SIX

YUKHEI

'i'm sorry,' is what yukhei tries to say with jungwoo in front of him. "jungwoo," is what he says instead.

jungwoo stares at him silently. yukhei feels his chest tighten.

he can't breathe. he gasps in a breath and mouths i'm sorry to jungwoo, but he still can't breathe and suddenly he's collapsing in on himself like a dying star, limbs folding inwards as he buries his face in between his knees.

no, he thinks to himself. i don't deserve to be a star. an abandoned old building, then, finally giving in to gravity and the elements.

he feels a hand grab his shoulder, and suddenly, he's being pulled into an embrace. specifically, jungwoo's arms, bruised and scabbed and defined from months of grueling practices and ballgames.

he doesn't mean to let his gratitude get the best of him, but somehow, it does, and before he knows it, he's staining jungwoo's sleeve with tears. it's quiet, and neither of them say a word, but jungwoo holds yukhei as tightly as he can, and it's enough. they don't need words.

but then yukhei is pulling away from jungwoo, looking him in the eyes tiredly. his mouth opens, but it takes him a few tries to actually speak. "i'm so sorry."

"for what," jungwoo replies, his face blank. his voice sounds a bit desperate. "for what, yukhei? for leaving me alone to wonder what i did wrong? for bringing our friends into whatever this is? for breaking my heart?!"

yukhei glances up so that his eyes meet jungwoo's once more. there's a slight draft in the air now, and the room around him seems colder, less inviting, less like home. he shakily stutters out a few words, hands running through his hair as he speaks. "all of it," he breathes. "i'm sorry for everything. jungwoo, i really don't know. i didn't know how much it would hurt you, how much it would hurt me. i didn't know you..."

"love you," jungwoo finishes. "you didn't know that i've been in love with you since sophomore year." he fidgets with the hem of his sleeve, speaking again, but more quietly this time: "i liked it that way."

yukhei gulps and nods slowly. "i have a lot that i have to get through," he says. "there are things you don't know about my life that affect this more than i'd like them to. but i'm going to get over it." yukhei steels his resolve, his hands ceasing to card through his hair and instead grabbing two fistfuls of it and tugging gently. "i'm going to get over it, and i'm going to try us."

"us?" jungwoo's pupils blow wide, and yukhei feels something in his chest, something light, airy, happy.

"if you want to."

jungwoo freezes for a few seconds, staring at his hands, laced together in his lap, nails bitten raw and beds picked beyond imagination. yukhei takes the silence as rejection
and stands, feeling the sensation in his chest dissolve.

"of course," jungwoo says, his hands suddenly gripping yukhei's wrist. "of course, xuxi."

yukhei smiles a little. hes xuxi again in jungwoo's eyes. they're normal again.

"i need to get home, he says, gently pulling his wrist free from jungwoo's grip, his hand falling to one of jungwoo's and interlocking their fingers. he presses their hands tenderly between their free ones. "mark is going to be worried. i'll see you on monday, yeah?"

jungwoo nods, staring at their hands, perplexed. "yeah."

he seems a bit upset. yukhei tilts his chin up so that their eyes meet. "hey," he says gently. "i'll text you, okay? i'm not gonna disappear off the face of the planet again."

jungwoo smiles a little. the feeling returns to yukhei's chest, and he smiles back before turning, letting their hands fall away from each other as he leaves jungwoo's room, leaves his house. he passes doyoung in the living room, and the elder nods slowly as yukhei leaves. "bye, doyoung," yukhei calls.

"bye, xuxi."

when he arrives back at his house, mark is sitting on the couch, a pile of blankets on his lap. when yukhei looks closer, he notices that the blankets aren't actually blankets; there, sleeping on mark's lap, is none other than lee donghyuck, mark's hand tangled in his hair.

mark barely notices yukhei at first, but when he does, he grins. he lifts his hand and nods at his soulmark on his wrist--a dove whose outline faintly traces one of his veins. he then lifts donghyuck's wrist and points to it. the exact same mark lies there.

donghyuck, apparently awake now, sits straight up in mark's lap, staring at him. "you're my soulmate?!"

mark stutters, and donghyuck shakes mark's shoulders, a grin spreading across his face. "canada, this is the best day of my life!"

and then he kisses him square on the lips.

figuring this must be his cue to leave, yukhei darts towards his room and closes his door. collapsing on his bed, he smiles softly.

suddenly, yukhei's phone buzzes, and he fishes it out of his pocket to see what the notification is.

(1m) jungwoo: night 💞

(1s) goodnight!!

yukhei sighs contently and shuts his eyes, rolling over in his bed. he falls asleep to the beat of the rain beginning to softly fall down on the roof of his home, jungwoo on his mind and in his heart. 

  ―

xodaniel

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