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College days weren't brutal to Taehyung. They were actually fun in the start. Taehyung, as a second year student, looked back at his years in the college and had good memories if you forget the academic stress he was under constantly. He dated a bunch of people, had a boyfriend for a full 6 months which was the longest relationship he ever had until the final year of college came and they broke up. Went to parties, got blackout drank, went on road trips with friends and all.

Him being a social butterfly, people ran to him. With 'hey Taehyung' echoing the hallways as he passes through. His looks were most probably the main reason people were attracted to him, a face like his was hard to pass. Not only that, he was pretty intelligent too, so there would be many freshmen just running up to him and asking for help.

Taehyung was generous and made sure to help others out if he could. Though sometimes he would get tired of being called 'Taehyung sunbae-nim' the entire day. Sometimes he purposefully avoided them.

Just occasional friends you walk and sit next to in class with, hang out at lunch and maybe text here and there and that's about it. He didn't really have any close friends though. He had friends you have fun with but not friends you confide in. He didn't really have someone by his side who he would call his best friend, someone who he could tell his sorrows to, have a shoulder to cry on. Which is why Taehyung fell into very rushed relationships in college that barely lasted a month, all because he just needed someone to be there for him.

He was all alone in Seoul with his family back in Daegu. That's when Jeon Jeongguk entered through the college gates and changed his entire life from that moment on. He was a freshman, 2 years below him. The differences between him and Jeongguk were so large that if he were to count them on his fingers he would need another pair of hands.

The aura that surrounded Jeongguk was something he has never seen before. He was like those mysterious men you read in those romance books about. The chiseled jaw, the doe eyes that had stars in them, the cute button nose, his face was so attractive that had everyone swooning over him. That gorgeous face over his black attire, the piercings, the tattoos, it had Taehyung thinking if this man was fictional because how can someone like him be real.

It was obvious by the Rolex on his hands that cost their entire semester tuition that he wasn't from middle class families like most of them. The worst part was he didn't even try to flex his family background, never did he ever showed off the new models of cars he came in everyday or the latest phone in his hand. Maybe if he did then Taehyung could have hated him but instead he fell, he fell quite hard.

It would have been easier to hate him if Jeongguk wasn't the sweetest fucking guy he has ever met. They weren't friends right off the start. They shared some classes and didn't really speak with each other. Jeongguk was immediately one of the popular ones, he was like a bachelor on college grounds, Taehyung would see him in the tables he sits, sharing the same friend group yet still not talking. For some reason, Taehyung always wanted Jeongguk to make the first move.

Jeongguk had people after him all the time, he wanted Jeongguk to be the first one to approach him but it was quite hard because the latter wouldn't even spare him a glance but when he would, there would be something in his stare that would make both of them still for some seconds. There was something so intoxicating about Jeongguk that lured him in more and more. It was a bit embarrassing how much Taehyung wanted Jeongguk when they hadn't even talked once.

What's more embarrassing than that is how they talked for the first time. Taehyung was breaking up with his boyfriend when his boyfriend slapped him and Jeongguk entered the class room at the same time. Taehyung clicked his tongue, not wanting Jeongguk to see him right now. That's his crush who just saw him get slapped, his day couldn't have gotten worse.

"Are you okay? Sorry, I didn't know anyone came to this classroom as it's always empty." Jeongguk asked Taehyung, with his bag hanging from his shoulders and hands in his jeans pockets.

"Yeah, this is awkward. Me and my boyfriend- well ex now came here to like make out and shit." Taehyung said to him.

"That was your boyfriend? I am pretty sure, I saw him kissing some sunbae in the parking lot the other day." Jeongguk put his bag down on one of the empty desks. Taehyung sighed, walking closer to the boy.

"Yeah I know, that's why we broke up. I know you must be wondering why I am the one who got slapped? He said I'm accusing him of something he never did but you saw him and so did I so whatever. It's over anyway, I should go now you can have this room to yourself" Taehyung smiled, He was going to walk out of the room when Jeongguk grabbed his wrist and pulled him back.

"Sit with me? we are in the same friend group yet I barely know anything about you."

