Early the next evening Bethany went to her hotel room. She took a bath for the first time in months. It was wonderful and she felt very relaxed when she finally decided to get out. Dressed in her pajamas she sat crosslegged in the middle of the bed and listened to the Beatles. She sang along and ate ice cream. She played with her kinetic sand and she drew. This was helping. At least somewhat. When she finished her ice cream she sat and stared at her phone, fighting an internal battle. Finally she hit the contact and waited while it rang.
"Dr. Everett's phone."
"Hi, Dr. Everett. It's Bethany Harris."
"Oh, hi. It's been awhile." The sound of drawers opening and closing could be heard through the phone, "What prompted this call?" Bethany sighed and laid back.
"Sleep deprivation and anxiety."
"When did it start?"
"I guess it started when finals did. The stress sort of got out of control for about three days and I started smoking real cigarettes to cope. And then when finals were over I thought I would be okay, but my boyfriend dumped me and then I found out he'd actually been dating my supposed best friend two years longer than he and I had been dating. Then added on top of that was moving and then going on tour with my brother and things just keep getting worse. And I haven't slept, like really slept, in two months and I'm too tired to function anymore. And I've been having episodes more often. And I had a huge fight with my brother two days ago which hasn't helped anything. So now I'm hiding in a hotel room so I don't have to pretend I'm okay." Dr. Everett could tell breathing was becoming a struggle for Bethany.
"Okay, take a deep breath. Don't make yourself pass out. Let's start at the beginning. The exboyfriend."
"Ass. Stupid fucking ass! I hate him. And I knew we were gonna break up. He'd been talking for months about going to Colorado for college, but it hurt. He told me-he told I'm boring and weird and too opinionated. Then he told me the only reason he stayed with as long as he did was because I was a good fuck! It shouldn't hurt. But it does. And I don't like it. I just want it to go away." She was crying now.
"It's okay for it to hurt. He was important to you."
"I don't want it to hurt. I want it to go away."
"Dwelling on it won't make it go away. This is one of those things we talked about that you need to accept and let go of."
It's been h-harder than I thought it would be."
"I know. I know it is. Break ups are never fun. Now you said you moved?"
"Yeah. To LA. With Panda. I guess when I first got to LA things were okay. For the most part. I had so much to distract me."
"And tour?"
"I'm on Warped Tour right now."
"Ah. Of course. Your brother's band. That must be fun."
"It is, but I feel like I'm just a huge burden to everyone."
"Did they say that?"
"Well, no." She rolled onto her side and wiped at her eyes, "but-"
"They don't think of you as a burden. They love you. And they want you there. They understand more than you think. Communication is important in any and every relationship. You have to talk to them. Don't just make assumptions."
"I know. I'm just tired and overthinking things."
"Tell me about the fight with your brother."
"It was so stupid." She sighed and rubbed her face. "A lot of my friends are guys. I don't know why they just are. And apparently they all want to fuck me or at least that's what Panda thinks and it pissed him off so he told Remington to stay away from me. And I yelled at him."
"Remington?"
"No Andy."
"Right. Of course. Please continue."
"I told him he wasn't my real brother and that I didn't need him to look out for me. And none of that's true. And he yelled at me. And that made me mad." She was crying again. Stupid hormones and emotions.
"Have you made up with Andy?"
"Yeah."
"Then, sweetie, you're worrying about nothing."
"He doesn't know how bad it is. I should tell him."
"You should. Keeping this to yourself isn't healthy. You have to let people know when you're hurting. They aren't mind readers." Dr. Everett paused for a second, "Now lets stop focusing on the bad stuff. There must be some good things in your life right now."
"I've been spending time with some friends I don't see often and I made some knew friends."
"Tell me about them." So Bethany rambled on for a little better than an hour about all her friends and all the things she'd gotten up too since tour started.
"There are innumerable people in your life who care about you and want to help you."
"I'm not fit to be around if I can't sleep. I'm irritable and cranky. But I-I can't sleep without dreaming."
"What have you been dreaming about?"
"Most times it's the same. The minutes leading up the car accident and the accident itself. But recently there was something else." Bethany sat up as she tried to recall her most recent dream. "I can't-I can't remember it. But I know it was different. My biological dad was there. And David was mad." They talked for another hour. Bethany could barely keep her eyes open.
"You need sleep."
"I told you I can't. Not without dreaming. I haven't slept, like actually slept for more than two hours, in months. I don't know what to do anymore. I tried a sleep aid, but they don't help."
"You know I don't do this for everyone, but you're a special case, so is there a pharmacy near you?"
"Um," she stood and looked out the window to see if she could see a CVS or a Riteaid. "Yeah. There's a CVS just down the road."
"I need an address. I'll call in a prescription for Flurazepam and you can pick it up. Okay?"
"Thank you."
"No problem. You take a few days and call me back to let me know what's going on. Okay?"
"Okay."
"Real quick, before I let you go, what coping mechanisms are you using? It's been a while, so I'm just curious."
"When I'm at home I play drums. But since I'm on tour I'm sticking with kinetic sand and I have to get some more play doh. I draw some too."
"Do you still use the sensory book."
"Mmhm."
"I know it seems childish and stupid, but it's one of the best ways to distract from the anxiety."
"I haven't used it much, but I still have it. I should dig that out of my suitcase." She said the last part more to herself than to Dr. Everett. yawned and rubbed her eyes.
"Try and get some rest. It's the best thing right now."
"Okay. Thanks for the talk Dr. Everett. It helped a lot."
"Sure thing. That's what I'm here for. Call any time, no matter what the problem."
"I will. Goodnight."
"Goodnight. Oh, last last thing. Talk to Andy. And talk to your friends. Hiding in a hotel room and ignoring them isn't the solution."
"I will."

