Title: CURSED HEIR by noFOOKINidea
Source: Message board
Genre: Paranormal, Thriller
Mature: Y (insert content warnings here)
LGBTQIAP+: Y/N (letters, main/side character, mention, etc.)
Status: Ongoing
First impressions: 33/40
Digging deeper: 76/100
Final thoughts: pending

Clicking the "External Link" button below the "Continue to next part" button will take you straight to the book, or click the link in the inline comments here. → 

*****

First impressions: 33/40

Title: 9/10
This is just a nitpicky thing on my part, but I don't like titles that are fully capitalized. I'd prefer just the first letters to be capitalized: Cursed Heir.

Story description: 9/10
I really like the content of this blurb. It's well written, without grammatical mistakes, and it gives away just enough information to catch a reader's interest without spoiling anything. I don't really like the order of the sentences, though. Or rather, the first sentence. I've been playing with swapping things around to see what I think would flow better, and I came up with two options.

First, move the second sentence down to the second paragraph. That would set the first sentence apart as more of a logline than a blurb, and the blurb would essentially start with the second paragraph. The reason I think this would work is the first sentence feels more like a logline than a part of the blurb. It works well on its own, but it doesn't flow into the rest of it.

The second option, and the one I prefer, is to just cut that first sentence altogether. It doesn't flow well into the second sentence and the rest of the blurb, and I don't like the repetition of "forbidden bloodline" in the last sentence of the blurb. But as with the first option, I would pair the question with the second sentence in the same paragraph. The second sentence needs something else, and that question works well to give it that something. You could also consider reworking the first sentence and tucking it between the second sentence and the question.

So, those are some things to consider. I know you're still writing the story, so you may not know exactly where it's going, and if that's the case, waiting to reevaluate the blurb until after the story is finished (or almost finished) wouldn't be a bad idea.

Addendum: I had my suspicions this may be AI-generated, and after reading the introduction, prologue, and chapter one, those suspicions are much stronger. Chapter one is so, SO good, though, because you switch to your own writing, and that is what I recommend you do for all of it. This blurb, as is, matches the tone and style of the introduction and prologue, but it doesn't match chapter one at all. And that's the one you want to match.

Cover: 7/10
I like the background image. It's kind of blurry, and I'm not sure if that's intentional or not, but I think it works. That sort of adds a mysterious, things-may-not-look-the-way-they-seem vibe to me. Like there's much more under the surface than what the image portrays. I also like the title with the combination of two font styles and colors. "Heir" would blend in too much if it weren't for the bold white "Cursed" above it, but since it has that, I think the color for "Heir" is fine. The white draws the eye to that spot, and it's natural to continue to the second word.

The rest of the text is way too small, though. If I really squint, I can make it out on the title page image, but even when I click your book from your profile to pull up that pop-up box with the larger image, the text is still small and hard to read. For your name, you could just bump the size up and leave it where it is, but I don't think that would work well for the subtitle.

And here's where you'll have to play with it. I don't really like that text crossing the central people in the image, anyway, so you could move the title up a bit and then move the subtitle below it (at a larger size, of course). But you have a lot of blank space at the top of the cover, and I think it may look too imbalanced to have everything at the bottom. If that's the case, you could consider moving the title up to the top, shifted toward the left so it doesn't cross the woman in the background.

I wouldn't change any font styles or colors, though. Those are all good, and I love the color scheme of this cover as a whole, favoring greens. I think playing with font size and placement is all this needs to make it even better.

First chapter (and everything that came before it): 8/10
To start, I'm going to cheat and copy/paste my comment from the introduction chapter:

I thought this with the blurb, but this sounds like AI-generated content. It has a really consistent style and tone with distant, flowery, introspective language that doesn't have much personality, because AI always sounds the same, regardless of the genre. If you have used AI here, I would definitely recommend rewriting this in your own words. Even if your grammar isn't perfect, your voice and style will come through and bring life to the story in a way AI can't replicate. I haven't yet encountered a single case where I preferred AI to a human author, and every (quality) judge and reviewer I've spoken to agrees with me on that point. Another concern with AI-generated content is that it's an automatic disqualification from any official or ambassador Wattpad awards, and most unofficial awards, too.