Taehyung accepted his offer. Taehyung didn't tell him how he doesn't know anything about their mutual friends either, they were just acquaintances rather than friends. Taehyung sat with him in the empty classroom and they talked for what felt like hours. College is open after hours for students if they want to use the library or any other resources they have to study so Taehyung used his privilege and stayed in that classroom just talking till it was night.

They didn't have much in common but that's the reason they got along. Their opinions differed a lot, they had a different view on things so that dragged their conversation about most common things. It started with small talk about college and ended with Taehyung telling him his 3am dark thoughts. Jeongguk didn't freak out by how quickly personal Taehyung got, instead he listened, he laughed, he gave advice.

That was the moment Taehyung thought he met his best friend. He knew at that moment that they would go a long way together, not sure what relationship they would have but they would always be next to each other. It was quick, they were talking for the first time but the connection was absolutely unmatchable to any other connection Taehyung has made here.

From the next day forward and the entire semester, Taehyung and Jeongguk were attached to the hip. Walking to classes together, sharing lunch, hanging out to go eat barbecue together to screaming their lungs out in karaoke. They had so much fun together, Taehyung had never felt more alive.

His feelings didn't put a pause but instead they grew to the point that there was no way he was going to get out of this without getting hurt. He was right, it wasn't easy at all when he had to let it all go.

Jeongguk was nice to look at but he was also the most genuine person he had ever met. He wasn't the only one who saw that, everyone did. Seeing the other girls and guys being all over the guy was…hard. It was okay when it was one-sided but when Jeongguk started to flirt back with them that's when it hurt. He knew one day Jeongguk would find his person and he would settle down and he has to accept it.

It can't be him, it can never be him. Jeongguk is the only person in Seoul he cared about, the only person he had here. Confessing means potentially losing Jeongguk and being alone once again. He didn't want to take such a risk. It was too much to even think about, he would rather suffer in silence then hurt both of them in the process.

When Jimin transferred in the middle of Taehyung's senior year, Taehyung found another friend he cared about. Jimin was nice, Jimin was an angel. He cared just like Jeongguk did, He was his second real friend, the one he really calls his best friend because what he had with Jeongguk was much more than that. Taehyung never really told Jimin about his feelings for Jeongguk. How it has been almost a year since he has fell for Jeongguk and no one knows. Sometimes he wishes he did, then things would have been different because Taehyung was scared and Jimin would have been able to talk sense to him, to tell him to open his eyes.

But he didn't, he kept his feelings to himself, buried them so deep so no one can know about them. Even trying to repress them, it all came crashing down when Taehyung kissed Jeongguk at the graduate party.

He was drunk out of his mind, this blonde girl in purple sparkly dress would just not stop touching Jeongguk, the more her hands rolled down Jeongguk's arm, the more shots Taehyung drank. Her eyes were literally stripping down Jeongguk and he never felt more jealous in his life. The drinks gave him confidence and he strutted towards Jeongguk, grabbing him by his arms and Dragging him away from the girl.

The girl kept calling his name to come back and Jeongguk kept trying to ask Taehyung where they were going but both of them got no answer. Taehyung doesn't know what came over him, maybe the tequila gave him confidence to make a mistake as big as that. But Taehyung did it.

Taehyung took him to one of the empty rooms, pinning him to the wall and smashing their lips together into a kiss. The kiss was rushed, it was desperate. Jeongguk didn't kiss him back, he was too in shock (or disgust?) to kiss him back.

When Taehyung realized what he did and how unresponsive Jeongguk was, it felt like all the alcohol drained out of him and he was as sober as a Saint. His eyes widened at what he just did,he ruined it all. Taehyung moved away, staring at Jeongguk who looked equally flabbergasted at the bold move.

He felt tears coming to his eyes, this is it. Taehyung ran out of the room before Jeongguk could see him crying. Jeongguk didn't call his name this time nor did he run after him. He let him go, he let him run away so that he would see him again for next few years.

