The excitement and nervous energy from the battle faded into fear and grief. All of the bombers were lost. Every single one of them. As grief settled over the ship that was escaping through lightspeed, you were able to finally ground yourself. 

You were still trembling from the vision that was all too real. There was no doubt in your mind that it was real, but the fact that your brother had really seen you there was enough to send your mind spiraling. With the anxiety of what had just occurred and the feeling of a dozen lives lost lingering in the energy around you, you stumbled around the hangar, scanning the lines of X-WINGS for Poe's.

He was jumping down from his ship, patting the side of it, shouting up at BB-8 as he was unloaded off the back. "Nice work, buddy. Yeah, go ahead and recharge a bit. I'm gonna go find the General." 

"Dameron," you said, hands curled into tight fists at your sides. His head turned fast and he removed his helmet and tossed it back up into his X-WING. He sprinted across the floor to get to you, his beaming grin slowly disappearing as he saw the fear on your face.

"Princess? What's wrong?" His arms went around you and you pressed your face at the center of his chest.

All you wanted was to tell him. But all you could think of was how close he was to dying, how terrified your mother looked when he cut off contact. For some reason, that was enough to justify your silence as he saw right through you and knew something was wrong. You pulled back and stared at the orange jumpsuit he wore. "Nothing. I'm just... glad that you're safe. But you scared me, Dameron! Why did you cut off contact?"

"I knew that you and your mom wouldn't exactly agree with what I was doing," he said, draping his arm over your shoulders. He turned you around and walked you out of the hangar. "But we made it out. You made it out. And I know that the General is gonna---"

"All of those bombers died, Poe," you said. 

He nodded and wore a look of sadness. "This is a war."

"And all of those deaths keep it from feeling like much of a success," you said.

"I know." He pulled you close to him and pressed his lips to the side of your head. "I'm just glad you're alright. You don't know how relieved I was to see you running in here. The first thing I thought when I caught up with the ship was how all I wanted was to---"

BB-8 came speeding by, beeping loudly and quickly to get Poe's attention. He stopped speaking and looked down, eyebrows furrowing together. "What? Finn... naked? Leaking bag? Did you fry a chip or something?" 

"I don't think so, Poe," you said, pointing to the entrance of the hangar. Finn was staggering by. Liquid was spewing out of the holes in the bacta suit that he wore. He looked confused and afraid.

"Finn!" Poe left your side and ran to his friend. Finn grabbed Poe's arms tightly and shook his head. "Hey, buddy. It's so good to see you. Let's uh... we need to get you dressed. Come on. You must have a thousand questions."

But all Finn could manage was the desperate question that was eating him alive. "Where is Rey?"

"She's on a mission to bring Luke Skywalker out of hiding," you said.

"She isn't here?" 

"No, buddy," Poe said, squeezing his shoulder. He grimaced and flicked the bacta off his hand. "I'm sorry." 

"Have you heard from her at all?"

"Not yet," you said. 

"Look," Poe said, "we'll get you dressed and settled in and everything will start to make more sense. I'm sure we'll hear from her soon, too. Come on, let's go get you into some actual clothes and then we'll talk to the General. I'm sure she'll have more answers for you."

You followed the two boys as they searched for your mother. She was silently standing off to the side, in deep thought. Deep in grief. 

Whatever Poe had made up in his head in his time of great success, none of it was realistic. You didn't have the heart to say anything to him, and you didn't have to. Your mother was waiting with a look of disappointment and a fast and quick slap across his face.

"You're demoted."

Poe's arm dropped off your shoulders and he rubbed his face. "What? Wait! We took down a dreadnought."

She scowled. "At what cost?"

"If you start an attack, you follow through."

"Poe, get your head out of your cockpit. There are things you can not solve by jumping into an X-WING and blowing something up!" She shook her head at him. "I need you to learn that."

As she tried to walk away, placing a hand on your arm as she moved, he grabbed her hand. She looked up at his face and waited patiently for his argument. 

Through gritted teeth, he said, "There were heroes on that mission."

"Dead heroes. No leaders."

He stared ahead, and you couldn't determine if he was embarrassed or angry, but he stared at nothing in particular and locked his jaw tight. You moved and reached for his hand, which he pulled back. You tilted your head and opened your lips, preparing to comfort him in whatever way possible, to assure him that he did what he thought was best and that you Leia wouldn't be this disappointed forever, there was just a lot of hurt inside of her that was creating a storm---

"If I didn't take out that dreadnought, imagine what would have happened," he murmured. "Leaving that out there would mean sparing the lives of over a hundred thousand First Order officers and stormtroopers. It would practically mean offering ourselves up to them like it was nothing." 

