Title: The Room of Lost Memories by little-miss-venus
Source: Feedback request
Genre: Short story
Subgenre: General fiction
Mature: N (mild profanity)
LGBTQIAP+: N
Status: Complete
First impressions: 36/40
Digging deeper: 83/100
Final thoughts: Complete

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This one's a bit different because it's a short story with only one chapter. I went back and forth about how to do this review for over a week. It felt weird to use the same review rubric I use for longer stories, since I'm only reviewing one chapter, so I thought about merging them into one, or just not doing the "First Impressions" review and only doing the "Digging Deeper," which I considered renaming just for this purpose. In the end, I decided to use the same review rubrics I use for longer stories. Each has a slightly different emphasis, and each provides what I hope is valuable feedback. I also had to tackle my "Final Thoughts" review for the first time, so I read a few other reviews on Wattpad to get an idea of how I wanted to do this, and I think it turned out well.

*****

First impressions total: 36/40

Title: 10/10
This is an intriguing title, and it's perfect for a story about an Alzheimer's patient.

Blurb/synopsis: 8/10
I personally like the summary section by itself, and I don't think you need the bit before that, but it's not wrong of you to leave it there. I know this is my preference in a stylistic choice that is unique to each author. As far as those first few lines, I'd capitalize the first word, "In," and I'd drop the comma, although you're not wrong to leave it there. There are a few issues with articles here (a, an, the), though. You don't need "the" before "Alzheimer's," "a" before "dust's,"  or "the" before "time," but you do need "a" before "powerful." So:

"...fights Alzheimer's disease."

"It's about dust's ability to become a powerful, steady rock as time passes by."

Also, side note, it's really impressive that you wrote this all in one day.

Cover: 10/10
I really like this cover. It's a little playful, tempered with darkness illuminated only by a spotlight that casts shadows, reveals some things, and hides others. Memories are like that. Some good, some bad, all in the same place, all hidden and illuminated the same way, often without a person's conscious choice. The bits and pieces from a lifetime of memories scattered around the room, the text that overlaps and cuts off in a neatly disjointed way - this is perfect for the subject.

First chapter (and everything that came before it): 8/10
I like the cute little prelude. It's friendly, personal, and professional, all at the same time.

The main issues I found while reading the story itself were with dialogue punctuation, some awkward phrasing here or there, and comma placement, but nothing major. I put in tons of inline comments wherever I found problems or had suggestions. And, for the final bit, I'm just going to copy and paste my last comment here:

This is absolutely beautiful. The way he takes the diagnosis so calmly, the way he puts all his time and energy into his Project room to try to save what memories he can, the way he tries to hide his diagnosis from his children - oh, my gosh. It's gorgeous. I pointed out edits in the inline comments, but this is so, so good, and the message is clear as is. Your unique voice as you calmly tell this increasingly heart-wrenching story is just fantastic. And, again, huge props to you for writing this all in one day.

*****

Digging deeper total: 83/100

Cover & title: 10/10
See above.

Blurb: 3/5
This is only a 3 because of the SPAG issues with articles. See above.

Grammar & voice: 5/20
Again, only because of the SPAG issues, and they're not major enough to detract from the story at all. You have a very unique voice that comes through loud and clear, telling this beautiful, heart-wrenching story in such a calm way.

Plot & pacing: 10/10
Obviously, this is a short story, so you don't have to keep a certain pace to keep the reader clicking the button to read the next chapter, but you do need to keep the reader reading. And you do. The pacing is absolutely perfect here. I wasn't sure what to expect or how far into the diagnosis you'd take this, but the clear section dividers listing day since diagnosis were very helpful. I thought this had to be early in the diagnosis, for him to be working on a room of memories, but I hadn't expected it to start on the first day of diagnosis. The little details you add as the story progresses marking the progression of his disease just keep the reader engaged and build the sense of loss we feel, too. I noted the moment when this really turned heart-wrenching for me in the inline comments, but I'm sure that moment will be different for different readers. The only real problem I had with the pacing was the abruptness of the ending. I really feel like that's a style choice, though, so I'm not knocking any points off for that. The story had to end somewhere, and ending at the moment he finally tells his children what's going on makes complete sense with how you've written the story.

Characterization: 20/20
Henry's personality is, obviously, the most distinct and the one that comes across the clearest to the reader, but his children have distinct personalities, too. They're less defined at first, but you really flesh them out at the end, and that makes sense with the way you've written this. Your use of dialogue and context clues in place of obvious info dumps is perfect. The reader gets to know everybody in time, the same way a real relationship with a real person works. And, of course, as I noted above, it all builds the connection with Henry and his family and builds that sense of empathetic loss and heartbreak, too.

Harmony within genre: 15/15
I really struggle with short stories. I'm a wordy person, and I have difficulty condensing a longer story in my head down into the short story format while still maintaining a full, dynamic, detailed story. You don't have a problem with this - or, if you do, you hide it really well. This is in no way inferior to a longer story. Usually, I read a short story and think, "This would be better if it were fleshed out and turned into a longer story." I don't think that with this piece. You probably could, if you wanted to, but this is perfect the way it is. This format fits this powerful tale perfectly. You're giving us scenes from a person's life while that person gathers bits of their past, and the short story format makes it all the more impactful.

Originality: 20/20
I'm sure short stories about Alzheimer's have been written, but I'm also sure they haven't been written this way. You have a unique voice and a unique style, and, as I said before, the way you so calmly tell this heart-wrenching story is so, so well done. You engage all the senses, you write the story in a way that it opens and blossoms to the reader like a flower, and your use of metaphors is fantastic. I don't actually know the story about dust becoming a rock over time, but I don't have to. The metaphors resonate regardless. The beauty in simplicity, the complexity of a single thought or memory, is so well done, and I never thought I'd enjoy a story about Alzheimer's, but here we are.

*****

Final thoughts:
This is a beautiful, heart-wrenching story written in gorgeous prose about how one man reacts to his Alzheimer's diagnosis. His calm acceptance of his impending loss and his dedication toward preserving his memories as long as he can is inspiring. The reader feels his loss, too, as they watch the disease progress and affect his family. His children's determination to help and support him, even when they don't know the truth and they can only guess at what's going on, is nothing short of beautiful. This is a story for anybody and everybody, whether a reader has experience with Alzheimer's or not. Take the lessons written here and always savor the people you love and the little things in life. They matter more than you know.