The graduate party did change him so much. That damage that did to his mental health was crazy. Taehyung knew he couldn't face Jeongguk, the disappointing look on Jeongguk's face, there's no way he even wanted to see him too. So Taehyung packed his bags and went back home early, he was done with college anyway, he has no reason to stay in Seoul. Not when all he had was gone.

The next time Jeongguk saw him was for the interview to choose his department manager.

Taehyung sits two of his friends down and decides he's going to tell them everything. From how he met Jeongguk to ending with how his boyfriend left him and Jeongguk also might not talk to him ever again. It was a lot to take in, for God sake it was a story of multiple years told in 20 minutes. A very complicated story with that.

Jimin and Hoseok were surprised but not shocked. They had seen Jeongguk's leniency when it came to only Taehyung, the soft tone, the endearing gaze, the eyes that never left Taehyung. Even after hearing the entire story, Jimin couldn't believe how Taehyung didn't realize this all sooner, by sooner he means back in College.

"Jeongguk has liked you since College. His eyes are always on you, Taehyung. He…has been crazy about you for as far as I can remember, how did you not notice? Even I saw it." Jimin asked him and Taehyung gulped and shrugged.

"I don't think that matters anymore. What happened, happened. Now there's Jin Hyung in this complicated story too. You are upset that these two men left you but Taehyung, there's only one solution to this." Hoseok told him and Taehyung raised his eyebrow.

"And that is? I can't lose them both. Please tell me."

"That's the thing,Tae. To keep one you have to lose the other. If you want Jin Hyung, he would never want you near Jeongguk ever again and it's understandable from his point of view. If you want Jeongguk…I don't think you would want him to be tortured by seeing you with your boyfriend so it's a tough situation." Hoseok said to him, the silence fell upon them. The solution was right but no, he doesn't want that.

"What??? you are saying anything,Hobi hyung. I can't lose them both, I have been dating Jin Hyung for years, I can't just…leave him. Jeongguk, I left him once I can't do that again, he's too special for me, I can't live without him…not again." Taehyung said, unknowingly saying things that gave him his solution.

"It isn't tough to choose if you ask me,Tae. I just think the choice is very clear,if you think about it." Jimin said to Taehyung.

"Elaborate."

"Just answer, do you think you and Jin hyung can go long term? Are you happy with him right now? Are you satisfied where you are with him? Are you satisfied with the life you are living with him?"

"I…I think so? It's not bad."

"Taehyung,babe. Please be more thoughtful. We are talking about your life right now, you need to think more. You can't settle for things. Just tell me…do you find yourself wanting more from this relationship you have with him?" Jimin questioned him, putting his hand over Taehyung's palm as a way to comfort him.

"...Yes."

"Mhm,okay. Then do you still love Jeongguk? You said you can't live without him."

"L-Love?? I can't…I can't love him. I don't-"

"Why can't you,Taehyung? You can love whoever you want,baby. I think I'm getting what Jimin is trying to say. Taehyungie, from what you told about your college experience I don't think I would be having breakdowns over my crush, I don't think I would move cities after kissing my silly little crush. What you felt for him was deeper than that. The question is, if you still are in love with him and maybe just because you were with Jin Hyung for so long you repressed those feelings so deep inside that they came back to you in the form of those dreams." Hoseok came into the conversation and Jimin nodded along.

"I-I don't know if I…still love him." Taehyung looked down on his lap, his legs shaking because of this anxious feeling inside his chest. He's mind is all over the place with everything his friends are saying. Maybe because it is finally making sense.

"Taehyung,If you can't live without a person, If your day feels incomplete without seeing them, If you wake up in the morning and ache for them the first thing, if you feel most at home when you are with them, if they make you feel the most unexplainable feelings that gives you tingles all over your body." Jimin paused before continuing again.

"If you look at the person and think the love they deserve is limitless and I'm afraid my love isn't enough for you then they are the person. They are the one you are in love with. It's for you to decide if you feel all this for your boyfriend or the boy you left at the graduate party." Jimin explained it all to him.

Taehyung's feet moved on their own when they got up from the couch and ran out of the house to go to the person he loves. His friends didn't stop him, instead they smiled seeing him finally mustering up the courage to find his person.

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