"she won't accept it, there's no point." jimin scoffed at taehyung's glare. "maybe this'll work as incentive for you to never land yourself in the hospital again."

"oh, come on!"

* * *

taehyung hissed.

"fuck."

the blade had snuck under his skin a bit deeper than intended, sending an unexpectedly sharp pain down his wrist. he quickly reached for the toilet paper and tore off a square, pressing down to slow down the bleeding. he was about to start cleaning up when his phone rang.

"hello?"

taehyung ran his wrist under water as he picked up the phone.

"tae, come over to joon's," jimin said. "we're smoking and jin's making a bomb ass dinner."

"be there in thirty."

taehyung arrived to see jungkook asleep on the couch, the other boys gathered on the floor.

"jungkook kind of maybe greened out," namjoon explained. "jin's just tipsy, as usual, and the other two are just enjoying themselves. care for a joint?"

taehyung grinned. "always."

as he took in a breath of smoke on the balcony, namjoon stood beside him, eyes narrowed. "are you doing okay?"

the question came unsolicited: unexpected. taehyung wasn't sure how to answer, wasn't sure what answer namjoon had been expecting.

"the fuck does that mean?" he breathed out, watching the smoke curl above his head and leaving behind a faint, familiar scent.

"it means that you look like you haven't been eating or sleeping," namjoon replied, quickly gesturing to his wrist with a nod of his head. "and that you have cuts on your wrist."

taehyung bit his lip and quickly unpropped his arm from against the railing, letting his hand slip into his pocket. "fuck. how long have you known?"

"a few days. i've had a hunch since your injured wrist was mentioned." namjoon sighed. the gray sky above their heads looked especially dreary to taehyung. "you want to talk about anything? how has your mom been?"

"she's been out of town for a while. car broke down somewhere." taehyung inhaled another breath of smoke. "it's weird spending so much time in an empty apartment, i guess." smoke left his lips as he spoke, as he exhaled heavy words from his lungs.

"you should visit me more often, then: record something with me, smoke with me, burn down my kitchen with me while trying to cook." namjoon smiled his blinding, dimpled smile. taehyung loved his smile. "you don't have to do everything on your own, tae."

taehyung smiled back. "i know," he murmured. "i just get tired sometimes."

"too tired to ask for help?"

taehyung nodded.

he had moments when things felt so overwhelming that the only thought running through his head would be that death had to be the easy way out. he would spend hours and days sitting in his bed in the dark, wondering to himself how much easier it would be if he could just disappear and never have to face life again.

"hey, joon. have you ever wanted to die?"

"not really." namjoon bit his lip. "you want to die?"

taehyung didn't answer, because he knew he didn't need to.