So familiar

I sit alone

The morning sun is just rising above the horizon

A slight wind is blowing

In form the sea

The waves 

Whisper

As they touch the shore

I look at the bottle in my hand

Nearly empty

But

I am no braver

I still sit

In silence

I cannot cry anymore

My eyes sting

My face numb

My emotions

Vanished

I drink again

Maybe this time

Maybe this time

It will give me the courage

The courage to walk

Into the sea

Until I can walk no more

The sun is red

A bad sign

I drink again

I stand

Unsteady

My legs numb from hours of sitting

And the cold

That has settled in me

I close my eyes

I walk

I hear a solitary seagull

Softly 

Its voice almost human

I open my eyes

Who are these people?

The beach is full

Children running

Teenagers playing volleyball

Adults sitting on the sand

Smiling

They are all so happy

A Frisbee lands near my feet

A young boy

Maybe 5

Maybe 6

Runs and picks it up

I’ve never seen him before

Yet

He looks so familiar

He smiles at me

He waves at me

He is joined by a woman

The most beautiful woman I have ever seen

She smiles

I hear a whisper

“I love you.”

She turns and chases after the boy

And then

I am alone again

Except for a solitary man

Walking toward me

I’m dizzy

I fall back to the beach

He sits next to me

“Who are you?”

He doesn’t look at me

“Who I am

Is of no consequence.”

“Who were those people and where did they go?

They were all strangers yet so familiar.”

He pointed to the water

I could see me

Waist deep

The waves growing higher

Pushing me down

“They are the non existent.

They cannot be

Because of you.”

I saw myself fall beneath the waves

I could not breathe

“They are your wife

Your children

Your children’s children

And their children.

But they will never be.”

I tried to speak

The words were washed away

By salty water

The pressure building around me

I heard the mans voice

“You are taking your life

And with it

The life of many more.”

The words faded

Silence grew deafening

I could not see

Not feel

Not…

I awoke

Alone

Shivering

Wet 

Cold

But 

Alive

I hear a voice

A woman’s voice

A see a figure running toward me

I have never seen her before

Yet

She is so familiar

March 26, 2013