I hate racism.

I get triggered by lots of things but most of them involve some kind of injustice towards another person (other than myself).

It doesn't even matter if it really happened or not. I blow up at fictional movie characters for their ignorance and racist comments.

Recently I went to see The Hate U Give (which by the way, was AWESOME) with my mom and a friend from school. And every time someone said something racist I either took a deep breath or whispered to my friend how I wished they were dead.

See, when it comes to these things I get violent. If someone is being racist towards me, or bullies me, I'm never as concerned as I am when they do it to my friends or family. I went to an all white private school for 2nd-8th grade. I was surrounded by white republicans and Trump supporters every day.

One kid in my class was annoying in general but he was also obviously racist. Since I'm not here to call anyone out, we'll call him Colby. Colby was...stupid. He was also stubborn. He would spend half of our science class nearly everyday arguing with our science teacher about how there was no such thing as global warming. He lost. Every time. Eventually we all started shouting at him to just shut up, even his friends. None of the girls in our class liked him but the guys usually had his back and were annoying with him. So I was surprised when they told him to shut his trap.

Colby had a habit of making racists jokes about Mexicans, Asians, Black people... basically anyone who wasn't white. One day, I'd had enough and I kinda went off on him. Ever since that day we were kinda labeled as enemies by our classmates. Everyone in class knew how much I couldn't stand him.

One other time I got mad at my classmates was on a camping trip. Let me explain.

First thing you need to know is that my school was K-8 but with mixed grades. 1st and 2nd were together, 3rd and 4th, 5th and 6th, and 7th and 8th. Since seventh and eighth graders were the oldest age group, we got special privleges, one of which was a class camping trip field trip. And the trip lasted 4 days. FOUR DAYS.

The way it works is we get the month to prepare and at the end of October we bring our stuff to school. The day we leave is a Thursday. Now, for me at least, Thursdays were the most tiring and long days in the world because my English class was draining and I didn't have Art or Gym. And knowing that I had to endure all that for six hours to go camping made the day feel like an eternity.

We get in the van right after school and our class is small enough that everyone fits so we ride for 1-2 hours singing baby shark and playing word games and teasing each other. We get to a campsite with man made fire pits and areas for setting up tents. Friday morning we go on a long hike to the dunes and hang out then sleep. Saturday is just a day to do whatever we want but usually we play some capture the flag. Sunday we hike back to to near where we camped Thursday (cause that's where the van is parked) and we eat lunch and drive home.

So this was during my 8th grade year and I think it was the Saturday of the trip. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do and that's when I saw someone jumping off the dunes. We'll call him Donny.

Donny had just joined the school and was one of the only black kids so naturally I wanted to get to know him. So we hung out jumping off cliffs, teasing each other, and IDK, middle schooler stuff.

So that night I was sharing my tent with two white girls. Once we were all in bed, one of them asked me "So J, do you like Donny?"

At the time I didn't think much of it but now...

I barely even know the guy. I've crushed on white guys at our school before, but no one said anything about that. Am I only allowed to like other black men? ARRRGH!

Whether I like someone or not shouldn't be solely or mostly dependent on race but there personality and how they treat me.

What should I talk about guys? I would like suggestions please! Leave them in the comments