Moving on to non-copy/paste material, I like the pictures individually, but I think there are too many of them. After a while, I was just scrolling, thinking, when do they stop? I would recommend picking one or two pictures that you think best introduce the characters to the reader and removing the rest. Or, you could move the pictures to each upcoming chapter, adding one at the beginning or the end of the chapter, as seems appropriate.

So, in the prologue, I have the same concerns with AI. As far as what actually happens, the two main characters meet in a hallway at night; he says some cryptic things; they almost kiss; and that's it. There isn't much going on here once the filler over-the-top descriptions and extraneous words from AI are eliminated. And the characters suffer from the usual distant, unreal, unrelatable problem I always see with AI as well. But I like your tone in your author's note at the bottom, and I'd love to see what this would look like written in your own hand.

I wrote all that as I read each chapter, so I hadn't read chapter one yet. And now that I have, I'm totally going to cheat by copying and pasting again. This is the comment I put at the end of chapter one, and I think it says it all for me:

Yes! This is so, so much better than the AI-generated content. There's personality and life to it, and I absolutely LOVE Adhira's character. She's so real and relatable, a completely different person than the woman in the prologue, and her sarcasm speaks directly to me. 🥰

I can't tell you how relieved I was when I started reading this chapter. I've read so much AI-generated content recently, and it's so boring because it all sounds the same, and it's so dull and lifeless, and I wasn't sure how I would push through this book if it was all like that. Thank goodness it's not. *phew*

So, moving on from my cheating copy/paste comments (silly me, saying that said it all when I know I can always find more words), you're an excellent writer. Your spelling, grammar, and punctuation are almost perfect, with a few minor punctuation errors I pointed out in the inline comments. The beginning of this chapter immediately hooks the reader and pulls them into Adhira's mind and life, and it's a good place to be. She's so funny. I mean, how else is a modern woman supposed to react when her parents set up an arranged marriage with a prince? That kind of stuff doesn't happen every day. She's not excited about becoming rich royalty; she's concerned about ending up back in the Dark Ages with empowerment and no Wi-Fi. And I'm now excited about seeing where this story goes.

Also, you have now made this very difficult for me to score this section. Chapter one is SO GOOD. Like, SO GOOD. So much better than the previous chapters. But I'm considering it and all the preceding chapters in this part of the review...jfdklsajf;dsaj

I'll figure something out.

*****

Digging deeper: 76/100

Cover & title: 7/10
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Story description: 3/5
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Grammar & voice: 15/20
This category is tricky, because from chapter one on, you're definitely in the 18+ range, but I'd put the intro and prologue at a 10. So I'm kind of splitting the difference. The inconsistency in writing style from the prologue to chapter one isn't as jarring as I might expect, because it's not within the actual story, if that makes sense. I mean, yes, the prologue is part of the story, but the difference is so great that it doesn't even feel like it's the same story. So, for me, anyway, it's easy to kind of toss that aside and pretend it didn't happen.

But from chapter one on, it's all your writing style, and your voice comes through loud and clear. It's fun; it's engaging; and it's really clean, grammatically speaking. As I noted in "First Impressions," the main area where I see problems is with punctuation. And I've dropped inline comments as I've found errors, but those were rare. Your use of varied sentence structure and vocabulary keeps everything interesting and fresh, and I absolutely love this story.

There are a couple of areas I wanted to point out here, though. First, how you designate thoughts or quotes outside of dialogue varies from place to place. Sometimes, you'll italicize; sometimes, you'll set apart with single quotation marks; sometimes, you'll use double quotation marks. Picking one way of doing things and sticking with that is important. So, for thoughts, I'd say italicize with no quotation marks. For quotes, including all the things like her mother giving her a look that says _____, I'd do single quotation marks.

The second area is dashes and hyphens. Sometimes, I think an ellipsis would work better, or a colon, but it seems subjective enough that I didn't comment every time I saw this. Looking up different uses for dashes, ellipses, and colons might be helpful. Also, dashes and hyphens are not typically ending punctuation marks. Interrupted dialogue is the most common exception where a dash can be used as an ending punctuation mark, but most of the time, you'll use a period. Usually, dashes are splitting up a sentence, so both sides of the sentence count as one, and the first letter of the first word on the second side should not be capitalized.

