Title: 𝒜 𝐿𝒾𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝒞𝒽𝓇𝒾𝓈𝓉𝓂𝒶𝓈 𝑀𝒶𝑔𝒾𝒸 by charitythewriter
Source: ELGANZA, INC. | AWARDS by TheCieloCommunity
Category: Fantasy
Mature: N (PG level violence and death)
LGBTQIAP+: N
Status: Complete
Special note (judging): I had five books from this category, and the other judges (HavvySnow, silksutra, _p1nk_tr4sh_) had six, five, and five books, respectively.
Score: 96/100 (1st place)

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*****

Rubric:
- Title: 5
- Book cover: 5
- Description (blurb): 5
- Plot & storytelling: 15
- Character development: 10
- Writing style: 10
- Grammar: 10
- Originality & creativity: 10
- Emotional impact: 10
- Pacing & structure: 5
- Accuracy (if non-fiction): 5
- Overall enjoyment & engagement: 10
Total: 100

*****

Total: 96/100

Title: 5/5
I have never before considered a Christmas story as a fantasy story, because "Christmas" is just its own category in my mind, but it definitely fits. Magic and all that. 🙂

Cover: 4/5
This is missing something, and I'm not really sure what. I think adding a little more definition to the letters to help them stand out more from the background would be good. They're more defined in the larger image in the pop-up box when I click your book title on your profile, but that doesn't show well in the smaller image on the table of contents page. But that's not what's missing to me. Maybe a little decorative something in the corners? That might do it. I love the snowy background and the nutcracker, and anything added would need to be sure to enhance and not detract from all that, or maybe draw more attention to the nutcracker to make it pop just a little. So...just my thoughts, and you can take or leave them as you choose. 😉

Blurb: 4/5
I'd move the disclaimer down below the actual blurb, because space is at a premium in the pop-up box that comes up when a potential reader clicks your book title on your profile, you really want them to get as much of the blurb as possible for that hook. Also, the hyphen separating sentence sections blends in too much, especially with the hyphenated words earlier in the sentence, so I'd either put a space before and after the hyphen to make it stand out more ( - ) or use an em dash (—, shortcut Alt + 0151).

Plot & storytelling: 15/15
The Nutcracker is a story I'm familiar with, but it's not my favorite Christmas story, so I'm not as knowledgeable about the details as I am with something like A Christmas Carol. But I know enough to know that this retelling has plenty of fresh material, and you tell it in an engaging way that makes it uniquely yours.

Character development: 10/10
Clara is a great protagonist. You've nailed the balance of childish wonder and hints of maturation that mark her as a fairly immature preteen, and I love her sense of humor. Better shoes as arsenal. Really? Really? No weapons at hand, but I can throw a slipper with deadly accuracy, for whatever that's worth!

With this being a shorter story that all happens in the span of twenty-four hours (excluding the epilogue), there isn't significant growth or change in her character, but we learn more about her and the different aspects of her personality throughout the story, and all the other characters are vivid, unique, memorable, relatable characters, too. And the epilogue is a nice touch for a story that usually ends on Christmas morning the next day.

Writing style: 9/10
As I said before, you have a very engaging style here, and speaking as someone who struggles to write for a reading audience younger than eighteen, I'm envious of your ability to write to this very specific preteen age group. That's a lot harder to do than writing for elementary school, because it's such an in-between stage.

There were a few areas where I think clarification would be a good idea. First, noting the Mouse King is fighting with a sewing needle and not just a needle would be nice. Or maybe this is just a "me" problem. I've been reading a lot of very mature, often gritty stories, so my mind went immediately to a hypodermic needle, and when Clara said she stabs herself by accident on them all the time—well. 😅

Second, in the paragraph where Nate explains about the argument between his uncle and the Mouse King, clarifying "he" following that (about midway through, I think) would be helpful. The last specifically referenced "he" was the uncle, so it sounds like that's who Nate is talking about, but he's actually talking about the Mouse King.

And third and last, when Clara was wondering if it was all a dream or reality—and I didn't jot it down, so I'm not sure if this is before she gets home or right after she wakes up—the word "it" is ambiguous. It could refer to either dream or reality: "If it is, well, I'm gonna be really mad." So clarification here would be good, too.

Grammar: 9/10
There are rare and minor proofreading errors throughout—things like using double quotation marks for quotes within dialogue in one location (but using the more appropriate single quotation marks elsewhere), a couple of missing periods, a "my" that should be "his," a wrong verb tense, an extra closing parenthesis in the middle of the parenthetical section, one missed space between words.

More consistent issues are the placement of commas within quoted words. These should go within the quotation marks, not outside of them (so not "uncle", but "uncle,"). There are also a couple of areas where parentheses are outside of a period instead of inside them, so it reads as if they begin the next sentence instead of ending the previous one: "I curtsied politely. (I used to bing-watch period dramas, so I learned some manners from there.)"

