Title: 𝓓𝓸𝓾𝓫𝓵𝓮 𝓓𝓮𝓿𝓸𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓼 by mk_crenshaw
Source: Utopian Fanfiction Awards 2024 by TheHappyWriters
Category: Harry Potter fandom
Mature: N (child abuse, torture, gore, attempted murder, mild swearing)
LGBTQIAP+: N
Status: Ongoing
Round 1: 33/40
Round 2: 92/100
Round 3: 92/100
Round 4: 94/100 (1st place)
Special Award: Heart Winning

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*****

Round 1: 33/40

Title: 9/10
If you're using "devotion" in the sense of loving someone, which I'm pretty sure you are, you actually don't need the "s." "Devotions" is typically used more to refer to religious prayer guides. But this is a clever title, since the canon characters you're centering this around are the Weasley twins, and, although I don't normally like extras in the title, "Harry Potter Fanfic" makes it pretty clear to anybody who doesn't know exactly what to expect here.

Cover: 7/10
This has the feel of a photo booth picture to me. I don't know if that's what you're going for, but that's what I get. To emphasize that informal, casual feel, I'd set the picture at an angle - you know, like when you throw a picture down on a table, and it doesn't land straight. I'd probably still keep your title in a neat horizontal line, but I really think twisting the picture will add something here. Maybe change the font of the title to something more like the handwriting on the picture - not necessarily the same font, but something similar to make it feel like someone tacked this picture in a photo book and slapped a quick label on it. And last thing, your name. I'd drop the "by." I know many people use it, but it's really unnecessary. It's implied, and it just takes up space. Bumping the font up a size or two would help make your name more visible, and I think I'd keep it in this print font, even if you change the title font.

Summary: 8/10
You introduce the plot conflict really nicely here. Girl grows up with boys, girl and boys mature, boys suddenly see her in a different light. Add in some baggage from her past, and we're all set for a good story here. I'd do some tweaking here to streamline this a bit, but your content is good. So, in the first sentence, I'd swap the comma after "year" for a period, cut "more than that," and then leave the rest of it as is. A shorter sentence right at the start of your blurb catches readers better than a longer sentence. You could put a comma after "Oggy" (cute nickname, btw), and a hyphen after "Weasley twins" in that last sentence would really emphasize the difficulty of her decision. And kudos for using the word "vy," although I had to look it up to be sure, but the spelling should actually be "vie." It's a common mistake because of the word "vying." Apparently, there's an older spelling, "vye," but that isn't used much anymore. So. Fact of the day. *shrug*

Last paragraph, instead of "much to her dismay," you can swap that out to something with more punch and a better hook. "Whether she likes it or not" would be a good one. You can swap the comma for a hyphen before that, too, for emphasis, but it's fine to leave as a comma.

First chapter: 9/10
Okay, this is adorable. It's so natural. I can already see the hints you're dropping about the boys seeing Gwen in a different light, and about their teasing affecting her differently than it used to. They have this sweet friendship that's already a little awkward, and I know it will only get more awkward as the attraction grows. Mrs. Weasley is wonderful, as always, and it's interesting to see Ron in the background, just a side character of little importance in a world where he normally plays a pretty big part. The way he turns red when she kisses his forehead is just more cuteness and more indication of how she's matured. The little details about her cat are great, and I can hear her baby-talking to Midge. You're dropping lots of crumbs here about Gwen's past - with and without the Weasleys - and your use of dialect is really good. This is really clean, too. There are some minor errors I found - "auburn-haired" and "red-headed" should be hyphenated; you use "consultation" when you mean "consolation," I think there's an "a" that's supposed to be an "and" - that kind of thing. Like I said, minor, and you can catch them all with a quick proofread. And you close this out with a nice little cliff-hanger. A double cliff-hanger, really. What's happening now, and what happened in her past? Hm...guess I'll have to keep reading. 😉

*****

Rubric:
- Title: 10
- Book cover: 10
- Summary: 10
- Descriptiveness: 10
- Reader engagement: 10
- Plot uniqueness: 10
- Character development: 10
- Creativity: 10
- Writing style: 10
- Grammar/punctuation: 10
Total: 100

*****

Round 2: 92/100

Title: 9/10
See round one feedback.

Book cover: 7/10
See round one feedback.

Summary: 8/10
See round one feedback.

Descriptiveness: 9/10
Really solid descriptions here. Character appearance, environment, facial expressions - if it should have a description, it does. Could there be more descriptions? Yeah, always. But what you have is great.

Reader engagement: 10/10
This is a fun read. It's also a deep read, with hints of Gwen's background, her secret closeness with Draco, the whole prank-gone-wrong-pass-out-from-blood-loss thing - it's so easy to get into this story, and it's so easy to just the click the button for the next chapter. And comment on every little thing. Because the twins are funny, and Gwen is funny, and some of these lines are just pure gold.

Plot uniqueness: 10/10
I've never come across a Harry Potter fanfiction centered around the Weasley twins. Another unique aspect of this is Gwen's background. It doesn't seem like she's directly related to any big names like Sirius Black (who has lots of fanfic kids running around), although she is related to the Malfoys, and I'm interested to see where that goes. There's also a significant emphasis on your storyline, which relegates canon to the background for only occasional mention when it's important to your story. Usually, the story is intertwined with canon, so they have to go together. You can almost take it or leave it. Yep. This is unique.