———

For the first time in months she slept for more than two hours. She woke up feeling better than she had since finals. She had turned her phone off the night before and when she turned it back on she found a few texts and missed calls. She decided that since she'd be seeing them all shortly she would leave her phone off and go down to hotel pool for an hour before she took a shower. After her shower she dried her hair. Then she got dressed in a pair of shorts and a green t-shirt with a cat on it that said, "overthinking and also hungry." on it. Scarily accurate. Then she repacked her bag and went to get breakfast. The hotel provided breakfast so she sat and enjoyed surprisingly decent waffles and bacon and shitty coffee. Then she got an Uber and headed back to Warped Tour. She headed straight for Black Veil Brides's bus. She opened the door and walked up into the bus. Andy and Ashley were sitting at the table, CC and Jinxx were on the couch and Jake was nowhere to be seen.
"Peanut!" Andy said when he saw her. He stood and wrapped her in a hug. Ashley, CC and Jinxx joined them.
"Guys! I love you, but breathing is a vital life function." She laughed and they let her go.
"How are you feeling?" Andy asked, arms still wrapped around her, afraid she'd leave again if he let go.
"Better. I called Dr. Everett last night and we had a really good talk. And I'm on the right track at least." She smiled and Andy smiled and kissed the top of her head. "I'm sorry I've been keeping things from you. I just don't wanna be a burden."
"You could never be burden." Andy said, sincerely.
"Yeah. We care about you, kiddo." CC said. Ashley and Jinxx nodded.
"Benny!" A pair of arms wrapped around her from behind and lifted her off the ground. She laughed again.
"Hi, Jake."
"You should find Remington and Emerson and Sebastian. They were worried about you too." Andy said. Bethany nodded.
"I will, but first I need to talk with you guys. No more hiding things. Because I don't handle this well by myself." They all sat and she told them about everything that had been bothering her, keeping certain bits and pieces to herself. They were very understanding and she felt a lot closer to all of them after their talk.
"We're always here for you, kiddo. You're our collective little sister. We love you." Ashley wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into a side hug.
"I love you guys too." She sighed in contentment. "I'm gonna go find Remington and them and then I'll head to the merch tent. Okay?" She received an array of answers before donning her hat, grabbing her sketchbook and leaving the bus. She found Palaye Royale at their TEI tent. They saw her and she waved before taking a seat with their fans. She put her hand up and Remington chose her.
"There's a full moon tonight. So technically speaking it would make sense for the werewolf to have a too big spacesuit, but he'd only need it once a month. So in a sense you were right." She said with a grin and giggle.
"No!" Sebastian said forcefully and accidentally spilled his Monster/gin combination on the ground. "I'm not doing that again." Bethany lost it and almost fell backwards she was laughing so hard. Sebastian smiled, glad to see that she was doing better.
"If I'd known where that was heading I wouldn't have chosen you." Remington said. Bethany laughed harder. When they were done with their TEI thing and the fans had all dispersed she walked up to them.
"Hey, B."
"Hey, Ratface." He rolled his eyes, smiled and gave her a hug. When Remington let go of her Sebastian pulled her in for a hug.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"Not quite. But I'm getting closer." She gave him a smile that he returned.
"Feeling better?" Emerson asked as she hugged him.
"Yeah. I, um, I brought my sketchbook so you could see what I've been working on." She flipped it open to a particular page and showed it to him. (Above)
"That's amazing!" He said, taking the sketchbook from her and examining the drawings. He started to flip pages and she snatched the book back from him.
"What are you hiding?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, B. What're you hiding from us?" Remington wiggled his eyebrows.
"Poorly drawn buildings and unrecognizable people." She said.
"Right." Remington said, skepticism written all over his face, just as Emerson said, "Sure."
"Are you calling me a liar?" She asked, raising her eyebrows. Remington grinned and took his opportunity.
"Well I ain't calling you truther."
"Why do I talk to you people?" Bethany asked, rolling her eyes and closing her sketchbook.
"Because we're amazing and you love us. But I don't know why you talk to him." Remington jabbed his thumb in Sebastian's direction.
"He's not as stupid as you." Bethany said with a giggle. Remington gasped in mock hurt.
"To be fair no one's as stupid as Remington." Emerson said before snickering. Remington punched him in the arm. Sebastian pulled his phone out of his pocket, looked at the screen and answered the call. He walked away to have some privacy and the other three kept having their conversation. While he was gone Bethany had a talk with Remington and Emerson, similar to the one she'd had with Andy and the others back on the bus. When she was done they both gave her hugs and informed her that she could talk to them whenever. Remington was silent for a few seconds. Then he grinned and his eyes lit up. "I just remembered! You are officially our honorary baby sister!"
"Yes!" Emerson agreed. Bethany laughed as Remington wrapped her in a hug and lifted her off the ground.