Also, I just noticed this, and I'm not sure if it's a typo in my transcription or an actual error in the text, but it should be "binge-watch."

You use "'cuz" in dialogue a few times, and I'm unsure if this is okay. It seems more like text speak to me, and I'd personally use the more formal "'cause," but it may be fine.

As far as the German words, I don't speak German, but I come from a strong German background and I've heard a few words here or there from family members, and one of my favorite TV shows is Hogan's Heroes ('60s sitcom set in a German POW camp that is HILARIOUS and I highly recommend checking it out). My dad got me on that show, and all the German words got us talking about words he heard growing up with his German immigrant grandparents and German-speaking father, aunts, and uncles. So. Anyway. Using what I know to help with more precise Googling of what I didn't, I have some suggestions.

First, with all terms of endearment, I'd use mein or meine (depending on gender of the word) instead of "my." I don't usually hear "my <insert German word>." Actually, I'm not sure if I've heard it that way. It's always "mein(e) <insert German word>."

Second, liebling immediately struck me as weird, because I expected liebchen. I Googled it, and liebling is used for an adult child (although it's really common to use liebchen regardless of age as a term of endearment). Since Clara is a child, it should be liebchen, which is a gender neutral word, so you'd lead it off with mein. From what I can tell, häschen is gender neutral, too, so you'd use mein for that (which, when I looked it up, is often used in as a term of endearment meaning something more like "my pet," even though it technically means "my bunny").

Rotzlöffer is a word I hadn't heard of, and when I Googled it, Google auto-corrected search results to rotzlöffel. When I told it to search for rotzlöffer instead, it didn't come up with anything, and since I can't confirm that's actually a word with what knowledge I have, I'd recommend switching to rotzlöffel.

When Clara gets angry at her brother and starts spewing insults in German, there was one word that immediately came to mind but you didn't use: dummkopf. I've heard that one a lot as an insult for an idiot or a fool. Du bist ein idiot is fine and technically means "you are an idiot," but if she's that mad, I think she'd probably just exclaim "Dummkopf!" And I think her parents would be more upset about her using that.

Originality & creativity: 10/10
Okay, I know this is a retelling, but it's also thoroughly yours, and why on EARTH did you make the Mouse King have seven heads??? O_O

Emotional impact: 10/10
This isn't one of those stories that gets you in the feels so you're tearing up or having heart-pounding, gripping moments, but it still triggers plenty of nostalgic emotions, at least for me, and the journey back to a childlike innocence and wonder is really portrayed well, along with the strange flutterings of a first crush.

Pacing & structure: 5/5
Absolutely perfect. The dancing scenes might feel a little long to me, but I attribute that to my lack of interest in ballet. I had a friend in college who had a favorite version of The Nutcracker ballet on video, and watching that was her big Christmas tradition, as inclusion of the story and dance is for many others. Not for me and my family, though. We're A Christmas Carol people (and the Muppets version of this is hands down the best version we've ever seen to date).

Accuracy (if non-fiction): 5/5
Free points. Yay! 🙂

Overall enjoyment & engagement: 10/10
Well, Christmas in August is fun, and since you've triggered all the nostalgia about my childhood, you get to read about it. 🙂

Huge family gatherings were a major part of my childhood (because I came from German Catholics who didn't believe in birth control), so this really hits home for me, although the traditions aren't German. At least, not the German I knew. My family came from Germans displaced to Russia who then came to Canada and the United States when Russia decided they didn't want the Germans there anymore (and this is actually a subject you can study in some colleges in the Great Plains of the US because such a huge portion of the population comes from this). For me, the Christmas traditions had become much more Americanized, so basically food and presents, but when my dad was a child, they were closer to the original Germanic traditions. That included one of his uncles coming dressed as a traditional German Santa Claus and scaring the living daylights out of my dad (the German Santa Claus carries chains to take away bad children).

As for numbers...well, my dad had nine siblings, and that was a small number of children as compared to the more "normal" 14-19 siblings my grandparents had. As of my last count from a big family reunion a few years ago, my paternal grandmother has 64 descendants, all living, so that gives you an idea of how massive these events were. We used to alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas every other year for the big celebration (so, Thanksgiving one year, Christmas the next), and the off year for whichever holiday was time individual families spent alone or with their other side of the family. And we used a school gymnasium for our gatherings because of the sheer number of people (and because my grandpa was the principal of that school). One of the great sadnesses of growing up and families spreading out is that these family gatherings are things of the past. The people who all live in the same area still do this, but when you're halfway across the country, making that happen every year is difficult. Although there is still an even larger annual family reunion using my great-great grandparents as a reference point, I believe, and that happens in Canada, just across the border from North Dakota. And it's not tied to Christmas. I think they do it in March, maybe?

Anyway. More than you wanted to know, I'm sure, but that's what you get for entering a Christmas story with German touches in this award. 🙂