Character development: 10/10
Well, there's already mounting evidence that Gwen is developing feelings for the twins beyond simple friendship, and vice versa. But their friendship is so stinkin' cute. "My boys." She calls them "my boys." How adorable is that? They do pranks together, they comfort each other, they laugh together - ah, they're just so cute. I love this so much. It's almost a shame the romance has to happen, but it'd be weird for it not to happen.

And then, of course, we have nods to Draco Malfoy's character having more complexity in this story than he did in the matching Harry Potter book. And Himari, the transfer student from hell. And Ginny, who, like any good younger sister, spills her older brothers' secrets at the drop of a hat. These characters are all very, very well fleshed out, and they drive the story.

Creativity: 10/10
See all of the above and add on quirky lines, mind-reading cousins, illness-inducing jelly beans, and a cat in a tree.

Writing style: 10/10
It's fun; it's engaging; it's relatable - pretty much the whole package here. I love this.

Grammar/punctuation: 9/10
Overall, pretty clean. There are probably 5+ SPAG errors in each chapter, but they're minor, and I have to look for them because I get too into the story to pay attention to them.

*****

Round 3: 92/100

Title: 9/10
See round one feedback.

Cover: 7/10
See round one feedback.

Summary: 8/10
See round one feedback.

Descriptiveness: 9/10
See round two feedback.

Reader engagement: 10/10
This is where I just want to say: "ajfkdsafjadskljflkdsjafkls"

So stinkin' CUTE!

Ahem. Sorry.

So, yes, absolutely. The warm fuzzies, the butterflies, the building tension, the twang of pain when we learn more about her past... Yes. Readers engaged.

Plot uniqueness: 10/10
I'd just like to reiterate that the actual canon story is so in-the-background that when the twins mentioned Hagrid's first class and Malfoy getting injured, I was like, "Oh, really?" Because I got so into your plot that I forgot the (usual) main plot. XD

Character development: 10/10
Well, the crux of this story is the burgeoning feelings between Gwen and the twins, and if you read the "Reader engagement" section above, you can see my thoughts on that subject. ;)

Oh, but there's also the addition of Oliver Wood, and Peeves, and even the Boy Who Lived who happens to make a couple (brief) appearances, and every character is fleshed out, real, accurate to canon, and still 100% yours.

Creativity: 10/10
Yes. That's all I really have to say about that. XD

Writing style: 10/10
I already loved your writing style before, and as we get into the tension between Gwen and the twins, the little touches showing their attraction, the little notes about conflicted inner thoughts, the things that are familiar to them and now have a new meaning—it's just so good. This is the point in the story where I just grin and suffer from constant butterflies and warm fuzzies as I read. The brief foray into her painful past is done well, although you could probably flesh that out a little more to increase the heartbreak and sympathy factor, but this is so, so good.

Grammar/punctuation:9/10
Really clean, rare mistakes.

*****

Round 4: 94/100

Title: 9/10
See round one feedback.

Cover: 7/10
See round one feedback.

Summary: 8/10
See round one feedback.

Descriptiveness: 10/10
It's the little things. The tiny detail of that one little thing that doesn't really matter but still adds life to the background and makes everything more real. Like mermaid sinks.

Reader engagement: 10/10
If it wasn't for a really bad migraine, I would have commented more, and I'd have more to type here, too. But yes. It's so good, and there were multiple times when I know I would have clicked the comment button if I just had the energy. The way you draw the reader into Gwen's world and mind, forming an instant connection that makes us giggle at her checking the twins out or want to hug her when she wakes up from a nightmare—it's just further evidence of your skill in this area. And I need you to finish this story, please. 🙂

Plot uniqueness: 10/10
The Prisoner of Azkaban seems like the most popular choice to base a Harry Potter fanfiction on, but your take has to be the most unique I've read thus far. Turning side characters into main characters and the main story into a side attraction, all while fleshing out your plot and making it so compelling and interesting—yes.

Character development: 10/10
Gwen's increasing fear and anxiety, the twins' concern for her, Himari's character development (which is just shocking, because I didn't even know she had character)—yep. Nailed it.

Creativity: 11/10
Again, it's just everywhere. Your original characters, your abduction of canon characters and making them do your bidding (while remaining in character, of course), the tie-in to the original plotline of this book, your entire plot—I could go on. It's off the charts. Can I go over a ten? ;)

Addendum: The host didn't want a three-way tie, so I did go over a ten. 🙂

Writing style: 10/10
The plot, the characters, the creativity, they don't matter if you can't convey your ideas, but this is not something you struggle with. You have a very clear, charming, relatable way of writing. The little side notes of Gwen catching herself checking out one of the twins are just perfect, and that's just one of the little details that makes your writing so wonderfully readable.

Grammar/punctuation: 9/10
The occasional typo or error, just things to fix with a quick proofread, but overall, clean.

*****

Special Award: Heart Winning
There were several contenders for this nomination, but this book triggers the warm fuzzies, butterflies, wide smiles, and silly giggling multiple times every chapter. The childhood friendship between Gwen, Fred, and George is already touching and adorable, but then you add in her close relationship with the Weasley family; her secretly sweet relationship with her cousin, Draco Malfoy; the confusing and ever more obvious growth of attraction and squeal-inducing moments with the twins; the twins' protective response whenever Gwen is threatened; and every cute but sidelined friendship with side characters—I could probably go on and on. Clearly, you have won my heart. Congratulations. 🥰