"I know," you whispered. "There's a thin line between right and wrong, Poe, and determining what the right move isn't always clear---"

"This was the right move," he insisted. "It was." 

You shook your head slowly. Your voice was only a whisper. "You don't feel the deaths the way we do. You don't understand the severity of..."

"The severity of what? Of fighting a war? I get it, alright? I know what I'm doing," he snapped.

"Did I say that you didn't know what you were doing?" Anger bubbled up inside of you. "No. I know that you're well aware of how to fight a war. So am I. Leia just lost the biggest piece of her life and the losses are piling on. If you cannot see that she is acting this way out of hurt and grief, then you must not understand those things as well as I thought you did." 

You turned around and he quickly snatched your hand. He held it tightly and looked at you pleadingly as you stared at him. "You know I understand those things."

"Then please understand that we are grieving," you whispered. "And we don't want to keep losing people."

"I don't want to lose anyone else either," he said. "I want to lead everyone the best way I can. But sometimes... sometimes there isn't another way. This is it. This is war. All I can do is hope that somehow, things work out better for us than they do the First Order. No matter what it takes."

You nodded. You could understand the way he saw everything. Even if you didn't want to. You didn't want to continue living in a war, but there was no escaping it. Not even being away from the First Order could protect you. This was your life. 

"But I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry for hurting you like that. I never want---"

"You don't have to do that," you whispered, smiling slightly. You squeezed his hand. "We were both angry. It's alright." 

"Proximity alert!" Admiral Ackbar shouted. You jumped and Poe turned quickly. 

"They found us," a solider announced, looking at the radar hanging overhead. They were only moments away once again. Your heart sank and you looked at your mother in disbelief. 

"That's impossible," Poe said. He observed the radar and the hand you were holding went cold. "It's Snoke's ship."

"It's what?" you whispered, ice-cold fear freezing up every part of your body. Your feet were anchored to the floor and your hand was gripping so tightly to Poe that you wondered if you were hurting him. 

"You've got to be kidding me!" he shouted through clenched teeth. He looked to Connix. "Can we jump to lightspeed?"

"We have enough fuel for one jump," she replied. 

"Well, then let's do it." 

Leia held up a hand. "Wait. They tracked us through lightspeed." 

Finn shook his head. "That's impossible."

"Yes. And they've done it."

"So if we jump to lightspeed... they'll just find us again, and we'll be out of fuel. They've got us."

They had you. Were they going to blow the entire Resistance up, leaving all of the pieces to float around in the vast emptiness forever? Would they storm the ship and take prisoners? Would your brother ask for you to be returned to him personally, or would he set out to find you on his own?

What would he decide would come of your mother and Poe?

Poe was watching you as the usual strength was washed away from you. There was a fear inside of you that not even he could understand. The First Order had destroyed you. Your brother had broken you. As much as he hated the First Order for himself, he hated them also for you. For everything and everyone that you had lost. 

Determination settled on Poe's face. "Not yet, they don't." With eyes on your mother, he said, "Permission to jump in an X-wing and blow something up?"

"Permission granted. Admiral, spin us around!"

Alarms blared and soldiers ran to their assigned stations. "Reverse. Rotate the shields!"

"To your stations! Move, move, move!"

Poe turned you around quickly and you looked up at him. He dropped your hand and glanced down at you for the one second that he could spare. His hand barely touched your face before he disappeared. You sprinted after him. 

"Poe, wait!" you said. "If you face off with them now---" 

"We have no choice," he said. "We have to try." 

You knew there would be no real goodbye for you and Poe, and there was nothing for you to say. Your mind was reeling with anxiety and there were a thousand words you wanted to say to him. A thousand different ways you wanted him to know that you would always love him --- love him in a way that was different than how you did as a child. Your feelings had grown into something you couldn't quite define, but you could place in the memories of your mother and father together. 

You could not stand to lose him. 

As he ran full speed at the X-WINGS, you were not prepared. You were not prepared to see him go. You were not prepared to not say goodbye. And you were not prepared for the wall of flames that consumed the entire hangar, engulfing every ship and pilot except for yours and launching you backwards into the wall. 

And as your eyes slowly blinked away the shock of the flames licking up the walls and the screams of agony and the sounds of war, you were not prepared to feel your brother nearby.