Title: Meet Me At Midnight. by SSears90
Source: ELGANZA, INC. | AWARDS by TheCieloCommunity
Category: Fanfiction (BTS)
Mature: Y (blood, gore, medical depictions, murder, PTSD, strong profanity, suicidal ideation, torture, violence)
LGBTQIAP+: N
Status: Complete
Special note (judging): I had six books in this category, and the other judges (mj3648, Lasophie79, Lunatic_Twilight) had six books each.
Result: 92/100

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*****

Rubric:
- Title: 5
- Book cover: 5
- Description (blurb): 5
- Plot & storytelling: 15
- Character development: 10
- Writing style: 10
- Grammar: 10
- Originality & creativity: 10
- Emotional impact: 10
- Pacing & structure: 5
- Accuracy (if non-fiction): 5
- Overall enjoyment & engagement: 10
Total: 100

*****

Total: 92/100

Title: 4/5
What a perfect title for a vampire story. My only (nitpicky) thing is that I don't like the period at the end of the title. I noticed you add that with some of your titles, but not with others, and while it's not really a big deal, I'm one who likes consistency. Then again, I am weird, and you're free to disregard this. 😉

Cover: 4/5
Nice and simple. Great image against a dark background, text that is clearly visible and legible, and you didn't include the annoying "by" before your name, which makes me so happy. I really hate that. The only complaint I have here is with the title font. It looks like the text may be slightly smaller than "Jeon Jungkook," and while the bolder font does make the title more obvious and eye-catching than that used elsewhere, it still doesn't feel quite right to me. And I don't think bumping up the size would settle that feeling. Maybe it's too plain? Maybe a more regal font would go better with Jungkook's elegant appearance and the chair that's almost a throne. I think. Again, feel free to disregard this, as it's just my opinion.

Blurb: 3/5
I'm one who doesn't like blurbs starting with a quote, although there is a natural progression from the quote you've included here to the start of the story info, and it's certainly gripping, so I can't say it's dulling your hook at all. I will say that within the story, I'd recommend moving the other members' reaction to Jungkook's statement to a new paragraph, but doing that here would mess with the flow of your blurb, so I wouldn't make that change here. But I'd probably change "given the" to "they had" and add a comma after "react," and you could also change "and" to "but" to strengthen the suspense factor.

As far as the rest of the blurb, the shift from past tense to present tense in the second paragraph feels odd to me, but it makes sense, in a way. You're stating what happened in the past, what changed, and emphasizing that in the present, the effect is ongoing. Maybe you could add something before the second line to help with that transition? Like "He still does." That might punch up the shock factor, too. Which you have plenty of here. You've introduced the premise quite nicely, and you've laid out multiple points of plot conflict in just a few words, which ensures your hook isn't buried by excess wordiness.

The smiley face at the very end is amusing to me. Darkness, horror, tragedy, blood—smile! I assume you intended that absurd contrast. And I like it.

Plot & storytelling: 14/15
I don't read vampire stories much because of a past unhealthy obsession with them, but while I'm sure there are plenty of fanfictions with somebody accidentally becoming a vampire, yours is definitely unique. It's all in the details. Which you own. The vacation where Jungkook sneaks out at night to explore a cave because he's stubborn and foolhardy; the slow transition from bite to full-fledged vampire with complete awareness of what he's doing; the abduction and research facility; the rescue; and the cure—I don't think I've ever encountered that as a cure before. And you keep it all so real. It feels like this could happen in real life, and Jungkook's reactions are realistic, as are the other members. The ending just drives that realism home. You don't go through something like this and walk away unchanged.

Your transitions, in particular, really stand out. That first time the reader gets to see what Jungkook the vampire is up to, it's just so, so smooth. He is Jungkook, getting up for a glass of water, realizing that isn't what he wanted, going for a walk, gradually shifting from Jungkook to vampire in a very natural, seamless way. And your perspective changes are equally smooth. The story remains in the third person throughout, of course, but you zoom in on Jungkook, get into his head, and then easily transition away from him to focus on the other members. This is what other authors try to do with varying perspectives in the third and first person, but it's so jumpy and stilted, especially with all the headings they have to use to tell the reader what they're doing. This book is what they want to do.

Usually, I have a long list of inconsistencies and suggestions I find and jot down to go over here, but I have only two things here. First, the book research. They went through all the books, and then, after Jungkook went missing, Namjoon told the other members they needed to actually read the books. This felt weird to me, because it made it sound like they had never read them before. I think you're trying to say that he told them to re-read the books more closely, or read instead of skimming, and clarifying that would clear up any confusion.

Second, getting in and out of the research facility seemed ridiculously easy, but when you consider Jungkook already killed half the staff there, it becomes more realistic. I think adding something to emphasize that would be a good idea. Something about the hyungs' surprise at how easy it was, not just because of Yoongi's hacking, but because they expected to see more people. You could throw in some blood stains and maybe even a body while they explore the place, because I doubt there was time to clean up the entire facility after only a few hours. That would also drive the point home that Jungkook's killing spree paved the way for his rescue, which would be a nice bit of irony.

Character development: 10/10
I noted this line down, because it really stood out to me, and it summarizes the boys' relationship in just one sentence: "Six different heartbeats, yet all in sync with each other."

That line comes from Jungkook's perspective as a boy transforming into a vampire, and it says so much. All in sync with each other. That's the way these boys are. They truly love each other and will do anything to help each other. And it also shows Jungkook's feelings toward them, feelings that are strong enough to combat his growing thirst for blood until he can get away from them. I mean, he leaves their place and immediately loses control. He can't stop himself from killing three people, but he can stop himself from killing his hyungs.