———

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❤️liked by sebastiandanzig, ceesespieces, thejulietsimms and 458 others
bennyharris so many things I need to say to so many people. andyblack I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me. You're the best brother anyone could ask for and I'm so grateful that you're always there. I love you Panda! 🐼😊 jinxxed4life jakepittsbvb ceesespieces and ashleypurdyinc I've known you less time than I've known Panda, but I love you like brothers and I can't stress enough how important you are to me. Your kindness and patience despite all the shit I put you through never ceases to amaze me. And that fact that you still want me on the bus with you speaks volumes.😊❤️ Ratface(remingtonleith) I haven't really known you all that long, but you're an amazing friend and big brother(even though I'm not actually your sister)and you always seem to know the best cures for everything. Thank you for your unconditional love and support. It means a lot more than you might think. 🙃❤️😊 emersonbarrett quite honestly I never would have embraced art if not for you. You've taught me so much without even meaning too. You're barely older than I am and yet so much more prepared for life than I think I ever will be. Even though you're newer to this whole big brother thing you handle it perfectly. Thank you for being there and always willing for a late night chat. 😊❤️Sebster(sebastiandanzig) I know you have little to no idea what's going on, but you've helped me in a lot of ways too. You've seen me at my most vulnerable which is something not many people have seen. Even though you don't know what's going on you're willing to step into the role of big brother when I(or anyone else) needs it. Thank you for caring and helping in ways you don't even realize. 😊❤️(THAT'S THE CLOSEST THING TO A NORMAL PICTURE OF YOU THAT I HAVE ceesespieces I SAID DONT POSE DUMBASS ashleypurdyinc MY NEW FAVORITE PIC OF YOU RATFACE remingtonleith YOU AND YOUR AVERSION TO CAMERAS AND I NOW I KNOW ITS NOT ME BECAUSE I DIDNT TAKE THAT PICTURE sebastiandanzig) I love you all a lot and it means a lot to me that you all put up with my bullshit. Thank you!

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sebastiandanzig sometimes there are more important things to look at than the camera
user1 it's things like this that make me realize how little you can tell about someone through social media
user2 ❤️❤️❤️❤️
andyblack you're welcome Peanut. I love you too.
remingtonleith that outfit was carefully chosen by yours truly. It's beautiful
flandangerous hope you're doing okay, kiddo
user3 feel better Benny
bennyharris 😝 sebastiandanzig
user4 Andy is so beautiful it's almost ridiculous
user5 true user4
user6 I didn't understand the bennyharris/sebastiandanzig ship but I get it now. They'd be cute
ceesespieces 😁😁
user7 the question we should asking is what's their ship name???
user8 y'all do realize she called them her brothers right????
user5 sebethany? Hanzig? Darris? Bethastian? user7
bennyharris not darris or hanzig user5
user9 I vote for sebethany
user10 awww that's so sweet benny I hope you're okay 💙