Link I found for dashes versus ellipses: https://www.grammarbook.com/blog/ellipses/dash-vs-ellipsis/

And here's one for dashes, colons, and also commas: https://www.themuse.com/advice/yes-theres-a-difference-between-dashes-colons-and-commas-and-no-its-not-that-confusing

Plot & pacing: 9/10
The point deduction is because the engagement wasn't there before chapter one. After that, this became 110% a character-driven plot, and the pacing was absolutely perfect. There's enough detail to build scenes and characters, but not so much that it drags the story down to a halt (a common pitfall of AI-generated content, by the way, and another reason not to use it). But there's no rushing. There can't be. We need time to digest and laugh about all of Adhira's inner thoughts and her poor, accident-prone self!

I love how real this plot is. An arranged marriage with a prince in the modern age does not sound real at all, but it's as real as it can get here. Adhira's parents know the king and queen—somehow—so there's an actual friendship between the two sets of parents, which is why they arranged the marriage between their kids. Also, the royals are surprisingly normal people who just happen to have fancy titles and lots of money. And this is not a situation where Adhira gets forced into marriage at the first meeting and then gets locked up in a palace, unable to return to her previous life. She and Rishabh talk. He gives her a choice. She gets to go back to her house and her job and her friends and think it over. And then he drops in for a surprise visit that feels suspiciously like an impromptu date. Normal. Real. Except for, you know, the royalty thing.

Characterization: 17/20
The only reason you didn't get full points in this category is the disconnect between the intro and prologue as compared to chapter one. As I've said before, the characters are not at all the same in these two parts. But it's really easy to forget everything before chapter one, at least for me, and focus on the fun characters from chapter one on. And I really, really love your characters after that.

Adhira is basically my spirit animal, with her sarcastic, self-deprecating inner dialogue and her tendency to lose her ability to talk, think, or even pour water without making a mess when she's flustered. I love all her inner commentary about how hot Rishabh is, followed by her scolding herself for thinking that. She's just real. She's funny; she loves her parents; she has a good relationship with her brother; she's a hard worker—why wouldn't Rishabh want to marry her? I mean, as long as he's okay with her blurting out inappropriate statements with major bedhead while she mops up a spill with a pillow. Which he is, so there you go.

And that leads us to Rishabh. From what we know, he's handsome, charming, intelligent, kind, and he loves teasing Adhira. And I'm here for it. Their banter is fantastic, and I don't know how, but he can simply say her name, nothing else, and give me butterflies. According to the comments, other readers also experience this strange phenomenon. So, good job creating a male love interest all the girls are already squealing about. We'll see if that continues once we find out more about him and he becomes more than the hot, mysterious guy.

Other amazing characters include Muskan, the best friend living vicariously through Adhira and giving her good, maybe bad, and definitely questionable advice; Mihir, the brother who is the perfect blend of teasing sibling and supportive family; and both sets of parents, who seem nice and down-to-earth. No flat, 2D characters here. They're all real, relatable, believable, and they add plenty of life to an already lively story.

Harmony within genre: 7/15
I have "Paranormal, Thriller" listed for the genre, and I can see hints of both, primarily from the mystery surrounding Rishabh and the nightmare Adhira has, but just based on the first five chapters, I wouldn't categorize this as either of those. I'd go with Chicklit. But like I said, the hints are there, so it won't be such a huge shock if the story takes a sharp turn, and I don't mind a slow build-up to the main event. So, I'm going with a score right in the middle here. I have a feeling there will be a slow shift as the story progresses into Paranormal/Thriller territory.

Originality: 18/20
Honestly, throughout this entire second part of the review, I had to keep reminding myself the intro and prologue existed. I wasn't thinking about them. I was thinking about the story that hooked me in chapter one. Because it did hook me immediately, and what I thought might be a chore of pushing through AI-generated content has turned into the joy of reading a really good, engaging story. So, similar to the plot & pacing section (and, to a lesser extent, most other categories), scoring is tricky. I have gone back and forth from my rubric to this feedback so many times, rereading, reanalyzing, agonizing over the scores. For all categories. Because most of this would have been full points if I were only considering chapter one on.

So, there's no doubt in my mind that this plot and these characters are all original to you. I've read nothing like this before. Your descriptive detail is great, and it's all colored by Adhira's sarcastic sense of humor. For example: "We step into the lounge, and of course, it's nothing short of a royal Pinterest board brought to life." It's lines like those that paint a clear picture while grounding this story firmly in reality for the readers. And it's lines like that which have made this such a good story and so much fun to read, and one that I look forward to continuing to read as you write it.

*****

Final thoughts: pending