You set them up so well. It's the little things. Jimin stealing Hobi's chips. Hobi's nervous jokes when he doesn't know what else to say or do. Taehyung's unwavering trust in Jungkook's love for them, a trust that's strong enough for him to ignore Jungkook's warnings and cup a vampire's face in his hands. Okay, that's not a little thing, but you get it. Jin, the oldest, the one who feels the most responsibility. Namjoon trying to keep his excess knowledge under control when nobody really wants to know how many species of bats exist. Yoongi forcing Jungkook to eat breakfast. They're so, so close, and when Jungkook sets up a scenario for his hyungs to watch him transform in a way that he hopes will keep them safe, when his eyes turn red and his fangs grow, when Taehyung crosses the line into what should have been certain death, Jungkook hears his heartbeat, smells his blood, feels his own hunger, and still cries and screams that they all need to leave before he accidentally hurts one of them.

The main plot conflict is not Jungkook becoming a vampire. It's Jungkook fighting himself to keep his hyungs safe. And them fighting everything, including Jungkook, when necessary, to keep their maknae safe.

Writing style: 10/10
These are my instructions for this criteria: "Evaluate the author's use of language, including clarity, eloquence, and effectiveness in conveying ideas and emotions."

Yes. Check, check, check, check, and check.

Grammar: 8/10
Overall, this is a pretty clean read, grammatically speaking, but there were some consistent issues I saw throughout. You tend to underuse commas, and there are occasional commas that should actually be semicolons. Sometimes, you can be a bit wordy ("What the h*** would that be?" could just be "What the h*** is that?"). You use incomplete sentences pretty often, definitely as a stylistic choice and not as an unintended mistake, but sometimes, it seems like you may be using them a little too much. With possessives, you sometimes forget apostrophes, most commonly with the word "hyung."

As far as punctuation goes, there are a lot of exclamation marks. I understand that, to an extent, because there's a lot of tension and emotions running high, but it feels a bit too much to me. Especially when you have to resort to using ?! for emphasis. That typically means exclamation marks have lost their effect, and while questions spoken in a normal tone are much different from questions shouted in terror, you could probably add in more detail to dialogue tags to create the effect you want. Not sure if this is an issue other people have, or if it's just me, but all the exclamation marks were kind of giving me a headache.

Although, to be fair, I have uncontrolled migraines that come with all sorts of weird symptoms, so maybe that's a new one.

Anyway, I mentioned in the blurb that I'd recommend splitting the hyungs' action from Jungkook's dialogue, and that's something I'd recommend throughout the story: keeping one person's dialogue and actions together, and separating another person's dialogue and actions into a new paragraph. Usually, that's the issue—multiple speakers in one paragraph—but there's actually a point later in the story where the issue becomes splitting one person's dialogue into multiple paragraphs. That can get confusing. The reader typically expects an A B A B format, with alternating paragraphs meaning alternating speakers, so if someone's dialogue runs long, and you think it's better to split it up, I'd recommend inserting a paragraph between. Often, when one speaker's dialogue changes enough to warrant that, it's because their thoughts, emotions, and/or actions shift dramatically, so you could add a couple of sentences in between sections of dialogue describing that. It's kind of like an extended dialogue tag. Then, there's no problem starting a new paragraph with the next set of that person's dialogue, because you've created a modified A B A format, with B being your extended dialogue tag.

The only other consistent error I saw was the word "illuded," which should actually be "alluded." All other errors were rare and inconsistent, leading me to believe they were just proofreading misses, and there were no jarring errors that interrupted the story's flow or the reader's immersion. By which I mean, it was hard for me to look for errors while I was reading, and it was hard to stop reading and note them down.

Originality & creativity: 10/10
Um, yes? Again, vampire fanfics have been done to death, but this is completely unique and completely yours. Your descriptive detail is fantastic (by the way, my weak stomach appreciates you restraining your creative ability and not describing graphic gore). Well, I guess I should say the scientists and the lab were a bit cliché, but when everything else is so original and creative, you can get a free pass on a cliché or a trope here or there. 😉

Emotional impact: 10/10
I did not stop to take my pulse at any point throughout the story, but I'm sure it would have been racing at key moments. You immediately bring the reader into Jungkook's mind and emotions, and you keep them there. Except when you switch over to the other members, in which case, the reader gets to see and feel their emotions, too.

Pacing & structure: 4/5
The first chapter seemed rushed to me. Or, rather, the time from Jungkook walking into that cave to the time of his transformation seemed rushed to me. That midnight exploration of that cave and the bite he received there are the inciting incidents for the story, and it felt to me like they didn't get enough attention, like the priority was on introducing that, skipping past it, and jumping into the transformation and the rest of the story. You had a lot of description there, so I can't say that feeling comes from lack of detail, which is the usual culprit. In this case, I think it's actual time and chapter space. Going into the in-between where Jungkook is hiding the bite, and it's just getting worse, would probably stretch it out better. But, again, that's just my opinion. The pacing for the rest of the story was absolutely perfect.

Accuracy (if non-fiction): 5/5
Free points. Yay! 🙂

Overall enjoyment & engagement: 10/10
I went into this story with a couple of things in mind. First, and I've already said this, I haven't read vampire stories for a long time due to a past unhealthy obsession with them, so I wasn't exactly looking forward to the story content; and second, I've seen you as a judge in so many awards, and I've been meaning to read one of your stories, so I was looking forward to reading your story. Weird tension, huh? But I was not disappointed. This isn't a story that romanticizes vampires, and you are an excellent author. I got so zoned into this story that I put off going to the bathroom until my bladder actually hurt, and I dismissed an important alarm without even realizing it. Even typing up this feedback is having that same effect on me. Engagement achieved. And while I still won't be looking for more vampire stories to read, and the language was a bit strong for my preference, I enjoyed reading this book.