YUKHEI

breathe in,

one, two, three, four.

hold,

one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

breathe out,

one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

...it doesn't help.

head in his hands, still staring at himself in his bathroom mirror, yukhei counts again--four, seven, eight--until he feels his breathing start to regulate just a little. he then pulls out his phone.

he has dozens of missed calls and even more unread texts from all of his friends. most notably, ten, who doesn't comfort him. instead, he threatens him.

(32m) ten 💓: if you don't fix this, i'll never forgive you. |  slide to reply

(28m) bub: xuxi can you please explain why ten is so angry he's scaring me |  slide to reply

(27m) youngho(e): yukhei why is my boyfriend angrier than i've ever seen him |  slide to reply

(27m) bub: xuxi what happened to jungwoo he won't talk to anyone  | slide to reply

(23m) bub: why did ten just shout at duckie yukhei please answer i'm scared  | slide to reply

(21m) bub: johnny pulled him away before he could say anything too harsh but duckie didn't even say anything... he was just asking ten if he knew where you were because i was too scared to ask  | slide to reply

(20m) bub: xuxi... what did you do?  | slide to reply

(14m) gē 💞: call me right now  |  slide to reply

(10m) jungwoo: i don't understand why you're so upset but please xuxi come back  |  slide to reply

(10m) jungwoo: we don't have to talk about it ever again i promise  |  slide to reply

(just now) gē   💞: i was serious. you need to call me and talk this out  |  slide to reply

incoming call from: gē   💞

accept | decline 

"xuxi."

"hey," yukhei responds breathily, his voice shaking. his head is spinning. 

"what happened?"

"i messed up, okay?" 

"obviously, or ten wouldn't be like this. he lashed out at donghyuck, xuxi. you owe us an explanation."

"jungwoo is my soulmate."

"he's- wait, what?"

"you heard me, sicheng. jungwoo is my soulmate. we have the same soulmark."

"then what's the problem?"

"i'm not gay."

sicheng barks out a laugh at that. "yukhei, do you even hear yourself right now?"

"i'm not gay, sicheng! my dad-"

"-can't control you anymore. you're in korea now. you're an honorary lee. i don't want you thinking about him anymore."

"it's been years, gē. i hardly do."

"good. now, i want an explanation as to why you left jungwoo crying on the roof."

"he--"

"yeah, ten had to calm him down from a panic attack because of you. he tried to hurt himself."

"god, i feel awful now." yukhei stares at his reflection in the mirror. "i don't know what came over me. i just... i don't want to disappoint my dad. i know it's irrational, but he drilled all his core beliefs into me. i can't forget them."

"xuxi?" mark's voice calls from downstairs, signalling that yukhei is no longer home alone. 

he sighs, cutting off whatever sicheng had been saying. "i have to go. mark is home."

"lucas--" sicheng says, but yukhei ends the call.

mark opens the bathroom door softly. yukhei jumps a little. he made it upstairs faster than expected. "i was worried about you."

"i know."

"you got my texts?"

"a few minutes ago, yeah."

"xuxi, i'm trying--"

"we need to talk," yukhei frowns, pushing past mark and walking out of the bathroom. he collapses onto his bed unceremoniously. "i messed up."

"yeah, you did," mark sighs. he gently sits on the edge of yukhei's bed and runs his fingers through his hair. "but i'm your brother, and i'm gonna help you through it. so talk."

somehow, for yukhei, that works better than the breathing exercises.

  ― 

xodaniel