Title: The Colony by A_girl_who_writes_2
Source: Blossom Awards 2024 by 
Category: Science Fiction
Mature: N (profanity)
LGBTQIAP+: N
Status: Ongoing
Round 1: 37/40
Round 2: 84/100 (1st place)

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*****

Round 1 total: 37/40

Title: 10/10
A very simple title, with just the right amount of mystery to catch my interest.

Blurb/synopsis: 8/10
Normally, I prefer shorter blurbs, as I feel like longer blurbs often give too much away, but this hits just the right balance of giving just enough information to hook the reader's interest while still maintaining the mystery to draw them in. I think the first bit between the ~ doesn't quite match the tone of the rest of the blurb, though. There's almost an element of humor in it, and there isn't any humor in the following paragraphs. I also think you could condense the following paragraphs into fewer paragraphs, and there's something about the wording of the second paragraph that I don't quite like. Maybe it's the semi-colon? Something to look at, anyway. But this does hook the reader, which is exactly what you want.

Cover: 10/10
I love this. The colors, the shading, the opposing faces, the white cross in the center with the title, the font size and placement of your name, which makes it obvious and easy to read but without detracting from the rest of the cover - perfect.

First chapter: 9/10
This is interesting, but I think rearranging it a bit would improve the flow. The first three paragraphs come across as light and happy-go-lucky (I mean, other than she's angry at someone), and then the flow gets interrupted by the description of the Colony, and then it's back to Beth entering the library with that lighter tone. Finding a way to merge the info about the Colony into the scene would help. Maybe the three paragraphs about the three floors could come up later in the story within context. I've run into this before with my writing, and it's definitely a tricky thing to merge the descriptions into the scenes, but it makes a smoother read than a sudden information dump.

Anyway, that's something to look at, but then we get back into the scene, and the light tone changes in an instant to something dark and angry, which you do well. The sentence about killing her mother is kind of buried within its paragraph, though. Setting that sentence apart as its own paragraph would increase the shock level and really catch the reader's attention. Also, there's no way the library full of people is missing this argument. I think putting something in about that would help make everything more real and believable and also give a reason for Tom shushing her (beyond the obviously illegal talk of a resistance). Her meeting somebody's eye, or heads popping up and looking her way, something like that.

On another note, a disclaimer in the blurb or at the beginning of the chapter about strong language would be nice, as there are people (like me) who appreciate the warning. But, overall, this is well-written and intriguing, with only a few errors (the wrong its/it's in one place, that sort of thing), and that last sentence is spot on. Great job.

*****

Round 2: 84/100

Cover & title: 10/10
See round 1 feedback.

Blurb: 4/5
See round 1 feedback.

Grammar & voice: 5/20
5+ mistakes per chapter, but they're so minor that I literally had to go back and force myself to count on my fingers while I scanned for them, because I got too into the story to find them when I was reading. ;)

Plot & pacing: 10/10
Perfect. Jumping around in the timeline is not an easy thing to do, but you have it down, and it doesn't muddle the story or slow the pace at all.

Characterization: 20/20
Also perfect. I don't feel like I fully know Beth, Ham, or Tom yet, but I know enough that I want to learn more, and I get more with every chapter. They drive the story, possibly even more than the plot. They are the plot.

Harmony within genre: 15/15
This is Sci Fi all the way. I've noted this with a couple of other entries as well, but it's just surprising to me how naturally the futuristic, technologically advanced world you've created feels. It's completely foreign to me, and yet, I can relate to it. And it's still Sci Fi. I guess I'm just used to Sci Fi feeling really "out there."

Originality: 20/20
Honestly, I was expecting something cliche when I first glanced at this book. Post-apocalyptic world where people live underground and Big Brother controls everything? Pfft, seen it before. Not. Not the way you're doing it. It is different. I got a hint of that from the blurb, and chapter 1 lays it out right away. This is unique, and this is Sci Fi.